5 Jan 2016

One weekly habit that may bring on a revolution for human thriving

I go to a local market once a week or so to eat a hearty Asian breakfast of prawn or wanton noodles, topped off with a cup of kopi-si, coffee with evaporated milk (I suppose it's our version of skim). At that hour, the seats fill with two main groups of people: those grabbing a bite before heading out to work, or the elderly who are able to make their way to the market for a leisurely breakfast.

Some of the elderly folk have now become familiar and share their stories with me, and as I gleaned, I sense my soul ripened in the shade of their life-lived-brave.*

 hawker centre


Today, I meet a lecturer at the market I recall has stepped away from her career to care for her aging and ailing father. We talked about Dementia and the elderly. It struck me how unprepared we are for every season of life, and how easily startled and prone to panic we are as a speci about changes that come with time -

We struggle as our children grow as if we were ever meant to keep them stuck to one phase.
We get all upset when the adolescents figure out their lives as they must.
We experience crazy tension and pull away when we join with another soul.
We feel the consequence of time as our bodies alert us to joint pains and our minds' filing cabinets haunt us even as we fumble to find the key to unlock them and retrieve that folder labeled 'who did I meet the other day?'.

This even though we know time and tide means we will move through these seasons, whether we like it or not. Why aren't we more prepared?

When we do prepare, why aren't we more human about it?

 Astute social commentators have warned us that our modern world of machines and gadgets will strip some of our humanity away and there's plenty of proof of that: we replace people with machines, we expect people to operate like machines, we measure people the way we measure machines, by output... and studies today show that even our minds are being fundamentally changed because of how we are tethered to our machines. [a good person to read is Jacques Ellul - French, and prgamatic!]. 

It looks like we won't beprepared still -- because we refuse to master the changes; but let them master us instead. 

family is what we have in the end, or not

Hospital talk is inevitable when we discuss the old. Her father was of robust health until an aneurysm slayed him. The medical prognosis wasn't cheerful and the hospital staff were dismissive and operated on the assumption that what she needed to do was quickly hire a live-in maid to care for the dad who will basically be dependent and subject to a diminished quality of life. But it was her father. She knew him. She knows what matters to him and she wants him to live as well, as he lived long.

There are those, the hospital tells her who are abandoned. The family becomes uncontactable.

What makes people abandon each other?


I return home to read my Scripture and I am in the Good News according to John. 

Jesus was near a pool where many invalid, lame and blind were gathered, for they hoped to get a dip in the pool's healing waters. Jesus singles out a man who he knows to be crippled for 38 years and asks him, "Do you want to get well?".


The man explains his difficulty. Of course he wants to be well but he cannot get to the pool without assistance.

I have heard many reactions to this story. Some blame the man for not being pro-active enough. Others suggest that he is one of those abandoned for his sinfulness. All these may be true; but let's read on to find the focal point of the story.

Jesus immediately spoke an authoritative and life-giving word and the man; probably feeling the healing, obediently takes up his mat and walks away well!


Jesus is not lauded for this act of mercy. The man did not even take notice of Jesus' features because he was unable to tell the religious leaders who had healed him!

Instead, Jesus was told: according to the system laid down by Moses in the law, you have sinned to work and caused that man to work, carrying his mat.

Jesus obviously knows the law, he explains it extensively in the rest of the chapter; but he chose to reach out to this crippled man and offer him wholeness.


I thought back to that ancient law: remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.

'Holy' in the Bible is used on humans as an act of setting something apart; making it distinct, away from the regular, usual, typical.


Jesus chose that day to do something out of the ordinary: he refused to let the day get typical. He opposed the forces that kept that man crippled for 38 long years. He disrupted the day's order of business, social milling and religious observances to set a man free to live, and to have a chance to thrive.

Perhaps that is key to our thriving as a race. If once a week, we intentionally disrupt our self-absorbed routines at building our little empires of comfort, success and relief; and sought to really live. If we considered where we and those we know aren't well, alive or thriving; and act out of the ordinary about it.

Will families not be revolutionized by a weekly time of heart sharing, prayer and serving others?
Will our work-life not be revolutionsed by pulling away from the politics and grasping to a practice of empathy through prayer and caring actions?
Will our systems not be revolutionised if we introduce small and large ways to disrupt the usual faster, more, bigger; and choose intimate conversations, active listening, even slowly chewing our food?

A weekly habit of being slower, more intentional, more focused, can create within us a capacity that cannot be otherwise cultivated in our daily rush: the capacity to thrive as humans; full of creativity, passion and compassion.

And those of us who are children of God? Why not take a piece of his heart the way Jesus did and walk into the crowds, noticing those who are suffering, struggling, yearning - and risk a little backlash - to bring hope?


Yes, this weekly habit could bring about a deep sea change in your life and in our world.


*right click and select open in another tab/window to read this related post

28 Dec 2015

What I need to start a new year

What's the first thing you feel about 2016?




Or perhaps like me, you haven't even wrapped your head around 2015!

If you are kinda hazy about 2015; it's totally understandable.

We had the worst haze ever which made us wonder how our neighbourly relations will be in the days ahead. Our ruling party swept back into power and we wonder if it will be more of the same. To our North, while some are cashing in on the Ringgit's falling value, we know that an unstable situation will hurt us for we have trade ties for water, chicken and vegetables! Moving outwards, the larger world was on fire with violence, earthquakes and mass migrations. A news commentary says the more than million refugees flooding into Europe will redefine her forever. The USA Supreme court legalised gay marriages introducing obsolescence to our standard notion of 'family'.

The Straits Times calls it Epic Change & Upheaval.

It is clear that our world will never be the same again. What has changed still waits to unfold.

On the home lawns, I was deeply saddened to hear a young woman tell me about a divorce lawyer sweeping her arm across the vast shelves behind her to point out how many divorce cases she handles. Friends tell me they are struggling to find work. Parents raising children are wondering what 21st century-skills they need.

The word 'hurtling' keeps coming back to me.

:  to move rapidly or forcefullytransitive verb


What does one do when things seem to be moving inexorably, whizzing by and you are barely clutching on for dear life?

I reach for something that will hold on to me in case my holding on isn't strong enough.

"do not let your hearts be troubled...trust in God..." ~ John 14

Jesus tells us to trust because -

"I am going to prepare a place for you" ~v2

" I will come back and take you to be with me" ~ v3

"I am the way, the truth and the life.." ~v6

"You may ask for anything in my name, and I will do it" ~v14

"..the Father will give you.. to be with your forever - the Spirit of truth" ~v16


The comfort, assurance and strength we have lies in:
* a promise of a certain future
* a way to get there
* provision along the way
*help we need for the journey; to know the truth and live in it.

Wow.

in any language, we need it


Jesus reminds us, 

"Peace I leave with you...Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" ~v27


Notice that last bit: do not be afraid.

O yes, we are so easily frightened. Will prices go up? Will their grades drop? Will my work be received? Can we maintain our lifestyle? Will terrorists make it to our shores? Will Singapore continue to prosper? Will my heart give up?

my fear of heights holds me back from one of these!


Don't; don't be afraid.

For fear holds us hostage and makes us less than who we are. Instead, let us drink deep of the peace and comfort given; so like the Psalmist we can say,

"I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD." ~ 112v7

This is what I need for 2016. What about you?



Friends, an old song to start your new year off on the right note?

My Peace I Give To You - Jesus  {click to enjoy}



16 Dec 2015

December faith

A few things happening around this season conjured up this post.



December of course, is about Christmas - so a reckoning of faith, celebration, busyness.

It is also about a year coming to an end - so a reckoning of things done, and undone.

For me, it's also about remembering my mother and brother with whom i have no means, technologically or otherwise to connect with and actually chat with.

It's also a time when some venture forth across the borders to live differently and bring goodwill to others. My church had a team that went to Cambodia, many for the first time; and Cambodia of course is a nation still recovering from abject darkness, the years of recovering from it not unlike the pockmarked streets and the scorching sun: uneven and trying.


So this post is for:

> the mission trippers who witnessed such outrageous, unexplainable evil, rampant, chronic poverty, and lived with far less than you ever had....or those missing bits of yourself.... Your hearts breaking beyond your control.

> the parents, leaders & children who as 2015 closes are feeling exhausted, drained, disappointed.... Your hearts stone-heavy and barely able to register a different rhythm.

> For those who are a lil frantic over the festivities.... Your heart bobbing in waters of uncertainty: who to get gifts for, where to eat and more.

Here we are:

A broken and sick world
A slap-together, try-to/get-by life
A demanding season

This world,
This life
This season

Is exactly what Jesus enters into.

He did not visit, stop by, or hovered near. He entered it. 



God has never once left this world He made so beautiful; but to be sure we get it; Jesus comes in human form -- right into this madness, mess, morass, moral vacuum.


And his coming was heralded as God's GoodWill towards our kind. 
God desires good for us. And not just a good life of relative ease. But a life of His Goodness oozing forth from our pores even when we cannot see how and don't feel the least bit of it.

But - someone wants to fool us, pull the wool over our eyes, sidetrack us, set us back, defeat us.

He makes evil loom so large
He makes the journey feel so hard
He makes the glitter shine so bright

Yes, lose sight, lose steam, lose your steering wheel .... and drift... so that...

we are no threat to darkness for it has shrouded us and cowered our minds.
 we are not able to triumph for the hard realities of life have deflated us and maybe even embittered us.
 we are not sure what to focus on and pay a price for because there's so much we want and everything is clamouring, 'buy, try, taste, don't lose out!'.




"what is seen was not made out of what was visible" ~ Hebrews 11v3

There is a difference between what is seen and what is visible.
In the verse it refers immediately to God's creation work: He made things out of nothing - Ex nihilo they say it in Latin.

And doesn't it seem like nothing, non-existent, doggone impossible?
Can bones live?
Can a nation heal?
Can I make it through this long painful journey?
Can I release my grip on everything and cling only to Christ this Christmas?



This season of faith: being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ~v1

Jesus stands before us, and asks, 

"What is frightening you?""What is draining you?""What is distracting you?"

Tell it to him. Then ask for a better picture.


The entire account in Hebrews 11 is of folks who saw a picture that wasn't apparent, obvious, ready. But they saw it and they acted and built their lives around it. That's faith.


photobucket

This season of faith: be more sure of what to hope for and be certain about.

2016 won't be the same.


29 Nov 2015

You are the best parents for your child(ren): enjoying it.

I love how Joy supplants everything.

credit: goongkrazy.wordpress.com


Cannot quite remember the labour pains? The nasty and awkward breastfeeding / bathing moments? The long nights? The hundredth time you read that story?

With a mighty teen and a little warrior at 15 and 10, I am well into a new season of mothering for sure. And the Joy has supplanted the pains. Each one. Even now. The teen angst, the motivational mountains, the clean-room war-zone... not that they are over; but they are now rhythm and you learn to Rock and roll with it! How?

Here are 3 survive-into-Joy ways I found:


#1 It's going to happen - again

You ever feel like some days are so deja vu? You have already talked about it, laid down some rules..perhaps you shed a tear or more, prayed... and you thought 'ah, now let's move on'.. and it happens again! The same snarky remark, the attitude, the mess, the disrespect, the sloth and on... None of us grow or change by sheer reasoning. It takes far more. It certainly takes time, loads of it. So, you haven't failed to communicate, care or more. It's just the nature of the things.

Growth takes time, it takes protection, it takes practice.

So don't let every battle be a Waterloo or a watershed. In fact, parenting is not about winning battles but building lives. So keep that goal before you. Don't spend your precious energies trimming leaves for presentation when what you really need to fight are these enemies of the soul -

distrust,
doubt,
unresolved anger,
deep sadness,
repeated sin.

All behaviours come from a deeper place; so seek to know what is going on there and work your way towards it. The health will emerge - from the roots out.

And the Joy? From knowing there is a Gardener who knows our knotty roots well enough to heal and strengthen them. 



#2 Let your spouse take the heat too

Most moms, especially stay-at-home ones tend to shoulder so much of the family we forget we have a comrade. Like us, fathers did not really come armed and ready. But it's a catch-22 when we don't give them a chance to learn, practice and sharpen their abilities.

I have had my fair share (and still do) of being questioned, blamed, even berated! And I do deserve it because I have lost it, lashed out, licked my wounds; all three not really constructive ya. So I have learnt to notice my emotional gauge and signal for help:

whatsapp: not good today, expect some damage. pls pray.
SMS: so dog-tired! the kids are so stupid! when will they learn? Am still ok though.
verbals: need to pray, please take over ~ don't need to worry; he/she/they have to learn to sort it out. I am hiding for a while to recover.

To my surprise; spouse steps up! To be honest, he rarely does exactly what I hope: sprinkle magic dust on the kids and turn them into angels. But he drags me out of the house for coffee. He asks if I am alright/alive/spiritually ok. He scolds the kids! He takes over for a bit. He prays for me.

The Joy? When you know that even though you are sometimes awkward, disagreeing, impatient; there's We not just me.


#3 Be grateful for the good, not greedy for the perfect

With little kids, we have so much control that we can get suckered into thinking we forever hold all the strings of control. They gladly go most places, try most things and want totally to please you! Sure there are tantrums and meltdowns; but mother-influence is pretty mighty. Just recently, my son quipped, "it takes a genius to be a mom" and I heartily approved!

Then, they grow older, and all you have got are the purse-strings and the heartstrings. This is the time when your soul is being trained to be discerning; because you can plan to the hilt but it is just not going to go the way you want. There are preferences, moods, peer pressure, schoolwork etc. to contend with. So you have to be able to taste and delight in the morsels of closeness, empathy, respect, diligence, honesty, discipline, godliness ...

It is also the time to be self-controlled to be grateful and not grate on about what else is lacking. No soul ever thrived under condemnation. All life is coaxed into fullness that begins with acceptance.

Then Joy begins to bubble to the surface and breaks the tension. You will feel much more relaxed about your parenting - and enjoy it.



Christmas is near, and this is the angelic beckoning -

"I bring you good new of great Joy!"


All our daily, lesser and so essential joys beat a trail to this Great Joy.

ENJOY = EN(ter) into JOY my friends!

25 Nov 2015

Step out into the Beckoning, adventure awaits

The sights that dazzle us, that draw us, that hold us spellbound -








How long, and how much of it do we -

enjoy 
revel 
delight
relish
cherish
drink

?

True, we are travelers. We will never be able to cling onto, hold onto, possess any of this. But travelers are not tourists. Tourists want a whiff and make the best of the buck collecting these whiffs of transcendence, purity, silence, majesty, magnificence.

And what if the way our souls open up is the beginning of stepping forth into something larger, an adventure, the Beyond that beckons? Which means that quickly, moving on to the next thing; causing our souls to shut again, is saying No to the Beckoning?

We believe too little. Our dreams are recycled notions. Everything passes us and slides into commonplace: like/instagrammed/tweeted. Short takes on deep things.

Like cliches. Platitudes. Or attitudes like, 'been there, done that'. 

Christmas is coming. Or is it just passing by, while you and I stay dead centre, watching it like window dressing as we move on with the train of humanity, on and on. More likes/pins/tweets?

And what if we are missing so much because we are unable and unwilling to really enter what beckons us? 

The last few months, I have been sensing an Invitation to journey deeper. It's hard to see how I can fit one more thing into my schedule. But the issue is deeper: i seriously doubt my capacity to handle more of whatever it is God has in store. I am confronted with the paucity of my soul. I am content with my small collection of sea shells of spiritual knowledge and experiences. 


"The sea shells tell you there is a wide open sea ahead!"
"I can't swim well! It's too dangerous for me to venture out there."
"Have I ever left you on your own?"



Do you too sense an Invitation? 
What is your response?

I finally offered my weak desire and take tentative steps towards the water.


All around us God beckons us - to live and to give, to enter and endure, to enjoy and enforce.

Watch for it this holiday season.

Maybe you are blessed to make a trip this holiday. then do slow and drink deep of what is set before you. No need to post a picture. Instead, scratch some notes on your soul -

why does this stir me so?
what may i have forgotten?
where is it leading me?

And if you venture outside your home, you will be bombarded with Consumer Christmas. How can you resist all that draw to be cool, hip, up-to-date, well-dressed, well-fed; and instead consider -


"..the time is coming when he'll make the whole area glorious... 
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. 
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows - light! sunbursts of light! 
You repopulated the nation, you expanded its joy. 
Oh, they're so glad in your presence! 
Festival joy! The joy of great celebration, sharing rich gifts and warm greetings... 
For a child has been born - for us! the gift of a son - for us! 
He'll take over the running of the world. His names will be: 
Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness... 
He'll put that kingdom on a firm footing and keep it going with fair dealing and right living, 
beginning now and lasting always..." ~ Isaiah 9 (The Message version)


Is Christmas a dream?
whose dream is it?
dare you share the dream?




20 Nov 2015

a retreat experience

retreat /rɪˈtriːt/ - a period of withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

According to all battle strategies; there is a time to retreat.

When -

We forget we are in a war. 
We don't build in the strategic moments of retreat. 
We face defeat.

God in His loving, attentive, all-wise way, beckons me to step away, leave it all, and go to a quiet place to rest, to hear, to rec calibrate ... in order to engage the battle with fresh vision and strength. My disobedience to my Commander-in-chief will lead to horrid outcomes.

Retreating is not a luxury. It is a necessity. And I nearly missed it.

After setting my heart and arranging to take a retreat; I made a last minute decision (upon my dear husband's strong support) to attend a 5-day writing-related conference. This was going to be just before my retreat dates; taking me away from home for more than a week. 

i tried to reason that perhaps i could kinda retreat during my conference if i stole pockets of time. But the very first day of conference, I was uncharacteristically exhausted! It looked like i couldn't even enjoy and benefit from the conference; much less burden it with one more agenda: God. 

Also, i needed and wanted to give Him undivided attention. 

Good thing I did not cancel my retreat plans!




Yesterday at Bible Study, we looked at that familiar verse from Mark 1v35:


"and while it was still dark, Jesus arose and went to a quiet place.."
We were asked: what did Jesus do in the dark and quiet when he met with God?






Did he look at the stars and remember the long-ago promise God gave to Abraham his ancestor?
Did he review the day's route and asked for God's-Positioning-System?
Did he ache over the faces and lives he encountered?
Did he grapple with his humanity?
Did he talk about each of his disciples by name?


What do you do when you get to a place of quiet with God?

Quite often in the past, I went into a retreat time with many burdens, questions and longings. My last retreat I went with a huge need to find direction as I was feeling so out of sorts with where I was at. I was doing what seemed right but it did not bring me peace and I felt my soul warping with frustration and pride.

Weeks earlier, I had several questions I wanted answers to at this retreat. But when I got to the place and set my things down in the bare room; I was unable to find or frame my questions.

A simple and bare space can do wonders for us. It seemed to strip me of the questions and longings that clung to me. As I shed all the things I usually surround myself with - no more laptop, familiar books, the cat (!), the schedule, responsibilities and noise... suddenly there is this sufficiency, this simplicity. I tried in fact to dig around because when I was busy and filled with much to think/say/do; the questions pressed on me with urgency. But now, they lose their power and their claim. So I stopped. I reminded myself that being on retreat is to receive care from the One who knows me completely. I gladly opened my hand and let Him lead the moments.

If you have never known the freedom of having no datelines, no whatsapp, no emails, no one to answer to...then you must go on a retreat! Simply being on your own with nothing to achieve/settle/ resolve is a most freeing experience. it is not that your troubles are all sorted out; it's just not the time for it. In fact, we are so used to being a problem-solving mode that we really need a break from it; in order to come back fresh.

I ate my meal quietly; it was all set out. I did not need to fuss over what to eat. There was just one option. I did find and enjoy the last green-tea packet though! Again, the mind gets to rest, the body gets to slow. This in turn allows the deepest part of us to surface.


I went to the lounge area and looked at some stuff on a table: art paper, two tins of fabric with needles and thread, a large bottle of buttons. In a cupboard I found markers and paint and glue. I walked away to sit in a large armchair and began exploring a huge hardcover book on Thomas Merton's art. A most charming title isn't it?




But my heart felt drawn to return to fiddle with those buttons. I flipped and read slowly; then I got up and went to the table. 

Not quite sure what i was going to slap together, I picked out some fifteen buttons that caught my eye. The word 'mystery' had been floating around so I wrote that down on the middle of the page. With a oil pastel, I drew a thick red line across the paper. Finally i drew and then stuck the buttons on. 

I selected a few books I found and took them to my room.

In the evening, I started to journal. The pages filled out quickly! The spiritual director I arranged to meet had suggested a few Scripture passages. I read those familiar passages and listened. As i journal; i realised those passages helped me to pray about the questions I had. It was good to turn the questions away from being a quest for answers to prayers that expressed my hope in a God who hears and answers.


sitting with Jesus

Over the next two days, God would let me know He knows exactly where I am at: the longing for clarity for my ministry, my recent dreams about a former church, entering a feminine season where loss and rejuvenation combine called menopause, growing children...


brave Mary

in the chapel


I felt something deep within me being filled up. 

Then the deepening impression. Joy. Joy, Joy. We need it but we are so afraid of it.

I prayed relinquishment.
I prayed hope.
i prayed about missing my mom.

i looked at my artwork and i knew its meaning would continue to unfold for me: there is mystery to life. But a river of redemption runs right through it. And along the way, God buttons us up where we may otherwise unravel or split apart.

When I finally packed my things, I was ready,and eager to be home.

Retreat to Advance.


13 Nov 2015

Do I really need God?

Actually, you don't.

If what you want is to get by in life, make it rich, have a good time, mind your own business...raise some decent kids. I would say you do not need God. There are plenty of non-God people who do well in every department of life, from studies to marriage to phenomenal success.

In fact, I tried being an atheist once. Just forget about God la.

It lasted about a week.

This is why.





God is not an add-on.
He is not a secret ingredient for the best life.
The Heavenly Father isn't lonely.
Jesus isn't desperate for followers {as I tell it in my book Shed Those Leaves, his political non-maneuverings led him to a grisly death}
The Holy Spirit won't overpower / spook you because he needs to deliver / fill / use someone.

Human beings at our best spiritually is Religious. This means we think, do, define stuff that measures us as: up / down, in / out, black / white. And religion has got us all into a lot of trouble which we are still trying to climb out of.


We can get by without God. He has graciously and generously provided the air and water cycle plus basic causal links which we can use to generate food, shelter and even regenerate ourselves.
When we reach for God ourselves, we tend to create caricatures, totems and idols.

What the Bible tells us is not that we are bad people. Not that we must improve. Not that Christianity or Judaism is a pathway to God even. No, the Bible tells us,

In the beginning God.
At the end, God.

We come onto the scene at his breath. That breath makes us alive on multiple levels: able to eat, relate to animals, work creatively, govern, procreate, hear and respond to God with immediacy. That the breath returns to the Giver by orienting us towards Him in reverence, obedience, and union.

But the breath gets snuffed.

We need fresh breath to be truly alive.



I named this blog To Really Live because I started out on life with very little. I wore the same dress twice to birthday parties and another child pointed it out. All of my life I grasped at what it means to live. I was alive even if I was hungry often. I was alive enough to thrive through some harsh setbacks. I wanted to be alive emotionally, intellectually, creatively... to really live was my quest.

For many today, a full life is a busy life, or a pleasure-filled life, or a life where one is not denied what one wants. Some are more outward looking and a full life is about making a mark, leaving a legacy.

But to really live, we have to be really alive first.

God says we need Him to be really alive.

With Him, it does not mean our lives are charmed. We speak of Grace, Favour, Providence, miracles. These are all true and we would be blind to deny they are real and experienced by many who trust God. Yet, our lives can also be filled with all the same issues and problems.

The difference?

It is to really live by that breath that turns us Godward so that we rise above ourselves. Our agenda is no longer ourselves. Our reward is no longer this-worldly. Our joy is no longer circumstantial. 

Jesus did a strange thing (especially to our sensibilities) when he appeared to his disciples after rising from the dead. It is recorded that 'he breathed on them'. That breath brings us right back to the first page of our story, when God breathed and brought forth a living being called man. It seems Jesus was re-enacting that; letting them know he is calling them to life.

{imagine the scene, being there and hearing the breath}


Perhaps pause now to hear (one of these):

Breathe on me by Hillsong

Breathe on me breath of God by Steven Green


And this fresh breath is sustained and swept up in a work of God that urges us forward to a vision of renewing earth, reconciling hearts, restoring hope that flickers within us. 

The story of how the disciples were struck by a wind that carried flames and loosed their tongues in Acts is the turn key event that establishes this grand sweep of a purpose no human can imagine or concoct.

The breath of God is God himself and He is afoot with mighty things that will thunder and billow upon this crusted terrestrial ball!

'to really live' quest lives on!

So I don't need God in a way.
But I cannot truly live without Him.

I was created in His image
To be in relationship with Him
In a way that brings Him glory

If I denied that, I am saying I don't need him.

What's your real desire?
Get on with life, or get on with God?

10 Nov 2015

You are the best parents for your child(ren): the power of planning

Plan for peace.
Plan for growth.



I would never have believed you thirty years ago. To my plan-to-the-tee husband, I am about the most spontaneous person there is. (let me guess, you are married to an opposite too?) But I have come to see the power of planning.

You are the best parents for your child(ren) - plan for it to happen!

Married to a planner, I certainly had to learn to plan - in terms of telling him way ahead of time - what is coming around the corner; what I hoped to involve the whole family in (read: need his participation), and what outcomes I am working towards.I was chafing at it quite a bit; then I realised this: from day one that Parenting involved Planning.
When did I last feed the baby and from which side?
 She is going to outgrow her clothes!
 Which formula to wean her to?
 When are his exams.... so soon?!

But plans exist because they serve a greater purpose. 


We plan because it gets us somewhere! So the big Q is not whether you have a plan; but whether your plan will get you where you want to go?

Do you want a family that loves being together?
One that serves the community?
One where each person's potential is championed and supported?
A family where conversations are heartfelt?

Now consider the actual plans and priorities we have. Are we doing what helps us arrive at our vision, or sabotaging what we hope?


I still remember being asked when I chose to stay at home as a mother, "how can you give up the care of hundreds for one?". Yes, the Math did not seem to add up. But it was clear as a haze-less daylight to me. The hundreds can find another pastor; the child I bought into the world is my first direct responsibility. I will learn and I will enjoy this. That was the starting vision for me.


Along the way, I prayed and thought often about the vision of family and home life. With the vision, I put in place plans. The plans include:

 Good Health

 Spiritual Vitality

Diligence

Wonder at life


The plans always required me to seek these things in my own life and be a model for it. After all, more things are caught than taught.

I may have a helper to get certain things done; but holding forth a vision and living it out first, simply cannot be delegated. Grandparents, church and helpers cannot be expected to develop attitudes, habits and spiritual postures in children. It is the task of the parents to do so.


 Living cannot be delegated.




To have children who are interested in life, secure, who develop empathy -- I needed to be all these myself first. Plan . to . grow .


The pace of life in a city like ours can keep us panting. I know some full-time stay-home mothers who basically plan car routes, meals, tuition and recreation. They are ferrying their children from one thing to the next. Well, there are plans, and there are plans.


A plan is basically a roadmap to get from here to there. It considers the outcome, the resources, the possible hiccups.

In order to go away on a personal retreat to recharge myself, I needed to plan for caregivers, emergency phone numbers, even to plan a time to prepare the children (and their father) besides the aspects related to the retreat itself: booking a spot and preparing my heart.



But it is easy to be so caught up with the daily demands that we hit 'cruise'.

I drove a car once on a highway in the United States and tried the 'cruise' button'. The car basically drives itself! You just needed to hang on to the steering. My cruise mode lasted no more than ten minutes. It felt honestly scary. I wasn't sure if my reflexes would be good enough for me to change mode when something called for it. Crusising was relaxing and it was easy to become less alert I felt. Also, cruising happened at a minimum of  50km/hr speed and it kept at that speed. This meant that I could not slow down at will to take note of any thing I saw along the way. Everything would be given the same length of attention. Things would get monotonous and become same-same -- lowering alertness and increasing the risk of accidents.

Life can run on cruise mode too! Just the same basic motions everyday: wake self, wake kids, pack them off to school, start working/worrying, chores, the homework drills, more chores, maybe a little TV, crash into bed. It can end up feeling like a never-ending highway of things to get done. {for some parents with children who need special attention; this situation is very real and much more tiring}.

To avoid a 'cruise' situation, set aside time to plan.

I'll be cheeky and say this: all of us basically have a 'plan' to get through each day: grit and grin it.

Ok, seriously, here's how I do it. Remember I am not Mdm Systematic.

1. the daily just-in-case I forget something
I have important dates, details and datelines written on a whiteboard for everyone to see. There is even a message section for me to leave 'reminder' or 'cheers' depending on my emotional state! The schools hand out so many letters I found sticking them on the fridge felt so cluttered; instead reading it through and writing out the important bits helped us focus.




2. the weekly check-it-twice
Yes, don't we just love how the school and tutors have to shift things around {and we are talking pre-haze days}. CCA is particularly notorious at the Secondary level and of course, all the project work. The kids used to like to download the information and hoped I was listening. Nope. I was blogging dearie. We both got frustrated. So I learned to really listen, to write it in the calendar or phone or whiteboard (very useful). Slowly, I taught them to plan their week, to anticipate changes, and NOT to assume our schedules are wrap around theirs! "If I don't hear from you early enough, you take public transport, or go without that necessary tee-shirt or extra pocket money...". With both ends learning to plan, things are far better these days.

The weekly plan is not just for activity. Like I say, plans exist to support a vision. So there are already priority items on the plan: personal time with God, family devotion, church, caring for grandparents, and so on. I also include our meals as part of this weekly plan. The menu and shopping cart has some items that are served each week so as to ensure that we have a healthy diet.


3. the monthly pray-it-over-again
Humans are not static and neither are our relationships. We are habitual it's true and it can appear hopelessly beyond change. But kids - their habits can be shaped. Each month (it turns out more or less to be so as I will worry about them regularly: are they faith-filled, sutdying hard, up to mischief, hanging out with wrong peeps, onto porn {gasp}..maybe it's PMS-related), yes, more or less monthly I set aside some time to plan their growth.

Any thing to address? Any concern to dig around? Any issue blocking our relationship? This is the time I pray for insight into each child, and then make some specific plans to talk to them / take them out. A lot of it is not to 'fix' them; but just to share their interests and support their growth. I find so much peace here when I am able to release my fears to God. I also get all excited about being able to spend intentional time which will become a precious memory if not a wonderful time to align and form stronger habits.
My journal has sections specially with each child's name on it. It's cool to parent together with God!

Parenting is hard work. But it is meaningful, beautiful work. And anything worth doing calls for effort and sacrifice. 

A plan makes the art come to pass.


What art are you making as you parent?
What plans do you have?