It's all about The View: I zoom out and try to get God's view!

Did you ever feel like you are backed into a corner and have only so many options?

I am feeling it right now. In my case, it's just one option. Nothing life-threatening thankfully; but here is what is happening.

I have lived in my flat now for eleven years. We renovated it when we first moved in. Then we had to repair the toilet - twice! (At one time, and it still happens some days, I live in a first-world flat with a toilet that annoys me with third-world sewer smells. It's a mystery says the plumber... and I remind myself what privileges I enjoy already).

Now we are about to embark on another project to create a personal space for the mighty teen. There is a natural space for it but because of The View, we have to carve out the dining area to create her room.

This is The View.

The Bishan Park - one of Singaporean's favourite local spot!

To keep this view; we will embark on an inconvenient and unconventional plan involving carving out a room on one side of the dining area. This will create a less than satisfactory balcony space, permanently remove my sunny spot for the laundry, involve relocating three bicyles, and, upset the cat... it's a lot to deal with.

But it was hard to battle The View.

We all agreed that we loved The View and the area should remain as is and not become someone's bedroom.

In a way we kinda worked ourselves into this spot. We chose to turn one of the rooms into our home office complete with so many shelves lining the walls; sleeping in it will feel way too bookish; and a bed cannot fit in anymore. So yes, this decision made it necessary to make the current one, because of course of The View!

The view is great. It's hard to beat in a city. It's been paid for and scrupulously maintained by the government. You can see life, families, animals all having a spot of life with exercise and movement and the occasional picnic and photo shoot. Why, even the Prime Minister has chosen this spot to make his speeches!

But one consideration can sometimes limit us.

Like the time I spoke with a retiree who said he wouldn't think of traveling overseas even though his skills are most helpful; because he gets motion sickness.

It is really funny how one thing can dictate another. I have stopped eating chicken lately because I suspect the feathered friends are not longer on chummy terms with me as I get hives from so much as drinking the stock!

What's more; sometimes. the one thing can run our lives!

There are those who can analyse a situation to death; but for most of us, I notice that we mostly live with a view round about the tip of our noses. We don't make all the connections or think hard and long enough about most things. I notice 3 things about most of us:

Our attention spans: brief.
Our analysis: limited to what we can associate with.
Our responses: hemmed in by emotions that cloud our seeing.

So perhaps we live a little too close to ourselves, and not enough in touch with others. Really.

Besides, every one else must fit into the frame of our view or be blurred and lost in peripheral vision. 

All the more so when you live in a competitive, fast-paced island with a narrative that we must keep swimming faster or we sink; our view can become pretty narrow. We can go so fast, things can get so blur; we don't notice, care or engage - really.


So here we are, each one of us, muddling and hustling along with the weight of our own universes on our backs.

It's a sadly funny sight at the train stations in the morning: teeming scores of people looking bored, tired, and wishing they were somewhere else. Our own weights get so much some resort to pretend to sleep to avoid giving up their seat to others; while others require a poster to remind them to 'bag down' so they don't hit others with their bags! Don't we notice that there are other people?

Just the tips of our noses and our own heavy bundle.



What happens when we can zoom the lens out and see a wider picture? 

I have noticed things I didn't before.
I see connections I didn't pick up earlier; that may explain some things.
I have realised that things take time to pan out; and my present panic isn't worth it!


What happens if we can pan out some more -- all the way to where God sees things?

I try to imagine.

A lot of what I fuss over probably won't matter.

and -

Patience ~

the situation may change.
your heart may grow stronger.
your spouse may get the chore done.
your child will grow up and be more responsible.

On Mother's day I had gone to speak at a church where we were at more than ten years ago. I can remember the parents who angst over their teens. The teens who didn't seem headed anywhere. Then I see them - some have gotten married. Some have really surprised us! The parents are in such a different place.

No matter how many flowers we have seen blossom; each flowering still needs its time to go through the stages. We have to be patient.

And I remember too that there are different ways to think about Time.

 The time we are most used to is chronological time (Greeks call it chronos). But there are other ways to see the passing of the moments, the events, the seasons. There is kairos, when time is ripe, special, a divine intervention, a heaven-touching-earth moment. Then there is teleos which speaks of time moving towards a final purpose and towards an end goal.

For the faithful, kairos and teleos shape and define chronos. Our daily hours and moments are meaningful and important because they can be interrupted by Grace and explode with potential. It is not a mere ticking of the hours. We live present, and with a sense of joyful expectancy because things are leading up to something.

This is The View - the really big picture!


When I look out my window onto the park; I imagine God looking at us. I see the the smallish people alone or in groups. I notice the water, and I often hear the noises, cries and barks. All of it forms the picture of the park at that point of time. I don't have the wisdom or insight into the specifics or can quite describe how they fit into that day's plans. But God - when he looks at us - He alone knows how the puny bits that are us fit together in the grand scheme of things.


So, when I get too caught up with the minutiae of my life and begin fussing over what I feel is missing; I remind myself to expand my horizons and think of other women, mothers, wives who live in the next block, the neighbouring nation, the further reaches of our earth. This I remind myself is God's view.

My prayers and requests are valid but they are not definitive for life.

When I feel like it is but a daily grind; I try to spot the kairos moments of Grace and pray to see that things are shaping up and working out. I plaster patience over my anxious heart and call it to be still once again.

It's all about The View.

How's yours?

Power, powerlessness,and Prayer in mothering (and 3 Qs to stare down your fears)

M is for motherhood. It is also for Mystery, misgivings, mistakes and marvelous things!

A new mom is always a good friend to an older mom - because - the older mom, has chalked up more mistakes; and she can lose the light of wonder if she is not careful! 

An older mom is a good friend to a new mom - because - the new mom is facing fears hitherto unmet; and she needs to know there are more fears to come and what seems so puzzling can be untangled with a little dexterity. 

So here is a little something from an older mom to my younger mom friends (and my older mom friends who agree & may need a little reminding :) 

With mommy-ing, you have stumbled upon an awesome power. It begins with the marvel that a life is being formed within you each living, brehting moment. As you cradle and care for the budding life, you get to see now that you can literally lift and shape a soul... and soon enough, you have those moments when you have feel you could go the other way and wreck it: when you lose it, when you are not sure what to do, when nothing seems to go right? Those days when your fears, anxieties and guilt bundle up and nearly suffocate you? 

Moms live with this strange tension of being powerful and powerless at the same time. 


And then, there are fears. 

Remember when you thought you crossed a threshold, jumped a hoop... you find something else coming around the bend. When they were small, I was afraid they didn't drink enough, eat properly, sleep safely through the night. They grew through all of that. Then -

I was afraid of nasty bug bits that left large painful welts, accidents, stranger saying strange things to my kids, other kids who may bully... 

Then I was afraid that she would be lonely, awkward, too strong, too meek...

I was afraid that she would be last in class, lose her things (for the tenth time), feel too stressed, not feel motivation, not really learn, not enjoy herself...become rude, selfish, mean..

I was afraid she would dislike church (waiting so long for us always), be mad at God for stuff that happened, live with cray expectations as a pastor's child...

I was afraid that she would not develop with gender confidence; feel weird around boys...mix with the wrong company...

I was afraid that she would develop an attitude, acne, act up.

 I see it now with trained eyes -- the fears won't end.

But -

fears can be fabulous things. Yes, really. Fear tells you what matters. And, Mothering matters; a lot. A mother who studies her fears and picks her battles is leaning into her maternal shape, hollowed out by trying one-more-time: a magnificent shape that cuddles, coddles, coaxes and coaches another little budding soul into ferocity (boy) and flower (girl).

You can stare down your fears. Like Max here:

where the wild things are {click to enjoy this video version of the famous children's book}

The supper was there, and it was still hot.

I am sure us moms will do just that. Feed our kids hot food even though we were fuming bad... and God our Father does the same. The food of our mothering joy may be delayed due to our silly antics; giving rise to many fears... but He will yet have a hot supper waiting for us.

What we need to learn is that when the fears come with the scary eyes, claws and teeth; we need to look at them squarely and take charge -- not of the child -- but of ourselves!

The answer to Parenting-power lies in managing oneself. 

I learnt that the fears will step back, quieten, and not be able to lay claim to me if I sought for the right answers through asking the right Questions -- nothing cuts through the fog like an incisive question, and nothing clarifies and emboldens like an honest answer.

Here are 3 questions to help take the bite and bloodiness out of the battle.

Q1: what is it I truly value and am afraid of losing here?

Every battle is energized by what it is afraid of losing. Will are you afraid of losing in this situation? Is it worth the battle? Will you really lose what truly counts? 

When I have asked this Q, I often find that what mattered most to me was the quality of the relationship: is there honour? is there honesty? is there humour?  I see what is at stake and recognise that things are not as messy or serious as I initially feel.

Q2: what can i really do about it?

It's good they eat all their greens and follow their routines. But is it fair for this particular child? Every child is a unique human person. What are my options with this child? What difference can i actually make at this point? How can this be done without jeopardising what truly matters? 
Do i need to learn a new way to think/feel/speak in order to make the right difference?

Q3: what am i really praying for?

Most of us pray 'rescue me' prayers. If we rescued our kids from every predicament; they will never grow. Why do we expect God to rescue us, when He wants to train us?

Also, are we praying for what truly matters? Good weather, the ability to handle the exam is all good. But what of creative solutions when caught in the rain and an excellent attitude to learning and revision? 

Rescue prayers happen because we are going so fast we step into potholes we did not anticipate. 

This is why reading, prayer, reflection, and talking to other parents are all very necessary parts of the parenting journey. It is far too easy to just shuffle between work and home, just catching one's breath. It is equally easy to be bogged down by meals, deals, and squeals (of protest) that we get all fogged up and end up drained and ineffectual. 

The only way is to slow down - enough - to pray through the first two questions and forge a constructive path ahead.  Slowing down also allows us to recall assurances God has he given so far, and to anchor back onto the larger movements of the Spirit that persists: God is faithful, and though the way is jagged and strewn with the debris of our mistakes, the journey is shaping up and the life is unfolding yet.

Just this month, older moms have shared with me children's graduation, awards, marriage. These same kids have driven these moms near crazy. As one mom put it, "...still remember bringing him to different schools to get somebody to take him in and even dragged him to take IQ tests to make sure he has no learning disability....But now, wow!".



Prayer is all the more a lifeline if you feel alone in your parenting. Your spouse may not quite get your values or plans. The Bible included a lovely story of  a mom and a grandma who knows all about that. 

They were the grandma and mom of a young man. His name is Timothy. Yes, the one in the Bible, the spiritual son of the great apostle Paul, the young pastor who did not quite have the stomach - physically; and for strong personalities, and sometimes felt pretty unsure about what he is meant to do... Yet, Timothy was a man of faith and he was pastor of young churches needing a faithful, wise shepherd. It may seem unlikely; but he was the man of the hour.

Timothy was born into an inter-faith family. From what we can glean, his dad was a regular Greek guy which mean myth, religion, hedonism and possible some chauvinism too. But Timothy had a grandma and mom who were Jews and devout ones at that.

4 amazing things* emerged from his life story, which we do well to remember:

1. It's really important for children to know the Scriptures from the earliest age.
2. It's really important to keep parenting - especially when the going gets tough. 
3. It's really amazing how an ordinary faith can lead to great usefulness. 
4. It's really amazing how our kids can turn out, despite all the obstacles.

 Points 1 and 2 are instructional. Points 2 and 4 are sooooo inspiring!

Slow down, pray, ask good questions, stare down your fears.

Mother on valiantly --

knowing you are shaping a soul one day at a time, one determined smile at a time, one teary conversation at a time, one more sacrifice, at a time.


And if you need a fika, arrange for one!

*adapted from desiringgod.org

and then Narnia: surprises in new motherhood

M is for motherhood. It is also for Mystery, misgivings, mistakes and marvelous things!

I invite moms to share this month here. We begin with a new mother, Rox, who describes herself as 'an accidental saty-at-home mom, former slave to the corporate world; now a happy slave to her son Max'.

Look at Max, such a happy chubs ~

"Entering motherhood, for me, was like opening a wardrobe and stumbling into Narnia - a foreign land and a whole new world. 

w o n d e r 

There are battles to be fought, discoveries to be made and victories to be won. My identity and role as a woman shifted from a wife to also a mother and yet there were times when I felt as helpless as a newborn and as clueless as a child sometimes would with a new experience. 

I was suddenly set on a path to distinguish parenting truths from myths, to separate science from superstition and to sometimes decide between listening to my instincts or well-meaning advice. There is a barrage of choices to be made and theories to be tested; from breastfeeding to exclusively pumping to formula feeding, having schedules in place or following a baby-led routine, how to sleep-train and so on. Some choices seemed to invite judgment which then made me feel less of a mother and some made me feel wrongfully superior. More significantly, there will be choices that reflect my values as a parent; values that will inevitably be passed on to the child and could potentially shape his behaviour and beliefs. The voices of the world are many, loud and confusing, so it is a relief to know I could always turn to the voice of God, our perfect parent, for instruction, assurance and comfort.

And then there are the surprises; the loud burps that I can never imagine would come from such a tiny human being, the embarrassing farts that I thought could only belong to the husband, and the baby's ability to always wake up when I'm in the middle of a shower! I discovered that my physical and mental resilience could be stretched, that it was possible to function on little sleep and still remain joyful. I even started to exhibit sacrificial behaviour, putting the baby's needs before my own, letting my stomach growl angrily while satisfying his hunger. The maternal instinct that kicked in caught me by surprise - I became protective and passionate about every aspect of his well-being.

As I became more comfortable about my new role, the journey began to be filled with many magical moments - they say a picture is worth a thousand words but some emotions cannot be captured with either pictures or words. Thinking that newborns mainly eat, sleep and poop all day, I was proven wrong when my 2-month old son started responding to me with a variety of sounds - it gave me such a rush to be able to have a conversation with him, sort of. When he shows interest in a book or song, I wonder if he'll love reading or music as much as I do. I started to think about where his strengths and passions will lie and what kind of character he'll turn out to be!

Finally, I've come to realise what a privilege it is to be able to influence and disciple my child and I can't wait to see what God has in store for him.

Rox & Max

Mother's Day Solidarity Call

I know many mothers; and have met many more.

There are no accidental mothers; just that not always, it was a woman's free, willing, ready choice.

Here are two photos of moms I love: a simple Indian woman with her half-clad babe and the blonde with her dark African babe.

Mothers come in so many shades.

There are Mothers in India, Thailand, Indonesia... the ones who live far away from the bright city lights and are not tethered to a cable that wires their imagination to a world of 'have's'. Those mothers? They have stomachs to feed.

Then there are those mothers I read about and weep. Those mothers who roused to the sound of sirens and grab their kids, kicking dust for miles with only the clothes on their back. Those mothers who in the mob moment loses grip of the child and now are haunted by that moment as they pray and cry till there are no-more-tears in the camps. Those mothers who have watched as their children are taken, ravished, killed. These kinds of mothers? I have no words for what they suffer.

Usually when we mothers think about 'mothering', we see ourselves, our moms, and maybe other moms we know personally. But there are so many mothers out there!

We need to set our lives against the larger canvas - and what we juxtapose it with makes such a huge difference!

I will tell you this too: I have met and known mothers who are 'tais tais'; rich and robed in splendour - but living with an inner posture of poverty and want, literally worried sick over house and husband and offspring.

Fellow mothers, what is this wondrous, painful, incredible, and tremendous thing we have been called to?

How do we respond to it? 

How do we know when we do it well, or not? 

Do we ever fail?

Fellow mothers, in a world that says "if it's worth anything, it gets paid, handsomely" - how do we continue in our daily trenches when the affirmation cracks like thin ice?

How do we keep going when there is no interlude with popcorn and streamers?

I remember my own mother - whose life I described as both entrancing and repulsive to me at the same time. I adored her passion for life and her endless capacity to care; but I felt unnerved to think that a woman's lot is so much sacrifice.

She was three when she lost her dad. With a mom who gambled away the meagre earnings, she learnt to be resourceful and to provide, cook, clean, plan, and scheme! She raised her mother and brother. Later she would marry my dad and repeat the whole thing over, this time, including a mean-spirited mother-in-law, and nine children! 

She never had a boudoir but wore mostly the same few clothes and her shoes were hospital-issue where she worked. She would walk with aching legs to save the few coins for a larger meal for us. As a litle girl, i believed my mother could do anything! She cooked, cleaned, sewed, made pretty our sparse home, told stories, comforted us, laughed at our antics... and with each season, she just kept growing and glowing. It wasn't until we were grown and started supporting her that she began to spend on herself.

Most of my growing up years then, I admired my mother and wanted her grace and prowess - but  - I told myself I would not lose so much in the process.

I didn't understand.

The paradox of dying to live and giving to receive stumbles us. It is a faint voice, seemingly unreasonable, even foolhardy with the noisy clatter each day of 'get what you want', 'don't let others take advantage of you', 'watch out for yourself'...

I'll be honest. I still don't get it quite yet. Maybe I am too tethered to the world and need to cut loose some more.

If Jesus invites us to be the branches extending from him as the vine; I am the branch with many other IVs inserted into parts; busily drinking off approval, competition, strife, fear... I am not pure juice. I am sloshing a little tipsy with the flavours and favours of the world.

So  --

when my sweet child grows up as she must and turns into a stranger; I panicked that I have lost years of pure maternal investment and career sacrifice.

when others cringe at the son's outburst and hurl accusations, I am a crumpled heap.

when the future possibilities for my children could turn out to be sloppy-artist and itinerant juggler (no kidding) I pace within my heart and wonder what went wrong.

You see how quickly I move dead centre and it becomes about me? I think it negates the whole idea of sacrifice and being for others when little old me walks on stage and demand the floodlights shift to reveal a star!

I need other mothers to mother - well.

So here's what I figure. I need to issue a call for solidarity. Mothers, let us stand together. Let us cheer each other on. Let us remind each other of the sheer nobility and washboard-knuckle pain reality of this thing we call 'mothering'. Let us also step back often enough to see the larger canvas, and weep along with fellow moms. We fight different battles. But one thing we all do: we fight: for life, for hope, for love.  And our --

laying down,
letting go,
leaving it aside... 

it is all Jesus' way...  I always wondered how as a gal I could be like Jesus. Mothering showed me a deep, amazing way to be so. He laid aside His majesty. We may too, with wrinkly bosoms. He lets his right go. We may too, when we drink from the sippy cup, go de-caf, stop smoking... He left a lot aside; the reasonable stuff of income security and a carpenter's dream workshop perhaps...and more. For some of us, the children we have demands we be certain kinds of moms: stay-home, doing odd jobs, regulars at hospitals, special services. principals' offices...

Jesus gets us!

At that cross. His mother stood with him. A child and a mother can get each other that way when they were both willing to drink from the same cup. We can get our God's heart (and he is wont to use maternal images: the mother hen being a favourite) and enjoy a solidarity there.

In our crosses, Jesus stands with us.


As fellow moms, let us stand with one another.


Solidarity challenge this mother's day season:
1. pray or send a gift to a mother with less
2. don't compare, complain or compete with another woman (especially your mom!)
3. give thanks for being a mom
4. share this post and solidarity challenge!

I will not be silent !

When I miss a post,

I sweat a little.

Here's why.

I'm not a professional blogger, paid to write. Nor do I have eager fans waiting for RSS updates... So why fuss over how long since I last wrote?

There are many reasons one sweats over missing a beat.

One is driven to meet certain expectations (real or imagined).
One is a stickler for routine/habit.
One is guilt-stricken because one has made a promise to self or others.
One is worried to lose readers (social media gurus' mantra: don't miss a post!)
One loves doing it!

I am somewhere in the midst of all that, to be honest. On different days, different things propel me. It may be the same for you  - for coaching your kids, baking, designing or fishing!

But here's my top 2 reasons for keeping at it - giving it time, energy, attention - even if it doesn't pay any bills or bring other rewards commonly hoped for including fame (or infamy) and a following!


reason #1 : writing 'saves' me.

It does not save me the way God my savior does. But it is an ally in the process. Writing is the instrument of choice when it comes to gaining clarity, solidifying conviction, gathering heart rhythms onto a score sheet to see what tune it is playing.

I did not see it coming. But I have been teaching Journaling as a Spiritual Discipline for three years now; and it is such a delight to see hearts and minds awaken to deeper things!

Personally, with many thoughts and ideas bobbing around the waters of my soul-brain; I always feel much better each time after I write.

This belongs with a strange paradox worded like this by Jesus ~

"unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains but a seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." ~ John 12v24

When we give of ourselves, we take a risk and die to any self-preservation and protection. What I write can be misunderstood, misread or taken out of context. I could be labeled, accused, or bound up in some neat box by someone's notion of sensibility and right/wrong.

It isn't just writing. It is doing anything we find worthwhile and for which we will labour and 'put yourself out there'. Artists of all stripes understand this.

But this is God's way. Life comes on the back of sacrifice.

And lest we fed on a diet of heroics think this is Life for others; I have found, it is much more Life for myself first. Writing is like other aspects and areas of work and commitment: if God has called us to do it; the many seeds it produces is harvested first from our own lives.

Ask the mother who has the satisfaction of seeing her child come of age and mature well. In truth, the fruit of her labour and sacrifice were being carved onto her soul as she doles out the love each day.

Or the pastor / coach / manager who sees his efforts bear fruit, those hours of being alongside now seeing fruition as the mentoree / athelete / protege rise up to their potential. In truth, their persevering, believing, offering of second chances shaped their leadership ethos deeply.

I find that what God calls us to do serves us more than it serves Him. In his sufficiency and unfathomable wisdom; I doubt my few words put a dent in his univaserse. If it does, there is no way I can measure it. Sure, a comment or two may pop up (and that's really nice!), but where I can measure the difference is right here between the ribs!


reason #2: writing is words is meaning is power

Since God spoke the first words that became solid colour, design and life.
Since the Law was given.
Since the prophets railed and ranted.
Since The Word came in the flesh.
Since the bible was compiled.

There has been a battle to silent the Word. 

'Did God say...?' -- doubting the Word, began in the garden. It continues through the ages with skeptics, cynics, critics and couch potatoes. The word is sneered at, made light of, out-rightly rejected and rebutted.

What strange power. Sounds represented by letters strung together explode into embodiment of value, principle, truth, Life. Or else, falsehood, vain glories, exaggeration, simplification or distortion. It is an amazing thing this!

Today, this power is buzzing in many hands that hold a little device which allows each one to set forth their views and feelings with little censure.


So since God tapped me on the shoulder and pointed me in the direction of my bent - this love for words, this quest for meaning - He has given, shaped, edited my life and given me words for what I think, feel, intuit... and then He had said, "be bold and say it". I choose to believe that my very clumsy, often inadequate words are resonating a deeper, stronger Eternal One.

So reason # 2 can also be called Obedience.

Again, I do not always get to see the outcomes of my obedience. But as a child eager to please the parent, I am eager to do what blesses my Father's heart. And if the little lad and his lunch of fish and bread instructs me, I only have to bring what I have -- He takes it, breaks it, and can use it to satisfy the hunger of who-knows-how-many? I wait with wide-eye wonder to see what all the words over time will do.

Together with reason #1, this writing, this post, is then a Joyful Obedience.

Perhaps a cheeky borrowing of a famous verse ~

For God so loves me 

that He called me to write

to save my own soul

and encourage others.

start / keep that gratitude journal - here's why.

It's nearly a standard medicine that I dole out.

Women and men, children of all ages, if you come to me with a woe or worry, after listening... I will definitely tell you among other things, to keep a gratitude journal. Yes, each day, before the dark blankets, write down on your phone, notebook or Typo journal 3 items you are grateful. It doesn't have to be huge, grand, interesting, or life-changing. Just 3 things you notice, stuff that made you -

smile {that silly pigeon cleaning itself for Ms World?}
blush {that affirmation, wow, thank-you}
gush {funny, interesting, thought-provoking, maybe ice-cream}

Like this:

(got you!)

This is how to do 'rejoice always'. It's to notice that there is an undercurrent of defiant joy in life. A force that refuses to beat down and defeated by naysayers, blues and even evil.

Look at these children in Calcutta -

I know we have disappointments, frustrations, hurts, and pains - some ongoing and not seeming to get better. But if you are a middle-class Singaporean, I am guessing you can find some relief - a good book, spa, high-tea, even travel.

Yet.

These things may not lead us to that river that sends out those currents of joy! You see, the joy is there. It needs to be noticed, recorded, practiced. Slowly as the joy seeps into our crevices and cracks, it flows to all the places and spaces ..... washes, feeds fills and ... it flows forth from us.
Joy can become us. We can be joy containers and bringers!

And if more of us were open, receptive, and laughing? If more of us were generous, forgiving, chill? If more of us were teachable, tender, humble.....

.... What will the world shape up around us to be?


There is now enough scientific evidence* to tell us that God's call to us to rejoice is not only practical, it is needful. Gratitude strengthens our immunity, raises our resilience, infuses hope, and even re-wires our neural circuitry! Giving thanks taps into Joy and this amazing force of heaven can crack the hardest nut!

Friends, there will be darkness out there. But there is light given to those who desire it. And that light enters your being and shines from there. The darkness loves to encroach and have us believe that it is far too strong and massive, a deep, penetrating, sense-surround reality. Like its Master of deception and denial; the dark loves to flaunt its influence way beyond it's actual ability and powers. It fools us into cowardice, fear, and despondency.

If you have turned your life over toe God and accepted His forgiveness and gift of eternal life; the enemy knows he can only fool you. So he sets out an elaborate scheme, scheduled and timed to volley one in your direction, to  target your weakest areas, to deafen you to The Voice by doing voices which sound so much like your own, those you love and even God's!

I'm so stupid to make this choice
Now you are stuck, there's no way out!
You had better not sin, or things will only get worse

The Light? It just shines and dispels the dark. But not under a bushel, or under a bed. Not in some hidden spot. Take that light out! Put it someplace prominent. Let is draw your attention to its lovely glow. Bask in its warmth.

Easy first steps to do this? Light Spotting. Joy jotting. 

God is light.
He is Joy.
In him is Life.
From him comes healing, and hope.

Start from the strand that easy to grasp: spot and record 3 things each day that made you smile, blush or gush.

Try it. Start today. Get a friend to do it together. Share it on Facebook.

"Keep your eyes open. keep each other's spirit up so that no ones falls behind or drops out" {Ephesians 6, The Message}

P.S.
And  O friends, I am so grateful about this I just wanted to shout it out! A new friend, someone I whose thoughts and words I respect and read has written a long, kind, meaningful review of my book, Shed Those Leaves.

This one is in the gratitude journal along with my cat's antics, the son's jokes, the less gruff reply from the mighty teen, and being able to walk in the park.

*some sources:
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/expandinggratitude
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/in-praise-of-gratitude-201211215561
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ocean-robbins/having-gratitude-_b_1073105.html

Failed - another day in parenting

Please don't tell me to chill. I am pretty chill as they come. My animal of choice after all is the one that takes naps through the day.


But I am tired, even resentful, of having to work so hard - in very specific ways - to help my children succeed through school.

I went to school nilly-willy; sometimes I did my work, many times I didn't even know I had work to get done. There are days when I was more present, asked questions and participated. More often, I blanked out or got lost in my own little world, and the fact that my teacher called me 'a dreamer' must point to that. {thankfully, that word didn't sound too harsh, so I dreamed on...}.

But with my children, I have to watch if they are ~

1. bringing all the stuff
from textbooks to activity books to folders, letters, files,letters, and more - all of which should be clearly labeled with permanent ink from get-set-go. Not being the most detailed of personalities; I still got the hang of it. But they have a lot of stuff. Last year, for English language alone, I finally got from the teacher that my son needed 8 different books/files/folders!

2. being their best
the kid should come heeled with positive learning habits ie. sit still, listen, work conscientiously, write beautifully, and of course, top it all off with band 1 marks.

3. boosting the school's performance
from raising funds to playing the cello... "is there anything your child can do ... preferably something at a competitive level?".



I never believed in hot-housing; but the temperatures are pretty high all year round with our system!


Talking with the teachers always leave me feeling like I have failed my child when they haven't caught up or measured up - in all the areas, all at once!

Even though well-meaning; I wanted to scream at the teacher: I know my child far better than you! I am the mother who chose to stay home, live on one income; to both enjoy and raise responsible, responsive human beings. As we march them off to the 'system', I braced and reminded myself often to build a synergistic team with the teachers (even the security personnel, come on!) ... bless their hearts, I know their workload is crazy. In fact, I am supportive to the point that I hear a little chiding voice asking me to feel bad, really bad, that I have failed to hand over a finer specimen for them to begin work with.

This is the discordant reality when everyone who meets your kids tell you they are 'smart' and their daily life reminds them of a different reality.

So with all my erstwhile efforts it feels like we are continually chasing a moving target.

Honestly, it's hard to motivate a child when the parent is pretty punctured!


I have found out that in their training, both pre-school and primary school teachers don't get more than a module in child development and learning. I guess, what's the point of covering that since at the end of the day it's going to be just one huge uphill task just trying to sit so many children down to and get-their-work-done; and it's a lot of work!

This past month, me the inadequate parent, found out that 'O' level students now take TWO preliminaries; the first one was in March! I cannot wrap my head around that! When did this madness begin?

Steven Covey the guru of get-things-done said to "Begin with the end in mind". 

I wonder what is the end in mind here? This is not a question about economics; it ought to be a question about Purpose.

My end in mind may just be divergent. And so, I will be classified as 'different', 'fail'... or as my funny friend used to say, we are the 'outstanding' ones - always made to stand outside/out.


How many parents end up feeling like I do, I wonder?

If you do feel lost, tired, discouraged or just plain lousy, share in the comments please.

Because you are making a difference, your way

A confession.

There are days I wonder what on earth I am doing. This post for example, what is . its . point? Why sit on a cushy chair and write when there are starving children, traumatized human slaves, lonely women, marriages falling apart and systemic evils?

You have them too don't you?

Such days call for remembering old lessons and seeking new ones. 

credit: PaoloTy

Old lessons:

1. There is only so much a brain and heart can handle.
I just heard they have been studying Einstein's brain for 60 years; this doctor kept it in a large cookie jar for a long time...and we found: thinking about complex Mathematical matters gives you not a larger brain; but a different brain. Or it was the brain that came first... Still Einstein's brain was preoccupied with higher cognition issues and as such he didn't garden, bake or write songs.
What do we want our brain to handle?

Endless questioning robs us of precious energy and brain space which can be well used persevering with what we already do; and learning to do it better. (this post will see re-drafts and editing).

2. The happy heart serves up the best meals
If we go to whatever it is we do with misgivings, disgruntlement, jealousy over others' lot and other such toxins; neither the work we do or the outcomes will be pretty. I consistently noticed that people who do amazing work - from crocheting to selling ideas - totally throw their heart into what they do.

It just matters to them. Others may laugh, criticize, mock or reduce...but they solider on, happily absorbed in what they are on to.

3. There is a God above and the results are not out yet
We are way too used to the exam script. Hustle, sweat and wait for the result slip. Sorry, but where your life is being poured out - listening, praying, going to work each day, noticing your colleagues, interceding for world needs, taking your kids to school, nursing that sick parent... there is no result slip that can tell you how well you have done.

The only indicator is the one within your bosom: do it with great love, advised dear Mother Teresa.

New lessons?

Actually, so far for me, it just seems to be a layering of the old ones. When I get restless and angst; and want to invent some great good to achieve, I leaf through these old lessons and let them strap me back onto my seat. Then I breathe deep...and I feel them more keenly, see more deeply.... I settle back into my chair; and get on with the day before me.

Sometimes, an old memory returns - a mercy of course. This morning two came to me.

I think of the surprise I felt when a young lady ran up to me and thanked me for helping her turn a corner. I don't quite recall what I said or did! Then as I sat lifting up needs and just naming them... I recalled the impression I received at my mother's passing: that I need no longer be the spiritual gatekeeper for my large family. That impression surprised me too. It wasn't a role I had thought up or defined. I clumsily loved and inconsistently prayed...and at that word I felt a huge burden roll off my shoulder.

Sometimes we just don't know what we are doing and the difference we are making. 

I have found we are happiest when we don't worry our little heads about that!

Go have a great day doing what needs to be done, what comes your way, and sit deep in your chair!

walking on at King's Park with Charisse Neo

How you and I can live Easter/Kingdom

Why do we love Easter?

When I was young, the church gave us red eggs. It was a treat! There was also so much more smiling, an air of happiness and celebration. Jesus rose from the dead! He is alive!

Then Jesus' resurrection moved from eggs to inquiry: did he really rise from the dead? Where is the evidence?

Then it moved on some more. Easter was not to vindicate that I chose a better faith - one that was sound, true, and powerful - but it was God about doing something; and giving me a chance to be a part of it.

This final understanding continues to unfold for me.

It began as some rather vague connection about defeating death and so guaranteeing eternal life, proving heaven is real, facing down death.. and then moved on to: overcoming, healing, freedom ..
Indeed, one can attach a host of true as well as romantic notions to the  Easter event. I have even read that Jesus' first appearance to women was a woman's right triumph! All shades of the religious spectrum interpret and use the Easter event to great effect {minus the bunnies and chocolates}.


But to get to what Easter is about; we have to get Jesus. It was his triumph to begin with. It was he who embraced the death, reckoned with the powers, entered the abyss, and then rose!

To make sense of Easter then, we would have to trace what he has been saying and how he has been living. We would have to observe what mattered to him - what he would have been willing to die for.

Jesus' message is the Kingdom of God.

"repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand"

It is a message continuous with the story God revealed and preserved in the Torah. In fact, Jesus used the Torah on several occasions to connect who he is, and what he did with God's great act of deliverance and with God Himself. Jesus did not hide his divinity or the Divine Agenda he was about.

“If I, with the finger of God, cast out demons among you, then the Kingdom of God has come near to you” {reference to Moses}

Followers of Jesus need to know this. Seekers of truth need to ponder this. Pursuers of passion need to grapple with this.

Jesus lived the Kingdom in his words and his ways. It was pretty scandalous in his day -

Welcoming children.

Talking with women and even granting them status as disciples, and accepting support from them

Befriending the dubious and doubtful

Leading a team of not-quite-theres

Both observing religious obligations and breaking them 

Wait --- it looks like it would still be pretty scandalous today!

Children - we can talk a lot about them; but in Singapore, they are still the fringe. From school hours to performance expectations; we don't consider their needs but demand they fit our economic framework. I was appalled to hear that school buses ply as early as 5.45am because they want to leave on time to ferry factory workers. Don't we have enough to nationalise/subsidise transport for our children if we want to? We can make the buses go round robin in estates to send all children to schools in an area? All those minibuses that serve condominiums can be tapped on?

Women - all we ever talk about is women making it on par with men! That is our measure. Women make wonderful disciples, leaders, evangelists and so on in all seasons of their lives. We are designed to multi-task, to adapt to seasons, to nurture and build community. Interestingly, these obvious traits are now seen as useful in the boardroom {yet again}. In our world that equates worth with economic value; many women are not valued: home-makers, care-givers, wives, grandmothers...Too little imagination is allowed for women to flourish as creatives, community builders, life-shapers unless it comes with a label called 'work' or 'entrepreneur'.

Doubting? Not quite reformed? - Most of them are walking around in the corridors of our church; some are even leading up front. But is there a safe space for them to share their questions; to be helped to grow and overcome? We are impatient for change, growth, commitment. After three years with Jesus, the disciples were still very clueless and unformed in many ways. We need to handle the tension that with the indwelling Holy Spirit in believers today; amazing growth can happen. Yet, some seem to to be given more to doubt and skepticism. But where there is a seed of faith; give it time to germinate.

Dream team? - Not a few of the 12 smelt fishy - they had issues. They weren't sterling model citizens. My bug bear? We gravitate like bugs to a light when it comes to selecting leaders: let's go with the rich, successful, respectable {which can also mean busy, and quite set in their ways}. I have met and worked with many amazing leaders; but this approach can dangerously load huge Egos onto the wagon. Conflict that's in the end all about personality - too many to name.


But I am heartened because we are growing up, people!

I have met individuals who have overhauled their lifestyles, who reach out to children, the fringe, the sick, the elderly. Individuals who care for the earth. Individuals who take their voice all the way up to the Parliament.
There are those who work with passion from the ground up to change mindsets, instil hope, create social spaces and conversations that ignite imagination and free souls.
There are groups that want to foster a richer, deeper connection with God.
There are groups made up of Kingdom ragamuffins who want to help each other along.

Signs of the Kingdom!

What about you? Which aspect of the Kingdom stirs within you? Put your hand to the plough and work at it. Follow Jesus!

Here's an idea for you to find clues to your Kingdom portion:
read the Gospels slowly. Savour the stories and the words. Which one repeatedly jumps up at you? Which one moves you to tears? Which one made you sigh and wished you were present; and what would you be doing there?

Holy Week 5: when we speak before we think - an extrovert's confession

On our tenth time going out or thereabouts, the boyfriend said to me, "you speak before you think". Yes, even before we were married. we ran smack into our deep differences and we did not always handle it kindly!

No one had ever said that to me (I didn't connect it with what my primary school teacher had written in my report book: "...very talkative.."). Growing up in a large family and watching how folks in my poor neighbourhood often jostled for space, rights and voice had perhaps built into me a necessity to know, reach, and speak up - or be forgotten and left behind. I aced my General Knowledge quizzes, I raised my hands to ask questions, I spoke.

So yes, I turned out an extrovert. Even with my love and need for solitude now; this basic personality bent remains. Which is why, Peter the disciple is understandable to me. I suspect some of us get him more than others.

Watch Peter here: the skit guys {click}

My introvert husband always felt a little jealous of us extroverts - our ease in company, our ability to connect quickly and with so many!

Yes Peter not only connected with Jesus fast; he believed deeply that he had a great relationship with His Master. His own estimate of the relationship was so optimistic and ideal that he did not recognise his potential to fail.

Observing Peter over the years has grown me. He is the most fleshed out character among the disciples. See if you chuckle a bit at recognizing yourself or someone you know: 

He is demonstrative

Luke 5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”

He answers on his feet (literally!), he is observant

Luke 8:45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”

Mark 11:21 Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!”

He responds fast

Matthew 14:28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

John 21:7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.

He asks questions

Matthew 15:15 Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

 Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

He is perceptive

Matthew 16:16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

John 6:68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

He believes he is special

Matthew 16:22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

He wants to contribute/solve/seek the best

Matthew 17:4 Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

He gives his all

Matthew 19:27 “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”

John 13:37 “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”Matthew 26:35  “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.

He reacts in line with his feelings and beliefs

John 13:6-8  He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” .....“No, you shall never wash my feet.”.... “Then, Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

He denies Jesus

Luke 22:60  “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

He may be ADHD? He certainly influences the others

John 21:3 “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.”

Peter is very instructive for me. I see my own zeal as well as foibles in him.

But most of all, it is the way Jesus believes in him, is patient with him, calls him forth, and restores him that moves me deeply. 

Jesus loved Peter with his personality strengths and weaknesses. Jesus also sees beyond the Cephas to the Petra. Cephas was his name. Petra (rock) was his true substance. But Petra won't happen as he remained Cephas. The rock is forged over time with an assault of the elements of faith, doubt, fear, and healing.

 If who we truly are is to emerge; we must be who we are now, bravely and trust the LORD to take us there.

But it's no harm holding back a bit; learn from our Introvert brethren, and pray this prayer in the meantime:

 Psalm 141:3 ~ Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Holy Week 4: the power of a soul's shape, 30 pieces of silver and how much Jesus is to you

Someone may yet make another movie of the last days of Jesus.

It has all the elements of a great story: there is tension, scheming, gender observations, power struggle, religion, politics, crowds, and of course; a hero.

A silver screen rendering that awakens our imagination and stirs us emotionally may help our faith.

Or maybe not.

The answer lies in the shape of our souls. Is it receptive and open, or has it calcified and hardened?


The final days of Jesus unfolds as an outcome of soul shapes really.

It was the souls of the religious elite, the people, of Pilate and Herod - that shaped how conversations went and how the events moved on one to the next.

If Pilate had a hunger for truth, he may have made a different choice and things would be different.... Equally, it was Jesus' soul - determined to do the Father's will - that led him to clash with the powers and people; and saw him end up on the Cross.

Yes, God's plan to save us would still stand. But the shapes of the souls involved each of them in a specific way. 

Yet this most powerful reality is largely hidden from our view. As a result, we may not notice or pay attention to the state and shape of our souls. Yet it is powerful to turning situations one way or another. Among the disciples, one of them would be instrumentally used by the Enemy against his Rabbi, his teacher, his friend. In his soul, there was a churning of discontent, anger, disappointment with Jesus. He was unable to get Jesus' priority. He had allowed himself to compromise, raitonalising it away... his soul was taking on a shape that would not fit the shape of the Cross.

“Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.                      ~ John 12v5-6

In the end, when Judas' soul was shaped to fit the equivalent of 30 pieces of silver.



I have sadly seen more Christians fight over money than probably anything else.


Maybe we have forgotten Jesus' words; calling us to be mindful of the power of money to dent our souls and recast us in a mould that in the end wouldn't allow us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow -- which means we may well bear the Name and be on a very different path.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. ~ Matthew 6v24

I have always been intrigued that Jesus singles out Money as the competition for our allegiance, loyalty, and faith.

And if it stays as a cognitive curiosity I am in trouble. I need to hear, seriously hear this words and ask myself the hard questions -

what does money mean to me?
what do I really look to for security?
will I trust God when I am in want?
will I strike out at a brother or sister when I am robbed?

This inner seeing and search will reveal the shape of our souls.

This is the sad commentary of Judas' soul -

"...thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel.." ~ Matthew 27v9

This is it? A man is but thirty pieces of silver? Wouldn't this mean that when we betray our Saviour; that is how much He is worth to us too? All of Judas' dreams, experiences, personal moments with Jesus. All of Jesus' life and message added up to but thirty pieces of silver....which would purchase a small piece of real estate. It is shocking and grievous isn't it?

Our soul shape shows how much Jesus means to us. 

And mind you, it is this not-easily-seen shape that is shaping things up.

.... perhaps this song as you reflect: O Sacred Head Now Wounded {click}

credit: kellylydick

Holy Week 3: the kingdom is in your midst!

I asked a few dear souls what this week, this season means to them:

Holy Week is a yearly time for me to take a journey inward, to let His light give illumination on some area of my life that needs His redemptive love and lift. Last year He whispered, "Choose what gives life.". – Kenny Chee

Over the past few years, I've come to understand and observe Lent as a season of identifying with Jesus who experienced the tension between his humanity and divinity, in seeking to relate with humanity. It is like standing between two mirrors: one reflects my pre-Christ human condition, which from time to time attempts to reach out from the flesh and seize control; and the other reflects my in-Christ condition, which I continue to grow in and into. Lent is thus the remembrance and observance of the preparatory journey in the inner man to the Cross and the Resurrection. - Ronald & Ethel

Holy Week serves as a timely reminder to us to "practice the presence of God" in our daily life. We try to slow things down, de-clutter our routine and be more mindful of God-appointed moments. All this in order to ponder again and to be renewed by what Jesus has done for us on the cross and what he is doing in us along the journey of life. — Aaron & Namiko Lee

Do you see it?

Their responses describe it so well. Holy Week is not just a rolling of the hours for some remembrance on Good Friday and then a trump of smallish victory at Easter service.

But -

with our eyes socked right in front of our skulls, we tend to look ahead and outward. Yet we have another way of seeing; one we need to learn to use and get used to. It is the look inward. This season, this week, we must use this other way of seeing; where we turn our gaze inward - to where the deeper things lie.

If you want to know --

why you react the way you do;
what truly motivates you
what matters to you
what grieves you
what has mastery over you

you need to look within.


The religious elite, the disciples, the crowd; they all looked outward. They set their attention of what Jesus did; and how it benefited or threatened them. They tried to interpret his actions, maybe even hoped to crack the code so they can do likewise; or otherwise ensure they don't lose out on the miraculous and the action they hope would come when Jesus stands down the Roman powers and ushers in God's kingdom.

So many missed it.

"The Kingdom is in your midst!", Jesus had pronounced.

How would you respond if you were a humble bread maker whose earnings were meagre, or wife to a fisherman who comes home each evening smelling of sea and fish? Would you sneer if you were an up-and-coming young rabbi who has been praised and selected to mingle with the religious big wigs?

We reason it: why, the King is walking about! The potential for the kingdom is always at hand.

But God is not looking for us to explain anything; and of course most of the time our reasoning is meant to convince ourselves!

Of course there have been miracles. Of course the teaching is enrapturing. It still is today. But we can - like the crowds and the leaders; even the disciples - still sort of miss it. 

Jesus was inviting them, and us today; to consider Him as-the-king right in the middle of not-quite-obviously-Kingdom. Jesus was inviting them, and us today; to look into our hearts and find that the Kingdom is what we long for: peace, rule, stability, kindness, compassion, one-ness, purpose...

And as we look, really look. we may find that our Kingdom notions are hazy. We will most certainly with honesty, see that our longing for the Kingdom is being challenged and perhaps undermined by other loves and loyalties.

This week is our appointed time to lean into our Kingdom longings, to feel deeply and really pay attention. 

Here in Singapore, we just lost a father to our nation. With the outpouring of grief and the demonstrations of consideration; we are feeling the rise of a new day. Like the crowds in Jerusalem; we mutter softly, "what if..".  But "what if's" never brought in anything solidly new.

In fact, the crowd, through bribery, coercion and the failures of individual hearts in the end turned on the One they had hoped would bring in the new day - because - they would not identify that God's kingdom must come by God's ways.

A new day for our own lives, families, and for Singapore won't come any other way; for God's ways are unchanging as they are rooted in His character.

If we want a new day to come, we want the kingdom of joy and peace; then we must accept that it comes by the way of the Dolorosa - the long road of cross-bearing and finally, death.

Bonhoeffer, the Kingdom dreamer who would pay for his dream with his life said,

"When Christ bids you come, he bids you come to die.".

A few years ago I began a habit of wearing black and being plain on Good Friday. I mourn not for Christ; for He is risen, but for myself. I am a reluctant die-er. I mourn how my dying is slow. I cling to a false life easily. It sounds crazy to stay hooked to a limited tank of oxygen when one is being invited to a clean, oxygenated garden of delights. But this is me. I am guessing this is you too some days, many days. So I mourn and repent.

But every time, I see that I am even more an eager live-er. I want to really live! So -- I am willing to die.


The kingdom of God, like God himself, is hard for us to get.
We won't quite grasp it with those eyes looking outward.
We need to look within.

And we shall find it lives there, brilliant and dazzling, enthralling and absorbing; and it is pulsing with Life. If we care to open our hearts to others and really receive; we find that it is alive and growing in the spaces between us, binding us to each other.

When we touch it, the Life flows into us and renews us. We get up another day and fight on, live on, laugh on, dream on -- as the Kingdom takes shape in, through and beyond us.

and perhaps this old, meaningfully-worded song: Jesus, God's righteousness revealed {click} as you look inward for a while.