How fragile our love and loving is - when it's about warm, welcoming feelings of closeness, comfort and cosy-mosy fuzzies...imagine this, i almost, yes, lost love for my precious daughter for whom i have invented a dozen words of endearment!
She was so obstinate, so full of contradicting (me), so whiny...i was after her for hair pins, homework, music practice, meals...and all this after spending so much time as a stay-home-mom! something wilted within me. In fact we were trying to grow this plant which tested our faith to the limit by staying wilty - not alive, not quite dead...just a few minutiae of leaves at the end of its skinny two stalks - a perfect picture of how i felt.
O gosh, whenw e were in the car and the familiar whine went off, i just shut up. Cajoling was out. Threats were too tiring. But as i kept quiet, i could lmost feel the hum of the engine of my heart slowing down too! Like an early frost. Thankfully that sent shivers - and i shook myself and awakened to the realities that no doubt all good responsible parents face: the real possibility of relationships souring.
i hunkered down, wiped my tears and said my prayers. Then i got up and shook off my silly needy self and rose up afresh - a grown up, responsible for reining in my feelings and cultivating creative avenues for transformation. i opened the deep chest of memories and pulled out a few favourites and stared at them a long time until the warmth forced the frost to beat a retreat.
Then I stepped out again. We will grow through this - together.
