Because you cannot be overwhelmed ...a reminder of our power

I must have felt overwhelmed many times before in my life, but one time stands out in bold relief in my mind. There were many papers to be submitted, and I had chosen an ambitious project of finding out about the tiny Jewish community in Singapore and write up a research paper on it. I can still see that moment when my mind went into a whirl, I felt choked, and was completely sinking in worry, pretty sure I was not going to make it.

But I did. I breathed deep. I wrote a long list of what needed to be done. I prayed. I decided I would die trying. Then I got started.

Well, nearly thirty years later you would imagine I have had enough practice managing multiple responsibilities and some crises; so I should be this happy lark. This is the weird thing about life. It doesn't get easier - we don't get to be fully on top of everything, it just won't run like clockwork.

So we get overwhelmed - again.

There are two main reasons we feel the demands creeping up around us and we feel unable to tackle them to satisfaction. 

1. it is a particularly crazy season with simply too much going on.
This happens for example when there are plans and commitments and out of the blue there is also a crisis, or a sickness. This is why wisdom suggests we do not fill our days to the brim with plans. Buffers must be built-in.

2. you are actually hurt and in pain.
We all love to believe we are strong; and we are. But we do get hurt and suffer. In one sense, Christians who live with a longing for our true home carry about a pain and weariness because this world doesn't really suit us. But there are specific painful experiences; in fact, pain feels different to each one. Some painful situations don't resolve easily so we are actually living with a measure of pain all the time. This no doubt takes some of our capacity away. 

But even so, the pain is never the final word. Painless-ness is the final word, the apt description of where we are headed. So when we persist in pain, it is because we haven't given time to heal and found right resources for it, or we have forgetten Someone can take it all. We have forgotten to hand it over to Him. We have forgotten to take time for this all-important exchange, where we breathe in peace again.

This is the power I have: to gather up all that's a-tossed within my bosom and hand them over to the Prince of Peace. And how often do I need to do it? Very often. 

In the morning, I hand over what this day is about, how much I will accomplish.An hour later, I hand over my nagging concern about whether my kids are doing ok.By lunch, I have noticed that my heart is still heavy, so I take that to Him again.Evening comes and I find a clarity about my pain, I write briefly about where it comes from, and once again, He gladly took the list.

Often, as I hand it over, He hands me a little something that brings a smile to soul and face:
-notice that little bird nipping merrily among the leaves?
-an email that says "what you do matters, thank you"
-"my child, how can I deny myself and fail to be faithful?"

And then, last week, I learnt afresh about praying with authority. I felt my soul stir and my Father seemed to say, "there you go, forgetting again....". I blushed a little, but as I read, then said the words -- blood rushed within me like torrents of water coursing through the curves and edges within my soul, rushing from headwaters that have come unfrozen and is unleashing its force; His Life reviving within. 

Here is the prayer: 

“In the strong name of Jesus Christ I stand against the world, the flesh and the devil. I resist every force that would seek to distract me from my centre in God. I reject the distorted concepts and ideas that make sin plausible and desirable. I oppose every attempt to keep me from knowing full fellowship with God.

By the power of the Holy Spirit I speak directly to the thoughts, emotions and desires of my heart and command you to find your satisfaction in the infinite variety of God’s love rather than the bland diet of sin. I call upon the good, the true and the beautiful to rise up within me and the evil to subside. I ask for an increase in righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

By the authority of almighty God, I tear down Satan’s strongholds in my life, in the lives of those I love, and in the society in which I live. I take unto myself the weapons of truth, righteousness, peace, salvation, the word of God and prayer. I command every evil influence to leave; you have no right here and I allow you no point of entry.

I ask for an increase of faith, hope, and love so that, by the power of God, I can be a light set on a hill, causing truth and justice to flourish.

These things I pray for the sake of him who loved me and gave himself for me.

 In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Perhaps this is a prayer you need now.

I still have years ahead of me. Moments of feeling like it is getting too much will surely come again. But - and who cannot help but laugh at this - our crazed upside-down reality that

WHILE we were sinners He died for us.
His Grace is made perfect IN our weakness.
WE ARE more than conquerors through Christ

All happening - God active in the present. Right now. 

So that every moment is shot with the possibility of changing the next.

So when we feel overwhelmed, we know we will not be- because we have this power to hand it over, and this authority to set it in the place it belongs: under His Feet.

So why not sing to it with this bunch:  More Than Conquerors sung by Rend Collective. {click}

Spiritually Destined, Desperate & Destitute - all at once!

This may seem strange, but it is possible to be destined and yet feel both desperation and even a tad destitute.

Destiny is the stuff of dreams. We are headed somewhere, there is gold dust and a rainbow (hopefully with a pot of gold at the bottom) is just round the corner. This is our idea of destiny so often. The thing is, when we have lived several decades, we invariably have said good bye to a few dreams. Some have crashed messily about us and we have been walking careful, hoping that we don't get splintered - again.

And so perhaps, the desperation begins to creep in some. Will my life count for anything in the end? What difference have I really made? I cannot even be sure my children are going to turn out right! Not another crisis?

Where is my happily-ever-after?

So the fairy tale diets we were fed haunts us for we thought we found the shoes, attended the ball, and even danced with the Prince; and now we feel like we are back to the humdrum, mundane, evil dark days of Ordinariness and we are destitute. After all, everyone else with their happy selfies seem more fulfilled.

And what happens? We hold back some. We step back, pull away.

I have been processing some decisions for many months. They are decisions that shape destiny. I notice afresh this morning that even though God has been granting me much peace, there is still that trace of desperation. I have made bold, hard decisions many times; and often it has cost me much. I would be lying to say they did not do me in some.

Disappointment can shrink wrap us.

Not only so, most of us live with an operating system that says, 'at all costs, avoid pain'. This is a dicey one. God designed us with nerves that avoid pain and detect pleasure. But we swing to extremes as usual: we run scared of all hints of pain. We forget how we have risen from the ashes, how we have stared death in the face, how the pain has sometimes kept us in safer places....

Jesus came, and taught us that pain may be a necessary friend. He helps us remember it for his chosen instrument is the Cross.

While we are never told to hurt ourselves; we must realize that being hurt is part of being human; and that Jesus not only understands and feels along with us; he has forever limited the damage it can do to those who turn to Him in simple trust.

"We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralised; 

we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; 

we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; 

we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken...w

hat we believe is tat the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly

raise us up..alive."

And perhaps, this isn't how you feel. It's okay. Let the Word wash over you until it soaks into your fibres and you are nourished to read it with resonance. For:

"Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, 

on the inside, where God is making new life, 

not a day goes by without his unfolding grace."

And why not join me over here to mark  Grace unfolding. For record keeping of the good stuff is what finally gives us shape.

And then, let's Dance to this wild promise; for that's the 'D' that can thread the Destiny, Desperation and sense of Destitution in our days. Dancing is feet that have learnt to follow Another's.

"These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, 
the lavish celebration prepared for us. 
There's far more than meets the eye...
The things we can't see now will last forever."

 ~ Today's Scripture taken from 2 Corinthians 4, The Message

Life like an MRT line

You have felt it  ---bodies too closed, all packed in the train...faces buried in smartphones, hearts fighting a thousand shadows. So much a picture of life: we nearly touch but we don't connect, we wish and long, but we fear push back. So we stand in our little spaces and try not to totter in the lurching movements, wary of others coming too close.

It isn't just the ride that reminds me of life. The MRT lines I found one day, did too. Just take these three:

NE (northeast) --  Not Enough line.
The moment we board the train of life, we begin a journey to grasp for more. It is never enough. We can do better, grow more, give more, be at more places, experience more....this relentless chugging for more. We live tired lives of pursuing the more.

We all ride this line.

EW (east west) -- Ever Worrying line.
I can sing 'I've got peace like a river' and do  all the fun actions, but the river of peace is often a long trek away from where I am. For you too? We need to escape life to find it. It's been called the vacation - we vacate and leave our hearts emptier of the burdens... Only to find they still sit snugly in our in-trays and sometimes even gets highlighted in our to-do lists when we return.

Many of us are here, especially us parents.

NS (northsouth) -- No Solution line.
There is that one person or situation you cannot fix. There is nothing you can do to change it. You are stuck in this carriage; the door it seems is jammed and the air is getting stuffy.

Some of us certainly feel we took the wrong train to end up here.



If we really took the wrong train and got on the wrong line, we would't hesitate to get off at the next station and hop on the right train. But these lines are different. They aren't so easy to get off; especially if you are tired and the lull of the engines have made you sleepy....


I have met many sleepy people. They will tell of their woes and go over their troubles but sadly, it takes too much to contemplate that they can actually get off these lines.

But listen, the Life Engineer announces above the lulling motion and noises:

" I am near. 

Do not fret or have any anxiety, about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, 

continue to make your wants known to me. 

And my pace shall be yours 

(that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from me and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort it is, that peace) 

which transcends all understanding shall 

garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

~ Philippians 4v5b-7

Last year, I jerked to a realisation that I had forgotten this teensy bit the Enginner speaks of here: by prayer and petition (definite requests)....make your wants known. 

We outgrow the basics to our peril. I began writing down specifics. And I saw specifics being answered. This means God is not good in some general sense; God is specifically, precisely, spot-on good. That's the power of being definite. It made me ask what it is I truly wanted; it made me come to know my own heart .... and realise how much God cared about how I turned out. Like a late-blooming teen finally getting it that his parent really does want the best for him (and in this case, the parent is perfect too).

One other thing too right smack here: thanksgiving.

There are always things to be thankful for. Seriously. Try it.

Thankful-living is deep art, a mysterious force that pries open our crusted, cynical hearts, so that we are able to look within, see what we truly want, and pray audacious. 

Don't attempt great prayers until you attend to grand thanksgiving!

The train is here. I'm headed Downtown. 

And souls, a lil' reminder:

broken-hearts

Like the ever-expanding universe that is moving ever outwards, it’s hard to hold together when you feel like your being is shattered into a zillion pieces and they are orbiting in crazed random circles, the only thing you can do not to explode or fall flat on your face is to pretend and get on with the day.

At other times, sudden tornadoes come ripping up what little you managed to stick in the sand and everything comes tumbling down again. Your body is assaulted by wrecking sobs and your thoughts are spinning around: more of the same. Tumult rages as you fight off anger, guilt and fear. At times, the darkness offers you a broth of venom to drink or to disguise and offer it to the other.

You want to run away, cut loose, forget but you are shackled.

You look for help but yet you know help is not at hand: no, they are not able to enter this with you. No one can.

Then it can get all quiet and deathly and you don’t even bother to pinch yourself to check if blood still courses through your being.

This is how a broken heart feels.

And perhaps –

This is how hanging on the Cross feels.

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

These words are the best prayers at such a time.

Listen, it is not a physical death that counts when a heart is broken. That is pure fraud. For your heart lives on. 

But a dying is happening -

of cherished dreams.

of prized relationships.

of personal confidence and success.

Let  . the . death . happen.

But know this: death is always a precursor to Life.

Like the tiny seed that must suffer so when it is put into the dark ground and covered up; no longer able to see the light of day and wondering why its tiny being is bursting apart. An inexorable force of Life is ripping at it so it won’t remain a seed.

Trust in Life. Trust in God.

water, shawn

Tell it to Him, words not needed:

I am weary with my moaning, every night I flood my bed with tears, I drench my couch with my weeping. ~ Psalm 6v6

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? 

~ Psalm 56v8

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

                                                                                                                  

Wait, like the seed in the dark. Don’t run, and don’t take matters into your own hands. 

Wait.

And you shall feel it.

Then you will be able to say it, first unsteadily, but with increasing clarity:

For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. 

~ Psalm 116v8

Scriptures are from the ESV.

I am a witness, and a servant

We like to think we made things happen. After all -

we planned the trips
we cooked the meals
we rounded up the people
we bought the gifts
we made the trip
we prayed the prayers

Then yesterday, as a group of us middle-aging ladies, laughing over the silliness of our age, sitting deeper into our chairs and talked together, I was drawn to this ~

"you are my witnesses, declares the LORD, and my servant whom i have chosen.." 
~ Isaiah 43v10

Who me?
I am a witness it says. It means that I have seen things. I was there at the scene. I was privy to certain happenings. I saw it.

Some philosopher once said we are lonely until we now our lives have been noticed; that we have witnesses to our existence. Perhaps this is why we crave attention, affirmation, and if we are bold enough, pre-arrange for our funeral eulogy (why not?). There is this famous line from that movie, Shall We Dance when Susan Sarandon says:

You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.

We need witnesses. God has granted us unique finger prints so we know that we can leave our mark. Our lives matter, always - to someone, and in the end. 

We are familiar too with the idea that God watches over us and some of us are afraid of that dread day when our lives are played like a movie for all to watch {who came up with this scary idea?}.

But here the prophet Isaiah says God considers us His witnesses. This means that the action is happening outside of us. We are the watchers, the onlookers at Life and Grace playing out.

This means that for God to be real to us; we need to find Him real. We need to witness Him about our lives, our world. 

Witnessing God is what leads to knowing, believing, and then, understanding -

"...so that you may know and believe and understand that I am he." 

When we don't take notice of God, our faith shrinks. Growing faith confidence begins with what we notice, observe, see.

God in, God grows, God out. 

Witnesses tell of what they have seen and felt and known.

So how much of my life reveals God?

Recently, one of my favourite ways of remembering people is to think of how they remind me of God. Some of them show me His generosity, others help me remember that He is kind. There is jocularity, mercy, forgiveness, truth-telling, and more.

What of my life? What of yours?

And then, we are His servants. 

Seriously, most of Christianity today pays lip service to this. The way we talk and live make it looks more like God is serving us, isn't it? In fact, our moods, commitments and valour rise and fall according to how we perceive God has treated us. We are in the centre, and on the throne not God. 

Perhaps the two are linked. 

If we witnessed more of God, we would know our place as His servants more readily. 


We are His servants by choice - let us notice God and see how in our lives he is working to bless others.

"you are my witnesses", declares the LORD, and my servant whom i have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. 

Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me..."

So, have you noticed God today?

And just for parents, here: wisdom of revealing God to our children {click, and be enriched}

Moms' day--"'over-rated' / disappointed - and why i will give you a look.

So Mother's Day is two days away (for countries including: United States, Italy, Australia, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, and Turkey). And yes there are poster, stickers, photos, words lyrical everywhere... and then, 

someone, somewhere is going to say the whole thing is over-rated, we made too big of a deal, we should be nice to our mothers everyday.

If you say that to me, I will give you  my finest "you are so wrong" look.  Because -

we need special days to make everyday special. It's just us.

The baboons don't need it. My cat is happy with her routines. The fish gurgle gladly to where they were first spawned. Not us. We were made for more; so we will reach for more. 

But we forget and we lower ourselves - each day we busy with our pedestrian appetites of buying, selling, getting ahead ... we forget. We forget what truly matters. We forget how good it is to be alive. We forget how much love we have received {and so can give} - even if, yes, much of it came through broken  containers and sometimes we suffer cuts as that love is poured clumsily, fitfully through our very human mothers.

Honour a special day for it cracks your heart that bit more and Life flows into spaces opened up. And our days - they flow one into another, don't they?

Another group I will reserve the "you are so wrong look"  for will be my fellow-moms who due to a day on the calendar that has gotten us looking forward to breakfast in bed, flowers, thank you notes... and as a fellow mom* admits, we expect it and huff when we don't get it. 

What we expect can become entitlement. 

"We deserve it distorts the  the sacrifice of motherhood and spins it in dizzying, disorienting circles.

Motherhood bends. Entitlement demands.
Motherhood serves. Entitlement stomps its foot.
Motherhood delights. Entitlement keeps lists.
Motherhood laughs. Entitlement whines.
Motherhood celebrates. Entitlement sulks.
Motherhood forgets itself in favor of remembering her dimple, his fastest mile, their mouths all ringed around with chocolate.

Entitlement tastes bitterness in every bite of a day that doesn't go as planned."


Let's pray for, and do something loving for our moms, for Love never fails.

Fellow moms, let's gladden our hearts in our high calling and perhaps inspire ourselves afresh as the whole world give recognition to our calling.


Here's a bit of inspiration and something to think about then -

A good mother is a role model for her immediate family and for everyone else she meets. Her joy makes those around her happy. And every woman is called to be a mother, whether married or single, and whether or not she has had children. People notice a woman who loves God and whose primary concern is serving others.

I cannot thank God enough for the love of my own mother, and for her deep relationship with my father. Even though they could never be called "religious" people, it was obvious to us seven children that our parents loved God, each other, and each one of us. And while it was clear that our father was head of the family, he never tolerated the slightest disrespect from us towards our mother.

Many women today resent the idea of motherhood, but they forget that it is a privilege as well as a task. Once regarded as the highest calling of woman, it is now pushed aside by "real" careers and viewed as an inconvenience or even an embarrassment. While this rebellion might be understandable in the case of oppression and abuse, it achieves nothing. How different family life could be if we admitted our confusion over the roles of man and woman; if we sought to rediscover God's plan for both, and regarded one another with respect and love!

Women today hold important jobs right up to the time they go into labor, and that is admirable. But when pregnancy and children require it, a woman's first priority should always be motherhood. She should be a mother first and foremost – and only after that, a doctor, teacher, lawyer, manager, or accountant. Far from regretting or resenting it, she ought to feel that motherhood is a gift, and that in God's eyes, there is no sacrifice more worthy than one made for a child.

Finally, watch this:

Moms, these things you are. Be great-ful!

Credit: Inspiration from Johann Christoph Arnold & mom sharing taken off http://lisajobaker.com/

When you don't feel steady..

Today I went down to the hospital to visit my sister. This is day 7 after her surgery. Her surgeon, Prof Thomas had exclaimed with confidence that the operation was a sailing success and prior to the operation had told her she can expect to be home on day 8.

She feels this unyielding pressure on her head which worsens at bedtime or when she moves.

Brain surgery is a sensitive piece of work.

The porter came by to wheel her upstairs for physiotherapy. I decided to go along. The rehab room was busy even though the movements were slow and tentative. A disinterested looking tall Indian physio was introduced to us as observing for audit purposes. Slowly, they asked her to perform different tasks to assess her sense of balance and to check if any optical nerves or vestibule-related concerns need to be addressed.

Somehow watching my older sister going through this made a weakness come over me. I wasn't going to faint; but when she teared, I did too. Perhaps I felt impotent. Or perhaps all our years of growing up, working, and being successful - especially since we started in humble circumstances - fell about us and we were as vulnerable as tykes figuring out a bike: she struggled to stand steady while I wrestled to be strong for her.

Sometimes, no matter how strong we have been, we feel unsteady. But it's a temporary upset. It isn't pleasant. It may take a while before we find our feet.

The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. 

~ Deuteronomy 33v27

This uncertain journey and all the courage it took would not happen without the extensions of these everlasting arms: the prayers of many, the care and concern of friends and family. Even as I dried my tears and breathed deep, I let these Arms steady me, and help me to be present enough for my sister. 

There are important questions to ask, things to learn, decisions to make. 

Being held and present is important. 

I probed a little and finally wrote down the main areas of concern we wanted to raise with the neurosurgeon. {do that because the doctors aren't easy to catch hold of!} 

A few hours later, this phone message: thanks for coming by today.

I came by sister; but Someone never left. 

a River runs through it all

Recently I posted on Facebook:

fb: what are you thinking about
me: a lot.

I am guessing that describes you as well. Goodness knows we have so many things to consider, re-think, analyse, remember and decide about. It's like a busy six-lane highway chugged to the hilt with cars, many honking to demand immediate attention!

This past week, after dreaming, praying and writing about Life; what is more pressing and present seems just the stuff of life {small 'l'}:
- a decision that cannot be made but must in due time, so the engine is humming away
- the days of exams that are upon us
- the endless glancing at my calendar because appointments/needs/requests pop up, like my father-in-law coming down with vertigo and all that means
- my sister is going for a surgery where they will make a hole at the side of her skull in order to reach some blood vessels/nerves that need to be set right. (the condition is known as Hemifacial Spasm).
- some unchanging situations that simply drain you and so tend to take up one whole lane of your consciousness...

But then, I come across a different image. You have to see it:

a river runs through it all {click}

The story of Ishurdi is not all pretty. But, our stories are not unlike theirs. Our everyday lives are seldom instagram-chic quality and facebook fuddy-duddy.

Ishurdi means 'where God stays'.

It is small villages dotted along this mighty River in Bangladesh. This River that runs with a powerful force that shapes and cuts and defines. The River of Life.

We come to the River to camp and get. But the River of Life can sweep us up in its torrents and it is we who must learn to carve our lives around its winding ways or end up cut off.

Such a River frightens us so we prefer a faucet we can turn on and off at our whim. The way we do with God.

You would think that the folks who lived along the river in Ishurdi wish for a different life. Listen to these moving words from the interview:

we are happy.
we are grateful.
God has blessed us with so much.
we love to live by this river.

Us urbans probably feel like they are not wiser to other options. Perhaps so. But with all our multi-options, all we have is more cars piled high on more lanes of a busy highway!

I see the pictures of this river and all of its beauty and mourning and my soul calms down. The highway recedes and I enter into a different place. The river, God, speaks to me.

And I am drawn to the fierce river and the risks of living close to it and choose it once again over being on a highway I am pretending to be cruising along merrily on.

Life is a powerful river that moves. Move with it; and when it dislodges some things, let them go.

all pictures taken off site. Credits: Sarker Protick (Nat Geo).

Beyond the well.... an emptied out tomb !

More than a Well, 
more than well-being,
and, more than well-off...

Jesus promises us New Life. 

This is no easy promise to stake claims on. When something is new, how do we see, recognise, live it? How do you claim a promise you cannot envision?

You see, what we want is a life we define as good and well. Many of us want to live  meaningfully and pass on a legacy, go blazes with our passion and make a difference in the world, be healthy, robust, free to choose.We may also marry and have kids with a view to a 'better life'; whether that is beating loneliness or having someone care for us when we are old and frail, living.... but is this God's view of Life?

Plus we have this abiding thirst. When things get dry and hot, we feel it worse. So we run to God and get a few comforting licks of reassurance, an experience of his presence, a supernatural touch. But all of these are intimations of Grace to get us to stay with Him. Our problem? We major on the minors. We forget that fluid is what we are made of mostly. We allow ourselves to get distracted and busy - again. We leave the Watering Holiness and try to live again on our terms. 

We cannot quite see New Life, and we do not quite stick around enough to be soaked with Life. 

So God lets life roll along - 
- all the time His hand upon us, all the while His supply of refreshment, reinvigoration, restoration, and even resurrection close by. We just need to reach for it.

Sally Clarkson discovered this {and O how I resonate!} : 
I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature.

But since the Lord is a good parent, and He wanted me to grow into the likeness of Christ, and he saw that I was quite young, immature, self-centered and full of pride, he knew I needed more practice and training to become more like Christ.
So he gave me a husband and children, so that I could really find out what sacrificial love was all about. It has not been easy to pull out the weeds of expectations; to fight the storms of giving up my rights; to endure the drought of feelings that did not always match up to what I thought a loving wife and mother should feel in a happy home. But, I kept holding on to Him, pondering His life and seeking to be loyal through faith in His reality and presence, even though I could not always see Him.

Now, though still growing, I have learned so much more about true love, self-sacrifice, commitment. long-suffering–and it has all made me love Him more because I see how much of my life has required that of Him–as I have tested Him, misbehaved, thrown tantrums, and pulled away at times. But still He loves me and still He sacrificed for us while we were yet sinners.

Still He loves you and I and still He sacrifices for us while we sin. 

The tomb has been emptied. The place of death is now overgrown with wild flowers and small creatures have made a home among the plants. Life is bursting forth in a space where death once occupied. 

When thirsty, beat a path to the Well where He is waiting for you.
Then walk beyond it to that empty tomb {not quite looking like it for sure} that makes New Life a possibility for us.

Don't feel like giving your best?
Impossible to let go of that hurt?
Afraid to trust again?
Been confused and helpless for too long?

God is going to let life roll on. But you are not an idle, powerless pawn in the movements of life. Not when the New Life has been invited in and now pulses within you. What to do?
Ask for eyes to see this Life.
Ask for a heart to believe.
Ask for a mind to imagine.
Ask for sinews that will move in tune with it.

Your soul will at times feel dry, 
Drink much and often.
Your soul may sense the intrusion of  enemy-death
Dally around that garden-tomb much.

Last year, I woke up to a vision {I rarely do}. I saw that I was staring at some dried thorny bush and feeling very frustrated. In the corner of my eye I could see that there were pretty blooms nearby. God was telling me to stop fixating on death and fail to notice Life !

Remember that old advice from fiery apostle Paul -

"..whatever is true, whatever is honourable, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is of good repute, 

if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, 

dwell on these things."

~ Philippians 4v8

Well, this verse begins with "finally..." so if you will, read back up and discover more secrets of living out of an emptied out Tomb!

Thank you for being on this journey these last forty days. Invite others along. God has more  in store right here.

His Cross... and mine - because Resurrection is coming! {Journey #12}

lively lilies in polluted China

This is the story of Resurrection.


It began with a mis-step. An I-did-not-see-that curb moment. You may have experienced it before? That one moment you were striding confident and the next you come crashing down? My hands were on the floor, my right ankle twisted and I felt a sharp pointed pain in my left big toe. I did not know where to clutch and soothe!

That was nearly three months ago. With care and exercise, my ankle healed. But my left big toe nail region had turned all black, a sign of death. But, I thought, since my toe looked and felt like it was still very much alive, new nail will no doubt grow and it will all be well in time.

Life will push its way forward. But it can get really painful.

I decided to trim my dead black nail. Then I decided to poke around the blackened clog. Big Mistake. The very next day, I started experiencing some serious pain. I had unwttingly introduced an infection.


We began this journey because we were thirsty. We met with Jesus and heard him invite, comfort, assure, steady us. But then we enter deeper into His life as we walk with Him. This week, we see a Cross
looming ahead. He is walking towards it! We nervously follow...

It is his cross. For our sake. But if we dare to admit it, the cross is ours, rightfully. 
In fact, Jesus did not go to His cross so that we won't have to go to ours. He went so that we can. 

We must face our crosses --

Our traumas that left us hurt and seem to take forever to heal.
Our busy niggling that may have turned up more pain.
Our limping and hobbling rather than a full, steady, confident stride.

We are quick to look all around us and point to our horrid experiences (those mis-steps, mistakes), those persons and their expectations/weaknesses/sins, the harsh words...
The soil of our soul is rich food for the enemy to sow an infection. When he does, it will be painful.

It is painful to rehearse our hurts
It is painful to plan a payback
It is painful to doubt God
It is painful to feel alone, lost, unsure, to regret

(and Grace and slow to a trickle)

A course of antibiotics for the toe.
A course of antibiotics for our soul: going up for prayer, sharing with a friend, ranting in your journal...

May not do.

That dead toe nail had more in store. In death, it began to deform. It curled. So as the new nail grows, the curled old nail began to burrow into my flesh. Fresh pain. I decided it is time to get down and deal with it. The doctor had warned that removing the nail would expose the toe and remove the protective covering which is the nail's job. But the nail was malfunctioning. It was not protecting, it was hurting. It must go.

I was nervous. The doctor had said it can take weeks to heal. After two anaesthetic jabs, the doctor yanked and said, 'O, its not so bad, It's coming off like a door. Just this bit like a hinge.' Then, 'Ok, when i remove the rubber band, it will bleed some....O, it's not bleeding very much at all. I think it has healed quite a bit.'

So healing grace has been at work but it's all blocked from view because of the dead black nail!
Is God's work being blocked from your view? Are you unable to trace what the Spirit is up to? Are you unsure of Jesus' presence in your life? Are you looking for Life?

My son had asked, "why call it Good Friday? It's not good! Jesus died. [frowns]"
me: it's good.... for us.

The dying is good for us.
Because the Life is always throbbing and pushing forth. 

"I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, 

but Christ lives in me; 

and the life which I now live in the flesh 

I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave himself up for me." 

~ Galatians 2v20 (NASB)

Dear soul, Good Friday is a day of death and death is no longer what we fear for we know the story. It is the prelude to Life. If God is bringing forth Life, renewing hope, reviving dreams, restoring faith; then you must let that which stands in the way go. You must recognise the death to receive the Life. You must trust the Life you can barely see more than the death that appears so obvious {live by faith in the Son of God...}

Yes, you worked really hard - yet
Yes, you tried so long  - yet
Yes, you cried and prayed and pounded on the doors of heaven  - yet

It is time to accept that you live in a fallen world where you will be let down, as surely as you let others down.
It is time to accept that your best shots may not rip asunder the heavy curtain hanging between you.
It is time to accept that you just may not be able, ever to, figure this one out.
It is time to see that our worst enemies are not out there; but within: pride, lust, greed, envy, unforgiveness.

It is time to die. It is time to Live.

Friends, get ready, for Resurrection is coming!

Take a moment and let this Michael Talbot song wash over you. Sing the refrain with your lips, then your heart, then your whole being.

Peace dear friend.

Meeting the Cross on the way {journey to the Well} #11

Good Friday is coming.

The Cross is looming large in my heart. Its shadows fall long and it seems I am in a perpetual Arctic winter where the days are always dark. Yet it is a good, even glorious darkness. This kind of darkness is meant for us to stop trying to 'make hay while the sun shines'; to stop our busy efforts at making life work. It is the dark of being shielded so a secret work can take place.

Often God does his work very quietly and if we do not come under the shadow of the Almighty, we will miss it. The lights, sounds, dazzles and demands of daily city life often distract and detract us from God's most precious work.

Can I urge you dear friend to come and stand under the shadow of the Cross too?

And would you share with us what begins to stir in your heart as you do?

As I stand under the shadow of the Cross, my mind remembers how Love decided to act. But more, my heart wrestles with whether my love is large enough to act like His Love did. I know full well the areas I want Life to fill and brim over; those areas I am pretty sick of being so pale and lacklustre; missing the Life and abundance.

What was it dear Jesus, that makes you go to that wicked Cross? Why did you face and fight death?

Then the Spirit whispers this ~

"...for the joy set before him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame.." ~ Hebrews 12v2

You know why we struggle so to let go, to give in, to give up, to be wrong, to forgive ... ? 

We have no clue the joy that can come. We are stuck with the nails and hammer. Our eyes are fixed on the pain. Our minds are rehearsing our regrets. Our hearts are clinging on to small delights. 

Jesus was confident of his joy. 

This enabled him to endure the cross. 

This enabled him to look at his ignoble, humiliating, undignified death and loss as something to despise. 

Jesus knew the enemy would do his worst; throw the whole shebang; but he wasn't going to let the horror, the agony, the loss of face.. - the shame - wrap him up into subservience.  He despised it all. They were not worth his focus.

If Jesus felt grief and loss on the Cross; it was clear it happened at three points: the ignorance of the evildoers, the turning away of God, the inability to continue to care for his mother. 

But the Cross and its shame? He despised it.

It was as if Jesus was having this conversation with shame:

"Listen to me, Shame, do you fee that joy in front of me? Compared to that, you are less than nothing. you not not worth comparing to that! I despise you. You think you have power. Compared to the joy before me, you have none. Joy. Joy. Joy. That is my power! Not you, Shame. You are worthless. You are powerless.

You think you can distract me? I won't even look at you. I have a joy set before me. Why would I look at you? You are ugly and despicable, and you are almost finished. You cover me now as with a shroud. Before you can say, 'So there!', I will throw you off like a filthy rag. I will put on my royal robe.

You think you are great, because even last night you made my disciples run away. You are a fool, Shame. You are a despicable fool. That abandonment, that loneliness, this Cross - these tools of yours - they are all my sacred suffering, and will save my disciples, not destroy them. You are are fool. Your filthy hands fulfil holy prophecy. Farewell, Shame, It is finished."

{with thanks to Ps John Piper}.

Death must -come- before Resurrection, and we take the death because we so want the Resurrection unto new Life. Because we are confident of New Life promised to us. Things are not what they seem yet; but they will not remain the same if we are willing to die, to despise the shame that may come with it ... so that Life breaks in.

How high have you set your sights for your life? Is it for Life, or is it just to live?

You can die to this one... {our Journey to the Never-dried-up Well resumes}

7 days to Resurrection.

I have always preferred Resurrection to Easter. Besides the fact that Easter have been the subject of speculation {isn't it the name of some goddess? Check it up here: easter origins }, Resurrection is simply easier for us.

Resurrection is the promise made possible by the prototype. Because Christ rose from the dead, death is no longer final for us. We can expect to live on. Heaven is real. Eternity continues when your watch dies on you and your lungs and heart are placed to rest.

But Resurrection comes only after death. So we won't die; but we must die first.

Honestly, no one talks this crazy way but us CHRISTians. See the word 'Christian'? It ends with -ian. It is an acronym for
I
Am
Nothing.

That's right. Remove the CHRIST and all you get is nothing. Zero.
A Christian without Christ is pure oxymoron. Not possible, doesn't exist.

Back to the dying.

We can, and must die.
We can die because Life has come and we know this Life cannot be snuffed out. So whatever we need to die to, we can for we are now unafraid.
We must die because Life doesn't co-exist with death. So whatever within and around us that drains life must be dealt a decisive blow.

Struggling with forgiveness?
Agonizing over an unanswered longing?
Feeling covered in shame and pain?

Die to all of that. Must, and can-be-done.

After nearly half a century on earth and enough battles to write a mini-drama, I know it is hard stuff, this dying. We feel the desperate sense of loss more than we can whiff the promise of triumph. The good we need just doesn't show up quick enough and our soul is frightened that is will suffer even more to go through a dying.
Honestly, it feels plain impossible.

Jesus beckons you to come sit with him.

He may say very little. As you sit there, the turmoil within begins to stir less. Your racing heart finds a new, slower rhythm. The prospect of death is not as overwhelming and frightening as it was before.

Jesus is he who knows all about dying, and can say,

"I am the Resurrection and the Life" ~ John 11v25

Sitting with Life overcomes death.

And just perhaps, that thing you want so much, fought so hard for, cried so many nights over... you suddenly realise that it isn't what you are really thirsting for at all. 

What you really need is right here, by the Well, with the One. 

Complete this sentence then, "What I really need right now is..."

We are now defined and empowered by Christ cannot find it outside from Him. No one and nothing compares with Christ.

He was willing to die for us, to carry the guilt and penalty of our sin.
He is working in us so that we can face ourselves and the assault of death.
He is waiting for us to come sit with Him and let Life enter our beings so that death will no longer sting.

I married a non-believer. Is God mad at me?

We all think - quietly - that God is mad at us, at some point.

Perfection just doesn't jive with us.
We know we are not perfect, so how can we ever measure up to a Perfect God - who must by his perfection be irked by our many constant imperfections.
This is after all, how we feel towards others who do not measure up to our expectations.

So deep in the echoing chambers of our soul is a tremor that just perhaps -- God is mad at us - especially when we are struggling and don't feel 'blessed'.

Nothing betrays us like our questions.
Nothing reveals our hearts like our anxieties.

A new friendship I have with a young mom pointed me in this direction. Her preoccupation is how to get her child interested in spiritual matters when her husband is lackadaisical about it. She is not alone. Across the years, I have met many women who struggle with this. How do they raise children in the faith when their spouses are not interested? This disinterest spans a wide range: spouses who will let you go to church but will not go themselves - to spouses who mock, stop and oppose.

I call such women spiritually single.

If as a pastor married to another, I struggle with a common vision for faith in our homes and the hearts of our children; the spiritually single must have it so- much- harder.

And you know what? When things are rough, we sometimes think God is somewhat angry with us. And once, an honest soul asked me the question; "I am supposed to marry a fellow Christian.....Is God angry/disappointed.."?

Fourteen years as a parent, twenty years as a pastor and forty years as a Christian tells me that is the wrong question.

I understand the feeling; I get the question. But consider this --

Since Jesus is the exact representation of God (Colossians 1v15); then what we see is forgiveness, compassion and Grace. Jesus never once rubs our sins into our faces, makes us feel bad, muzzle us with guilt. He does berate and judge - and it has always been reserved for the proud religious leaders of his day; for their stubborn refusal to ponder the truth.

God is not smouldering with anger. He is saddened by our choices but, He is sovereign-ly able to bring change.

Marrying a non-believer is a blatant act of disobedience because the command is clear. But obedience - for we are creatures - is not rule-keeping. It is response-making out of being touched by God's mercy and grace. So it is possible, that for Christians, our longing for human affection at some point was a greater thirst and we did not know that God alone can satisfy that thirst, for we have not learnt to drink from the never-dried up Well that is God himself. We have all done. So the right question is, "God, show me how you see me and let me live the way you call me to, even now".

We will tend to hide when we sense anger. So I am urging you to take a good look at Jesus and know that though God is righteous and holy, He has one massive desire: to save you and I back to a vital relationship with Him. Did he not say,

I did not send my son into the world to condemn the world, 

but that the world through him might be saved ~ John 3v17

The verses that follow speaks of what God truly judges: a refusal to turn to him, to believe, to go to the Light.

So please, don't stay away. Come. Come for -

Forgiveness: God will forgive.
Compassion: God will journey with you.
Vision: ask God what to do now; he always has a way forward.
Courage: the way forward may require sacrifice, a lot of waiting, praying in ways you never knew before.

Come and see what God has in store for you:
A sense of freedom because you are forgiven.
A sense of acceptance as you lean into God's compassion.
A sense of hope as you perceive possibilities and act as the Spirit prompts and guides.

Once again, God brings good out of our messes.

God is not mad.  

Tell you what, if you run to him, he is, in fact, glad.

{ I felt a leading to write this. We will resume Journey to the Never Dried-up Well }

Journey's...end..in view..

Today, someone asked if my son's Christian school does anything special for Easter. 

Anything special? My initial response was to remind her to live Easter each day. But then, it made me think.

I have certainly seen some Easter specials in my life -
as a growing child, i had collected Easter eggs home to add to the family meal...and try to tell my mom about the good news of new life...
as a rookie pastor, i had my little church put out lilies, serve out eggs and pancakes..sing and tell             stories... while i preached a fiery message of new possibilities..
as a visitor to one of America's largest churches, I have seen a pageant complete with an angel suspended by high wire, real horses and a camel...


What is the big deal about Easter? Why am I even talking about it?

Because when we began, our goal was to drink in order to get to this: Resurrection ! {click for reminder}

That's right, we were not drinking to get by. We are drinking to get somewhere. We are headed towards a vision God himself has etched within our souls, and we won't turn back until we reach it. Friends, we have found in this journey how great our thirst is! Thankfully, we have also found that the Well has not run dry.

Yet as I ponder her question: 'are you doing anything special for Easter?', I must say that for most of us, Easter is a time for the church to do something for us - remind us of great glorious truths, roll out some higher-than-usual octane programs.. pretti-fy the church with larger than usual blooms... and this only goes to prove on thing: Christians are in danger of no longer knowing the big deal that is Easter.
After all -

We skim meaning while we store up material goods.
We seek relief rather than learn the rhythms of rest.
We settle for vague improvements instead of hunger for sorting-our-life-out according to God's Word.
We strain for spiritual 'highs' and remain blind to sibling, parent, neighbour needing a clear picture of God's love.

These patterns of life does not predispose us to obey this simple word:

Remember Jesus Christ, risen form the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel *

~ 2 Timothy 2v8

How much, how often, how well, do -- we -- Remember?

And what are to remember? Jesus rose from the dead. In case we forget in our busy 365 days, the church has an entire season called Lent that culminates in Easter to help us remember. 

And, all of our lives are but a living out of what we remember.

What is it you remember? 

What is it you store in your heart and mind?

The next few days, ask the God of memories to show you what you remember, and perhaps what you need to forget.

And this --- what is it that you pour into the hearts and minds of others?

Drink today dear friend, the journey continues. 

As we remember Jesus, know that his journey took him through a valley, and to a Cross; and then it was quiet in a tomb -- before --  the Resurrection. 

*my gratitude to Ps John Piper for reminding me of this verse.