for Heaven's sake!

Heaven - we worry abt relating to others and we tell nervous jokes about ending up as neighbours to those we tolerate on earth.

But what of the Resident, the owner of heaven; the maker and King over all? How prepared are we to live with Him?

If our eternal future is to be at home with our Maker, how much of our lives are seen and lived through this lens?

I think of the trials we undergo; those pains of broken-heartedness, the ache of disappointment, the crises of God-silence...

We try hard to explain why things happen, why people behave the way they did, how God could use us more when we emerge from the valleys...

This stays on the outward course; looking still at performance, outcomes and what we-can-do.

But perhaps God's heart is more about who we become and what we cherish:

-children deeply adoring and happily dependent on their Father.

-Servants who know Jesus' heart and ways and flow gladly with His Spirit of Grace and truth, nearly oblivious to the demands and pressures of tradition, systems and persons.

-Leaders who carry a burning vision kept aflame by God's personal supply of fuel , faces reflecting joy that comes from the confidence of a battle won.

It is about embracing the incredible invitation to enter the eternal fellowship of the Triune God and drink of the never-ending love that exists there.

It is about trusting the wondrous purposes of God and letting our hearts made for him... begin to grow larger to contain more of Him!

Look forward to heaven by living full and free now- held and led by Love. 

The Teen Dance

There is this new dance i am learning. 

Darn, it's hard! Quick steps, slow steps...and so easy to step on those turning toes!

What? Step back ..now?!
O, ok...catch up and do the twist here..
Keep in step, side by side...

Fools we are all. We never believe what we are told.
Dreamers we are all. We never full awaken to the force of truth...

What did i expect? it's hard to parent a teen, tween... She's like:
40% darling girl
10% secret, spying agent gathering more and more tricks (what? from youtube?!)
20% angst, mood swings
20% rough, angular
10% total mystery [if the other bits are not mystifying & frustrating enough already...]

This is 60% majority challenge - and yes, it is major exam year! Augh!

I have read, I have loved, I have led...but in my own turf, under my nose each day, the wind blows hither and thither! O to really love and to let her really live... daily i trip all over myself trying this new dance of space-distance-privacy-connection-communication.

We have so much to say to each other and then nothing comes to mind.

We want to laugh but it happens so much less because she is growing slowly into her own skin and we don't always find the same things funny anymore.

We want to stay close - forever - but growing is forcing a needed distance.

I miss the dances we did when she was little enough for me to turn, twirl and lift off the ground.... God, help me see the crazy steps of this new dance as a joy-dare dance and swing along!

The GIFTS of faith, hope and love

We walk with God the way we always do life: in our strength. We count on our ability to study Scripture, to serve, to drum up 'faith', to 'love'..to 'hope' against the odds..
and we grow weary.


Life was never designed like that.


To really live - and yes, it only happens when we first stop this ingrained habit of self-actualisation (remember the sinner's prayer which is really a prayer of relinquishment?) - we catch a glimpse of that..and O! the peace, the joy and newness..and then, sameness creeps back in.
It isn't that we are in the wrong church crowd. It isn't that our Bible knowledge is too weak. It isn't that others are making it way too difficult for us to love them. [though all this is true of course]


It is that we have lapsed -
back to trusting ourselves to live our lives well, right, good, pure
and it just cannot be done.


Faith, hope and love - are gifts.
We receive them as we slow ourselves enough to.


I think this is what I will say to my neighbour, who is not a Christ follower, but otherwise many ways like me (we like a lot of the same stuff, rant about the system...haha):
we struggle alike in many things: marriage, children, meaning..but there is just this one difference between us. At a time in my life, I met Jesus and he is in my life now. Indeed He is my life now. i am still discovering what that means..but i have seen now that because he is the foundation, the steady, my struggles give rise to
faith - i believe they are purposeful and useful, even though painful
hope - i have seen things change, get better, been startled even!
love - i keep being loved to love better...


All gifts and Jesus opened the way, qualified me to get them.


And all these are invitations for me to live totally different: 
as a recipient and not as a rebel or engineer or critic
as rested not wrestling, weary, wounded (and licking my wounds and comparing them with others')
as resurrected not dying, dead or deadened.

CHORE-deal continues...

A wave of weariness lapped up and i missed the convenience of having a live-in help. But the sunshine of regaining control, re-imagining family life perks me up each time...In fact, this little kiddy refrain competes with the Christmas carols in my head:
"this is the way i do the laundry, i do the laundry, i do...
this is the way i do the laundry, so early in the morning"

It's fun planning the menu, buying stuff, cooking it all up.
It's fun doing the clothes, putting them away, glad that my family is dressed in clean, sun-warmed clothes and the towels are soft and fluffy again.
It's fun reorganising things to make them more tidy and efficient
It's fun to plan on all the helpful gadgets i will get to help me go about the chores more quickly...that twisty floor mop, the power vacuum, the ...
It's definitely fun to watch the hubby chip in and bark the kids around a bit!

But this mountain we need to climb over in time: me being tired and the children maturing to understand that all this is kindness, collaboration, teamwork, home-work, and Love.

today's discoveries

Do you ever feel glad that something you beleive to be true, a gut feel, a hunch, a sense...is verified or supported by
research
others sharing your view
a line in a book
actual stories baring it out
i do
and today, i discovered- at breakfast with a working-class couple: Singaporeans' average income as represented at a recent political speech is perceived to be inaccurate. They should average white-collar incomes and blue-ones separately.

- while reading on the internet: advertising can rightly be considered pollution and a form of imperialism writes Micah White; we live in a toxic culture that hurts us more than we realize.

- more ideas for the children on the internet such as seterra - a geography download full of quizzes to help them navigate planet earth! (Keith and I merrily clicked on Asia and filled out the countries)

- that being loved can be hard when you are not loving

till next time fellow earthling, human and friend!

love nearly fade

How fragile our love and loving is - when it's about warm, welcoming feelings of closeness, comfort and cosy-mosy fuzzies...imagine this, i almost, yes, lost love for my precious daughter for whom i have invented a dozen words of endearment!

She was so obstinate, so full of contradicting (me), so whiny...i was after her for hair pins, homework, music practice, meals...and all this after spending so much time as a stay-home-mom! something wilted within me. In fact we were trying to grow this plant which tested our faith to the limit by staying wilty - not alive, not quite dead...just a few minutiae of leaves at the end of its skinny two stalks - a perfect picture of how i felt.

O gosh, whenw e were in the car and the familiar whine went off, i just shut up. Cajoling was out. Threats were too tiring. But as i kept quiet, i could lmost feel the hum of the engine of my heart slowing down too! Like an early frost. Thankfully that sent shivers - and i shook myself and awakened to the realities that no doubt all good responsible parents face: the real possibility of relationships souring.

i hunkered down, wiped my tears and said my prayers. Then i got up and shook off my silly needy self and rose up afresh - a grown up, responsible for reining in my feelings and cultivating creative avenues for transformation. i opened the deep chest of memories and pulled out a few favourites and stared at them a long time until the warmth forced the frost to beat a retreat.

Then I stepped out again. We will grow through this - together.

celebrate the ordinary

i just found this lovely little poem:
The Patience of Ordinary Things
Pat Schneider
It is a kind of love, is it not?
How the cup holds the tea,
How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare,
How the floor receives the bottoms of shoes Or toes.
How soles of feet know Where they're supposed to be.
I've been thinking about the patience Of ordinary things,
how clothes Wait respectfully in closets
And soap dries quietly in the dish,
And towels drink the wet From the skin of the back.
And the lovely repetition of stairs. A
nd what is more generous than a window?
Source: Another River: New and Selected Poems