Re-Opening: but are our souls ready?

I guess we are all trying to find our way and make it out alive.

Missy Fant | Unsplash

We are re-opening.

Here in Singapore, we are doing it in Phases, hoping to avoid a dreaded second-wave of infection.

And we are going about this at surface level. This is the level of "how" - and we are incredibly good at it. There is a rumour that Singaporeans are renowned for our "gunghow". The joke goes that when the Singapore delegation enters an international pow-wow meeting, everyone cheers because now finally things are going to happen.

I love the rumour but also not.

We all know the "how" of things while important can in fact be the enemy of the "why". When things run efficiently, we reach a state of satisfaction that lulls us into thinking all is well. It works, doesn't it?

The "it works" argument is in fact a very weak one. We can make many things work. But to what ends?

Because we did not have the painful conversations in the past, we had a massive crisis recently with the migrant workers. We were not wise or mature enough to dig into the "why", and settled for the "how" by building these large dormitories which on hindsight, were easy to abuse and open to degradation.

A good number of us actually feel ambivalent about the end of our circuit breaker. But I am guessing, we have not had the time to access our deep emotions and convictions about it. 

With everyone so excited about re-opening, and having missed our previous habits, the much needed exercise in asking "why" may once again be the one we tossed in the KIV bin.

But friends, we have just gone through months of:

watching our organised-just-so world unravel, each day bringing new information about a tremendous losses and looming uncertainty

fears, falsehoods and frenzied efforts pile and tumble as we try to explain and expunge disease and death

finding ourselves stuck with the same landscape and experiencing life as ‘zoombies’

Our souls are struggling to breathe as its roots reach for water where the regular streams of religious habits have run dry, its petals curling and drying out as fatigue overcomes us and emotions choke the xylem and phloem of things-once-managed just so.

My body has had to stay home, but my soul reached and strained — for comfort, for truth, for love.

When I read the rare piece of good news, of neighbourliness and a decline in infections, when I could treat myself to world class ballet for free online, when funny memes and so many gratuitous videos put out distracted me, my soul felt consoled.

But swiftly, came the bad news, and too often. The finger-pointing and the fire-fighting at every corner… my soul convulsed.

What have you noticed about your soul?

It is all well and good should we resume our activities and restore our economy.

But surely you admit that the real currency of life is love, and that all our tactics to restore normalcy faces the formidable enemy of division should our souls pull away from each other in fear, suspicion and strife?

So how are our souls re-opening?

This Pandemic revealed for me a privilege I did not enjoy deeply before.

Like most, my work and income was impacted and life changed as we all worked from home. But my family life is largely peaceable even though my Enneagram Four self will always be a little edgy. I have savings and my children do not have expensive consumer habits. I live in a nation where our government can draw down reserves to help us. Finally, I have a contemplative side that makes me able to delight in my living space and not struggle with boredom or cabin fever.

So unlike many, staying home has not at all been a strain for me. The only sign that this isn’t completely normal for me is how my extroverted self behaved in a recent time when I left the house to do an on-site recording, where I talked to every human in sight!

In fact, the re-opening troubles me a little.

This Pandemic Pause has created a unique time in our history to reconsider many things, indeed life itself. I worry that this important work has only barely begun.

It is like when you go on a vacation, and find that it takes some time to leave it all behind, for your body to relax, for your emotions to calm and for your soul to begin to feel free to explore. In fact, many of us don’t know what it means to reach this point of rest and being present, which explains why we return from vacations feeling like we need a break to recover from the break!

Like most every one else, I am not sure where everything is headed.

But I noticed that my soul felt safe, stable and generative in certain moments. Those moments yielded a calm, courage and creativity that I needed to love, pray and work. It gave me a sense of certitude despite the looming reality of uncertainty.

As I recount those times, I realised that my soul sought Solitude, Solace and Solidarity.

Solitude

In modern life, most of us dread being by ourselves. The Pandemic enforced solitude on many of us. But in truth, solitude needs to be chosen. To fail to choose it is to default to what seems a similar state, but is vastly different: aloneness.

Aloneness churns a sense of loneliness and with it, many doubts and fears.

But solitude is a state of desiring and delighting in one’s own company.

It is soul-space. It is where we can become curious about our complex selves. It is where we can challenge our complacent selves. It is where we can comfort our contentious selves.

Solace

What we find out about ourselves don’t always feel positive. What we discover about our journeys don’t always feel productive.

We have this self-sabotaging habit called ‘exceptionalism’, where we believe that no one in the wide world understands or has experienced what we are undergoing.

There is a kernel of truth in this in that we are each truly unique beings. Yet this habit has led many to a degree of isolation that is psychically risky.

The soul needs solace.

To be comforted by another that is Stronger and more stable.

Many during this Pandemic have noticed the needs of the poor and at risk. But most of us have not considered that our very own souls need care too.

Solidarity

Since my late teens, more than two decades ago, I have dreamt of a peace-loving community that would serve society. It was at best a vague notion, and I sounded like an existentially-angst teen seeking utopia.

But this Pandemic has revealed how our systems are overwrought and encumbered, narrow and near-sighted.

With industry halted, the fresh air becomes a metaphor for what our souls want: to breathe well so as to thrive.

There is no way we can reinvent, renew and restore our world unless we find creative and generative ways to collaborate, redesign and work out new ways to produce, consumer, shape and steer.

Family, education, politics, economy, industry, and art — every arena can be re-imagined, if we dare to.

You and I have to find our way and make it out alive.

I recommend your tools include: solitude, solace and solidarity.

See you on the other side.

There's a Question knocking on your door. Mine today: what to do about kids and phones?

Questions

I live with questions all the time. I suspect you do too. The kind we know cannot really be answered by Google.

These sorts of questions come knocking, and we have to decide if we will open the door and let them in. It’s a real risk because they may look shabby and smell worse. It’s a real hassle because sometimes they come with minors in tow - questions that beget questions.

But until we open the door, pull out a chair, offer a cup, take a seat, and listen, really listen, they never go away.

And by going away, it does not mean new ones won’t arrive. It means that our homestead, our soul has grown larger to accommodate and even enjoy their presence. For in time, we realise that these questions originated from us, and the need to come back home to us, where they are welcomed and integrated into our lives.

***

I woke early today while it was dark. It’s a practice I like to began a little more than a year ago but have had trouble keeping this year. This morning I was very surprised to find how fresh and even happy I felt to be sitting, waiting for the day to arrive.

As we know, each day is packaged by us in time slots and events and do-items. But this scaffold is hardly what the day is really about. It’s the messages, impressions, interactions and questions they pose that really make our day, because these are the things that actually shape us.

Annie Dillard famously said they how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

She is of course referring to what we fill our days with. What goes into the blocks of moments and hours. What preoccupies us and more.

But what is this life we have that we are able to spend? Or expend? What do we lose as we spend it, what do we gain as we expend it?

Julian Alden Neer

I stood by the window, focusing on the bird calls to block out all the ubiquitous construction noises (welcome to Singapore - the island that every builds).

***

Like many parents, I struggle with how children adore their devices and spend inordinate amounts of time on it. We have done all the talking, structuring, threatening, rewarding and more… mine are not addicted by any stretch, but there is a pain in my heart to see that it’s such a default mode for them.

I admit that not being a fan of tech (and having severe worries about its effects, having being a student of philosophical positions of Ellul and Muggeridge) did propel towards a offensive-defensive game about it, with me mostly being sent to the bleaches in time out. Yes, it’s hard to win. You end up being the loser parent, who’s stuck in ‘her time’, unreal about things as they presently are… especially when your kids are plugged into a system that forms them for most of their waking hours, which uses tech with little careful thought.

Children bored after exams? Show them a movie or funny videos.

Hard to explain that concept? The entertaining explanatory Youtube vid to the rescue.

Too much to juggle? Update them via whatsapp.

Keep up with the times! Let every kid use a laptop (necessitating an entire IT‌ dept to police their use)

I tried to understand that these are ‘digital natives’. Machine learning is fine. At one time, it’s as if all kinds of craft and trade were enhanced - when the hairdresser or the architect can simulate, calculate, postulate.

But so much is plain mindlessness now.

So this morning, a question bubbled to my consciousness: are we losing entire generations to a soul numbing, mind dulling, relationship-starving way of life?

I realise this is what bothers me about it all.

Life is such a precious gift and we squander it, spend it, expend it so foolishly.

I ask my son, “don’t you want to explore anything? how about build something” go someplace?“

The answer is invariably no.

This is a kid I took to museums, maker faires, baked with, had long conversations, read poetry and made videos with. Where did he go?

Then something else hit me.

The phone and all it promises is way too easy, and our kids are way too tired.

So there is something corroborating here: adults, who build systems.

Parents who build systems in the home usually described in two words: busy and functional.

Educators who build systems our kids embed in: competitive and crowded.

The larger societal systems our kids whiff: dangerous and difficult.

Don’t you want to hide too?


My son will say I over-psychologise. I can and do. But almost always, I am also on to something. My questions are trying to serve me.

At this point, I wonder then if my children are really media literate? What am I modeling with my use of tech? How else can I build a family culture that really serves the generation entrusted to me? Is there a rallying call here for parents to arise to intercede and take back lost ground? Should we push back and get schools to really examine their methodologies?

It’s a big question. I just made a cup of coffee.



What question is knocking on your door?



notes:

Annie Dillard - American author, famous for her powerful nature prose. Quotable: "A schedule defends from chaos and whim."

Jacques Ellul - French philosopher and aly theologian, Quotable: "The goal of modern propaganda is no longer to transform opinion but to arouse an active and mythical belief."

Malcolm Muggeridge - British journalist and social critic. Quotable: "Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message."

Why letting go is so hard, and what your soul needs in 2018

It's hard to let go. Even with events that we anticipate and desire, we can struggle too with the changes as they happen:

Child starting school
Daughter seeing someone
A new job assignment, even location
An emptying nest
Getting married

No matter what we envision it to be and how detailed we are in our preparations, there are often still surprises. Some of these good things come with a sense of loss. Sometimes, they turn out quite differently from what we expected (cue 'happily ever after' music).

We are creatures that plan, work and build, and we are told to succeed. This makes it really hard to let go.

It's even harder to let go and move on when new experiences and scenarios occur, sometimes suddenly and it feels random:

Retrenchment
Finding out that someone has betrayed you
Being attacked online
Sudden loss of a loved one

We are thrust into a situation we neither desire, plan or welcome. It is hard to let go of the security, safety and familiarity when we suddenly have to grapple with this new development. We will long for things to be as before, fight the changes, go through denials, and even find ourselves in a valley with depressive moods lingering nearby to overtake us. We want answers, justice, a 'darn good reason' for why this is happening to me at this time.

I am particularly concerned for the young lady who went to the US on a family trip and will now have to travel home all alone as the rest all perished in a tragic accident on the highway. Her entire world has fallen apart. So much loss. (Do pause and lift a prayer for her).

It's now the second day of a new year.

If you are feeling afraid, unprepared, or nervous, your soul is crying out for attention. You are unable to let 2017 go.

The soul is a shy and vulnerable part of us that needs security and protection in order to flourish and so energize us. 

On the last day of 2017, I set down with my journal and three questions emerged:

What do I care most about?
How am I doing?
Where am I headed?

My soul seems nervous and in need of some answers. 2017 had been a frenzied year that needed a frame and a sense of closure if I were to be able to let it go and welcome the new year.

I know full well that I cannot fool my soul or myself with a pick-me-up line, "it's all fine". I needed to listen to my soul and take care of it. An unsettled and restless soul translates into a tense body, a defensive mindset and a lack of reciprocity with God. It's hard to receive and to bless when the soul is clenched.

Sometimes, we get tired that the soul seems to be asking us the same stuff. This reminds me of how God asked Adam and later his son Cain, "what's up?". Surely God knows. But the question is not to seek information, it is to offer transformation.

Transformation happens when we brave it and dive down deeper and not stay at the surface. It involves making the right connections, observing our emotional state, and rehearsing the truth we embrace.

The right connections
The easiest and quickest connection is superficial. The first man looked at his situation and blamed the only other person around. That was not the right connection. He needed to look within and admit that he lacked the conviction, faith and muscle to stand on God's word and choose obedience.

He needed repentance, not a rebuttal. But alas he chose the latter.

We are more prone to sin, blame and dodging than we admit. If we will not see this clearly for what it is, we can at best improve our behaviour, and that may fall apart when times get really hard.

What do you need to own up to?

Our emotional state
Feeling a lot and feeling just a little are both emotional states that are indicators of what is going on deeper within. Sometimes, feeling a little can really be a way to self-protect from the fear of disappointment and failure. It takes courage to admit that we want some thing really badly.

If Adam had gone to God and said that he really wants to try that fruit, and then, yields that desire to God, he story will be totally different. After all, desires are a part of the way God made us. Unlike Buddhism that teaches that desires are illusory, Christianity charges us to lay hold of our desires, cleanse them of the bits that are merely self-serving and turn them into ways that love and serve others.

What are the top 1-2 desires that are always floating around in your heart?

Rehearse the truth
The soul can distinguish between the truth and a pep talk. As I sat and reviewed my journal, my soul was informed of the events I had journeyed through and the emotions and convictions I had formed along the way. My mind had forgotten so much of it (thank God for the journal!), but the soul was smiling along as I read.

I anchored on some Scripture I had recorded in my journal and read them slowly again. A deep satisfaction and peace came over me. The questions I began with did not feel as urgent anymore. I had answers to them, although not in the form of a plan or a strategy.

That's when I realized afresh what my soul was doing. The questions it posed set me in the right direction and primed me to reflect in a particular way.

In the end, I was not asked to prove or establish that my achievements or my foresight. Rather, I needed to remember that my journey, though filled with surprises and at times pain, is a meaningful one and the purpose of God for me is ripening in my long obedience. Above all, the soul wants me to be secure and brave in knowing that I do not walk by myself, ever.


On the final few days of 2017, I cleaned out my desk and set up a new calendar. That's the desk. Real life however is much more a continuation. But we can continue in our fear, restlessness, resentment or weariness, or we can pay attention to our soul and continue stronger and clearer.

Take time to listen to your soul, make the right connections, find your emotions more rested and anchor your mind on truths you know.


Related reads:
From 'other' to 'another', spotting God's wide mercies
Don't lose your 'ask-ability' and don't lose sight of God
The power of a soul's shape
A small soul shift can be seismic

The rot of Impatience

I want patience,
and I want it now!

Did you chuckle? This was a popular preacher's get-some-laughs line whenever the topic was Patience. But it's a joke that still works today.

Patience is hard, and our fast-paced, efficient society filled with conveniences makes it harder. We are used to quick and quicker. But the price we pay with our souls and our relationships are evident. So we see the pushback with mindfulness, meditation, the slow movement and so on.


I really am curious to know statistically how many people are truly more calm, patient and happier with so much spa, retreats and yoga going on everywhere.

But what's the big deal with a lil impatience?  A lot.

For starters, it's pretty much grump to be around someone who is irritable and convey that they cannot wait to move on to the next thing.

Impatience breeds many woes:

communication breakdowns
suspicion
bad decisions

These in turn can lead to burnt bridges, broken hearts, shattered relationships and regrets that sap hope and faith for the future.

Singapore news has been hogged a fair bit the last few years by our train system. We had trains that stopped mid-tracks, didn't stop at stations, announced wrong information, and most recently, flooded with heavy rains causing a massive twenty hour outage. People called for heads to roll. The company offered the unusual move of amnesty in order to surface the reason for the flooding. Parliament talked about it.

Naturally for a modern economy, train failures supposedly cost us. It's inefficient and creates a lot of inconvenience (those words again) and extra work.

Who doesn't like a well-oiled system that never fails?

(As an aside, if we cling to these values, we will capitulate to machines very soon. They are after all, more predictable as long as there is power).

The train debacle revealed that there are cultural and systemic issues. Among other things, this means that along the way, decisions were made and protocols were created that did not make sense or did not really work well. Could it have been Impatience at work?

So is it a case of Impatience breeding issues which we now want to impatiently resolve? Hmm....

Meanwhile back at home base,  I see the effects of Impatience up close on a daily basis.

Isn't the dh going to say goodbye?
When is she going to do the dishes she agreed to wash?
Hasn't the timer gone off, and the fella is still Minecrafting?

Impatience when activated, routinely call for reinforcements known as Raised Voice and Routine Arguments.

So my tone and volume goes up a little. No response. It goes up a little more.... and at times, this leads to the scenario where the unwashed dishes now become 'when are you going to be responsible' kind of talk which can become a cultural and systemic issue!

If I am not careful, my soul caves into anxiety and anger along with the impatience. The relationship then gets coloured by such episodes and the entire atmosphere at home can change.

This is the rot of Impatience.

We get so quick at sizing up situations, labeling them and judging them. But lives and loves take time.

Each life and each relationship and each situation has its own timing for development and fruition.

Jesus asked us to consider the lilies of the field. That's not the easiest thing to do! We reduce that to 'take time to smell the roses' and by that, we mean a quick, token whiff that is an insult to all roses and their magical fragrances.

The lilies' splendor and beauty comes in their time.

Jesus says even the wisest and richest king could not arrange for such an array. Woe be the day we engineer everything to suit our time! The rot will be endemic then, and I shudder to consider the price we will pay for it.

For those who are serious about the spiritual life, every generation and every cultural milieu poses soul threats.
Post-modern living has a way of conforming our souls to a small restricted space as everything careens and spins on. The solid core that should hold us and keep us robust is weak and un-exercised.

We live on borrowed manna from others. We survive and cope, rather than thrive. We are a jangle of nerves. We are breathless. The core of our being is eaten up by the demands and the rot of impatience gnaws away from the fringes inwards. We lose sight of why we are so busy and anxious, and don't have the time to find out.

When I sense the rot of Impatience, I have found that two things stop the infection. First, holding my tongue. Second, choosing trust.

These two are impossible to do unless I can go to God regularly and let my tongue roll, where the questions, concerns and anxieties are unloaded. It's a heart dump of sorts. Then I need to know my Scripture, for nothing secures trust like the Lord's eternal word. I let the words sink a little deeper, I pray them, I write them down, I sing them. So I can trust that although things may not seem to be the way I like them, I can continue to sow and wait for the harvest.

Then I see in my imagination, something like spring visiting a frozen heart, life coming back in and hope arising.

I may text the dh a tender greeting.
I may just do the dishes.
I may ask why the game is so interesting.

Or

I may text a reminder that ends with a funny gif.
I may focus on something good.
I may wave a little note that says 'time's up!'.

Because growth takes time. A life takes a lifetime. And we don't need the rot of Impatience to ruin it.


What triggers your impatience?
What builds your patience?

Do you have a Q for Jenni? Email it to: johhuan@gmail.com [if it will bless others, she may share it while you remain anonymous].

Do you really want to live the way you do? A small shift can be seismic.

Rare is the person who is fully contented, at peace with every tiny bit of life's details, and enjoying every relationship. 

Not rare, impossible.

A life is a very full and complicated thing. On our own, we have to relate to our body, wrestle with our emotions, figure our thoughts and make countless decisions big and small. With others, we have to negotiate relationships, learn protocols and expectations, improve communication, enforce boundaries. Then there is God. That's just huge. While it's certainly true that our relationship with God trumps and shapes all other relationships, we are mired in a compulsive avoidance of God, preferring the safety of religious motions to true encounter.

Now plonk this person in a busy, fast-paced city like Singapore with a spirit of FOMO (fear of missing out), most of us are running on a nervous energy that makes it hard to slow, still and savour.

Just describe to me what your last meal tasted like. It's hard for most of us (unless it was burnt or Michelin-star perhaps). 

I once asked a class of students the colour of the wall right outside their room. They couldn't tell me. It was a startling orange hue of red! 

We see, notice, feel and taste astonishing little with our pace and our lack of inner space.

So my three weeks away in Minnesota gave me a blessed reprieve from busy city-living with all its clamorous noises and demands. {more pictures here: scenes from Minnesota}

When I return, as we all do from some trip, you get those who will say with a wry smile, "welcome back to reality".  I really dislike that phrase because it feels like escapism. A retreat, a vacation or a study break should not be escapism. They are meant to be a break from the routine so that we can come back stronger. To simply long for a different life is escapism. To intentionally shape one's life however, is not.

Yes, life in Minnesota was a sweet, different reality, one that suited me especially as I began my writing project on silence. But my life is here in the city, in Singapore, with a busy schedule, growing children, a marriage that needs patience and work, words that need to be thought and written, dreams that need to be deciphered.

I am deeply grateful for a different reality for three weeks.  But whether Minnesota or Singapore, the place I inhabit is my body and soul. This is why two people can go to a same place and describe their experience of it in vastly different ways. The two will notice, enjoy and find meaning or not, depending on the state of their body and soul, the latter being the more important force.

Minnesota refreshed me deeply because the ease with which I adapted to the long, empty hours, affirmed that my body and soul were not attached to, or addicted to plenty of do-ing, being busy and appearing successful. This adaptability I put down to several reasons. One is the long years of learning to live simply.

Simplicity is a powerful gale force that strips us down to the essentials.

Simplifying makes us answer the deep questions of life:

What do i really need?
Where do I see value?
How much am I willing to pay (in money, time, effort) for this?

In our land of glaring consumerism, and with 24/7 wifi, it is too easy to become distracted and fill up my attention, time and energy with 'one more useful/handy/beautiful thing'. We actually should speak up as citizens that our spaces are overwhelming crowded with shops and pushcarts plying more or less the same wares. It is an assault to our senses and an insult to our sensibilities. We are far more than working machines and insatiable consumers.

It isn't just material things either. We are so fed with perfect images and sound bytes that it is easy to expect our emotions to be positive, push our bodies to be breathtaking and work that bit longer.

If your body is constantly tired and your soul feels breathless, then it is time to make a shift somewhere. It is time to simplify. 

Speaking of simplifying, consider its reverse. The Americans are pretty fanatical about tool-man-ship. They need to have the right tools for every task. Garlic peeler? Four kinds of staplers? Sixty ways for mobility? A different scissor for kitchen, kid, teen and adult (ok I exaggerate perhaps). My sister-in-law, now an American concurs, and so does my American friend I pointed this out to. I love it that in Asia, we have this ingenuity of using a knife to cut, smash, pry, poke, peel. Hey, it works. Simplify.

Let's give ourselves to things that are deeper and more enduring. 

We need more time to care for our bodies in a way that is not fussing over the latest supplement or treatment.

We need more space to care for our soul that is not wondering if we should be running off to another seminar or study.

Jesus: consider the lilies...

the daily squirrel

my spartan office

Simplifying is a small step with seismic effects.

When we can walk slower and notice the environment and really look at faces.
When we can taste our food and marvel at the miracle that is cooking, eating and growing.
When we can take deep breaths and pause at intervals through the day because we are not over-worrying about all the details.
When we can feel good and smile that the blouse has now become like second skin.
When we can experience that we actually finish a conversation {yes, this!}.
When we no longer need to spend so much time cleaning, packing, hunting for items in our bags, cupboards and storerooms.

When you need less, you release more of yourself and your resources.

This means more:

money

attention

energy

possibilities

awareness

There are two sides to this journey to living a different life. As we simplify, we release more resources. We can then use these resources in a different way.

What is something you can do less of or something you can stop needing?

establish a boundary

One of the things I really want for my family is great communication and laughter. This takes time. It also means a certain state of being (which isn't easy with a boy who grumbles about school and a teen who needs a lot of time on her smartphone). 

How do we cough up the time, and set the tone? Clearly, someone has to take point here. In any setting, a leader is required. Leadership after all, is about getting people from Point A to Point B, with them happily moving along as if the ideas was theirs! 

So I lead the way. By simplifying my own life, I free resources to dream and scheme about this aspect of our family life. The most natural spaces and times for great communication and laughter I find are meals and bedtime. I simplify those times by focusing less on the eating and more on the conversations. I don't always get it right (which mom doesn't fuss over getting everyone to eat right?). We don't always succeed. But small bit by small bit, experiences become habits that turn around to shape the sense of meaning and to build memories.

What is something you long for at home? How can simplifying enable you to build towards it?

Please share below in the comments!

Related reads:
Travel notes from a trip to the NZ
Yearning for true home

If you need ideas to keep you on track to simplifying: Becoming Minimalist

Holy Week 4: the power of a soul's shape, 30 pieces of silver and how much Jesus is to you

Someone may yet make another movie of the last days of Jesus.

It has all the elements of a great story: there is tension, scheming, gender observations, power struggle, religion, politics, crowds, and of course; a hero.

A silver screen rendering that awakens our imagination and stirs us emotionally may help our faith.

Or maybe not.

The answer lies in the shape of our souls. Is it receptive and open, or has it calcified and hardened?


The final days of Jesus unfolds as an outcome of soul shapes really.

It was the souls of the religious elite, the people, of Pilate and Herod - that shaped how conversations went and how the events moved on one to the next.

If Pilate had a hunger for truth, he may have made a different choice and things would be different.... Equally, it was Jesus' soul - determined to do the Father's will - that led him to clash with the powers and people; and saw him end up on the Cross.

Yes, God's plan to save us would still stand. But the shapes of the souls involved each of them in a specific way. 

Yet this most powerful reality is largely hidden from our view. As a result, we may not notice or pay attention to the state and shape of our souls. Yet it is powerful to turning situations one way or another. Among the disciples, one of them would be instrumentally used by the Enemy against his Rabbi, his teacher, his friend. In his soul, there was a churning of discontent, anger, disappointment with Jesus. He was unable to get Jesus' priority. He had allowed himself to compromise, raitonalising it away... his soul was taking on a shape that would not fit the shape of the Cross.

“Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.                      ~ John 12v5-6

In the end, when Judas' soul was shaped to fit the equivalent of 30 pieces of silver.



I have sadly seen more Christians fight over money than probably anything else.


Maybe we have forgotten Jesus' words; calling us to be mindful of the power of money to dent our souls and recast us in a mould that in the end wouldn't allow us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow -- which means we may well bear the Name and be on a very different path.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. ~ Matthew 6v24

I have always been intrigued that Jesus singles out Money as the competition for our allegiance, loyalty, and faith.

And if it stays as a cognitive curiosity I am in trouble. I need to hear, seriously hear this words and ask myself the hard questions -

what does money mean to me?
what do I really look to for security?
will I trust God when I am in want?
will I strike out at a brother or sister when I am robbed?

This inner seeing and search will reveal the shape of our souls.

This is the sad commentary of Judas' soul -

"...thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel.." ~ Matthew 27v9

This is it? A man is but thirty pieces of silver? Wouldn't this mean that when we betray our Saviour; that is how much He is worth to us too? All of Judas' dreams, experiences, personal moments with Jesus. All of Jesus' life and message added up to but thirty pieces of silver....which would purchase a small piece of real estate. It is shocking and grievous isn't it?

Our soul shape shows how much Jesus means to us. 

And mind you, it is this not-easily-seen shape that is shaping things up.

.... perhaps this song as you reflect: O Sacred Head Now Wounded {click}

credit: kellylydick

To grief, mourn - for a stronger soul, and a gift of song

The way we grieve tells us more about who we truly are than all our acclamation. After all,

you mourn if you cherished
you cry if you feel loss
you sob silently for the broken heart is one that no longer holds it all together

This week will reveal our hearts, yea, our soul Singapore.

A visionary, sacrificial, bold architect of our little isle-state, one who is synonymous with our national journey is so many dimensions, has passed on.

We have been -
children who played
Teens who sulk
Adults who sweat and swear

But children, teens and adults all share one reality: we embody a soul. In times of grief, we cast off  our trappings and don the same apparel of mourning. We strip to basics and wear the cotton and linen and slop around in slippers, keeping vigil, losing sleep, living a different timetable and purpose.

Grief is our internal process, thoughts, feelings, the weight in the chest, the churning in the gut, the unspeakable thoughts and feelings. Mourning is crying, journaling, creating artwork, telling our story, speaking the unspeakable. Mourning makes it possible for us to touch, express and release our grief. {trans-formative power of grief}

This is why I urge all Singaporeans to find a way to mourn. I am glad that was the word the Prime Minister chose in his announcement. 

The late Mr Lee stirs us all up in different ways. Most of us are filled with an admixture of admiration, awe and angst. We are grateful for his grit, we may not be so thrilled with some of his iron-clad ways. This is because he is just human, like you and me. He is responding to his times, with his personality, training and convictions. We will never find anyone totally agreeable to us. What moves humanity along is a level-headed and full-hearted embracing of persons for who we are, recognising the difference we all make to each other.

What feelings are within you? It may be purple today and grey tomorrow.

Mourning is thus a deeply personal experience. But when we share a grief and a loss, it can be a collective experience too; one that calls us to go beneath the surface and reach out to one another. One that calls us to pause and consider, for

Loss is not just an ending; it marks the beginning of a new way of being.

This is not the time to scramble or fear. It is the time to remember, revisit and recast. 

This SG50 year, we had a song competition. I thought of our little nation and all that we have built: the infrastructure and functional values. On the Maslow's hierarchy, we have met our security needs. We are at the place where we seek the higher order needs of soul and spirit; the stuff of fulfilment. I am immensely gratified and proud of the many good Qs, initiatives and ideas that have poured forth. The late Mr Lee has helped us built a robust foundation for us to pursue these higher order matters. 

As we walk the next leg, let us take a leaf from other cultures and societies for this journey - observing what works and what backfires or even unravels. 

But it is time for dreaming again. 

Dreams do come true
We set our hearts
And pledged
to be
Happy
to prosper and progress

Chorus:
Miracle island
Shining in the world
An inspiration
That small things can
Make a difference


Look at us now
With our pioneers
Setting pace
We arise
To cherish and aspire


Bridge:
Our journey continues
A richer soul
Where each one is part
Of the greater whole
hearts are free
Every dream grows
as surely as the river flows

{lyrics: jenni ho-huan tune: dorothy yew for The Gift of Song, 2015}

And while you dream awhile, let these pictures stir you: is this what you dream of, or is it something else? Top 10 cities {Lonely Planet}

a parable: The Vase {Feb Love series}

A long time ago, there lived a people who had a strange custom. Here is how the custom went. When one came of age to marry - which got later and later over the years - one would receive a trust. The trust was an object of value which had to be cared for according to set conditions. After a period of time, deemed adequate by the Board, the carer may return the trust - in original or improved condition - to the Board. An extremely generous amount of money was then given that allowed the carer to literally live the rest of life without a care. Needless to say, every one coming of age was nervous and anxious about the trust they would receive.

Acreft fidgeted in his seat and looked furtively around the huge expanse of the waiting room. It was his turn to receive his trust - today. He thought long and hard about the possibilities. His mind constantly wandered to thoughts of how he would prefer something light and handy which hopefully, was also made of a hardy material. He was a travel writer and he needed the mobility. 'Surely they will take that into consideration', he thought to himself, half muttering the words out loud. Then he thought of how wonderful it would be if the trust was something that really blended in with his taste: like a limited edition Watermark pen perhaps. He caught himself gushing silently in lust, and promptly arrested his thoughts.

Finally, they summoned Acreft into the Board room. As he walked respectfully in, he chided himself for being foolish enough to live on here and thus be subject to this strenuous tradition when in his travels, he had found many perfectly wonderful options to make his abode.

The Board was expressionless. Seated in the middle of the large mahogany table was a mosaic-and-jeweled vase. Acreft thought that was helpful since he dreaded looking at the Board. Without words, the Board pushed a bright white sheet of paper across the table.  On it were written these words:

conditions: proper care and constant companionship. No loss of jewels.

Trust: venetian vase, 1624.

Return value: highest

Acreft almost fell out of his chair. 'What? This  is ridiculous! Look at that thing! I might as well just quit my job and buy a thousand feather dusters...'. Protestation after protestation ran through Acreft's mind; but the Board simply got up and left the room. Practically tearing, Acreft finally got up and reached for the vase. It was a relief that it did not weigh as much as it looked.

'Proper care and constant companionship', 'proper care and constant companionship'...became Acreft's mantra. He said it to himself so many times he lost count. Suddenly it struck him that he did not know how to care for a vase.

Robing the precious trust with his outer coat, Acreft made a beeline for the town library.  On the train ride to the library, Acreft felt watched, he was sure that the other passengers were casting knowing glances his way. He hugged the vase tightly and tried to look out the window, which was hard as he had an aisle seat. 

Armed with his research on proper vase care, Acreft felt that he would proceed with plans to visit an old historic tavern for his next assignment. This time round, he felt the trust would adequately repay his bill for a private compartment on the train. Acreft deftly seated the vase, padded it snugly, and secured it against sudden train jolts. The journey was uneventful and Acreft congratulated himself for being so trustworthy. He found a suitably appointed inn and rested for the night.

The tavern was empty when he went in, but soon an old, bent figure emerged from a dark corner. Acreft, who by now has designed a custom carrier for the Vase, thrust out his free hand to introduce himself. A welcome for his visit meant increased revenue for the businesses. The old man eyed Acreft, noting his very large carrier, and immediately shifted his weight so that he was now looking at Acreft in a rather unfriendly manner. Acreft tactically seated himself on a bar stool, the upholstery half torn, balancing his vase between himself and the counter. The old man walked languidly round

and once behind the counter, seemed more at ease. Still, it was not many drinks later, including a lengthy, unwelcome explanation about the Vase (of course!) which drew ridicule and laughter, that the bar owner was amiable enough to be interviewed. 

Finally, satisfied that he had enough material, Acreft left - exhausted and a little tipsy (he had no idea the local ale was that strong). Waiting for his ride home, Acreft noticed he is really tiring of the Vase. began to deeply resent the vase. He was horrified by the suggestions he entertained. Then he began wondering what other folks received as trust. As the images flashed before him, his yearning for them increased: he let his mind wander.

The small bench had space only for sitting - there were two old ladies already on it - so Acreft placed the vase on the ground. In fact, eager to shake off the cloud of frustration now enfolding him, he gladly listened to the slow repartee between the old ladies. It was rather amusing and provided relief as they complained endlessly about the restaurant they have just come from. That was stuff Acreft tuned in to easily; and he started writing a lazy script about the restaurant. 'Maybe a satire about the whole eating business', he mused to himself.

Trains began to pull into the station. They would stop for a good while before the station managers would hang up the destination signs on the trains. 'Where is my train?', Acreft eyed the tracks. The old ladies got up and walked off, obviously with pain of arthritis. Acreft saw his train and energetically pushed himself off taking large strides; as if to distinguish himself from the unsteady gait of the old ladies. He bounded up the train and found his compartment as the train began to pull off. When he finally turned to fasten his vase, he realised he had left it behind. Panic swelled and Acreft rushed out of the compartment, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Stop this train! Stop this train!".  Suddenly, something fell out - apparently from his own jacket pocket! He had not seen this before, this envelope. Acreft grabbed it and ran on through the corridor to get the help he needed. Finally he found the train conductor who assured him that the old town they left could be contacted and the object kept for him. He was to get off at the next station and take the next train back.

With no further options, Acreft returned to his seat. The envelope was still in his hand. He tore it and was surprised to find a letter from the Board. It had an unexpectedly friendly tone:

"Are you enjoying your trust? It has bits of jewelry that shine like little mirrors. These will shine light into your soul; so taking care of it is taking care of your own soul."

Your turn: How do you think this note will change how Acreft feels about the Vase?

{do share in the comments below}