broken-hearts

Like the ever-expanding universe that is moving ever outwards, it’s hard to hold together when you feel like your being is shattered into a zillion pieces and they are orbiting in crazed random circles, the only thing you can do not to explode or fall flat on your face is to pretend and get on with the day.

At other times, sudden tornadoes come ripping up what little you managed to stick in the sand and everything comes tumbling down again. Your body is assaulted by wrecking sobs and your thoughts are spinning around: more of the same. Tumult rages as you fight off anger, guilt and fear. At times, the darkness offers you a broth of venom to drink or to disguise and offer it to the other.

You want to run away, cut loose, forget but you are shackled.

You look for help but yet you know help is not at hand: no, they are not able to enter this with you. No one can.

Then it can get all quiet and deathly and you don’t even bother to pinch yourself to check if blood still courses through your being.

This is how a broken heart feels.

And perhaps –

This is how hanging on the Cross feels.

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

These words are the best prayers at such a time.

Listen, it is not a physical death that counts when a heart is broken. That is pure fraud. For your heart lives on. 

But a dying is happening -

of cherished dreams.

of prized relationships.

of personal confidence and success.

Let  . the . death . happen.

But know this: death is always a precursor to Life.

Like the tiny seed that must suffer so when it is put into the dark ground and covered up; no longer able to see the light of day and wondering why its tiny being is bursting apart. An inexorable force of Life is ripping at it so it won’t remain a seed.

Trust in Life. Trust in God.

water, shawn

Tell it to Him, words not needed:

I am weary with my moaning, every night I flood my bed with tears, I drench my couch with my weeping. ~ Psalm 6v6

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? 

~ Psalm 56v8

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

                                                                                                                  

Wait, like the seed in the dark. Don’t run, and don’t take matters into your own hands. 

Wait.

And you shall feel it.

Then you will be able to say it, first unsteadily, but with increasing clarity:

For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. 

~ Psalm 116v8

Scriptures are from the ESV.