What can.should happen when we sing 'You are worthy'...

It's a song we sing often in my community:

You are worthy of it all

But last Saturday, I felt as if God turned off all the music and sound, and a singular beam shone down on me as He gently probed, "Am I worthy of it all?". 

When you have lived more than four decades, somehow, you don't go happy clappy 'yes' so quickly. Not just so, I am in the wait-zone where He has seemed really quiet; or if he spoke, it has not directly answered my questions. Meanwhile, the wheels of life go round and round.... . Not an enjoyable space. 

And suddenly, I feel like I see this long uneven road all the way behind and ahead of me; and I asked myself, 'Is God worthy of all that I have gone through?" which is to ask -

Am I going about life in a way that reflects His worth?

If God be truly worthy, what price can be too high? Would't that mean joy ought to be a permanent exuberance of my life?

Do I consider that everything I have gone through of worth, since I believe He watches over me - and what's more, somehow, able to bring Him worth?

God is of course worthy of all the good stuff. He is worthy of all my best accolades and successes. He is worthy of all my mighty singing and crazy mixed-stepped dancing. He is worthy of the hard choices, the wee hours of prayer, the study, the pursuit, the quiet... but - to - think that - 

my life - 

with all of the dark splotches, the botched efforts, the present and persistent darkness, the rebellion, the running away... all of it gathered up and offered...and found to be of worth. God asks of nothing more than my life. And my life is a really mixed bag of gems and mostly hard-edged stones.....

I suddenly felt a strange comfort. Even the drear and weariness of seeming to sit forever at the gate waiting to take flight lifted off me.

The light that shone on me now shines from within as I see that the best of what I have in my tiny life is but God himself. Every decision, sacrifice, denial, dying, resisting, surrender --- leads to One thing: more of God. 

So is He worthy of it all?

If God says to lay down my dreams. To step on that pride. To step away, to step down, to step up... whatever, wherever, God himself will meet me at every turn and --

He is worthy of it all

for

He is the source of all that is worthy and worthwhile

So the song is really one of adoration as we marvel at how God Infinite comes to dwell in finite us and works patiently through the dark so His light breaks forth. Let's hear it again :

the song we are so blessed to be able to sing: You are worthy of it all

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* i picked 2 different versions of the song just because you may like one more.