1 Aug 2013

Sorry...but No, not this time.

no. 3: ENOUGH series

ENOUGH  to stuff. We know that. Buy only what you need. If something's been in your cupboard/larder/freezer  and hasn't seen the light of day/night, you really can give it away....

I found that to do any of these with resolve, i need to first SOLVE something: what do i really need to feel like a living, healthy, growing being?

Again, the Q is: 
what do i need to feel like a living, healthy, growing being?

Everyday, we are offered answers. It is the Q that sieves out the answers and helps us decide if we should bother with the information or not. 

If you are not a huge fan of that tropical fruit durian, you really couldn't care less to track down when they arrive in truckloads and where to buy the most succulent, fragrant (to some) and inexpensive ones.

This time, we need to say ENOUGH to answers offered to us.

At this season of your life, with all your grapple with (typical!) -- what brings you Life? What strengthens and keeps you healthy? What helps you grow as a person in wisdom, fortitude, faith?

I made a clear decision to stay home for my baby thirteen years ago. Many said it wasn't a good decision to pare down my flock from a few hundred to one. (I was a family church pastor). I wondered too about it. But my priority led me in that direction. My pastoral calling wasn't sacrificed - i just did much less of it; and was not on a church staff for a few years. Today, I am still a part-time staff. It is enough.

What began as a personal conviction had within it a larger Grace: God created space, time, and enough frustration (right moms?) for me to need much more of Him. It expanded my capacity and creativity to connect with God. 

No time to pray? There's the breastfeeding moment (when it goes well).
No time to study? There's her nap time.
No time to socialise? Too bad! {God gave this extrovert a special Grace here: it's called next door neighbours. i just made friends with all of them. But I welcome visitors and would take my girl with me anywhere}

I worshipped with children's songs and lullabies. Came alive with the colour, simplicity and sheer power of children's books. I prayed God would accept that what I was able to prepare for any sermon or sharing would not be the same as when I have hours to think, research and write. God said, "I'll take it!". Out of my mundane, seemingly small life, God brought out His riches and showcased His strength. Above all, to keep going, I needed God a lot. Mothering and making a home is a very dynamic journey and one cannot quite say, "Just learn these four steps". 

And so, over the years, God has led me and formed me --and now thirteen years on.... I have grown confident of God's kind leadership over my life. Things still go awry as they do. People still fail to understand, or affirm. Others hoist expectations on you. But I have to say enough.
this . is . enough .  for me. I am sorry i cannot live up to your demands. I am afraid i don't have those answers. I may even be wrong; but I prefer to live by my convictions for this season: 

i feel alive when i have lots of quiet times with God and help others do the same
i am healthy when i have a good balance of resting and giving. being forgiven and forgiving, when i exercise my body, tenderise my soul and keep vigilant watch over my spirit
i grow when i read extensively and do my itty bit for my community and nation, when i give to others & dream of ways to heal the world

To live by my convictions I need to say Enough to many other attractions and distractions. I certainly don't get it all right. But the convictions hem me in on those days i get jittery and anxiety creeps in; or i get bamboozled by demands. It's Psalm 16's 

"the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, surely I have a delightful inheritance"  all over.

Shalom. It is enough.

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