garden views as Christmas nears..

Awaiting Christmas seems something we all know anything about Christmas does. We wait for the day - for..what? the parties, the gifts, the meeting-up-with-friends, or the obligatory family meals?

Since Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, then we await of all other 'waits', an encounter - with Jesus.

In the first Christmas* Jesus was born in a stable due to overcrowding and way too much activity to fulfill a political requirement. The conditions have not changed all that much has it?

But surely, if God became man, He must be looking for a home that is uniquely human - like each of our hearts.

So in the run up to Christmas as I spend time with Jesus, He took me on a tour of the garden of my heart.

The first thing i noticed were the weeds. How come so much and it all those old familiar places too...and some new corners they are spouting! Weeding is such hard work. I really wanted Him to wave His hand and like good Blu-Ray effects, have them morph before my eyes into more profitable growth...

Then i also saw some surprising blooms. One of them was called Stability. I knew i didn't know how to plant that one! If i am stable, it's more likely because I was afraid to move or at best had some vague convictions about staying... But the accents of red, fuschia and spring greens were astonishingly beautiful! The fragrance lingered long with me as i walked on...

Then a light fell all about me and the garden faded from view as I recognise afresh who was walking with me. He turned and said: "you are mine forever"..and then seemed to vanish from my sight even as i felt sure of His continued presence....

This morning, i gathered the kids, we learnt to sing an old song 'Thank you, jesus in my heart" in various languages, and made up a new one:

Jesus loves you and me
In our hearts He wants to be
His Spirit always sets us free
We love Jesus!


Welcome Jesus. Welcome Christmas.

*Christmas was originally a pagan festival date which the christians adopted as they wanted to remember the coming of the world's Saviour.

signs of acridity

recently i surprised myself - alas in a bad way.
 i signed my son and i for an art camp - three days of three hours moving, singing, inking, sticking..which was supposed to make us feel alive, give us great memories etc. We got there way too early so i let him do his mad dashes around while i try to take in what i can of the art and design pieces on display.
then i noticed it. a lady with her son came by; then another older Malay lady..and then we got to the area to register..and i was just totally lack lustre. no interest, no energy - not in the program as much, but in the people all around me.
i found myself sizing up the instructos and the other people with a nasty unfamiliar spirit of 'this better be worth all the money i paid". yuck! thankfully i did dive in and we had a valuable time. but mostly i did not succeed in shaking off the nonchalance toward my fellow human beings that morning..which made me wonder - and - shudder.
clearly love for your fellow beings never is a done deal.

vacation

It's the time of the year when everyone who has any means talks about vacation. The standard Q is "where do you plan to go?".
Vacation - tours to hot popular places, getaways, family hols..sound sometimes pretty vacant. We go with our hearts full and return mostly the same.
Someone once said that we wont die from over-information. we will die from lack of appreciation.
What exactly about those places do we appreciate? Cheaper prices? Local cultures? Different foods? Cooler weather. We treat everything as utility. Go where it is useful for us - coz it's cooler, cheaper, popular etc.
I feel weary of this attitude. But I want my vacation too: a good rest break, a new scenery to rejuvenate my senses.. i dislike the mad dash for good deals...and now i have no plans and little funds (due to my toilet repair
saga)...ha!
Also, i dont think going to someone else's land and using all that resources (flight fuel etc) is really justifiable sometimes..since when did we get the idea we need and deserve these things?
What is it that makes our lives rich and full, meaningful and powerrful?
A vacation perhaps. Or perhaps the choice to NOT take one and give away to those in need...
What do you think?
O please - let's go appreciate what's before us first...!
Happy holidays!

my book is out

Here is how it looks. You can find it at Amazon. If you fear shipping, contact BookDepositiry and enquire after it.

THANK YOU to all who believed and encouraged and prayed. God be praised and lives be touched!

write exercise

wokay. my son will barge through the front door in exactly ten minutes.
i have not written anything of length for weeks! so here goes. a writing exercise - where i randomly and intuitively pull out ideas, words, feelings...
colour - i see black.
o dear. certainly not a very pleasing chromato-zone unless you are some artsy minmalist. Hmm, i wonder what it shows. Yes, there are some severe things going on requiring grave thoughts..
word - change.
who, what, when? One of the things i thought about this morning was Psalm 1. i thought of the time i read it slowly and spoke about its meaning and several youths broke down and cried...there was a part of me that wished they thanked me more. Caught! this needs change - the need for "thank you's"...surely NOT any indicator of humility which lies at the heart of true spirituality.
Yes, i am also longing for change. No one of us is happy with the status quo - within and around us. But change, at what pace, what price, by who and for what end, in the end? Change can arise out of restlessness, envy, pride or purpose.

OKAY, the son comes in..and asks, "who is home?" with a tantalising lilt.
i ask him, what colour are you thinking about. He closes his eyes and says 'red!'

I got to go. It's an emergency!!

calling, conviction, comfort

As a teen, i was convinced by all the wonderful teaching i received that i needed to live out my life calling. it was the middle place between becoming like Christ and finding my role.

in my recent past, as roles and titles fall away and i entered a strange land where identity runs deeper, i love more by conviction, and learnt that my calling is not synonymous with an office (place/title/and even ourch - salary!).

The last few years of both expansion - from one child to two, having more mentees, and of focus - writing; kept me out of a lot of work that is forever crying out to be done: in and outside the church. Without a human boss peering over my shoulder, i experimented fully with living in step with the Spirit, which means to say 'yes' and 'no' not as a self-determining right but as a response to an invitation to greater discovery.

This necessarily changes my orientation, rhyhtm and even sleep patterns! I feel I have arrived at a place of comfort (not comfortable).

Coming up next it seems is a steely resolve to stay in this safe zone while taking new risks. Will I have what it takes to hold calling, conviction and comfort all together within my tiny being and see it expressed in a brilliant day-to-day lifestyle ?

CRI-ticise, -tique or Creative Construction?

From the food we are served to the air of our society, we have and frequently air many grouses. To criticise really is no genuis' work. All it needs is for you to have an opinion; and we all have opinions - they can be a repeat of some other opinion or a little more layered with more of our self thrown in. Criticism is easy.

Then there is critiquing. This is harder as it requires that you have some basis and ground for pointing out the gaps and sticking contrary ideas to holes you find in a situation. Again in our day of self-importance and information overload, we think ourselves very clever when we do this.

But so far, none of these really make for real engagement and change.

Like when my son's kindergarten teacher said after my son cheerily greeted her, "Why such a nice greeting...but in class, move here move there...". I acquiesced. But now I am pretty mad about it. What has she done?
Based on her preference for order in class and perhaps some training she has about structure and learning, she has criticised and critiqued (?) my son but done nothing more. He is not built up, encouraged or aided to further insight.

I am not saying we coddle our children and protect them from the truth. But, how about moving on to Creative Construction? In this instance, the teacher can see the child as a 'problem' or as a 'gift' for her to grow her teaching++ abilities.

She can resist relying on her knee jerk response and sinking into her preferences to see that as the adult she can take charge and bring change positively if she wins the child's affection and attention.

Likewise, for many of us, complaning is the norm. Creative construction is hardly ever considered. How can we take charge, add value and reframe so that things can be seen more positively and thereby energy can be found to move forward.

I think of conflicts for example. We disagree, of course we do. But most of the time our disagreements are rooted in criticism and critiques. How differently things will be if we brought our ideas tentatively to the other/team and seek creative construction. Instead of an either/or, we may get both/and as an outcome.

Creative construction demands too much from us. We are too mired in our little puny cubby holes. It calls for us to make connection and find reliance on a meta meaning. So in the case of conflict, if we believe in the meta meaning that we can keep growing as persons; we can ask 'how is this helping me grow?'. This Q immediately changes our posture and energises us for creative construction. We can go on to ask, 'how is this an invitation for the relationship to grow?'. If we can agree on the meta meaning, we can hang our labels and badges on the higher hooks of purpose beyond what we can pursue - and humbly work towards a greater goal: and not just my way versus yours.

For my son's teacher, I want to say to her "his enunciation is great. why not work on his strength?",and "i am sure you are able to find fun ways to manage all these rowdy boys".

Let's see what happens next!

high school 'musical'?

Last week was really fun. We had gone to Port Dickson to speak at a church camp, found ouserlves in a beautiful marina hotel..and i found old friends from my jr college days! Some of the memories remain fresh in my mind..
hunting for Lana choc cake for a friend
watching endless rugby matches
singing in our musical - the Vision singers i think we were called
moments of encounter with GOD at our fellowship (saints for Christ!)..

it's been two decades+ !... these few i meet are married, have jobs and walk with the LORD. am so happy for them all.

makes me think again of some others..precious individuals who touched my life. when can i get a chance to tell them?
we so often realise what people mean to us only when we/they have moved on..

today, people move even faster and more often. already my daughter has seen friends uproot, emigrate, change schools/church... and she is only ten. i am sure i never encountered any of that at her age. will it add to her rootlessness? or make her hunger for connection and intimacy and set her up for dangerous liasions?

I am glad she comes to me for hugs still. may my hugs never fail her. and my embrace and welcome never cease.

Tripping Point

Many have read Malcolm's bestseller Tipping Point...very potent observation about life. It is true: life is made up of moments and the momentous - the one leading to, defining and blending in to the other.
There is one other way to see it too. i call it the Tripping Point.
This is the way we think that trips us up again and again..so we make very little real progress...
Some common TPs are:

someone we cannot forgive
a memory we cannot let go of
an experience we use to define life
stupid thought connections because we are hurt and in pain
bad habits

I have become very aware of these TPs in my life these past two years. i resented their exposure at first (thankfully it's a personal disclosure direct from Him) ..but hey who am i kidding? my kids, spouse and probably a few girlfriends can see me tripping up.....again!

Getting past these TPs?
1. recognise them
2. accept them but dont let them define you or your future
3. get help to respond to them in real time, quick time - a verse from the Bible plastered on your screens (of mind, mobile and mirror), a friendly once-a-month coffee date to check in, pulling back being quiet to face the truth, not running too fast!

Let me hear from you please.

For a steady walk and graceful gait!

self-confidence

what is self-confidence about?
knowing one's strenghts?
knowing the sun-tzu outcomes of a given situation and how to navigate it to one's advantage?
knowing how to dress / speak / carry onself?

what is self-confidence? where did this idea begin?

when we are deeply honest about how unstable we are - our emotions can totally hijack us, our motives are often coloured by greed, fear and lust, the fervour of our efforts wane when the temperature rises... how can we speak of self-confidence ?

what is the point of it?
to feel good about oneself?
to prove something or someone wrong?
to make a difference -- and if so, for what?

When our selves get in the way, things just get murky.