You are the best parent(s) for your child(ren): #5 Legacy

Mastery.

Without mastery, we are a short step away from madness.

Exaggerated
Excessive
Impulsive
Divisive
Extreme

We turn any way today and we find these are true. From Instagram to news, from the private to the public sphere. Within borders and beyond.

Debt (from weddings to lifestyle)

Family breakage (from our way to my way)

Brexit (complicated, but the unmeasured words are a huge contributing factor)

Bombings (Sri Lanka, New Zealand…)

Assault (bloody chop-up at hawker centre)

Violation (voyeuristic videoing at a tertiary institution)

We love being masters. We long to be. Masters of wealth, the dream relationship, vacation…of the universe (albeit of the screen variety). But we are not meant to be masters. Masters own their success too keenly and often break apart when that goes away... Although we got the idea when we crown those at the pinnacle of their game, masters. But let that teach us it is all about mastery, a posture and a commitment, not a position.

We are meant to develop mastery.

“Let us make man in our image….and let them rule…” ~ Genesis 1v26

To rule, we have to know the rules.

So God gave us minds to inquire, observe, study, make connections.


To rule, we have to reign.

So God gave us abilities, gifts, opportunities to grow in knowledge, discipline, strength, resolve and resilience.


To rule, we have to relate.

So God situated us in an interdependent ecosystem.



This calls for us to develop mastery -

where we own our agency and submit that to a higher vision of a flourishing world.

We need to master our weaknesses -
so that they we don’t give in to sloth, compromise, convenience (plastic is a case in point), blaming.

We need to master our strengths -
so that we don’t detach from others and the larger vision of life, and start using people and commodifying everything.

We need to master our emotions, thoughts, impulses and choices -
by submitting them to a higher Authority so that they are revealed for what they are, and in trading in truth, we walk free.

And what better to illustrate than this entertaining and o-so-true experiment with marshmallows!

“I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free”

~ Psalm 119v32

This verse has a dialectic to it - where one leads and reinforces the other. Both are bound together: obedience and freedom.

Freedom is not being a master - getting your way. Today, that’s the message sold to us.

Self-care!
Express yourself
Change the laws that limit you
Change anything about yourself

There is no respect for the ecosystem. People can hurt, forests can burn, oceans can be poisoned.

There is no rest as we cast off our boundaries and limits, constantly coveting what others have.

There is no clear result of what we are pursuing as we break the rules and head towards anarchy.



It’s important we return to the mandate given to us in creation, which requires us to develop mastery.

Tragically,

There are grown married men who remain selfish and neglectful of those he’s meant to take care of.

There are mothers who abandon their children for ‘love’ and ‘a better life’. 

There are leaders aplenty who line their pockets and are blind to the suffering of the people who elected them.

And mind you, mastery doesn’t come with big strokes of genius. It is developed through the small stuff.

And here’s where Parenting comes in, and our worst fears too.

Where are the parents who are willing to develop and model and teach mastery because they can

budget, simplify and live by their values - which if you chose to be a parent - means you value life itself (not it’s accessories such as grades, fancy food and costly vacations)

do the hard thing of losing sleep, endless rounds of diaper changing, answering the hundredth “why”, sound like a broken record with “you cannot have that now…”

slow down to help the child grow his bodily, emotional and mental muscles when you know a mess is waiting, a meltdown is coming, a demand and a pout are moments away, all of which we would rather not deal with (have the maid feed and clean, give in, shut them down with your anger).

Heck, I would love to see parents stop using their phones when they are with their little ones! That would be mastery!

Parents, we need to stop worrying about the kids making it the future. They are designed to make it - if they have seen you model mastery and find they can too.


I have a plan (vague I admit) for every stage of my child’s growth. It starts with:

What is a reasonable thing that my child should be able to do at this time?

I believe the first thing was pausing to give thanks before drinking (after the bfeeding routine settled). Then came holding his bottle. Then came listening to instructions, and obeying them promptly (this is still ongoing ya).

Not so much to score your kid, but I found it fascinating as it helps me take note of his growth, give thanks for it and envision what is coming and work with it.

What is more life-giving than to witness growth?

The paradox is parenting is the most tiresome and yet most rewarding thing there is.

The boss may toss your proposal into the bin. Your best output may never be measured or commended even. But children - it’s pretty instant feedback! You get short shifts to stay on your toes, dig into your creative reserves, and draw on every ounce of energy, motivation, prayer and help there is.

Children plug us back in the truths:

Ecosystem

Growth through discipline

Rules exist

--- which lead us down strange paths of freedom.

And remind us that there is a vision called Life, which is Legacy.



Countdown to the 5 things a parent MUST do:

#4 Let Them Grow You

#3 Build Competence

#2 Give Them Safety and Security

#1 Build Emotional Bonds


If you have time, save this link where other aspects of Mastery are talked about: from faith-life to sex.
If your emotions need a bit of help, then save this link: Mastering Emotions ++

Time to live from the Inside-Out...and 3 keys towards that...

We live most of our lives for the outside. 
Appearances.
Actions.
Apparel.

People judge our clothes, our words, our decisions.
And so we think that's what matters. Yes, of course, their words, opinions, the way they narrow their eyes or look away just.bothers.us.

We lose sleep over that remark.
We scratch our scalps over that facebook comment.
We get all angst and angry over that email.

"Get over it!" - we try; but it isn't so easy. And it's not because we are weak; not in the sense of being a weakling.

Great leaders have moments of severe doubts and darkness. 

From preacher Charles Spurgeon to War-Time Prime Minister Winston Churchill to that great nun Mother Theresa; their stories shed vital light: there are no super-humans, not really. All of us humans are weak and insecure, yet when captivated by a Vision so beyond us, we can become capable of great good-will.


When that Vision confronts us though, most of us back away. 

Why rock the boat?
Why risk the loss?
Why take the path less traveled?
Why act so sure?

This is why probably the most important Q we need to ask as we mature is this:

 "what is it that I really want?"

We come to a time when we must realise that we are Inside Beings and will never be satisfied living for the Outside. We are made of deeper, stronger stuff. We want to believe in something, We want to stand for something, We want to make a difference. These are all Inside things. And we find them only when we dare to journey inwards to our hearts.

What does this take?

1. Devote time to understand yourself: what truly motivates you, what brings you joy. {this means less time on lesser stuff like TV or social media perhaps}

2. Have a way to dailogue with yourself and with God: a journal is really helpful here. Most of us will find ourselves rambling and haphazard until we start to make notes...and then things begin to take a form, a structure, a direction, Got to try it {or ask me when my next Journaling workshop/seminar is happening}

3. Get in touch with what is meaningful to you. Read, learn, make friends with the right tribe.

Go on, discover your Insides. It's never too early or late to begin. I'll see you around!

{feel free to raise Qs, share your experiences & thoughts in the comments!}

And remember, the Vision-Giver will give you a lift.

Grace tracks

GRACE, God tracks us who once sought Him.
This past week, what i have believed, written and taught came over me again - - and Grace works like strong relentless waves, crashing up upon the shore until it is clean. Lapping at the edges of faith until fresh sand, sea glass, seaweed contours...

I stood powerless, I who once fought and worked hard for my vision of the glorious...too tired to want to try anymore. If God only showed up when I was depleted, it would seem cruel. But no, i know He has constantly been around. i have a record of the wind blowing...but i really did prefer my way, my time, my outcomes...and so i had to fight till i tire.

And then, Grace still came around.

i want to take some credit: all the hours of trying, praying, buckets of tears...
does it matter? In the mystery of love and time, Grace gathered everything and mixed them into a healing potion. Will i drink this cup?
i sip tentatively... strength, hope, even warmth returns...

now i must note Grace's tracks and keep walking in the path set out..