7 Mar 2014

a little more of the Will-ing

Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow.
It's always been the same. All about the Will-ing.
See that little '-ing'?  My hazy memory of grammar reminds me it is an on-going thing.

Today, i needed to come to a place of Will-ing - again.

Based on my distant Yesterdays' experiences of Will-ing-ness, it meant long days of traveling inside my head and heart. Indeed, I had for the many days running up to Today still struggled with what my mind and heart couldn't wrap around. What happened? How did things turn out this way? Where did I go wrong? What next?

But of late, these questions no longer led to answers that deeply matter.

To will after all, is the exercise of all our powers after some object. Will-ing-ness becomes powerful when the object we will after is great enough for me to be stupefied into silent submission.

So I have let the questions, the tears, the pains heave and groan, spill out in words, tears and silence. They are not the object. Soon, their energy dissipates and the object of my heart's deepest desire begins to take on an increasing clear outline: it looks a lot like Jesus.

Prayer bit by prayer bit, I confess, Lord, lead me, I want to be willing.

I feel a strange something entering my being. It feels foreign and familiar all at once. I feel knitted together - like the cosmos of my swirling emotions, hormones, thoughts and more being drawn to a centre. I shake less. I whimper less. I find a break in time-space into eternity it feels. I find my next step. The best outcome will depend on many people and their will-ing. That i need to leave to Him. But me, I stand here, and Jesus asks, "are you willing?".


  1. Thanks so much for this post! Yes, more and more it's not about 'what' we submit to, but Who - Jesus... and in an ongoing way - daily, hourly, moment by moment. Thanks for joining the #fmfparty today... xRuth

    1. Hey Ruth, thank you so much for your thought. It can be so hard for us, it helps when we remind each other! Bless you.

  2. Jennie, this is simply lovely. Such beauty in your willingness. I was so excited to see your lovely face on the FMF linkup!

    1. Hey Emily dear! Welcome me to the lnk-up {grins}. You have been such a sweet new friend in my life. (and cute Colin too!) Thank you, and bless your heart!


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