Re-Opening: but are our souls ready?

I guess we are all trying to find our way and make it out alive.

Missy Fant | Unsplash

We are re-opening.

Here in Singapore, we are doing it in Phases, hoping to avoid a dreaded second-wave of infection.

And we are going about this at surface level. This is the level of "how" - and we are incredibly good at it. There is a rumour that Singaporeans are renowned for our "gunghow". The joke goes that when the Singapore delegation enters an international pow-wow meeting, everyone cheers because now finally things are going to happen.

I love the rumour but also not.

We all know the "how" of things while important can in fact be the enemy of the "why". When things run efficiently, we reach a state of satisfaction that lulls us into thinking all is well. It works, doesn't it?

The "it works" argument is in fact a very weak one. We can make many things work. But to what ends?

Because we did not have the painful conversations in the past, we had a massive crisis recently with the migrant workers. We were not wise or mature enough to dig into the "why", and settled for the "how" by building these large dormitories which on hindsight, were easy to abuse and open to degradation.

A good number of us actually feel ambivalent about the end of our circuit breaker. But I am guessing, we have not had the time to access our deep emotions and convictions about it. 

With everyone so excited about re-opening, and having missed our previous habits, the much needed exercise in asking "why" may once again be the one we tossed in the KIV bin.

But friends, we have just gone through months of:

watching our organised-just-so world unravel, each day bringing new information about a tremendous losses and looming uncertainty

fears, falsehoods and frenzied efforts pile and tumble as we try to explain and expunge disease and death

finding ourselves stuck with the same landscape and experiencing life as ‘zoombies’

Our souls are struggling to breathe as its roots reach for water where the regular streams of religious habits have run dry, its petals curling and drying out as fatigue overcomes us and emotions choke the xylem and phloem of things-once-managed just so.

My body has had to stay home, but my soul reached and strained — for comfort, for truth, for love.

When I read the rare piece of good news, of neighbourliness and a decline in infections, when I could treat myself to world class ballet for free online, when funny memes and so many gratuitous videos put out distracted me, my soul felt consoled.

But swiftly, came the bad news, and too often. The finger-pointing and the fire-fighting at every corner… my soul convulsed.

What have you noticed about your soul?

It is all well and good should we resume our activities and restore our economy.

But surely you admit that the real currency of life is love, and that all our tactics to restore normalcy faces the formidable enemy of division should our souls pull away from each other in fear, suspicion and strife?

So how are our souls re-opening?

This Pandemic revealed for me a privilege I did not enjoy deeply before.

Like most, my work and income was impacted and life changed as we all worked from home. But my family life is largely peaceable even though my Enneagram Four self will always be a little edgy. I have savings and my children do not have expensive consumer habits. I live in a nation where our government can draw down reserves to help us. Finally, I have a contemplative side that makes me able to delight in my living space and not struggle with boredom or cabin fever.

So unlike many, staying home has not at all been a strain for me. The only sign that this isn’t completely normal for me is how my extroverted self behaved in a recent time when I left the house to do an on-site recording, where I talked to every human in sight!

In fact, the re-opening troubles me a little.

This Pandemic Pause has created a unique time in our history to reconsider many things, indeed life itself. I worry that this important work has only barely begun.

It is like when you go on a vacation, and find that it takes some time to leave it all behind, for your body to relax, for your emotions to calm and for your soul to begin to feel free to explore. In fact, many of us don’t know what it means to reach this point of rest and being present, which explains why we return from vacations feeling like we need a break to recover from the break!

Like most every one else, I am not sure where everything is headed.

But I noticed that my soul felt safe, stable and generative in certain moments. Those moments yielded a calm, courage and creativity that I needed to love, pray and work. It gave me a sense of certitude despite the looming reality of uncertainty.

As I recount those times, I realised that my soul sought Solitude, Solace and Solidarity.

Solitude

In modern life, most of us dread being by ourselves. The Pandemic enforced solitude on many of us. But in truth, solitude needs to be chosen. To fail to choose it is to default to what seems a similar state, but is vastly different: aloneness.

Aloneness churns a sense of loneliness and with it, many doubts and fears.

But solitude is a state of desiring and delighting in one’s own company.

It is soul-space. It is where we can become curious about our complex selves. It is where we can challenge our complacent selves. It is where we can comfort our contentious selves.

Solace

What we find out about ourselves don’t always feel positive. What we discover about our journeys don’t always feel productive.

We have this self-sabotaging habit called ‘exceptionalism’, where we believe that no one in the wide world understands or has experienced what we are undergoing.

There is a kernel of truth in this in that we are each truly unique beings. Yet this habit has led many to a degree of isolation that is psychically risky.

The soul needs solace.

To be comforted by another that is Stronger and more stable.

Many during this Pandemic have noticed the needs of the poor and at risk. But most of us have not considered that our very own souls need care too.

Solidarity

Since my late teens, more than two decades ago, I have dreamt of a peace-loving community that would serve society. It was at best a vague notion, and I sounded like an existentially-angst teen seeking utopia.

But this Pandemic has revealed how our systems are overwrought and encumbered, narrow and near-sighted.

With industry halted, the fresh air becomes a metaphor for what our souls want: to breathe well so as to thrive.

There is no way we can reinvent, renew and restore our world unless we find creative and generative ways to collaborate, redesign and work out new ways to produce, consumer, shape and steer.

Family, education, politics, economy, industry, and art — every arena can be re-imagined, if we dare to.

You and I have to find our way and make it out alive.

I recommend your tools include: solitude, solace and solidarity.

See you on the other side.

Transforming Grace

You know what I find disturbing about us Christians?

We have a holier-than-thou attitude.

interesting title no?

I would not have said this ten years ago. But a lot has happened in ten years, the most important being this: I have seen the darkness in my soul. Yes, I have come to the place where I understand that when Paul called himself the chief of sinners, it wasn't hyperbole. We all rank first place when it comes to harbouring demons in the dark alleys of our souls.

Yelling at kids?
Thinking of divorce?
Entertaining hurtful thoughts?
Fantasizing?
Blaming?
Ego trips?
Seized by discontent?
Poor stewardship?
Lack of love?
What if i try out...?

Been there, been that.

This reckoning has in turn done two things. One, I am much less shocked by confessions. Second, I have begun to strip away at the notion of 'the other'. I identify with others more than I differentiate from them.

Thomas Cole, Voyage of life

If you have ever met a personal darkness, sensed a shadow, wrestled with a demon, chances are you want to either reach for HyperGrace - it's no big deal, or we collapse into UnderGrace - we are wrecked with guilt and try our best to cover it all up.

I use these monikers to represent the two common ways we respond to glimpses of what lurks beneath our respectable, put-together selves. In HyperGrace, we may -

. brush it off as not really so serious compared with...
. create a spiritual scorecard by pumping up more rigour for spiritual activities (from dancing to Bible studies).

On the other end, some of us veer towards UnderGrace where we -

. smile and act nice, totally inconsistent with what's tugging at our hearts
. blame others or beat up ourselves for not measuring up
. endlessly analyse what went wrong

This happens to the individual, and even to groups and entire churches.

The problem is that both of these take us away from Transforming Grace, which the Bible says is given to the 'humble'.

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe  with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5v5-7

Peter wrote this. I dare say no one knows about Grace and humility the way Peter does.

He was the blustering disciple who boasted of his loyalty only to find it crumble when faced with the threat of persecution. He is the one Jesus re-creates a memory of his calling {read this John 21} so that he could be restored. He tasted Grace that morning when his professional fishing efforts yielded no gains. He tasted Grace in the fish on live coals and the poignant words of restoration Jesus spoke into the depths of his being.

He humbled himself in admission of his shadows and failures and was reunited with His Lord in love and mission. Still, he would have moments of weakness, but those are moments and not definitions.


Being humble is connected with casting our anxieties on God. 

We are anxious whenever we don't know the outcomes to things or when we anticipate a negative result. But Peter, he has learnt that. All his bravado cannot gainsay the truth that he has limits and he cannot really fix some things, even if he can swing a sword the way he can throw a net.

Transforming Grace - that flows downward to the bowed and receptive heart - happens when we humbly agree with God that we don't have the answer but we know God does.


I love Danielle Strickland's* definition of humility: agreeing with God about who you are.

Mind you, God does not think small of us. No, he thinks wonderful thoughts beyond our wildest dreams. Yet, he remembers and knows we are dust. We are finite. We do well to remember that of ourselves and others. That's when Grace happens. Peter tells us that God's intent is to exalt us. God knows we cannot reach the heights of who we truly are unless He raises us up.


The verses has another dimension:

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because he cares for you.  

I admit that this is the bit most of us don't really like. After all, whether it's our families or work or churches, we all know elders and leaders who we struggle to respect and follow. But here, Peter reminds us that there is the basic posture of being submissive that counts if we want to experience Grace. To be fair, he speaks here of an environment where there is the effort to honour one another.

Being humble creates a flow of God's Grace into our lives and situations.

We will meet, experience and share Grace when we are willing to kneel with the broken, sobbing alongside, hurting with them, remembering this could just as well be us. This is when Grace creates community.

We will know, be touched and grow in Grace is when we are willing to face our need for it in an authentic and vulnerable fashion. This is when Grace creates courage.

We will stand upon and lead stronger out of Grace when we will call out our tendency to hide, gloss over and conceal. This is when Grace creates maturity. 


These three are good indicators of the present workings of Grace in our lives: community, courage and maturity.

To have reckless self disclosure without regard for others lacks maturity.
To have endless discussions without actions shows a lack of courage.
To be part of unending gatherings where our deepest concerns are never shared or heard means there isn't real community.



Perhaps try this: you may well notice that from the American elections, to ISIS, to the latest local news about things gone wrong, our standard way is to point out what's wrong, in clear denial that we could go so wrong ourselves (and it's a miracle we didn't). This stance has rarely helped us get anything right in the end.


It is a peculiar thing. The knowledge that we are saved by Grace and sustained and sanctified by Grace's operations in our lives should be grateful, joyful and humble. Yet so often, we the chosen, the elect, the faithful - saved by Grace - have a way of turning Pharisaical.

We start to distance ourselves from 'the others' and become a holy huddle of sorts.
We have our share of doing good and pitching in to improve things, but in our hearts there is a line that says 'we' and 'them'.
We go on a religious treadmill seeking out new and amazing ways for spiritual experiences.
We complicate matters. The Pharisees churned out 613 checklist items to keep the law....how many have we generated while regularly refusing to encourage the formation of lives through basic disciplines of prayer and Scripture and a commitment to community?

Nicodemus was a Pharisee. But he was different. He was at least humble enough to seek out Jesus and considered fresh possibilities. On the other hand, we have the thief that hung next to Jesus. His was not the robe of religiosity but the rags of crime. But he too experienced Grace when he humbled himself to admit that he deserved his sentence.

Go down with a name like Nicodemus or go down without a name like that lowly once-thief. Just be known by God and be touched by His transforming Grace.


Some of my best record of Grace's tracks:
Grace in the story of the woman in John 8. She got it, they didn't
Take that small step, Grace is coming
The wide mercies of God's cradling Grace
Failure isn't final. Grace is.
I married a non-believer, is God mad at me?
How do you see your life?


references:

1. If you want to know the 613 laws

*as heard on Global Leadership Summit 2016

How to keep on: be your self {but beware} & when it's wrong to live for others /

Please, be -- your.self -- but do read carefully what I mean by it.

My book Shed Those Leaves asserted boldly, "emerge to be your true self..". When the publisher showed me the finished product and it was classified as 'self-help'; I wanted to weep.

This is a world about helping yourself to all the Turkish delights*, the possibilities, the dreams, the passions. So powerful is this notion that even God is said to help those who help themselves. And of course we see how destructive it can be; that our default self-mode is perniciously self-ish.

Yet here I am again, asking you to be  your.self.

It is a dangerous thing to call people to. I asked myself: isn't this the privilege of the rich, first-world, high up Maslow's hierarchy, the reserve of those who have arrived; the creme de la creme of society? It is a luxury; or is it?

Here's a hint of the answer: our accouterments and achievements often conceal more than reveal who we are. I have found the poor to be more at ease with themselves and often their raw, rough edges are far more lively than the culturally smoothed ones of the respectable.

Also, we preach a gospel of a personal love, of each made uniquely in the Image. How can we then refuse to witness to the diversity and variety? How can you relate to God except by being who you are? Wouldn't we be impoverished if you and I refuse the courage to be who God made us?

But what does it mean? How do we become our selves?

Recently I wrote an old professor friend who was my pastor for the few critical years when I was training for ministry to update him about a missionary who had left her family and chosen to come out and to pursue a new relationship. She leaves in her wake broken families; biological and spiritual. People are angry, bewildered, troubled, burdened. I was astounded that in reply, he told me of others he knows personally and through contacts; many older, who have done just the same. These people have all gone off to be their "true selves".

We read such stories and easily mock them for being foolish, selfish, willful and even  treacherous. Some speculate if they really knew God. Sure, there are instances that may be so (but it isn't up to us to conclude). I am not going to say I have the answers. But I do not take these stories lightly. Such drastic departures, a disruption, a whole different trajectory isn't a walk in the park. To come to a day when you feel like your life is fraudulent is a terrifying thing. It is to have everything from under your feet snatched away. There is a crumbling of the soul and an intense void and vulnerability that happens. Like a distracted sheep, a person asking such deep questions about their lives, desperate for answers -- can become easy prey.

It reminds me of teens - those bewildering, frustrating creatures who are undergoing a process of identity formation in earnest. The teen years are tumultuous years. In a way; individuals who suddenly question their lives at the most fundamental levels are not in mid-life crisis as they are returning to a teen phase. Perhaps, there is a deep need in us to journey well, with integrity though every phase of our lives; and for some of us, a failure to do so catches up on us. 

I notice something else. The stories I am getting have come mostly from people who have "lived for others" - pastors, missionaries, church planters etc. I wonder about the connection.

Each of us, have been raised to feel the eyes of others on us 24/7 - to varying degrees. But the spiritual person, a spiritual leader, often feels a responsibility to live well, to shine for Jesus, to be a good witness more so than the average Joe. And I have seen so many unwilling, unhappy ones.

As a teenager, I used to think it must be so boring that all Christians turned out to be like Jesus! I remember going to God to tell him I wasn't so keen on the idea that I had to be his ambassador - not just because I lacked confidence, but because it felt like I would be curbed somehow. 

I had a serious choice to make. [notice the teen negotiation going on]. I would say this, it is an ongoing choice. Following Christ is a daily affair as much as there are significant moments of decisive action.

But what happens when we are pressurized to make a choice? What happens when we don't really dare to look into our hearts to see if we really want the choice; and it is the inexorable pace of life that sends us moving along? What then? Such a person is a trapped soul. He wakes up one day and wonders how he got to where he is.

Despite all appearances, the trapped soul is also one who never really takes sides. He is forever sitting on the fence of trying to please others and fearing for one's bite of the pie, reputation, comfort, status quo (that works).

The trapped soul is not free to really enter into community with others, and also never really enjoys solitude where facing one's true state can be deeply unsettling.

At some point, the teenager realises that he must hack a path and learn to manage this thing called a paradox: having one's way doesn't mean backing away from others.

Jesus taught powerfully on the paradox:

Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains but a seed... - John 12v24

All potential in the seed will never be realized if the seed refuses to die. What seems contradictory is what works sometimes! 

Jesus modelled this amazing truth for us ultimately: the victory of the Resurrection came through the torment of a most cruel and unjust death, where all seems lost.

This need to be our selves while being deeply engaged in community - where there is a great deal of pressure to conform - is a hard act. Both ends are tough; yet it is this paradoxical way of life - modelled by Jesus - that brings out who we truly are and gives us a measure of freedom on this side of heaven.

Now think how hard it is for those who live in missionary situations and those in leadership.

Do they have a cell group to hang out with come Friday night?
Do people relate to them as persons and not for the roles they play and the stuff they do?
Do they get some latitude to lose their cool, to drink one more beer, to seemingly idle?

It can be unnatural, unreal, and untrue.

I think we need to stop expecting of others what we are unwilling to do.

Many years ago, my church sent a couple of us to visit a single lady missionary in Africa. I was at the end of my first year in seminary and excited about such a trip. The importance of the trip slowly dawned on me months after I returned. Besides the impact of seeing what drastic cultural adjustments she had to go through; a poignant moment was when I spoke to her in a Chinese dialect, whereupon she burst into tears. "So long, so long, I haven't heard Cantonese" she muttered apologetically.

We all need safe places to be ourselves - works in progress. In my last post, I urged us to be a bother to our brothers and sisters. Articulating our need for others to pray, to care for our soul, to offer practical support is being human. It is being real. It is what builds community - that sense that we belong together and need each other.

But we also need to be given the space to pull away from community because the discovery of who you are as God made you and sees you to be is very much a journey taken with God alone. Only God knows who we are. We are His children who carry His name and His 'DNA' and even Saint Paul considered that he could only see dimly.

We need divine revelation, guidance, and encouragement to find out who we truly are.

Too many of us allow the following to tell us who we are:

Pains
Regrets
Memories
Expectations
Ambition
Successes

All of these are but indicators. Only One can decode them rightly for us.

Jesus once responded to the religious elite about the Sabbath. He told the story of David, famously described by no less that Holy Writ as a man after God's heart, eating the bread in the temple coz he and his men were hungry. That's right; Jesus was saying, "David, he broke the law. But he did it not in contempt of the law; but because he got what the law was about. " Then Jesus said, "Don't condemn the guiltless". {Matthew 12}.

The religious elite wanted to keep the law, conform to what they thought were rules that would ensure their salvation. They never got to the heart of things. They mistook the indicators for the message that lay behind them.

What is God trying to say to you through your

Discontent -
Anger -
Sadness -
Loss -

All of us labour under the weight of mutual expectations, which are in turn ladened with the added pressure of past experiences. It therefore takes both courage and discipline to see the state of our soul, bare it before God and perhaps a mature spiritual director/pastor, and learn to do this:

I waited patiently for the LORD
And he inclined to me and heard my cry {what a lovely picture right here}
HE brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay
And he set my feet upon a rock
Making my footsteps firm.
He put a NEW song in my mouth,
A song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fearAnd will trust in the LORD - Psalm 40v1-3

Do you see the process?

Did you get that lovely picture of God's tenderness - bending down to hear you?

Do you want God to give you the stability?

Do you desire firm footsteps, a song to sing, and many hearts to bless?

I worried when writing Shed that I would be read as advocating self-cent redness. It was a distinct possibility when readers with evangelical sensibilities read words like 'self'. It was hard work trying to make the message clear, and honestly I feel now that the book could do with more polish. But I also needed to trust and rest in the truth to assert itself to those who would read with an open mind and heart.

We need as God's people to grow up by being the community we need each other to be.

We need as God's child to grow up to be who God made us.

This means that we need to figure out for our lives how to develop a healthy rhythm of being by ourselves with God and being with others.

It means that church needs to teach and guide people towards this rhythm.

It means we must be less busy.

It means we need safe places and people to talk with.

It means we must value and treasure ourselves rightly, and more.

It means we must dig deeper into Scripture, prayer and history to find out what selfhood and personhood means or get hijacked and confused by popular notions.



What else does it mean….for you?

We need to learn how to live with paradox.

The paradox that we need both solitude and community, action and rest, one and many. The paradox that the self is a bold declaration of God's Creative wonders but also a shy and slow emergence. The paradox that we can be so much more and yet on this side of heaven, never quite get the full picture. The paradox that we will find ourselves so different (being like Jesus) and yet still so much the same.

The servant-King.

The Lion-lamb.

The dead-Resurrected Saviour.

 It's a bit of a tight rope - and I hear that tight rope walkers make it across safely because of two things: they keep their eyes on the end, and they carry a little burden - an umbrella, a pole - that weighs them down a bit.

More food for thought.

*the candied yumminess that made young Edward lose his bearings and play into the White witch's game (Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis)

How to keep on keeping on (part 1: be a bother)

I had thought it was an Asian thing. Then I lived for nearly a year in the US of A, and  I realized it's not just us Asians who hate to bother people. We may avoid it because of 'face'; but scratch beneath that and I suppose it reeks of weakness to ask for help; and who wants to be weak?

so many days, a slow trudge and so vulnerable...

Two years ago, I wrote this important piece about not being overwhelmed ; and as I re-read it, the power behind the simplicity of its message is easily missed:  

"This is the power I have: to gather up all that's a-tossed within my bosom and hand them over to the Prince of Peace."

But God has more for us.

The journey from here to heaven isn't just a God-and-I thing.

I am thinking a lot about community these days. Maybe it's because the children are growing and I have more freedom to get out. Maybe it's because this is my personal Jubilee year; that is nearly fifty years of taking up space on planet earth and more than forty for following Christ (in different shades and degrees over the years of course). 

I am thinking: how do we keep on keeping on without becoming numb, jaded, cynical, and maybe even lost + why does community matter?

So here is the first part of the answer I gathered.

Are you ready?

Part 1: be a bother.

You read that right. I did not say, be a brother (or sister), with the orientation to give out. But be a 'bother' with a need to take in, be helped, raised up.

I will tell you this, it's much harder for a pastor. But other than the title and the graces and gifts; I am another desperate human, full of failings and weaknesses just like every other Christ follower and human. I need help.

Practical help

Prayer help

Soul help

I want to be able to ask: can you please take the children for a day? And I am thankful to have one or two I can say that to once in a long while. When we were at Riverlife church, we were part of a cell group made up of young families. We knew how hard it was to bring home the bacon and raise children. I seriously thought of moving closer as most of them lived in Pasir Ris -- so that we can give some solid practical help to each other.

When my missionary friend travels, I ask if it's alright to call and chat with her mother, perhaps check in to see if she is doing alright.

There really is no reason for any Christian brother or sister to feel all alone. {I still do sometimes; so let's all work at this!}.

If you don’t yet know the power of prayer, try this: send out a WhatsApp as soon as you have a need. This is what I do for prayer help. I need prayer when we are in the thick of ministry and I am so grateful for my small WhatsApp group that prays promptly and solidly each time. I also WhatsApp a group of lady friends when PMS strikes or I am in the emotional doldrums. This kind of rapid, prayer shout-outs are so effective.

The moment the responses start coming in, my heart is bolstered and my faith strengthened.

Soul help is found in those who have journeyed further along. I get that from books and individuals. We need regular soul help from friends who 'get us' [to a greater degree than acquaintances], who share our passion, are willing to bear with us talking about our confusion or pain.  It is also essential to get soul help from a Spiritual Director or someone similar*. This is because the person doesn't really know you and it gives you the freedom to just talk about stuff. Good directors don't even need to know all the story - the Spirit helps the talking and the listening; and important bits that lead to truth and freedom will bubble to the surface.

I have found that when you are setting out to obey God, he sends this kind of help -- because if he doesn't, it's hard to find them! For example, as I look back at my life; writing has always been a big part of who I am. Yet I almost never took the route. It was a girlfriend who bothered to write to me one day and ask, "why don't you write more?".

After that, doors opened. Then a total stranger, an editor in the US asked me for an article and even paid me for it. These kinds of things are very important - they embolden you to take the next step! When I returned to Singapore, a publisher was keen to see if I have any work; helped me get to a writing workshop where I met three beautiful women who raved about my writing and have since become dear friends.

Go get yourself some help. Bother someone. You may bring out a gift or strength in them! Of course, people can say 'no' -- but more likely, you will be surprised to find how good God is to you really.

"...admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone." 

~ 1 Thessalonians 5v14

"Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble...so that the limb which is lame not be out out of joint but rather be healed" 

~ Hebrews 12v12

 *I offer Soul Help through Soul Conversations. Drop me an email at jennihuan@churchlife-resources.org to make an appointment. 

Related posts:
Doubts: the good, bad, and ugly
Seeking Faith
Faith & December
the gifts of faith, hope and love

You are the best parents: Helping our children beat the competition {i mean the 'competition'}!

So in school they talk to our kids about work, jobs, the future.

My mighty teen as with most teens waffle every other month about what she wishes to do. Some days she's totally unsure of her own abilities and interests even. But the other day we had a conversation that surprised me. She talked about how the economy is changing and how there will be so much competition.

Knowing this isn't something we talk about, not in this way at home anyway, I knew she had been subject to some serious talking-to in school. She likes being a nice person and I could tell this notion sat uncomfortably with her.

In fact, it sits uncomfortably with me too!

Did God create a world of scant resources where we must fight, outwit, outstrip, even kill in order to live and thrive? This is not the narrative I read in the Book. Our economic model based on limited resources and unlimited wants may well be faulty. We all laugh at the basic premise of Economics: humans are rational; for clearly it's not so straightforward.

But not being fully rational isn't a bad thing. Idealism, altruism, selflessness all trump rationality (sorry for the unfortunate connection to the US elections; a clear case of irrationality of the bad kind by the way).


What do Airbnb, Uber, Queri and many ideas that are springing up to challenge the traditional economy have in common? Collaboration, sharing, and the maximizing of existing resources - why leave a home empty, a car unused, your well-worked out answers laying about when it can meet another's need, and in the process earn you a buck or more?

Of course, everyone joins the latest bandwagon because it's novel, exciting and promising. But I would like to believe that many are genuinely interested to share, to collaborate, and to better steward our resources. I would like to believe that we are maturing to grapple with the reality that the earth's resources are being plundered and our current economic model isn't sustainable; so we have to rethink our positions: perhaps like the child who realises that he actually has more varied toys to play with, and gain some friends along the way; when he shares his toys.

Of course, sharing both generates and depends on trust and goodwill. It also depends on appreciation. The more we appreciate what others are sharing and express our appreciation, the more we will cultivate the possibility of a new way of life.  But trust, goodwill and appreciation can be the true scarce commodity. So it isn't for everyone, sadly.


Speaking of appreciation, today I expressed appreciation to a school principal, a teacher, a businessman and a doctor. Each of them found it hard to respond to the appreciation. Even a simple "thank you" wasn't readily forthcoming. Perhaps it just doesn't happen enough. We expect people to do their job (they are paid for it after all) and that's that.

So the road to new ways of living that may help us as a civilization isn't going to be an easy one. The old message of competition is too hardwired into our consciousness; and is a lived reality for many who have been dislodged by it and suffer daily with indignity, abuse, neglect, and inadequacy.


The old economy's mantra is one of competition. When we look at others as competitors we must beat them; and it works against the grain of trust, vulnerability and community.

cool right? at the mighty teen's school

Singapore is known to be kiasu and kiasi (the double whammy of fearing to lose out and to die) and our national narrative is evolutionary theory's heartbeat: survival of the fittest. There is certainly plenty of evidence to bear out the theory of survival in kingdom anmialia, I do think that homo sapiens have far more within us.

So this is what I told my teen.

"Why don't you think in terms of the contribution you would like to make? What difference would you like to see in others' lives, and in our society or world? What abilities do you now have and what else do you need?"

I happen to have a younger child who loves to win. Competition would be second nature to him. But I can easily see how that slides into an unhealthy view of others. I read somewhere that we should teach our child to compete against themselves. This means that winning is overcoming their personal odds and mastering themselves. I love this approach far better.

What do you think will happen if parent our children differently then? To compete against their own selves; to collaborate with others, and to live their lives as a contribution.


related posts:
3 anchors for our children's future
future ready?

scripture references:

Ecclesiastes 4v4 "I have seen that every labour and every skill which is done is the result of rivalry between a man and his neighbour. This too is vanity and striving after wind."

Ecclesiastes 5v18: "Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward."

Journey to the never-dried-up well: a personal invitation

A personal invitation

Dear friend,

As a pastor-writer, my desire is to use words to build you up. Even as the dry spell persists around us, it reminds me of how much we need water, Living Water. Many of us long for a deeper refreshing, one that will affect us permanently. We want to experience the promise Jesus gave the woman at the well, that springs of water will well up and flow forth from us (John 4v13).

If this is your longing, I want to invite you to join me on a 40-day journey to reach that never-ever-dried up well.

Every five days, there will be a short reading and a reflection that I will post on my blog. You can bookmark and remind yourself to look it up or even easier, simply submit your email and it will be sent right to your inbox!  Other ways are available at the bottom of each post.
For those who prefer print, I suggest that you print it out so that you can refer to it.

It is a journey that I pray will lead us to more of the following –

more of the Word

I will be writing the reflections based on Scripture. You will need to read the scripture and let it sink it over the few days. This is a great way to know the Word better, deeper.

more of the truth

As you look over the reflections and let the Holy Spirit of truth lead you, God will take your hand to look at your life through his eyes. It will be 40 days of coming to know yourself better – through God’s eyes of love, compassion and freedom-bringing truth.

more of God's people

We are all encouraged by fellow travelers; so may I urge you to write short notes in the comment. Sometimes a comment by a fellow Christian can really lift us up. This way you will also realize that there are others on this journey too.

This journey will begin on March 10^th, part of the season of Lent – a 40 day period when Christians everywhere seek to be more sensitive to God and yield their lives to Him afresh. The Scripture reading and reflection will plow the soil of our hearts so that we can experience the meaning and power of Easter – the cornerstone of our faith – in a marvelous new way.

As an expression of this desire, a fast is often included in the journey. Fasting is not deprivation; rather, it is a proclamation of what we truly need to live. So if we fast from TV or desserts, we do so to so that these are not needful for our lives. Instead, we turn our hunger to Him, who alone feeds us in the truest and deepest sense.

Well, dear friend, I hope to see you on this journey!

and now, a song .. ..for music stirs our souls..

For more on fasting and Lent, consider Julia’s simple write-up :

http://www.christianitytoday.com/amyjuliabecker/2014/february/in-defense-of-lent.html