Toilet Paper Run: is there more than fear at work?

It began in Hong Kong. Then it happened in Singapore. The story then darkened when armed gangs resorted to thievery, no doubt believing that the once humble toilet paper will soon fetch a handsome sum.

Most recently, as the incidence of the Coronavirus infection begin to spot more places in the world, we see the same behaviour. Apocalyptic purchasing has existed for a while in the once CHristian United States, where the Christian narrative of the End Time is woven into the cultural narrative in thick and thin strands.

But Japan surprised us. Orderly, organised, lawful Japan.

Kentaro Takahashi, Bloomberg

Not only did their shelves empty, measures such as this had to be taken even:

https://soranews24.com/2020/03/02/people-in-japan-are-now-stealing-toilet-paper-in-midst-of-coronavirus-crisis/

Everyone wants to know: WHY‌ toilet paper?

The virus’ effects do not include diarrhoea. This prompted Youtuber NileRed to release this
'scientific video', funnily suggesting that it was for moonshine!


What's your theory?

My puzzlement led me back to a theory I read a few years back: Rene Girard’s Mimetic Theory. It isn’t too huge a stretch to say that it is the theory that explains everything – psycho-social. Girard's astounding observation is that human behaviour is mostly us copying each other.

Here is a brief video that explains it: The Mimetic Theory in brief

The question is why? At the heart of it ---


We are beings of Desire. But we inevitably get our cues for what is desirable by watching and aping us. Remember the Joneses and the commandment given by smoke and thunder to ‘not covet’? Both the idiom and the command cuts right at the heart of how we desire and what it can drive us to do.

Why toilet paper? Because if someone else is doing it with zeal, we are safer off doing it too, just in case. Yes, herd mentality. But more than herd mentality, it is our desire, to be safe, to be right. So, just -in-case.

For all our loud prognostications about progress and enlightenment, access to information and advancements in technological abilities, we are still basically lost little creatures hoping to get something right.

That’s our pulse. The fear of losing, losing out, and being lost.

Girard is right. I see it in my own life and countless others I observe. We have a deep inward drive to reach for something to slake the thirst of Desire, but we don’t really know how to, because the Desire is lost under layers of parental training, folk wisdom, modern science, personality preferences, and favourable as well as unfavourable life experiences. Our feelings, brains, and circumstances conspire to point us in certain directions. Our agency is severely compromised.

So yes, there is a virus of fear, but its host is our restless, aimless hearts.


The profundity in this little phrase is often missed:

Perfect love casts out all fear*

Fear is resident, it dwells, stalks, lingers… and has to be cast out. The only force strong enough isn’t information - “we assure you there is enough". To cure this primordial, existential fear requires something far stronger. It takes Love.

But O how our views and experiences of Love are so broken, inadequate and tainted.

Who really loves me, we ask in quiet desperation when we are stark honest. Is there a way to be loved without the burden of guilt - that sense that we aren't really measuring up, or worth it?

Is it possible to know such a Love that we can rest and believe that we will make it through another day, even sans toilet paper?

Such a Love cannot be rooted in emotion. It cannot rise from the soil of accomplishments. It certainly isn't found in our wanting it, no matter how mighty we fantasize.

We get glimpses of it in kindness, faithfulness, affirmation, support, and understanding. These are important signposts that such a Love exists, but in the long road of life, we long to walk towards what these signposts point towards: a Being of Love.

So really, the fear is a symptom, of our Desire.

We desire to find out and be found by this Being of Love. 

But who has time to seek, search and scour? So despite the needle of our heart's compass pointing true north, it flings wildly as we throw ourselves into work, relationships, causes and a thousand lesser lodes of magnetism.

What if this Being of Love not only waits for us at journey's end, but is present and involved in our lives now?

Yes, right now, in the middle of it all, of the mess, of the mistakes, of the morose reality of our times.

We need to encounter this Being of Love, and we need an experience that creates a way for us as mimetic beings to fashion our lives after a worthy model.

We need a Whole Love and a Wholesome model.

Perhaps this is why God had to send his son Jesus to live as a fully human being, to suffer hunger, deprivation, disappointment, loneliness, opposition and even betrayal. Even a cursory look at what he lived through leads to an inescapable conclusion: this guy is relatable (even as a woman, I can say that).

More than that, we find Jesus desirable. He is the One we want to be like.

The way he stands his ground, speaks with authority, and act with compassion. The way he can relate to children, authority figures, the old and marginalised. His confidence, composure and convictions. His sense of purpose and passion. The light in his eyes as he tells another parable laced with humour. His gentleness.

The perfect human.


So the great Christian truths that God has made a way to set us free, to restore our agency, to start us on a homeward journey towards Desire is the answer to the toilet paper run, or rather to stop running after metaphorical toilet paper.

And if you are willing, Jesus has made it all possible.



*1 John 4v18

This phrase is found in a larger text:

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

In the contemporary Message version :

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.

And this powerful song, which I learnt when I lost my beloved brother, reminds me that my worst fears are swallowed up in Love:

Blessings


Note:
Mimetic Theory has another important dimension: the Scapegoat theory. Again, we find this happening - the blame game. The Chinese, the government, the neighbour - are all convenient scapegoats for us because agency is painful and hard for us who are wandering and wondering. A good summary article: https://www.americamagazine.org/arts-culture/2018/11/16/evolution-rene-girard

God's Amazing Plan of Motherhood (and Sp Parenting)

Fearlessness is faith unleashed.

Mothering ignites faith.
You have to believe.

That breastmilk is best and so time, pump, feed, store (Olympic athelete Montana pumps, stores and ships her milk across the globe!).

That your child is unique and worth protecting, nourishing, nurturing.

That sacrifices are a holy exchange of life when you lose sleep and develop a whole new lifestyle so that a new life can be birthed and raised.

That while the system is good, it isn’t perfect and you have to many times, stand up for your child.

That your words, hugs, look of love, meals, stories, prayers make a difference.

And faith unleashed, makes you a fearless warrior, fighting for what truly matters: life.



Any good warrior tells you there are

boring routines

necessary and often painful disciplines to gain muscle and develop strength

sacrifices of comfort and ease

the need to develop a mindset and a tough heart

because there is a battle worth fighting for.

And the warrior is made, not born. He began as a recruit, a legionary, a simple soldier reporting for duty.



There are many ways to see and do life.

The most common is to go with the flow.

You move from one stage of life to the next, because you are ‘old enough’, ‘it’s time’, ‘expectations and body clocks kick in… This does not mean you don’t plan. In fact, you plan quite well, from thinking through options, weighing pros and cons, consulting others, doing the Math and so on… The question is whether these ways are life-giving ways, wise ways, enduring ways.

Another way to go with the flow is takes a ‘come what may’ approach and hate to plan, it’s a moment-by-moment flow. This is highly popular with the younger set, who eventually give to the need to forecast and therefore to endure the dread of discipline grudgingly.

Following the flow isn’t morally wrong, but it is easily driven by FOMO (fear of missing out) and by sheer fear (of change and taking ownership). It is easy to see how one can drift or become indistinguishable from the crowd.

This is the soldiering part of life.

At some point, life presents you with the opportunity to become a warrior.

You choose battles

You train

You fight

You win and you lose



Along the way, faith is built and fear is banished.

This is God's design, where he invites us to give up what we hold so tightly on to, and trust him for something better. Perhaps our success-to-date, our comfortable lifestyles, our well-planned ideals... which wrap within them a whole lot of fears and anxieties, aspirations and disappointments. We grasp on afraid to let go...

But if we only will!

The journey of leaning into a new journey, unfamiliar experiences, stuff we don't think we can do... that how we get to feel in our bones and our sinews the deep truth that even if our battles are similar or related, each of us is a unique individual with a destiny.

A journey that requires maturation - a dedicated process that works.


The guys have their journey from motley solider to unique warrior.

For women, mothering is the unique journey.

As I have yielded my body to God’s wondrous design to host life. As I have let my heart soften to the coos and cries of my child. As I have given up sleep, entertainment, a whole familiar and comfortable way of life. As I have made choice after choice to be the adult, grow myself and be at my best for my child(ren)....  I have done the equivalent of digging trenches, countless marches, sweat-soaked training, even arming myself. (and hence we have asked a Minister once to pay SAHMs coz it's like national service).

The trench of going over the same thing, feeding, diaper changing, repeating that story for a hundredth time… these repetitive acts dig a trench of safety for us to huddle in. 

The march back and forth to soothe and quieten, fetch another drink, patiently guide unsteady hands to pick up another toy. 

The days when there is hardly time to get a proper shower (and thankfully bub never ever minds it) much less have a slow go at the throne. 

Picking up my weapons of prayer and intercession….polished to a shine from use.

It’s so common to hear moms say they are surprised by how they can sacrifice, and how they now realise the depth of what their moms went through. But that’s merely scratching the surface.

Motherhood is deep stuff.

God carves capacities in us that cannot come another way.

The capacity of faith lies at the heart of it.

Mothering (and Sp Parenting) is hard. It can be unpredictable. It’s been said there are no guarantees (but that’s most of life anyway). You recognise the limits of control... yet -

If we accept that this is God’s wisdom and lean into it, we can become warriors who are fearless.



We know what it’s like to sleep two hours and still function.

We know our bodies mend and heal.

We know we can think deep and talk simple.

We know we can invent solutions and face crises (from meal planning to stretching the dollar to averting accidents).

We know we can adjudicate, negotiate, persuade, coach.

We know we can serve joyfully.

We know we can appreciate the present moment and find delight in simple things.

We know we can speak up and stand up for what we believe in.


Tell me, is this not maturity, a growing fullness in our humanity, a carpe diem seizing of our lives to make it count, and a confident way to leave a legacy?

I remember a young mom who was abjectly frustrated for her style in life is to plan to the hilt and enjoy the control she had. Mothering shattered this false illusion for her. Hopefully, more than merely soldiering on and hoping things ease up, she dug in and transformed into a warrior!

Soldiers become warriors when they quit pining for life outside the camp, but dig into life in the camp and take the battle seriously.


The ‘wisdom’ of the world is to lie to you that it is all about loss. Sniff out this false narrative quickly. That’s the world’s favourite presentation: you are going to lose out.

And sure, perhaps you may never get that job (or your figure) back.

But is that truly a loss? Really, is your life the work you do and the shape of your body?


The world isn’t operating on God’s agenda, but is reeling from a determined rebellion against God. How can it offer you and I what is truly life-giving and eternal?



God’s ways are going to be inconvenient and counter-cultural in such a world.

Caring for someone else, being generous, ‘wasting’ time going over the same “why?”, not having full control over life (you cannot even control bodily functions of your baby ok) - is how God designed life so that he can delight us with His care, provision, wisdom and strength.

Mothering and all forms of parenting  is God’s marvelous design to build life into us as we follow our faith.

When I decided to prioritise my family, I wasn’t able to foresee much of anything. But I knew enough to know that it’s an illusion anyway to think we can shape outcomes so easily. But the true north of this priority unfolded in marvelous ways.

Today I continue in my pastoral calling (although it isn’t a very conventional ‘format’), I have embarked on a writing journey and authored six books. I have had to face up to my many skeletons and heal! Along the way, I have found so many wonderful women soul sisters. Now that my children are more grown, and I am warrior-like, I feel so excited about what faith will unleash next!

This is the other way to live: go with the faith.

What do you really believe in?

A letter from God, first week after Easter

Why my child, do you live as if I did not understand your life?


That you are scrambling, anxious, frantic, sleepless?


Did the sun not rise this morning?

And when you least expected it, a reprieve or a kindness came?

Or did you fail to notice how the birds sing on despite the heat and their infringements of their habitats?

As the world careens towards its implosion, the prime of my creation will suffer the most, while the rest of creation will do the best they can - hunting, mating with flair and flourish, resting and repeating it all over.

Men and women will do far worse. Some of the specimen will no doubt plod on, even doing their utmost to avert catastrophe and inject goodness into the decay. But most will be out for themselves, heaping hurt and scars on souls and all forms of terrain, physical, psychosocial and eternal.

My child, I am not at all blind to how the world is. My son, Jesus the Christ, came to live like one of you. He had a human body that was tired, hungry, stirred and tempted. He had the full range of emotions and he had plenty of expectations from all ranks and file. He lived a real life.

He also died a real death, and an excruciatingly painful one, the details of which I don’t want to repeat.

Why, is the real question.

He lived a real life because life is holy, special and precious. Your life is.

You can see in his life, how it was easy for him to be someone else, to submit to the powerful systems of the day, to play along or to turn into a coward. Those are actual options, for him, as for you.

Some of you feel you have no choice. No, you do. You always do.


You can see in his death - even in all the injustice – how you can die angry, reluctant, frightened, or at peace.

So my son came to show you life, and how to live it.

and he died so you can see how to die, in a world that may demand your life and cause your death.


He came to show you that Life is more than living, that even death cannot take Life away.

So I want you my child to wake up each day, and breathe large lungfuls of Life into your being.

Look at that never-ending do-list, the unresolved conflict, the eye bags and even the lightly lined purse - and say, even so, I shall LIVE.

Then you shall no longer just know that I number your hairs and supplies your needs. You shall experience it!


I have saints whose lives showcase Life -

their diets will appall many of you in the first world.

their solitary lives will shock many of you in the connected world.

their fruitfulness will overturn your ideas of productivity and fulfilment.

Yes, you are quick to protest that you are not one of these saints.

Well, I mean you to be.

Because I am Life and that’s what I want for you.

Most of you won’t need to leave where you live or stop what you do.

Some of you won’t require major changes to your lives.

But many of you must consider if you are truly, really, living - the Life - Jesus modeled, and died so you may have…. a life of freedom -

from lust and shame

from abusing others and being abused

from fear 

 In considering, you will come to see that your ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.

Parents may have to give up their careers to be home with the ripening lives entrusted to them.

Professionals may have to reconfigure their work vision to notice that in the end, their work is about life: staff meetings, colleagues, products, datelines… are about actual, real lives. You may have to change your agendas, tone your expectations, extend your timelines.

Pastors may have to learn to speak up for those whose lives and work conditions reduce their humanity.

I know the future is so uncertain and feels bleak. But I am GOD and I hold the world in my hands. I especially hold my saints.

Again, if you hang on to your life (small ‘l’), my Son told you that you would lose it.

So stop building the life (small ‘l’) you want.

Start praying for a desire for Life, and if you have asked Jesus to be your Saviour and LORD, it is there already, like a seed ripening….

Protect and nourish that seed, and see Life springing up - in spite of the second law of thermodynamics and all of everything going downhill. It’s a paradox, a surprise and a mystery. Life.

God is with us, storm-tossed world - Psalm 46

10,000 is a big number. But it's far more than a number when every single digit represents a life, a dream, a promise - each linked to other hearts and hopes. We are simply not capable of wrapping our minds around what it means. Our own little life can already get too much. This week though, we must all take our eyes and look further - the images and numbers must stop us in our tracks; hopefully long enough to make a difference.*

from Mash

from The Guardian

God's people have never lived in isolation. They lived in relation to others - seeking to bless them. This they do well only if they began in the right place. Today's Psalm provides this right place, a starting point. 

It is a worship song written for the instrument that sets the tone for all the other instruments in our modern symphonies. It is the song, the theology that sets the bar for everything else to align to. 
It is about how God is ~

refuge and strength for his people
a ready help when we are in trouble

so that - like this week, as we witnessed the massive destruction and loss from typhoon Haiyan; when the water roar and seethe and even mountains totter and tumble -

we are not afraid.

this is the emotion the truth of God addresses. Fear.

we ought to feel many things: sadness, grief, empathy, compassion, anger at authorities and corruption, angst over human sloth and on.. but we are not to fear for YHWH Sabaoth, the LORD who has armies at his disposal is with us.

I have a live-in Filipino helper who was back in her homeland as this typhoon blasted across. She comes from the region Iloilo. There was much devastation and many lost homes they took years to build from money they remit home from working far away from home and loved ones. Eva, my helper too had saved and helped her family built a small brick house on their farm. When I shared my concern with my daughter, she immediately said, "if it's destroyed we must give her the money to build a new one! Look at those filmsy houses; she must build one with a good foundation!"

A good foundation is critical. Good sturdy material can make all the difference.


Most of all though, a stout heart is what stands the inevitable storms of life. A heart that has learnt to be still, still enough to know in a deep way that God is God, supreme over the world; that God is God, and with us who are his people; simply because we choose to turn our eyes to him and believe.

Be still and acknowledge that I am God,
supreme over nations, supreme over the world. {v10}

What have I seen in my stillness?
I have seen a God so great I cannot define and describe.
I have seen humanity so wretched I know we need a Saviour.
I have seen my own heart filled with many emotions; including a frustrating tension at what to say to my children who asked, "will it come to Singapore?... Phew!"
I have seen that the losses will truly be in vain if we will not allow them to tutor our hearts toward contentment and compassion.

Why don't you shut off the news and turn inward and be still before God. Being still will lead to a knowing you need for the living you long for.

Oops! My feet are in my way!

I read a marvelous rendition of a verse of Psalm 25 today:

I keep my eyes on God
I won't trip over my own feet

Well that was pretty spot on. Sure-footed I am not feeling. And the diagnostic is accurate too. My eyes have been glancing wildly at shadows real and imagined that remind me that I am not so great at decision-making, administration, sustaining my steps...opening wide the door to that grim enemy of our souls: fear.

Do you trip over your own feet?

I do it not only at heart level; but being the un-athletic-sort, i have actually literally tripped myself during one of those mad dashes for the finishing line. Thankfully i did not fall face-flat on the hot, hard track.
Today, thankfully, this verse reminds me I have not yet fallen and do not need to!

A ! moments with God

today as i head out to have some personal quiet..which s really hard since i was going to Macdonald's..but well, I have found a way to tune out the noises....and...i..i received the "A! moments with God". i tried it and found it very refreshing and easy to remember. 
It is basically 3 parts:


Appreciate
- taking time to just appreciate where  you are at, and not at(!), people in your life, and pray blessing over them. i also took time to appreciate God Himself.


Anticipate
- is being quiet and still so the noises of your soul emerges..and u listen to the tunes: is it playing fear, worry, restlessnes...? Ask the Spirit to point the way. our current state predisposes us to choices and consequences. so anticipating is both looking within and looking ahead. at times the Spirit wants to highlight what lies ahead in our path and grant us wisdom to navigate with sensitivity and courage...


Anchor
- in Scripture and prayer..continue with what u are reading or ask for a word...and lay down your defenses and choose trust.


There- A! moments with GOD. Enjoy yours and tell me how it has changed your personal quiet time.

bad mom?

Does every generation agonize over their parenting or is it just ours?
My son resisted and fought me this past week - he refused to go to his nursery class. Somehow, something had upset him and he changed from his usual extroverted, bubbly self to this scaredy cat the moment it was time to step into the large room they began their day.
I was of course frustrated on multiple levels: what will happen to my daily routine if he keeps this up? what is really bothering him; did something awful happen? what am i to do that will best help him and me? why is this happening to me?....
The poor fella tried his best to explain about some fear he has. Next comes the needful conversation with the teacher, and a strategy to move this whole uhappy experience forward in a way that will help him embrace changes and develop courage.
All this time, I felt a strange sadness with lots of tears to swirl it all around in...
Perhaps it's how we expect life to be efficient these days; but we really rant and bulk when there are surprises and challenges don't we?
We can try our darndest to be prepared but there will always be something that can threaten to take us off course.
I finally found peace when I sat down with a cup of tea and read my Bible and a book I had with me. Then I returned to the challenge feeling more clear headed and calm hearted and I saw I all that was on my side: prayer, asserting myself for my child's interest, the support of spouse and friends.
Phew. He still fights it; but we will win this small battle together and we shall both be stronger for it! Way to go sweet son!