None of my business..?

It was bound to happen. Unhappy experiences where we feel things could be done better. The question is do we give the feedback - especially when it probably won't face us again? Should we improve things for -- others?

my mom with my lil girl...long ago! 

Last week i bought a hot drink from a vending machine. It was HOT! i nearly burnt my fingers. Seeing the pool admin staff walk by, i told her about the piping hot cup i was hoping not to drop on some running kid. She blandly said, 'we told them already' and then 'no' when i asked if she had a spare cup to help me hold that brimming cup-of-danger.

What? Pay for a way-too-hot drink, risk burning my fingers, needing to figure how to feed it to my kid...and this attitude? I admit i got too tired to implement my thought to ask her to put up a notice that says 'beware! drinks are very hot!

The other times it had to do with school. My son was leaving kindergarten so it won't impact him; but the school needed to know that some of what it did was counter-productive. Such as having a library period which lasted like 5 minutes where kids are whizzed in and out, their library cards, books all managed by the teacher...and how are they supposed to develop a love and respect for books?

I told the teacher anyway.

Because, we can each help make the systems work better. It may not seem to benefit me directly but then:
1.  I am contributing to my society's betterment.
2.  I model social consciousness for my child.
3.  It strengthens the community when communicated kindly.
4.  Everyone needs to know their work is noticed and taken seriously.

So at risk of being a kaypo (busybody), it's good to voice concern and give feedback. We live together and can make our world a lil tad better if we don't only look out for our interest alone.

O kids!

Anger's seedbed
i don't really know where all the anger came from - i who author a book about happy kids, no less! But since he was able to toddle, it became clear i had an angry child in my home. He stomps on the bug without compunction.  He swipes at the carer, he throws stuff..then come the fists, the words and those moments when he literally runs away!
Yes it does get tired and it's not easy not to dish out anger in reaction.
But hey, i'm the adult. Being angry is not a bad thing coz there are lots of things to be angry about in our world - and it may well take some really angry persons to set them right. i see justice-advocate imprinted on his little developing soul.
The seeds that carry a harvest of anger include: feeling powerless (if you have a smarty-pants older sister!), sensing ongoing frustration (how come i dont get to make the rules?), and sadness.
So i had to learn how to help him
1. recognise the different seeds
2. find the right way to plant them (express) or discard them
3. develop a problem-solving mindset rather than a victim mentality.

we have used
-colour coding at age 3 to describe levels of anger
- verbal expressions at age 3
-empathy at age 4
- self-control at age 4
- focus on the good at age 4
- scenario assessment & problem solving at age 5

The other day, after an outburst, he said "mom, i felt like half my heart fell to the ground..."
So i say, "how do we pick it up and put it back? wo can help?"
..."if we ...would someone else's heart fall to the ground..."

He got expression, empathy and problem solving..until the next day!

So far? Lots of friction and some traction. We made good distance but it's gonna be a marathon for sure.

a portait

here is the picture that looks back at me each time i get back to the lift lobby of the guest house i stayed in for four days in Bangkok. A friend who works there tells me that missing fathers and unfaithful husbands have come to be expected in many households.
So at first i had romanticised this picture and thought how much it made me miss my kids;
but the sad fact made this picture of a greater pain. True, where is the male figure in this picture?
What hope is this woman clinging to?