Bottom lines and the Bible : a leaf from Beauty

We want the bottom line.

I suppose bottom lines give us a sense of control, allowing us to say, "this is what it's about", "enough is enough", "no negotiation here". So often, I hear people asking for the bottom line:

We cannot divorce right?

Surely God loves me right?

How come others are more successful than me?

Whose fault is it?

The straightforward, clear, and predetermined answer that absolves so us from further thought, wrestling, and struggle.

But life bottoms out more than it has bottom lines.

Our bottom line approach can only get us so far. Perhaps this is why the Bible is so laborious: long meandering stories, unpleasant gore and savagery that can be so repulsive to our modern sensibilities, notions rooted in cultures alien to our urban mindsets...not to mention the names we may never know to how pronounce properly! 

How often we wish it would be an easier read, filled with clear injunctions and instructions. The straight and narrow should come with clear signs and guard rails!

I just returned from a trip to China which included a visit to the famous Jiu Zai Gou (九寨沟). It is a nine hour bus ride through mountain passes, dusty quarries, and remote Tibetan villages. Then, after all that wearying travel, you enter a Narnian world of wild and amazing beauty:

On a good number of the walks, the wooden slate walkways had absolutely no guard rails. I was concerned my ten-year old would accidentally slip into one of the icy lakes or rivers. Without the guard rails, the beauty and power of Nature seemed so much closer. There was nothing between us. My breath was swept away by the evocative and mesmerising power of such raw beauty. I felt enveloped by it and drawn to step right into it and be lost in it.

Michael Fryer describes it thus:

"Beauty is not some vague, abstract idea. It's the opposite... when there is a dearth of hope, beauty in all its forms, has the ability to create moments of transcendence."

Viktor Frankl, the Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who wrote Man's Search for Meaning described the impact of nature on the prisoners:

"As the inner life of the prisoner tended to become more intense, he also experienced the beauty of art and nature as never before. Under their influence he sometimes forgets his own frightful circumstances. If someone had seen our faces on the journey from Aucshwitz to a Bavarian camp as we beheld the mountains of Salzburg with their summits flowing in the sunset, through the little barred windows of the prison carriage, he would never have believed that those faces there the faces of men who had given up all hope of life and liberty...we were carried away by nature's beauty, which we had missed for so long."

What do we do with Beauty's power? 

We try to capture it, interpret it, convey it - with photos, paintings, songs, and stories. [JiuZaiGou was the location for this cinematically breath-taking scene in the film Hero; which I suspect made many regular kungfu fans yawn at the lack of action! You can watch it here later: wow scenery, slow kungfu moves ]

Life according to humans is our technological manipulation of nature for our ends: to enjoy ease, pleasure and productivity. But in truth, nature teaches us what we need to know about life. 

Jiu Zai Gou reminded me of the sheer wonder of life and the God who lay behind its creation. The clear pools created in me such a longing for clarity and made me aware of how murky our lives are. The strange little buds growing out of fallen tree stumps that sit in the water speak to me of the persistence of life despite odds. The beautiful and pristine snow that will always melt when the sun shines on it calls out to me to let go, melt away as it were, because melted snow becomes life-giving water.

This encounter required eighteen hours of rugged journey.

God is actually less elusive and more accessible. But we must still make the journey.

The journey through your own soul's many twists and turns.

The journey through loving, being loved, hurting, being hurt in God's family.

The journey through seasons and stations, starting and stopping.
The journey through losses, gains, suffering and resurrection.

In particular, this morning I thought of a journey so many of us are reluctant to make and pay a high price for: the journey through Holy Writ. We are satisfied to have bits and bytes because the Bible really seems such a thick and difficult book.

I had considered being satisfied with looking at pictures of Jiu Zai Gou from the Net. That would be the bottom line approach perhaps. We had worked right before and after the trip and the thought of the journey felt wearisome enough.  But I also know that I am not likely to pass that way again. 

I am so grateful we went, even if at one point, the tour guide warned us that accidents do occur, prompting me to pray that we would be transported heavenward as a family and not leave anyone behind!

Perhaps the Bible, like nature's wild beauty beckons us to enter in and have transcendent encounters. 

The Bible is not a piece of literature to be mastered. Rather, it is a gift from God to tell us again and again the nature of life and the transcendence therein. 

When I was younger, I loved the hard-hitting words of Paul. They were clear and filled with specific practical instructions. We need those. But as I grow older, I cherish too the many stories, the histories, the word pictures, because as I enter the stories, I find that I am not alone in my cowardice, my fear, my little faith, my dreams, my hopes…

This Holy Week, I re-read once again the closing days of Jesus' life. The younger me would have tired of going over the same ground. I already got the bottom line. But after experiencing that the bottom line is a thin thread, I know I need something far better: a large safety net. As I read and enter into the details of the account, thinking about the facts, wondering about the events, feeling the emotions, sensing the atmosphere… I enter Jesus' story and life even as it enters me. It's as if truth wraps its self around me like a blanket against the biting cold realities of our world, enabling me to keep walking.

Future ready?

I suppose some things will remain.

We certainly hope so: those jobs that carry prestige and bring in the moolah - bankers, doctors, engineers, lawyers, vets... The Professionals.

Some of us grudgingly admit that a 'proper job' is acceptable and can be a source of pride: designers, dancers, singers... The Presentables.

But what if your child and you are clueless about what the trajectory looks like? Is it time to panic?

How do we work out the tension between wanting our kids to have a life (and especially a childhood) and a future that we don't even know about?

We have heard enough about how fast the pace of change is. Later this year, we may have a wristband that can transmit your phone image and you can swipe your arm!

Some of us cheer, some will jeer, others will find it just plain queer that such an 'innovation' is required at all [not to mention the Evangelical obsession with last days and the anti-Christ].


But we are mostly thinking of change in terms of product innovation. There is another change afoot.

This video speaks of change based on current trajectory and it's mighty exciting and scary at once.


Yet if we pay attention to the news; this trajectory may have serious tangents and disruptions-

The economy isn't working well anymore.

There aren't enough real jobs.

 We haven't had any real innovation for a while (though many projects are at the cusp of success if they could have funding - and many for good causes, such as cleaning up the seas).

 There is rising discontent on multiple levels in many societies, poor and affluent.

 A property magnate thinks he can be the American president.

 There are alternative models of business and financing via the Internet that parallels or may overtake traditional markets.

There is cause for much worry - if - we sit around and expect things to be fixed for us.


How shall we raise our children to be future ready?


You remember how at some point, you asked, "what is the point of studying this?".
It's a question prompted by sloth and some real inquiry. We used to moan a little then get on with it.
Today, when kids ask the question, it's kinda like us; but they are onto more. They already live in a different world than us. We inhabit the same spaces but do not see and interpret them the same way.

Perhaps then, what we need is to stop imagining a future we cannot quite see; but get into heads and hearts more to see the future the way they are envisaging it. More than once my mighty teen has said, "Mom, it won't be like that". It gave me pause. 

We should bring the great unknown into out discussion, and then, read the amazing legacies of exploration.

scaling everest
braving the antartic
crossing the seas
plumbing the depths

read about these -

scientists
adventurers
biologists
trekkers
missionaries

If it's going to be new territory, perhaps the best way to be future ready is to be inspired to see the future as a space to be explored and conquered. It is best to prepare to develop grit, compassion, and collaboration. It is necessary to have basic survival skills honed: reading, problem-solving, relatonal intelligence, self-care. It is time to face the fears and demons. It is time to find a reason for living.

And I have found that I need to keep seeking my own reason for living in order to believe in life, in my place here, and not be overwhelmed. I guess I am modeling for my children how to face the future.


I'm thinking this is how best to be future ready. What about you?

How sorry is sorry enough....and why it matters.

How sorry is sorry enough?

In our world of feel-good, no one wants to be, feel, or say sorry these days. I mean, when was the last time you apologized to someone; or had someone apologized to you?

There is even a need for a book like this:

We are awkward, clumsy, unsure and unwilling about it.
Parents, especially moms are probably luckiest when our kids, very little, are fairly quick to say sorry.

But they outgrow it!

What does 'sorry' mean?

There are two things to be sorry about when something goes wrong. We are sorry for our actions. We are sorry for the effects of our actions; how it has impacted others.

Whilst the children were still little, I learnt from watching other parents to teach them to say, 

I am sorry I disobeyed and didn't pack my toys.

I am sorry I threw the toy on the floor. 

-- an apology that includes how they feel and what they did wrong. 

The thing is, well into adulthood, we continue to have our toys and tantrums. But we may well have learnt the fine skill of justifying and rationalizing it all. We would also have learnt the art of self-defense where our motives and actions are always somewhat right so there's nothing to really apologize for.

Deeper into the territory, we may decide that it is pointless to apologize or feel sorry since nothing really changes; we are just different and should go our separate ways.

This explains why with all our education and the best of spiritual persuasion, the world is full of pride and prejudice, selfishness and sin: we learn to be comfortable with it all; it's the way things are and we can’t really change it.

Some of us even parent our children into this reality -

You mustn't trust anybody so easily
If you don't fight for it, someone else will get it
Take care of yourself, no one is going to take care of you

Any wonder if our homes and churches and communities ricochet with hurt, accusation and apathy?

I wonder about this. No one ever taught me to say sorry. I was totally bad at it. There were very few instances I felt a need to express it, and when I did, it rarely found it way through my teeth. Feeling remorseful and wrestling with regret is more virgin territory to me than uttering the word 'sorry'.

What I saw growing up was folks making amends and coping: the uneasy, awkward silence, the clumsy attempts to patch up with deeds of kindness, staying away to avoid further trouble, or just being silent and hoping it will all be forgotten in time. I could never be sure where the relationships stood. They were not classroom lessons; but lessons nonetheless - more is caught than taught after all.

But these approaches didn't cut it. Not as a spouse, a parent or a leader.

My spouse is the expert 'apologiser'. I tease him (and believe) that his apologies have many times saved our marriage. Sometimes I look at him and wonder what on earth he is even apologising for! We are both sensitive souls; but perhaps sensitised to slightly different stimuli.

My children of course were not going to be able to learn well if they don't have a humble posture in life. To help them learn the needful art of restoring relationships, I needed to model apology for them; and there were plenty of opportunities for sure:

Mom is so sorry I raised my voice just now
I am so sorry you feel this way...
Sniff, I am sorry, please let's forgive each other and hug up...
Sorry I had to turn the TV off because…
Mom is crying because I am sorry I disobeyed God…

Life is about growing in Grace and Truth - the twin pillars of living for what's right, and in a way that is bold and enriches others - and being sorry is inevitable. The energy for sorrow and making amends propels us towards growth. We learn from our failures and persevere in our convictions. We hack away the tendrils of complacency and compromise to be able to stand tall and strong. We fight our self-preservation tendencies and pride to hunker down and do the work necessary to keep the ship afloat and sailing.

The power of being sorry, rightly.

Like all powers, it begins early and has to be trained and harnessed. It is not a true power when a child says sorry when told to. It is not a true power when an adult says sorry because he's backed against a wall. It has to happen from the inside out. 

So how sorry is enough?

It's easy to tell a child to 'say sorry'. But we must do more.

We must then progress to help them see the values behind it and nurture their hearts to embrace those values:

relationships matter,
truth matters,
your motives and methods matter.

Above all, when we are proud and loveless, when we choose the easy way out and lie or cheat, when we pretend and hide behind a veneer of respectability and good behaviour, we are doing self-harm and dis- honouring God.

Saying sorry needs to be taken to the highest court.

 I have found that no real change happens until this occurs. When we are willing to stand before God and admit our sin, when we can turn to another and admit the pain we caused them…..when we are truly sorry, we change. Short of that, we easily return our old ways and fall into familiar ruts again and again. This is how we get jaded and numbed and cynical of real change and Kingdom glory.

In fact, many traditions and cultures create a way for apology and renewal of trust; often at cusp of a new year.

The Muslims seek the forgiveness of their elders at the start of Adil Fitri.
The Hindus are stern about familial order - if you touched an older person rudely, an immediate apology is required.
The Chinese will organise a meal where the aggrieved party is served tea by the contrite offender.

For the Christian?

There is confession before God that can happen anytime - what freedom!

"if we confess our sins, he is just faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." ~ 1 John 1v9

And then there are Seasons for deeper reflections leading to root origins of some of our most pernicious and duplicitous behaviour. We are in such a season right now: Lent. It began with Ash Wednesday when we remember our mortality and our sinful bent and mark it with ash on our foreheads (not all Churches do so these days).

Christians who have known mercy and live upon Grace, and know how to say sorry will be peace-makers, and O how our world needs that!


And here is a portion of the wonderful movie Inside Out that can be a great tutorial. Sorry is a hard territory and can be a long way - through the places of pride and fear of being rejected or ridiculed. But Short cuts may not cut it... a clip from Inside Out... and this is what it's like - just a series of events...when we don't ever process all our jumbled emotions...

and if you want a proper study about it: when a Japanese apologises and when an American does.

Those Teen Years: blessing or what!?!

I know this is how we feel: 'children are a blessing'..... but teens -- are something else!

There is a saying from Mark Twain that typifies the attitude many adults have toward teenagers: 

“When a child turns twelve you should put him in a barrel, nail the lid down and feed him through a knothole. When he turns sixteen, plug the hole!”

Today, it's more like when they turn 10!

Here is much wisdom from a man who lives deeply, resisting the world's mould and seeking the Kingdom. I highlights bits for us:

When we are out of sympathy with the young, then I think our work in this world is over. 

–George MacDonald

The teen years are often the most difficult in a person’s life. They involve intense struggles, feelings, and changes, many of which teenagers have a hard time verbalizing. Yet I believe that despite the turbulence of adolescence, these years can be a truly wonderful time. It may be a difficult period of life, but why should it be an especially negative one? I wonder if psychologists, sociologists, and the media have so overemphasized the downside of adolescence that today’s youth cannot help living out the stereotypes put on them?

Teen years are an age of opportunity instead of a test of parental endurance. Besides, there is something about youth that we adults need to learn from. It is often young people who push for real changes.

We have seen this time and again all over the world: the White Rose movement in Hitler Germany, for example, or the young people who demonstrated in Tiananmen Square in China, or the growing movement of activism against war, racism, and environmental exploitation here in the United States. Actually, the youth of our nation are not being given enough credit for the many positive things they have done and are doing, especially in light of all the outside pressures they have to deal with.

But all teenagers also struggle with certain emotional, physical, intellectual, and social challenges. Their internal worlds consist of a jumble of tensions: emotional highs and lows, a desire to be left alone and to be included, a need for freedom and a longing for greater responsibility, a feeling of invincibility and a fear of failure, questioning authority and the need to fit in, submitting to peer pressure on the one hand and adult authority on the other.

For this reason parents and teachers need to have extra-big hearts for young people. The battle around them, as well as in them, rages in full force. Very few teenagers pass through these years without at least a few bumps and bruises. Many are wounded for life. But this is all the more reason to see it as a privilege to be with youth: to work with them, to share their joys and struggles, to be a friend to them, and to guide them to what they are meant to become.

Teens share most easily with adults who have an understanding and acceptance of themselves. By revealing who you are, by sharing about the struggles you have had, and by reflecting on your own life experiences, you are inviting the young person under your care to do the same. Teenagers appreciate it when an adult is candid and up-front with them. For a teen, honest sharing means “I trust you enough to tell you the whole story.”

This doesn’t mean they will automatically share what they are thinking and feeling. Teenagers in general resent having to communicate on demand. It is rarely helpful to say: “Why don’t you ever share with us? Why won’t you say something?” This only makes teens clamp up even more. Our role is to express care and interest in their lives, and to do so through deeds, not by peppering them with questions.

Also, a good dose of humility can go a long way to reaching a teenager’s heart. Teens need parents and adults who will admit their own limitations and say they are sorry. Teens need to see that adults are human. One young woman wrote to me:

Most kids growing up naturally think that their parents are “the best.” At least this is how it was for me. They knew best and that’s why they had the final say. But when I got into my teen years, wow, everything turned upside down. I became very rebellious and was determined to fight my parents tooth and nail. The day came, however, when I realized that my parents were not perfect people. When I realized that my parents were just like me, that they had their own problems to deal with, that they made mistakes and wrong decisions and would also say they were sorry, my relationship with them began to relax. I could start to open up. It wasn’t just them against me.

I am glad young people question things. And they tend to question everything – especially if it’s something Mom and Dad hold to. They often think they know it all, and thus it is tempting to try and put them in their place. Granted, it is not always easy to determine if a child’s rebellion is serving the cause of good or of evil (hence prayer is such a powerful refuge and resource!), and teenagers still have a lot to learn. But we can kill our relationship with a teenage son or daughter – and teachers can erect instant walls between themselves and their students – if we fail to really listen to them. We should never talk at young people, but with them.

There is nothing worse for a young person than to be treated like a kid. When we treat a young person like an intelligent, thoughtful human being, that teen will eventually respond and most likely start acting like one!

 

Out of love for young people, we need to do everything we can to help them formulate their thinking and express their ideas.

As teens open up, it’s important to listen non-judgmentally. This doesn’t mean expressing agreement. It only means that you are eager to know what they are thinking and feeling and that you don’t get all worked up in response to some outlandish or contradictory remark. (they are dramatic; listen beyond the words and tone).

Adolescents are thinking about life, questioning and processing the values that have been instilled in them. They often try on different ideas (so don't panic and jump to conclusions too soon), much like the different clothes they wear. The feeling that “now I am an adult and I can do it better than you” plays a bigger role than we realize. They are in the process of formulating their own opinions and ideas.

They want to become their own persons and for this reason will often gravitate towards viewpoints that differ from their parents and the adults around them. In fact, they often would rather have their own opinion than be right. This should not be read as a sign of rejection. (ouch, but give them a chance to explore: like maybe visit other churches, try out clothes [you can maintain how much cloth there should be] & music [you can appeal to volume for peace at home]...

The main thing is to keep an open relationship with our teens. If they feel understood, valued, supported, and trusted, they will respond – even if begrudgingly at times – to our guidance. To nurture a relationship doesn’t mean we forgo speaking a straight word when it is needed or hesitate to set clear boundaries where necessary. In fact, despite complaints to the contrary, teenagers need and want limits. The issue is how best to set and enforce them. Teens, of course, will naturally push the limits. But clear boundaries communicate care and concern. Without rules and structure teenagers get the message that we adults do not love them or care about their well-being.

Again and again we need to find ways to let our teenagers know that we are there for them. We need to keep encouraging them. The word “encourage” comes from the French and literally means to give someone heart. Teenagers, like all people, need ten times more positive, supportive feedback than negative. Concentrate on their accomplishments, not on their failures.

  

Harold Loukes, the Quaker educator, writes: “The young do not need to be preached at; they need to be given a task.” We need to entrust young people with meaningful responsibilities. They need to feel needed. Teenagers do better, and are happier, when they have useful and necessary tasks that demand something from them. They want to be counted on.

I will always be grateful for how my father kept pointing me to use every day to serve others; that my happiness depended not on what I could get out of life for myself but in considering others. Young people need to know that every seemingly tiny deed of love can have a tremendous ripple effect. An act of kindness, or standing up for one’s convictions, adds goodness, instead of pain, to our world.

In my experience, young people will take up this challenge. It’s not a matter of pressuring them to follow our path or of making choices for them so they will do “the right thing.” It’s about helping them to see that only by turning to God and looking beyond themselves will their lives obtain true dignity and fulfillment.

gratefully from: Johann Christoph Arnold  {The Plough}

What God teaches us about Discipline so we can get it!

D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E.

If we won't discipline our thoughts, feelings, bodies, motivations and energies; they will overrun their banks. 

They will get unruly. They will fake a sense of freedom. They will lap you up and drown you under. 

I think that may be what happened way back in the Garden.

Before Eve reached out to accept the fruit and bite into it, she failed to rein in her imagination to the boundaries of obedience. Before Adam acquiesced and partook of it, he failed to retrieve the file called 'God has said' and let something else take over.

This is a mighty lesson for all our souls, and especially for us parents, teachers, leaders of all stripes.

If you are going to build your life, any life; then the big D word must feature prominently.

How is the million-dollar Q isn't it? Like this famous? The famous marshmallow test {if you have 4 minutes}

Which also means that the D word  connects Obedience, Free Will, Relational Trust and Rewards.


As a parent, coach, leader, I grapple with this for myself and others. And then eureka! Perhaps I can
take a leaf from the All-Wise!

Here's how God does it for his children; and we can imperfectly follow in it:

1. He accept us 

Before we could do a thing or feel even an itty-bit 'godly'; He sent his Son to die for us. It's a decision God made without reference to our condition or response.

I'm not the most diligent person ever; but God's acceptance stirs up a desire in me to be my best.

2. He gives us a vision

So much of what God says about his children don't make sense logically. While the children of Israel, yes, that bunch of wandering Arameans were stuck in the mire of their sins, God sends prophets who often painted pictures of incredulous future outcomes: rivers in the desert, peace, light to nations. If ever we whimper, God whispers, "You ain't see nothing yet".

when western Sahara meets the Atlantic..and how the waters shape it

3. He tells us there is a reward

God always leads by promises. Promised Land, Heavenly City. He invites, He draws, He woos. We continually confuse him with some other deity conjured by our guilt and fear; who scolds, pounces and withholds. 'No good thing will He withhold from those whose walk is upright' the Psalmist says. 'There is a crown of life' waiting. He even weaves rewards into the journey like celebrations of milestones. Maybe a rainbow, a surprise visit by a friend, a timely prayer, a kind helping hand, a new friendship.

4. He journeys with us

Isn't this our favourite part? The Immanuel bit. But before we get all chummy about it; let's remember God is not a tag-along. I have found so much relief and rest for my soul to remember that I am the passenger going for the ride here. Even so, I can particpate in the navigation, respond to the conversation, take in the views and record the sightings. Sometimes, i drift off and snooze even! But it takes discipline to stay on the road and not keep complaining about breaks!

5. He takes us through valleys and allows us to reap what we sow

We need to stop avoiding the tough stuff. They build muscle and stamina. We also need to understand and accept that the law of cause-and-effect is a universal law that the children of God are subject to as well. God is not SOS, heli-rescue, 'break the glass for emergency'. No one ever grows up who is always rescued.

6. He has a customised plan

This takes the cake! No cookie-cutter with the Creator. Run the race 'marked out for you'. We all run a common race; but each of us also has a particular pace, gait and even route (unless you like stepping on toes endlessly). This is so mercifully exciting! 

O look, my favourite! Now to reach for it...

And then, He gives us specifics for the 3 huge areas of our life:

your thoughts: renew them by anchoring back on your purpose

if something doesn't serve you, it's trivial and possibly a distraction. i don't store a lot of information like bargains and celebrities. they don't really impact my life direction or help me stay on course with my purpose to grow into who I am in Christ. instead, i check where my files are thin and weathered about God, my self-awareness, my love for others, my abilities and the needs of the world. I make sure i chuck material in those files regularly.

your feelings: redirect them by practising gratitude and praise

sounds holy-moly but would you rather hang around with a sulker or a smiler? From writing down gratitude on small slips, doing it on big charts, praying it out each night...find a way to remember to be thankful.

your time management: review regularly

slip-sliding is easy. Facebook and computer games can suddenly take up hours. Once every other week, just check in to see if your time reflects your priorities. If God is important, where in your schedule have you set aside them for it? If knowing your children better is important, where in your schedule have you placed that; and is watching TV with them the way to do it?
This is easy to apply to your work and finances. Use the priority principle.

Looks to me like Papa God has given us mighty ideas for parenting, for treating our fragile souls right and for being leaders who raise a missional people.

So, if you are looking to grow. You need the mighty D. There is no other way around it.

Thing is, besides the sloth juice that courses in our vein which makes our reflexes choose the easy way, there is plenty to weaken our resolve and cause our discipline to cave in.

This is why at the end of 2015, I did this Spirit-prompted exercise with the family.

What is one thing in the new year you will -

Start
Stop
Deepen

"... for God is not a god of confusion, but of peace..." ~ 1 Corinthians 14v33

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline" ~ 2 Timothy 1v7 

One weekly habit that may bring on a revolution for human thriving

I go to a local market once a week or so to eat a hearty Asian breakfast of prawn or wanton noodles, topped off with a cup of kopi-si, coffee with evaporated milk (I suppose it's our version of skim). At that hour, the seats fill with two main groups of people: those grabbing a bite before heading out to work, or the elderly who are able to make their way to the market for a leisurely breakfast.

Some of the elderly folk have now become familiar and share their stories with me, and as I gleaned, I sense my soul ripened in the shade of their life-lived-brave.*

 hawker centre

Today, I meet a lecturer at the market I recall has stepped away from her career to care for her aging and ailing father. We talked about Dementia and the elderly. It struck me how unprepared we are for every season of life, and how easily startled and prone to panic we are as a speci about changes that come with time -

We struggle as our children grow as if we were ever meant to keep them stuck to one phase.
We get all upset when the adolescents figure out their lives as they must.
We experience crazy tension and pull away when we join with another soul.
We feel the consequence of time as our bodies alert us to joint pains and our minds' filing cabinets haunt us even as we fumble to find the key to unlock them and retrieve that folder labeled 'who did I meet the other day?'.

This even though we know time and tide means we will move through these seasons, whether we like it or not. Why aren't we more prepared?

When we do prepare, why aren't we more human about it?

 Astute social commentators have warned us that our modern world of machines and gadgets will strip some of our humanity away and there's plenty of proof of that: we replace people with machines, we expect people to operate like machines, we measure people the way we measure machines, by output... and studies today show that even our minds are being fundamentally changed because of how we are tethered to our machines. [a good person to read is Jacques Ellul - French, and prgamatic!]. 

It looks like we won't beprepared still -- because we refuse to master the changes; but let them master us instead. 

family is what we have in the end, or not

Hospital talk is inevitable when we discuss the old. Her father was of robust health until an aneurysm slayed him. The medical prognosis wasn't cheerful and the hospital staff were dismissive and operated on the assumption that what she needed to do was quickly hire a live-in maid to care for the dad who will basically be dependent and subject to a diminished quality of life. But it was her father. She knew him. She knows what matters to him and she wants him to live as well, as he lived long.

There are those, the hospital tells her who are abandoned. The family becomes uncontactable.

What makes people abandon each other?


I return home to read my Scripture and I am in the Good News according to John. 

Jesus was near a pool where many invalid, lame and blind were gathered, for they hoped to get a dip in the pool's healing waters. Jesus singles out a man who he knows to be crippled for 38 years and asks him, "Do you want to get well?".

The man explains his difficulty. Of course he wants to be well but he cannot get to the pool without assistance.

I have heard many reactions to this story. Some blame the man for not being pro-active enough. Others suggest that he is one of those abandoned for his sinfulness. All these may be true; but let's read on to find the focal point of the story.

Jesus immediately spoke an authoritative and life-giving word and the man; probably feeling the healing, obediently takes up his mat and walks away well!


Jesus is not lauded for this act of mercy. The man did not even take notice of Jesus' features because he was unable to tell the religious leaders who had healed him!

Instead, Jesus was told: according to the system laid down by Moses in the law, you have sinned to work and caused that man to work, carrying his mat.

Jesus obviously knows the law, he explains it extensively in the rest of the chapter; but he chose to reach out to this crippled man and offer him wholeness.


I thought back to that ancient law: remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.

'Holy' in the Bible is used on humans as an act of setting something apart; making it distinct, away from the regular, usual, typical.

Jesus chose that day to do something out of the ordinary: he refused to let the day get typical. He opposed the forces that kept that man crippled for 38 long years. He disrupted the day's order of business, social milling and religious observances to set a man free to live, and to have a chance to thrive.

Perhaps that is key to our thriving as a race. If once a week, we intentionally disrupt our self-absorbed routines at building our little empires of comfort, success and relief; and sought to really live. If we considered where we and those we know aren't well, alive or thriving; and act out of the ordinary about it.

Will families not be revolutionized by a weekly time of heart sharing, prayer and serving others?
Will our work-life not be revolutionsed by pulling away from the politics and grasping to a practice of empathy through prayer and caring actions?
Will our systems not be revolutionised if we introduce small and large ways to disrupt the usual faster, more, bigger; and choose intimate conversations, active listening, even slowly chewing our food?

A weekly habit of being slower, more intentional, more focused, can create within us a capacity that cannot be otherwise cultivated in our daily rush: the capacity to thrive as humans; full of creativity, passion and compassion.

And those of us who are children of God? Why not take a piece of his heart the way Jesus did and walk into the crowds, noticing those who are suffering, struggling, yearning - and risk a little backlash - to bring hope?


Yes, this weekly habit could bring about a deep sea change in your life and in our world.


*right click and select open in another tab/window to read this related post

What I need to start a new year

What's the first thing you feel about 2016?

Or perhaps like me, you haven't even wrapped your head around 2015!

If you are kinda hazy about 2015; it's totally understandable.

We had the worst haze ever which made us wonder how our neighbourly relations will be in the days ahead. Our ruling party swept back into power and we wonder if it will be more of the same. To our North, while some are cashing in on the Ringgit's falling value, we know that an unstable situation will hurt us for we have trade ties for water, chicken and vegetables! Moving outwards, the larger world was on fire with violence, earthquakes and mass migrations. A news commentary says the more than million refugees flooding into Europe will redefine her forever. The USA Supreme court legalised gay marriages introducing obsolescence to our standard notion of 'family'.

The Straits Times calls it Epic Change & Upheaval.

It is clear that our world will never be the same again. What has changed still waits to unfold.

On the home lawns, I was deeply saddened to hear a young woman tell me about a divorce lawyer sweeping her arm across the vast shelves behind her to point out how many divorce cases she handles. Friends tell me they are struggling to find work. Parents raising children are wondering what 21st century-skills they need.

The word 'hurtling' keeps coming back to me.

:  to move rapidly or forcefullytransitive verb

What does one do when things seem to be moving inexorably, whizzing by and you are barely clutching on for dear life?

I reach for something that will hold on to me in case my holding on isn't strong enough.

"do not let your hearts be troubled...trust in God..." ~ John 14

Jesus tells us to trust because -

"I am going to prepare a place for you" ~v2

" I will come back and take you to be with me" ~ v3

"I am the way, the truth and the life.." ~v6

"You may ask for anything in my name, and I will do it" ~v14

"..the Father will give you.. to be with your forever - the Spirit of truth" ~v16


The comfort, assurance and strength we have lies in:
* a promise of a certain future
* a way to get there
* provision along the way
*help we need for the journey; to know the truth and live in it.

Wow.

in any language, we need it

Jesus reminds us, 

"Peace I leave with you...Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" ~v27

Notice that last bit: do not be afraid.

O yes, we are so easily frightened. Will prices go up? Will their grades drop? Will my work be received? Can we maintain our lifestyle? Will terrorists make it to our shores? Will Singapore continue to prosper? Will my heart give up?

my fear of heights holds me back from one of these!

Don't; don't be afraid.

For fear holds us hostage and makes us less than who we are. Instead, let us drink deep of the peace and comfort given; so like the Psalmist we can say,

"I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD." ~ 112v7

This is what I need for 2016. What about you?



Friends, an old song to start your new year off on the right note?

My Peace I Give To You - Jesus  {click to enjoy}

1. 
   

December faith

A few things happening around this season conjured up this post.

December of course, is about Christmas - so a reckoning of faith, celebration, busyness.

It is also about a year coming to an end - so a reckoning of things done, and undone.

For me, it's also about remembering my mother and brother with whom i have no means, technologically or otherwise to connect with and actually chat with.

It's also a time when some venture forth across the borders to live differently and bring goodwill to others. My church had a team that went to Cambodia, many for the first time; and Cambodia of course is a nation still recovering from abject darkness, the years of recovering from it not unlike the pockmarked streets and the scorching sun: uneven and trying.

So this post is for:

> the mission trippers who witnessed such outrageous, unexplainable evil, rampant, chronic poverty, and lived with far less than you ever had....or those missing bits of yourself.... Your hearts breaking beyond your control.

> the parents, leaders & children who as 2015 closes are feeling exhausted, drained, disappointed.... Your hearts stone-heavy and barely able to register a different rhythm.

> For those who are a lil frantic over the festivities.... Your heart bobbing in waters of uncertainty: who to get gifts for, where to eat and more.

Here we are:

A broken and sick world

A slap-together, try-to/get-by life

A demanding season

This world,

This life

This season

Is exactly what Jesus enters into.

He did not visit, stop by, or hovered near. He entered it. 

God has never once left this world He made so beautiful; but to be sure we get it; Jesus comes in human form -- right into this madness, mess, morass, moral vacuum.

And his coming was heralded as God's GoodWill towards our kind. 

God desires good for us. And not just a good life of relative ease. But a life of His Goodness oozing forth from our pores even when we cannot see how and don't feel the least bit of it.

But - someone wants to fool us, pull the wool over our eyes, sidetrack us, set us back, defeat us.

He makes evil loom so large

He makes the journey feel so hard

He makes the glitter shine so bright

Yes, lose sight, lose steam, lose your steering wheel .... and drift... so that...

we are no threat to darkness for it has shrouded us and cowered our minds.

 we are not able to triumph for the hard realities of life have deflated us and maybe even embittered us.

 we are not sure what to focus on and pay a price for because there's so much we want and everything is clamouring, 'buy, try, taste, don't lose out!'.

"what is seen was not made out of what was visible" ~ Hebrews 11v3

There is a difference between what is seen and what is visible.

In the verse it refers immediately to God's creation work: He made things out of nothing - Ex nihilo they say it in Latin.

And doesn't it seem like nothing, non-existent, doggone impossible?

Can bones live?

Can a nation heal?

Can I make it through this long painful journey?

Can I release my grip on everything and cling only to Christ this Christmas?

This season of faith: being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ~v1

Jesus stands before us, and asks, 

"What is frightening you?""What is draining you?""What is distracting you?"

Tell it to him. Then ask for a better picture.

The entire account in Hebrews 11 is of folks who saw a picture that wasn't apparent, obvious, ready. But they saw it and they acted and built their lives around it. That's faith.

photobucket

This season of faith: be more sure of what to hope for and be certain about.

2016 won't be the same.

You are the best parents for your child(ren): enjoying it.

I love how Joy supplants everything.

credit: goongkrazy.wordpress.com

Cannot quite remember the labour pains? The nasty and awkward breastfeeding / bathing moments? The long nights? The hundredth time you read that story?

With a mighty teen and a little warrior at 15 and 10, I am well into a new season of mothering for sure. And the Joy has supplanted the pains. Each one. Even now. The teen angst, the motivational mountains, the clean-room war-zone... not that they are over; but they are now rhythm and you learn to Rock and roll with it! How?

Here are 3 survive-into-Joy ways I found:


#1 It's going to happen - again

You ever feel like some days are so deja vu? You have already talked about it, laid down some rules..perhaps you shed a tear or more, prayed... and you thought 'ah, now let's move on'.. and it happens again! The same snarky remark, the attitude, the mess, the disrespect, the sloth and on... None of us grow or change by sheer reasoning. It takes far more. It certainly takes time, loads of it. So, you haven't failed to communicate, care or more. It's just the nature of the things.

Growth takes time, it takes protection, it takes practice.

So don't let every battle be a Waterloo or a watershed. In fact, parenting is not about winning battles but building lives. So keep that goal before you. Don't spend your precious energies trimming leaves for presentation when what you really need to fight are these enemies of the soul -

distrust,
doubt,
unresolved anger,
deep sadness,
repeated sin.

All behaviours come from a deeper place; so seek to know what is going on there and work your way towards it. The health will emerge - from the roots out.

And the Joy? From knowing there is a Gardener who knows our knotty roots well enough to heal and strengthen them. 

#2 Let your spouse take the heat too

Most moms, especially stay-at-home ones tend to shoulder so much of the family we forget we have a comrade. Like us, fathers did not really come armed and ready. But it's a catch-22 when we don't give them a chance to learn, practice and sharpen their abilities.

I have had my fair share (and still do) of being questioned, blamed, even berated! And I do deserve it because I have lost it, lashed out, licked my wounds; all three not really constructive ya. So I have learnt to notice my emotional gauge and signal for help:

whatsapp: not good today, expect some damage. pls pray.
SMS: so dog-tired! the kids are so stupid! when will they learn? Am still ok though.
verbals: need to pray, please take over ~ don't need to worry; he/she/they have to learn to sort it out. I am hiding for a while to recover.

To my surprise; spouse steps up! To be honest, he rarely does exactly what I hope: sprinkle magic dust on the kids and turn them into angels. But he drags me out of the house for coffee. He asks if I am alright/alive/spiritually ok. He scolds the kids! He takes over for a bit. He prays for me.

The Joy? When you know that even though you are sometimes awkward, disagreeing, impatient; there's We not just me.


#3 Be grateful for the good, not greedy for the perfect

With little kids, we have so much control that we can get suckered into thinking we forever hold all the strings of control. They gladly go most places, try most things and want totally to please you! Sure there are tantrums and meltdowns; but mother-influence is pretty mighty. Just recently, my son quipped, "it takes a genius to be a mom" and I heartily approved!

Then, they grow older, and all you have got are the purse-strings and the heartstrings. This is the time when your soul is being trained to be discerning; because you can plan to the hilt but it is just not going to go the way you want. There are preferences, moods, peer pressure, schoolwork etc. to contend with. So you have to be able to taste and delight in the morsels of closeness, empathy, respect, diligence, honesty, discipline, godliness ...

It is also the time to be self-controlled to be grateful and not grate on about what else is lacking. No soul ever thrived under condemnation. All life is coaxed into fullness that begins with acceptance.

Then Joy begins to bubble to the surface and breaks the tension. You will feel much more relaxed about your parenting - and enjoy it.

Christmas is near, and this is the angelic beckoning -

"I bring you good new of great Joy!"

All our daily, lesser and so essential joys beat a trail to this Great Joy.

ENJOY = EN(ter) into JOY my friends!