Anger's seedbed
i don't really know where all the anger came from - i who author a book about happy kids, no less! But since he was able to toddle, it became clear i had an angry child in my home. He stomps on the bug without compunction. He swipes at the carer, he throws stuff..then come the fists, the words and those moments when he literally runs away!
Yes it does get tired and it's not easy not to dish out anger in reaction.
But hey, i'm the adult. Being angry is not a bad thing coz there are lots of things to be angry about in our world - and it may well take some really angry persons to set them right. i see justice-advocate imprinted on his little developing soul.
The seeds that carry a harvest of anger include: feeling powerless (if you have a smarty-pants older sister!), sensing ongoing frustration (how come i dont get to make the rules?), and sadness.
So i had to learn how to help him
1. recognise the different seeds
2. find the right way to plant them (express) or discard them
3. develop a problem-solving mindset rather than a victim mentality.
we have used
-colour coding at age 3 to describe levels of anger
- verbal expressions at age 3
-empathy at age 4
- self-control at age 4
- focus on the good at age 4
- scenario assessment & problem solving at age 5
The other day, after an outburst, he said "mom, i felt like half my heart fell to the ground..."
So i say, "how do we pick it up and put it back? wo can help?"
..."if we ...would someone else's heart fall to the ground..."
He got expression, empathy and problem solving..until the next day!
So far? Lots of friction and some traction. We made good distance but it's gonna be a marathon for sure.
