Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

27 Aug 2015

Think about it - you may save a life

This morning as I sat with my tea and kaya* toast, I thought once again of two friends who I no longer am able to contact. I have searched for them...but they are now elusive. This isn't the first time I miss people in my life.

Last night when I was at Ang Mo Kio Central, I avoided the huge exhibition on the late Mr LKY.


When you have touched grief, every death reaches a nerve that has been awakened it seems, and it relays quickly to tear ducts and places of loss. It's not a pleasant feeling and I did not want to go there as I am carrying some heartache within.



Eventually though, I walked among the black and white photos, the art pieces, the In-Memory lines penned by those who met, knew, and respected the man.

part of the exhibit at Ang Mo Kio Central Stage


I am not sure if this morning's longing to know if my friends are doing well is connected; but I refused to let my longing go to waste. What was it trying to tell me? This after all, isn't the first time I have longed for my friends.

In this case, these two friends - unconnected with each - had come to me in their time of confusion. They were at a loss about their life and they have tried some pretty rough routes. They were successful in some ways but yet they felt really lost.
I have known them both for years. We were not food or drink buddies and did not have any regular hang out time. One of them lives overseas. I'm probably not the first person they turned to; but along the way, my face and name came to them. As I thought about it, I wondered if they reached out to me perhaps because I was a pastor (even though a young one then).

The memory of their visits returned to me vividly one day. Then years ago I had prayed and left it in God's hands. Today though it seems the Spirit has more to say. As I put myself in their shoes, I realised how sorely disappointed they might have been - because - I could not enter their pain and so failed to offer any real hope. I can see their body language, the many pauses and moments of silence, and yes, the way they left.

Even as I reflected, I feel aware of my emotional state at that time: I was mired in my own struggle and it loomed so large, it was always casting this shadow over me that the Light was not shining freely around. It's hard to see clearly when it's dark and dreary.

As a result, my heart and mind was not engaging the way my friends needed me to.


This morning, this verse came from 1 Peter 1 came to me:

"...prepare your minds for action.."
 "put your mind in gear.."

Interesting that engaging and activating our thoughts is so critical.

Peter is talking about our new future in Christ, building up to His return. The allurements of self and society are many; being faithful and fruitful in our lives requires us putting all our horsepower behind it.

At risk of sounding harsh, sloth is a huge problem for many of us. Otherwise, we are busy over the wrong priorities, such as serving up our opinions on a myriad of things on social media.


What should we apply our minds to?
What should we take time to think about?

2 things:
what is diluting or threatening my identity as God's child
how in my circumstances do I live the new God-given life in Christ.

The answers to these two essential Qs will help move us towards a way of living --
- where we know what matters and what doesn't
- where we realised how immeasurably valued we are that God would send Jesus to die for us
- where what we do now will usher in a whole new existence some day



Back to my friends. I re-imagined the scene. What if we took time to think about how each other is doing, really doing, the world will know a whole new level of peace.



If we dare risk asking the Q: what are you really saying?
If we listen to the heart behind the words.

Instead we live with a lot of assumptions. We assume the family is okay. We assume the church is alright since things are humming along. In some instances, we even pretend; because we have a hunch that things are not fine but we don't feel the energy or motivation to find out the truth.

But imagine if we did.

What will happen if we took some time at the end of each day to reflect on the interactions we had. Perhaps there is someone we need to go back and check on, someone to pray for, some issue to think about. Perhaps we find it's a whole new area we may need to do some research and asking around...Perhaps we will hear fears and anxieties; but we may well hear brilliance, off-beat ideas and passion. Or we may hear pain and frustration, lostness...

...and if we have been preparing our minds, that is to say we have given thought to some of these things in the light of what God has revealed... the Spirit would draw out from the reservoir of our 'homework' and we would have hope to offer.

I cannot roll back the clock. I still hope to locate my friends and apologise for failing them. It is a huge comfort that I can turn to prayer.

You may think I am beating myself up. But this reflection leading to repentance for my self-centredness and my callous attitude towards other's pain is going to save my life and someone else's one day.


I am being saved from a false sense of myself. I see how far I am still from Christ's likeness. This does not make me 'work harder' but turn to God to find security and steadfastness. God is the one who gives the growth and matures us. Our own ideas of growth and transformation are often mixed in with the self's need for attention. No, only God's agenda is pure and true.

I trust that as He does, I will feel and fare differently in the coming days when others turn to me with their need.


* kaya - an Asian bread spread made of eggs, pandan and coconut. yummy! ref: Critical and Explanatory Commentary by Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown and published in 1871.

2 Jan 2015

Newness: new friends and a soul story

{2015 NewNess Series}

2014 has been quite a year. I came to know many new people, a lot in the creative community.These folks amaze me with their talents, gifts, and commitment to craft and Christ. I feel so enlivened by them. I am so grateful for their lives and the difference they want to make to the soul-scape of Singapore.


But a problem surfaced as it does with new stuff; such as new, talented people. You wish you were like them. I did! I am sure I will continue to! Look at what will be called A-Listers: a lawyer who is a poet. A lecturer with his own ukulele band, a young writer who gets featured at the Singapore Writer's festival, a young mother and musician who provides amazing leadership, a young man who can play the old pipe organ!  Yes, Wow! I wished to have opportunities, training, pedigree...they do. I wished I had their gumption, discipline, energy.

My wishing is not mere fancy. There is something about creativity and craftsmanship that really draws me and feeds my soul. This group has a homecoming feel to it. It reminds me of the time I switched from a being Science student (a semi one really as my grades weren't sterling) to the Humanities. I began to enjoy and thrive; in fact I shone. I came home!

But - sometimes you can come home and find that you're a lil old for everyone and everything. You can come home and feel like it's humming so well along, you cannot bring anything more to it.

When a damsel is in distress, she calls for her prince. But an old dame had better have it together and not be in distress! I will be told by popular wisdom not to be so silly, to whip up my self-confidence, remind myself of how far I have come and assume somewhat cocksure that I am a gift to these folks! Other smart options would be to get inspired and take up the painting, photography and drumming I never did earlier.

Interestingly a setback in architecture means : a steplike recession in the profile of a high-rise building, usually dictated by building codes to allow sunlight to reach streets and lower floors...

Looks like some light is trying to get to the lower floors.

The giving bit. Aren't gifts offered and presented by a Giver? And isn't the value of a gift a matter of the depth of relationship? (which is why my son's art means so much to me). I may or may not be a gift; that is for others to tell me, which is nice if they do; but may peace remain if they don't.

The gung-ho bit? Yes, there are things I'd like to do, like learning to draw birds. But on a scale of importance, that may have to wait for now. Also, the past few years as I see my life more as an unfolding of Life, I know that the artist of my life is not me and my clumsy brushstrokes rarely make up the defining lines.


But, there is one thing that I need to . really . watch.



The feeling of not quite fitting in or making a difference can and does at times cause my soul to pull back. When it starts to do so, the heart gets somewhat crumpled and things get lost among the folds and layers: like generosity, authenticity, and love. A protective layer can form that encrusts the heart so its tenderness is no longer accessible.

A good thing can turn out quite differently, even wrong.


We are familiar when this happens with sad, traumatic events. But mere carelessness, over time, can also change a heart.



So Kindness sat with me and bid me look at this heart trying to fold and hide its beat.

In our days of self-fulfillment, we devour every bit of suggestion, colour, excitement possible for daily life is too humdrum and reality too dreary. We reach for the unreachable: our actualized selves, our perfect spouses, our brilliant children, our incredible portfolios....every one of them increasing the contrast between life-as-is with life-as-it-should-be that is showcased on facebook, soundcloud, youtube, instagram et al.

I confess to Kindness that I have been party to this and I am reminded that this is not the air that I am meant to breathe. Indeed while intoxicating, it  is actually toxic in the end. The highs it promises will not last and I will come crashing down when my views and followers decline! Kindness points me to the Great  One who in wisdom set me in time and place. I wasn't born too late or in the wrong hemisphere.

Our capacity to love and appreciate more than what we know or have experienced before, like when one visits a foreign land and feels at home, is a gift of expansion. It is the toxic grasping of modern culture that turns the wondrous discovery into a pouting and whining.

Goodness comes quietly by and I am warmed by her as I think how surprising this journey of new friends has been. It hasn't the been stuff of school-girl angst about liking and being liked, but a slow gathering of hearts and minds, like finding more seashells along the shore!

I recognised that the sins of Envy are Discontent could have been the fruit I eat if I had not watched what I am sowing in my heart. I see too that the enemy's favourite weapon of Deception with its armada of Accusation, Confusion, Exaggeration were set for my heart's co-ordinates. So I moved my heart from its spot to a place it is always safe: under the Light.

Don't let the toxic fumes of this world's values and the shadows the enemy casts distort and destroy God's good gifts!

"Don't be deceived... Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." ~ James 1v16f

Here's to a new year and more fun with more friends who are always so good for the soul.









16 Jun 2010

high school 'musical'?

Last week was really fun. We had gone to Port Dickson to speak at a church camp, found ouserlves in a beautiful marina hotel..and i found old friends from my jr college days! Some of the memories remain fresh in my mind..
hunting for Lana choc cake for a friend
watching endless rugby matches
singing in our musical - the Vision singers i think we were called
moments of encounter with GOD at our fellowship (saints for Christ!)..

it's been two decades+ !... these few i meet are married, have jobs and walk with the LORD. am so happy for them all.

makes me think again of some others..precious individuals who touched my life. when can i get a chance to tell them?
we so often realise what people mean to us only when we/they have moved on..

today, people move even faster and more often. already my daughter has seen friends uproot, emigrate, change schools/church... and she is only ten. i am sure i never encountered any of that at her age. will it add to her rootlessness? or make her hunger for connection and intimacy and set her up for dangerous liasions?

I am glad she comes to me for hugs still. may my hugs never fail her. and my embrace and welcome never cease.