a River runs through it all

Recently I posted on Facebook:

fb: what are you thinking about
me: a lot.

I am guessing that describes you as well. Goodness knows we have so many things to consider, re-think, analyse, remember and decide about. It's like a busy six-lane highway chugged to the hilt with cars, many honking to demand immediate attention!

This past week, after dreaming, praying and writing about Life; what is more pressing and present seems just the stuff of life {small 'l'}:
- a decision that cannot be made but must in due time, so the engine is humming away
- the days of exams that are upon us
- the endless glancing at my calendar because appointments/needs/requests pop up, like my father-in-law coming down with vertigo and all that means
- my sister is going for a surgery where they will make a hole at the side of her skull in order to reach some blood vessels/nerves that need to be set right. (the condition is known as Hemifacial Spasm).
- some unchanging situations that simply drain you and so tend to take up one whole lane of your consciousness...

But then, I come across a different image. You have to see it:

a river runs through it all {click}

The story of Ishurdi is not all pretty. But, our stories are not unlike theirs. Our everyday lives are seldom instagram-chic quality and facebook fuddy-duddy.

Ishurdi means 'where God stays'.

It is small villages dotted along this mighty River in Bangladesh. This River that runs with a powerful force that shapes and cuts and defines. The River of Life.

We come to the River to camp and get. But the River of Life can sweep us up in its torrents and it is we who must learn to carve our lives around its winding ways or end up cut off.

Such a River frightens us so we prefer a faucet we can turn on and off at our whim. The way we do with God.

You would think that the folks who lived along the river in Ishurdi wish for a different life. Listen to these moving words from the interview:

we are happy.
we are grateful.
God has blessed us with so much.
we love to live by this river.

Us urbans probably feel like they are not wiser to other options. Perhaps so. But with all our multi-options, all we have is more cars piled high on more lanes of a busy highway!

I see the pictures of this river and all of its beauty and mourning and my soul calms down. The highway recedes and I enter into a different place. The river, God, speaks to me.

And I am drawn to the fierce river and the risks of living close to it and choose it once again over being on a highway I am pretending to be cruising along merrily on.

Life is a powerful river that moves. Move with it; and when it dislodges some things, let them go.

all pictures taken off site. Credits: Sarker Protick (Nat Geo).

Beyond the well.... an emptied out tomb !

More than a Well, 
more than well-being,
and, more than well-off...

Jesus promises us New Life. 

This is no easy promise to stake claims on. When something is new, how do we see, recognise, live it? How do you claim a promise you cannot envision?

You see, what we want is a life we define as good and well. Many of us want to live  meaningfully and pass on a legacy, go blazes with our passion and make a difference in the world, be healthy, robust, free to choose.We may also marry and have kids with a view to a 'better life'; whether that is beating loneliness or having someone care for us when we are old and frail, living.... but is this God's view of Life?

Plus we have this abiding thirst. When things get dry and hot, we feel it worse. So we run to God and get a few comforting licks of reassurance, an experience of his presence, a supernatural touch. But all of these are intimations of Grace to get us to stay with Him. Our problem? We major on the minors. We forget that fluid is what we are made of mostly. We allow ourselves to get distracted and busy - again. We leave the Watering Holiness and try to live again on our terms. 

We cannot quite see New Life, and we do not quite stick around enough to be soaked with Life. 

So God lets life roll along - 
- all the time His hand upon us, all the while His supply of refreshment, reinvigoration, restoration, and even resurrection close by. We just need to reach for it.

Sally Clarkson discovered this {and O how I resonate!} : 
I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature.

But since the Lord is a good parent, and He wanted me to grow into the likeness of Christ, and he saw that I was quite young, immature, self-centered and full of pride, he knew I needed more practice and training to become more like Christ.
So he gave me a husband and children, so that I could really find out what sacrificial love was all about. It has not been easy to pull out the weeds of expectations; to fight the storms of giving up my rights; to endure the drought of feelings that did not always match up to what I thought a loving wife and mother should feel in a happy home. But, I kept holding on to Him, pondering His life and seeking to be loyal through faith in His reality and presence, even though I could not always see Him.

Now, though still growing, I have learned so much more about true love, self-sacrifice, commitment. long-suffering–and it has all made me love Him more because I see how much of my life has required that of Him–as I have tested Him, misbehaved, thrown tantrums, and pulled away at times. But still He loves me and still He sacrificed for us while we were yet sinners.

Still He loves you and I and still He sacrifices for us while we sin. 

The tomb has been emptied. The place of death is now overgrown with wild flowers and small creatures have made a home among the plants. Life is bursting forth in a space where death once occupied. 

When thirsty, beat a path to the Well where He is waiting for you.
Then walk beyond it to that empty tomb {not quite looking like it for sure} that makes New Life a possibility for us.

Don't feel like giving your best?
Impossible to let go of that hurt?
Afraid to trust again?
Been confused and helpless for too long?

God is going to let life roll on. But you are not an idle, powerless pawn in the movements of life. Not when the New Life has been invited in and now pulses within you. What to do?
Ask for eyes to see this Life.
Ask for a heart to believe.
Ask for a mind to imagine.
Ask for sinews that will move in tune with it.

Your soul will at times feel dry, 
Drink much and often.
Your soul may sense the intrusion of  enemy-death
Dally around that garden-tomb much.

Last year, I woke up to a vision {I rarely do}. I saw that I was staring at some dried thorny bush and feeling very frustrated. In the corner of my eye I could see that there were pretty blooms nearby. God was telling me to stop fixating on death and fail to notice Life !

Remember that old advice from fiery apostle Paul -

"..whatever is true, whatever is honourable, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is of good repute, 

if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, 

dwell on these things."

~ Philippians 4v8

Well, this verse begins with "finally..." so if you will, read back up and discover more secrets of living out of an emptied out Tomb!

Thank you for being on this journey these last forty days. Invite others along. God has more  in store right here.

His Cross... and mine - because Resurrection is coming! {Journey #12}

lively lilies in polluted China

This is the story of Resurrection.


It began with a mis-step. An I-did-not-see-that curb moment. You may have experienced it before? That one moment you were striding confident and the next you come crashing down? My hands were on the floor, my right ankle twisted and I felt a sharp pointed pain in my left big toe. I did not know where to clutch and soothe!

That was nearly three months ago. With care and exercise, my ankle healed. But my left big toe nail region had turned all black, a sign of death. But, I thought, since my toe looked and felt like it was still very much alive, new nail will no doubt grow and it will all be well in time.

Life will push its way forward. But it can get really painful.

I decided to trim my dead black nail. Then I decided to poke around the blackened clog. Big Mistake. The very next day, I started experiencing some serious pain. I had unwttingly introduced an infection.


We began this journey because we were thirsty. We met with Jesus and heard him invite, comfort, assure, steady us. But then we enter deeper into His life as we walk with Him. This week, we see a Cross
looming ahead. He is walking towards it! We nervously follow...

It is his cross. For our sake. But if we dare to admit it, the cross is ours, rightfully. 
In fact, Jesus did not go to His cross so that we won't have to go to ours. He went so that we can. 

We must face our crosses --

Our traumas that left us hurt and seem to take forever to heal.
Our busy niggling that may have turned up more pain.
Our limping and hobbling rather than a full, steady, confident stride.

We are quick to look all around us and point to our horrid experiences (those mis-steps, mistakes), those persons and their expectations/weaknesses/sins, the harsh words...
The soil of our soul is rich food for the enemy to sow an infection. When he does, it will be painful.

It is painful to rehearse our hurts
It is painful to plan a payback
It is painful to doubt God
It is painful to feel alone, lost, unsure, to regret

(and Grace and slow to a trickle)

A course of antibiotics for the toe.
A course of antibiotics for our soul: going up for prayer, sharing with a friend, ranting in your journal...

May not do.

That dead toe nail had more in store. In death, it began to deform. It curled. So as the new nail grows, the curled old nail began to burrow into my flesh. Fresh pain. I decided it is time to get down and deal with it. The doctor had warned that removing the nail would expose the toe and remove the protective covering which is the nail's job. But the nail was malfunctioning. It was not protecting, it was hurting. It must go.

I was nervous. The doctor had said it can take weeks to heal. After two anaesthetic jabs, the doctor yanked and said, 'O, its not so bad, It's coming off like a door. Just this bit like a hinge.' Then, 'Ok, when i remove the rubber band, it will bleed some....O, it's not bleeding very much at all. I think it has healed quite a bit.'

So healing grace has been at work but it's all blocked from view because of the dead black nail!
Is God's work being blocked from your view? Are you unable to trace what the Spirit is up to? Are you unsure of Jesus' presence in your life? Are you looking for Life?

My son had asked, "why call it Good Friday? It's not good! Jesus died. [frowns]"
me: it's good.... for us.

The dying is good for us.
Because the Life is always throbbing and pushing forth. 

"I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, 

but Christ lives in me; 

and the life which I now live in the flesh 

I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave himself up for me." 

~ Galatians 2v20 (NASB)

Dear soul, Good Friday is a day of death and death is no longer what we fear for we know the story. It is the prelude to Life. If God is bringing forth Life, renewing hope, reviving dreams, restoring faith; then you must let that which stands in the way go. You must recognise the death to receive the Life. You must trust the Life you can barely see more than the death that appears so obvious {live by faith in the Son of God...}

Yes, you worked really hard - yet
Yes, you tried so long  - yet
Yes, you cried and prayed and pounded on the doors of heaven  - yet

It is time to accept that you live in a fallen world where you will be let down, as surely as you let others down.
It is time to accept that your best shots may not rip asunder the heavy curtain hanging between you.
It is time to accept that you just may not be able, ever to, figure this one out.
It is time to see that our worst enemies are not out there; but within: pride, lust, greed, envy, unforgiveness.

It is time to die. It is time to Live.

Friends, get ready, for Resurrection is coming!

Take a moment and let this Michael Talbot song wash over you. Sing the refrain with your lips, then your heart, then your whole being.

Peace dear friend.

Meeting the Cross on the way {journey to the Well} #11

Good Friday is coming.

The Cross is looming large in my heart. Its shadows fall long and it seems I am in a perpetual Arctic winter where the days are always dark. Yet it is a good, even glorious darkness. This kind of darkness is meant for us to stop trying to 'make hay while the sun shines'; to stop our busy efforts at making life work. It is the dark of being shielded so a secret work can take place.

Often God does his work very quietly and if we do not come under the shadow of the Almighty, we will miss it. The lights, sounds, dazzles and demands of daily city life often distract and detract us from God's most precious work.

Can I urge you dear friend to come and stand under the shadow of the Cross too?

And would you share with us what begins to stir in your heart as you do?

As I stand under the shadow of the Cross, my mind remembers how Love decided to act. But more, my heart wrestles with whether my love is large enough to act like His Love did. I know full well the areas I want Life to fill and brim over; those areas I am pretty sick of being so pale and lacklustre; missing the Life and abundance.

What was it dear Jesus, that makes you go to that wicked Cross? Why did you face and fight death?

Then the Spirit whispers this ~

"...for the joy set before him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame.." ~ Hebrews 12v2

You know why we struggle so to let go, to give in, to give up, to be wrong, to forgive ... ? 

We have no clue the joy that can come. We are stuck with the nails and hammer. Our eyes are fixed on the pain. Our minds are rehearsing our regrets. Our hearts are clinging on to small delights. 

Jesus was confident of his joy. 

This enabled him to endure the cross. 

This enabled him to look at his ignoble, humiliating, undignified death and loss as something to despise. 

Jesus knew the enemy would do his worst; throw the whole shebang; but he wasn't going to let the horror, the agony, the loss of face.. - the shame - wrap him up into subservience.  He despised it all. They were not worth his focus.

If Jesus felt grief and loss on the Cross; it was clear it happened at three points: the ignorance of the evildoers, the turning away of God, the inability to continue to care for his mother. 

But the Cross and its shame? He despised it.

It was as if Jesus was having this conversation with shame:

"Listen to me, Shame, do you fee that joy in front of me? Compared to that, you are less than nothing. you not not worth comparing to that! I despise you. You think you have power. Compared to the joy before me, you have none. Joy. Joy. Joy. That is my power! Not you, Shame. You are worthless. You are powerless.

You think you can distract me? I won't even look at you. I have a joy set before me. Why would I look at you? You are ugly and despicable, and you are almost finished. You cover me now as with a shroud. Before you can say, 'So there!', I will throw you off like a filthy rag. I will put on my royal robe.

You think you are great, because even last night you made my disciples run away. You are a fool, Shame. You are a despicable fool. That abandonment, that loneliness, this Cross - these tools of yours - they are all my sacred suffering, and will save my disciples, not destroy them. You are are fool. Your filthy hands fulfil holy prophecy. Farewell, Shame, It is finished."

{with thanks to Ps John Piper}.

Death must -come- before Resurrection, and we take the death because we so want the Resurrection unto new Life. Because we are confident of New Life promised to us. Things are not what they seem yet; but they will not remain the same if we are willing to die, to despise the shame that may come with it ... so that Life breaks in.

How high have you set your sights for your life? Is it for Life, or is it just to live?

You can die to this one... {our Journey to the Never-dried-up Well resumes}

7 days to Resurrection.

I have always preferred Resurrection to Easter. Besides the fact that Easter have been the subject of speculation {isn't it the name of some goddess? Check it up here: easter origins }, Resurrection is simply easier for us.

Resurrection is the promise made possible by the prototype. Because Christ rose from the dead, death is no longer final for us. We can expect to live on. Heaven is real. Eternity continues when your watch dies on you and your lungs and heart are placed to rest.

But Resurrection comes only after death. So we won't die; but we must die first.

Honestly, no one talks this crazy way but us CHRISTians. See the word 'Christian'? It ends with -ian. It is an acronym for
I
Am
Nothing.

That's right. Remove the CHRIST and all you get is nothing. Zero.
A Christian without Christ is pure oxymoron. Not possible, doesn't exist.

Back to the dying.

We can, and must die.
We can die because Life has come and we know this Life cannot be snuffed out. So whatever we need to die to, we can for we are now unafraid.
We must die because Life doesn't co-exist with death. So whatever within and around us that drains life must be dealt a decisive blow.

Struggling with forgiveness?
Agonizing over an unanswered longing?
Feeling covered in shame and pain?

Die to all of that. Must, and can-be-done.

After nearly half a century on earth and enough battles to write a mini-drama, I know it is hard stuff, this dying. We feel the desperate sense of loss more than we can whiff the promise of triumph. The good we need just doesn't show up quick enough and our soul is frightened that is will suffer even more to go through a dying.
Honestly, it feels plain impossible.

Jesus beckons you to come sit with him.

He may say very little. As you sit there, the turmoil within begins to stir less. Your racing heart finds a new, slower rhythm. The prospect of death is not as overwhelming and frightening as it was before.

Jesus is he who knows all about dying, and can say,

"I am the Resurrection and the Life" ~ John 11v25

Sitting with Life overcomes death.

And just perhaps, that thing you want so much, fought so hard for, cried so many nights over... you suddenly realise that it isn't what you are really thirsting for at all. 

What you really need is right here, by the Well, with the One. 

Complete this sentence then, "What I really need right now is..."

We are now defined and empowered by Christ cannot find it outside from Him. No one and nothing compares with Christ.

He was willing to die for us, to carry the guilt and penalty of our sin.
He is working in us so that we can face ourselves and the assault of death.
He is waiting for us to come sit with Him and let Life enter our beings so that death will no longer sting.

I married a non-believer. Is God mad at me?

We all think - quietly - that God is mad at us, at some point.

Perfection just doesn't jive with us.
We know we are not perfect, so how can we ever measure up to a Perfect God - who must by his perfection be irked by our many constant imperfections.
This is after all, how we feel towards others who do not measure up to our expectations.

So deep in the echoing chambers of our soul is a tremor that just perhaps -- God is mad at us - especially when we are struggling and don't feel 'blessed'.

Nothing betrays us like our questions.
Nothing reveals our hearts like our anxieties.

A new friendship I have with a young mom pointed me in this direction. Her preoccupation is how to get her child interested in spiritual matters when her husband is lackadaisical about it. She is not alone. Across the years, I have met many women who struggle with this. How do they raise children in the faith when their spouses are not interested? This disinterest spans a wide range: spouses who will let you go to church but will not go themselves - to spouses who mock, stop and oppose.

I call such women spiritually single.

If as a pastor married to another, I struggle with a common vision for faith in our homes and the hearts of our children; the spiritually single must have it so- much- harder.

And you know what? When things are rough, we sometimes think God is somewhat angry with us. And once, an honest soul asked me the question; "I am supposed to marry a fellow Christian.....Is God angry/disappointed.."?

Fourteen years as a parent, twenty years as a pastor and forty years as a Christian tells me that is the wrong question.

I understand the feeling; I get the question. But consider this --

Since Jesus is the exact representation of God (Colossians 1v15); then what we see is forgiveness, compassion and Grace. Jesus never once rubs our sins into our faces, makes us feel bad, muzzle us with guilt. He does berate and judge - and it has always been reserved for the proud religious leaders of his day; for their stubborn refusal to ponder the truth.

God is not smouldering with anger. He is saddened by our choices but, He is sovereign-ly able to bring change.

Marrying a non-believer is a blatant act of disobedience because the command is clear. But obedience - for we are creatures - is not rule-keeping. It is response-making out of being touched by God's mercy and grace. So it is possible, that for Christians, our longing for human affection at some point was a greater thirst and we did not know that God alone can satisfy that thirst, for we have not learnt to drink from the never-dried up Well that is God himself. We have all done. So the right question is, "God, show me how you see me and let me live the way you call me to, even now".

We will tend to hide when we sense anger. So I am urging you to take a good look at Jesus and know that though God is righteous and holy, He has one massive desire: to save you and I back to a vital relationship with Him. Did he not say,

I did not send my son into the world to condemn the world, 

but that the world through him might be saved ~ John 3v17

The verses that follow speaks of what God truly judges: a refusal to turn to him, to believe, to go to the Light.

So please, don't stay away. Come. Come for -

Forgiveness: God will forgive.
Compassion: God will journey with you.
Vision: ask God what to do now; he always has a way forward.
Courage: the way forward may require sacrifice, a lot of waiting, praying in ways you never knew before.

Come and see what God has in store for you:
A sense of freedom because you are forgiven.
A sense of acceptance as you lean into God's compassion.
A sense of hope as you perceive possibilities and act as the Spirit prompts and guides.

Once again, God brings good out of our messes.

God is not mad.  

Tell you what, if you run to him, he is, in fact, glad.

{ I felt a leading to write this. We will resume Journey to the Never Dried-up Well }

Journey's...end..in view..

Today, someone asked if my son's Christian school does anything special for Easter. 

Anything special? My initial response was to remind her to live Easter each day. But then, it made me think.

I have certainly seen some Easter specials in my life -
as a growing child, i had collected Easter eggs home to add to the family meal...and try to tell my mom about the good news of new life...
as a rookie pastor, i had my little church put out lilies, serve out eggs and pancakes..sing and tell             stories... while i preached a fiery message of new possibilities..
as a visitor to one of America's largest churches, I have seen a pageant complete with an angel suspended by high wire, real horses and a camel...


What is the big deal about Easter? Why am I even talking about it?

Because when we began, our goal was to drink in order to get to this: Resurrection ! {click for reminder}

That's right, we were not drinking to get by. We are drinking to get somewhere. We are headed towards a vision God himself has etched within our souls, and we won't turn back until we reach it. Friends, we have found in this journey how great our thirst is! Thankfully, we have also found that the Well has not run dry.

Yet as I ponder her question: 'are you doing anything special for Easter?', I must say that for most of us, Easter is a time for the church to do something for us - remind us of great glorious truths, roll out some higher-than-usual octane programs.. pretti-fy the church with larger than usual blooms... and this only goes to prove on thing: Christians are in danger of no longer knowing the big deal that is Easter.
After all -

We skim meaning while we store up material goods.
We seek relief rather than learn the rhythms of rest.
We settle for vague improvements instead of hunger for sorting-our-life-out according to God's Word.
We strain for spiritual 'highs' and remain blind to sibling, parent, neighbour needing a clear picture of God's love.

These patterns of life does not predispose us to obey this simple word:

Remember Jesus Christ, risen form the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel *

~ 2 Timothy 2v8

How much, how often, how well, do -- we -- Remember?

And what are to remember? Jesus rose from the dead. In case we forget in our busy 365 days, the church has an entire season called Lent that culminates in Easter to help us remember. 

And, all of our lives are but a living out of what we remember.

What is it you remember? 

What is it you store in your heart and mind?

The next few days, ask the God of memories to show you what you remember, and perhaps what you need to forget.

And this --- what is it that you pour into the hearts and minds of others?

Drink today dear friend, the journey continues. 

As we remember Jesus, know that his journey took him through a valley, and to a Cross; and then it was quiet in a tomb -- before --  the Resurrection. 

*my gratitude to Ps John Piper for reminding me of this verse.

Journey to the never dried-up Well #9

I have begun reading Isaiah to re-encounter Jesus who shall soon suffer, die and rise triumphant.

In my younger days, I dreaded to touch the pages of prophetic writ; all that fire, fierce anger, judgment... But now, I have lived longer and I see how accurate the words are.

The contrast in  -
judgment and mercy
anger and longing
desolation and life
destruction and perfection

Soul, it is easy to feel lost in our world of contrasts. It is easy to feel wedged between the hard places of our many burdens and our need for rest. It is easy to become overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and suggestions. It is easy to lose our way, to become alarmed, to be fearful.

Today, may this song - true to the Word, filled with images true to our world, and yet carried by a peaceable, anointed melody wash you over and may these closing words of the prophet bring you strength ~

"I will extend peace to her like a river..." {66v12} 

Be not afraid {click here for song}