God wants to move you. From guilt to grace, 'should' to 'want', and anger to joy.

Freedom is not as straightfoward as it seems.

We are completely fooled to think that it equates being able to do whatever we fancy, with no one to gainsay us. That kind of freedom doesn't even exist, for we are our own worst critics. In fact, while the expectations of others can be a real burden and even nuisance, in the end, what bogs us down is our own inner voice that says

not enough
not good enough
surely you can do better

There is a place for improvement. But to improve out of a commitment to grow your ability is different from the need to improve toward some mark that keeps shifting. Some investigative CSI work is called for here as to why the mark keeps shifting. More on that later.

Every holiday, media will be rife with posts about the myriad of expectations and how not to be cobbled by them:

. how to handle pokey relatives, especially if you are still single
. order takeout of every dish imaginable, no need to stress over cooking
. responding to comments about your home/health/wealth (or lack thereof)

All of it coming at us and corroborated by our own compulsions, we find ourselves easily tripped by a sense of guilt and strained by a long list of 'shoulds' as women, wives, mothers, girlfriends, leaders. Inevitably this leads to an accumulation of anger. We get angry at ourselves for making inadequate progress. We become easily angry at those who seem to hinder our progress (be it keeping to schedule or reaching some objective). We may as well be angry with God (and we are too polite to admit it, or too afraid to).

God meanwhile, has both tried to redirect us as well as allow us to learn by becoming fed-up with being stuck in the mud.

Pause and think. 

Was there a re-direction from God when he allowed you to mess up...again? Could he be showing you that you need to do some things differently?

Are you really exhausted? You know you cannot continue like this.

How do we move from guilt to Grace and from 'should' to 'want'?


Now for the CSI:

C - consider your motive.
Our motives make a huge difference to what we do and the way we do it. Ask yourself Why you are doing something? Is it motivated by love, fear or obligation? Whether it is taking up a role, parenting, planning something, our speech, even our prayers, motivations stand behind them all.
God reveals to us that the only motivation that makes a difference is love. Do something (for someone) out of love.
Some of us are so beat up in life that even loving someone or something is hazy to us. It has become so difficult to really be responsible and take charge. I can think of only one answer. Start. Life will never happen if we refuse to live, and to love.
Don't do things out of guilt. If you are a mature adult, don't even do things because you should.

S- study your patterns
Do you tend to say 'yes' very quickly? Do you find yourself overloaded? Do you find yourself shying away? Do you yo-yo up and down, or do you tend to worry that something is waiting to go horribly wrong?
Our patterns have a lot to tell us. They are great indicators of what we fear as well as what we hope for. Identify your patterns and pray for the insight to disrupt them.

I- investigate your roots
If you find it hard to break out of a pattern, it is being fed by a deeper root. It is time to see a pastor or a counselor who may be able to help you identify and uproot the issue at its source.

So much of what adults struggle with have roots in childhood.

I do not advocate excessive self-analysis and digging around in your past. Our memories are hazy and our hearts can be extremely vulnerable. Yet, if there are nagging issues, it is very likely that although you are now an adult, in some areas, you have remained a child, and feel powerless to change.


Freedom is when we realised how much we are carried by Grace, that we can make strong, even sacrificial choices because we want to - obey God, lift others up, use our competencies - not because we have to.

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. ~ Galatians 5v13, The Message

Someone share recently that when she had to take in her father-in-law, her older brother reminded her, "don't do it out of duty, do it out of love".

 I think it takes us time to figure out what we are willing to do for others, even our loved ones.

We all secretly fear the worst of things would happen to those around us and we have to upheaval our lifestyles in order to care for them. Rather than wish it away, we may do better to question our hearts and ready them for deeper ways of love.


From Anger to Joy
The simplest and most powerful way to understand anger is that it arises when we feel that our way is blocked (just think drivers that get cut by another). Anger gives way to joy if our life circumstances become what we want. This is a tall order requiring major resistance and reformation!

...God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you ~ Romans 12v1-2, The Message

It is the slow work of building a new scaffold for our lives to hang upon that shapes up differently over time. 

By exposing our patterns, healing our roots and confessing our lack of love, we turn to God for Grace and begin to experience it as a present reality and a powerful force in our lives. In time, we begin to stand on Grace as it solidifies in our lives and find that we are no longer flimsy selves leaning this way and that, racked by guilt, pressure and anger.

This is Good News.

You are the best parents for your children: parent differently in the New year

"You know what dad said to me over Christmas lunch?"

The dh looked at me somewhat surprised.

"He said if Abi's results are good, ask her to study Medicine".
"Haha, he's still at it after all these years?"

"I think you should study Medicine"

just one of thousands of Asian parent stereotypes online... help!

With 2017 round the corner, will we be after our kids for the same things? 

same bad habits we cannot stand
same attitude that irks us
same worries about their motivations and results (and future)
same concerns about their spiritual vitality
same old way of conversing and relating

O, we have the scars to prove it!

The last few years, I have felt a few rounds of serious exhaustion. I mean, being nice to our kids can take a lot! They don't always get it or respond to it the way we hope. But each time, I ask myself what truly matters. I realize that my exhaustion arises a lot out of focusing too much on outcomes and allowing discouragement to set in.

I have learnt how to battle better. I have learnt that there is something fundamental that fuels change: desperation.

How to get a really NEW year deals with it. But here is the special parents edition. You will be surprised that your children are desperate for change too (I mean, who doesn't want a happy family life?).

Before the New Year arrives, while you are busy putting away Christmas stuff, checking up tuition agencies, sorting our finances, looking at school supplies.... plan to set aside a few pockets of quiet times to parent differently next year.


Here are some prompts that have helped me over the years:

1. Begin with appreciation

Write each child's name down. Take deep breaths and pray to see how the child has been a gift to you. Detail their spark, gift, and talent. It doesn't have to fit some existing category like Junior Chef...more like, 'what about this child makes your heart smile'?
Give thanks.


2. Bolster the relationship
I nearly forgot how brief moments of intimate, personal affirmations count. When I get stressed, my tone of voice and content of words change dramatically. I find that I tend to nag or then sit down and try to reason. But my children want to connect with me. They do want to please me and make me proud, but somehow the motivation dips when they feel distant from me. Nagging pushes them away.
Children these days feel the tension of our world's divisiveness. They are more alone than ever with smaller families and a hectic pace of life. All those child suicides make me really wonder about why these children have so much emotional pain they cannot process with anyone.
In the end, don't we all want our children around us, happy family moments, and the savouring of milestones traversed together?
So after giving thanks for each of our children, think of ways you connect best with each one and schedule that in!

Connecting frequently allows me to do the next thing: champion their uniqueness.

3. Boost their spark
Consider how resistant or open you are to their uniqueness.
I will admit to agreeing with my FIL that Medicine is a great choice! But it isn't looking that way folks, despite her great memory and steady hands!
In fact, I have met more than a few young adults who have done what their parents want, and at some point, decide to pursue what they want. Some with no small amount of hurt and bitterness. Some fall along the wayside because the climb was way too steep.
So together with you, I have to learn how to encourage my children to pursue their self-knowing and exploration of their abilities and gifts. I have to learn how to tell my son that while gaming is a valid vocational option, it is not the same as playing games all day! I have to be alright with the fact that my children may not show distinct definitions that I can shape at age 11 or even 16, and that is okay! Some people will be generalists and (like their mom) love doing a slew of things! (there's some bit of accepting ourselves in there too).

It is important to recognise that contributing to the home is an important aspect of their spark! The home is the training ground for life, and the child who can tidy, serve and share is learning to bear responsibility, be considerate and exercise self-control. These are all wonderful qualities that are needed to be able to steward their unique gifting well.


4. Brag about them....haha, YES, but not on social media as much as to them.
Tell your children often what you notice about them, both their strengths and their weaknesses. Anchor it back to a solid theology of who they are in Christ, how they are Image-bearers.
I remember my son telling me he is lazy, stupid, slow... (you get the idea). I had to gently and persistently correct him that it is normal to struggle with temptations to be lazy. It happens in a diverse world that we will sometimes feel stupid. It is true what we are slow at some things. But the deeper truth is he is wonderfully and fearfully made, and a work in progress. I had to teach him that he can fight against the temptations and human tendencies. And I brag about his success to him!

Now go do the same exercise for yourself!

Affirm your own life, notice your uniqueness, plan to grow yourself and find those who can encourage you*

Have a NEW year fellow parents!

How about let's pray this (somewhat desperate) prayer together:

Dear God, 

it's us - parents, those you somehow feel we have what it takes to birth, raise and send out actual breathing, kicking, working animations of life. 

In 2017, help us do what we must do better. 

Help us be more rested in our hearts. 

Help us see our children the way you see them. 

Help us allow them to grow us. 

Help us grow a better relationship of mutual love, respect and support. 

Help us find You and worship You in our days and lives. 

Help us remember you are parenting us all. 

Thank you for your help!

Amen.

Related reads:
What links resolutions to solutions
An arc of goodness: insights from Jeremiah





*if my posts encourage you, get them in your email Inbox! 
Simply type your email into the space on the right: 'get this in your email'. 

How to get a really NEW year

First you have to be fed up. Yes, fed up with the old year, fed up enough to want things to be different.

What are you fed up with?

Have you had enough of worrying about what others think?
Are you done with spinning those wheels and not really sure if you are making progress?
Do you so dread the state of your relationships that you are wishing up ways to avoid the people?

Sometimes we think that being fed up is a sign of weakness or that we are being plain ungrateful. Well, we all have areas of weakness and we may well be ungrateful. It may be that your weaknesses (a lack of discipline or self-control) contribute to the state of things. Certainly being grateful cures us of many ills so we don't live in chronic discontentment. But being fed up is different. It is a sign.


The thing is when we feel fed up, we tend to blame it on others. This will only ensure we never get a New year because we have absolutely no power to change others.

So, the difficult and necessary thing to do is to ask:

a. How would I like things to be?b. What am I doing that is keeping things from being the way I want them to be?

The parent who wants the eighteen year old to grow up but continues to dole out pocket money, calls to ensure there is lunch, tidies the room for him, will stay fed up.


When we are fed up, we are also tired. Our resources have run out. We will begin to go through the motions. We will start to numb. We may even resort to forms of escapism. The length of time spent in gossip, playing online games, over-eating or under-eating. We may even do things we would not normally do, like visit a casino or seek out titillating experiences when prodded on by others.

As 2016 begins to fold over and a new page is waiting to be written, take some time to slow down and consider how things are in your life.

This is why Advent is such a powerful practice. It slows us down and turns us towards deeper concerns in life. It is inevitable that Christmas will get busy. But Advent observation has already primed us so that a few hours or a day given to reflect and prepare for the new year will really help usher in a year open and ready for newness.

Today, mark out a few time periods when you can sit and pray, think, and plan for the New Year.

These questions will help:

a. How would I like things to be? [list each area of your life]

b. What am I doing that is keeping things from being the way I want them to be? [is it fear that people won't respond? Do you want to at least have tried or give up on what you value?]

c. Where is my energy level now?

d. What saps me most and what refuels me?

These simple but powerful questions will surface what is deep within you. Your longings, your anxieties, your life management. When we are dissatisfied or struggle with ongoing issues, we will grow tired and that in turns reduces our resilience and perseverance. It's a downward spiral.

All of us live with some degree of illusion. We have this ideal we hold ourselves and others to. Even if they are godly ideals, they can end up holding us hostage if we learn how to mature from where we are to where we believe and want to be.  

All of us want to be more loving. But the journey of maturation into being a person who genuinely loves others is different for each of us. If we hold on to an illusory ideal where we congratulate ourselves one day and condemn ourselves the next, we won't actually grow. A swing moves alright, but it doesn't actually lead to a real change in location.

Philippe Malouin, Milan

Real change that comes through maturation is a gift of God, and God loves 'upcycling' - the process of using available material to craft new, beautiful and useful creations.

All you need for the New Year is within you.

The stronger marriage between your parents.
The lighter and more caring atmosphere at home.
The community of faithful friends.
The steadier, closer walk with God.
That organised kitchen/desk/wardrobe.
The commitment and joy of meaningful work.
The loosening of bonds that hold others in poverty and oppression.

Your dreams and longings. Your hopes and aspirations. Your wild ideas. They may be held back because you are not taking them seriously enough, allowing your fears to stall you. They may be held back because you have not rested, eaten, exercised well so that you are alert and energetic.


May you experience a New year my friends as you brave it and seek answers to the questions.

"Praise be to the LORD, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens'  ~ Psalm 68v19

A letter from a 50 yr-old to my Ma and Pa

Began Friday, 1 July 2016
1:53 PM

Dear Mother and Father, I will turn fifty at the end of this year. Considering that the earth may be 6000 years old, fifty is pretty old - just take a few zeroes away!

I so wish you both are around with me; living together in good health, mutual respect and easy love.

Of course this is an idealized state - except for the mutual respect which we clearly had -  and even that required a lot out of us.

Mother and my firstborn. Every grandchild knew your love.

I remember grumbling so much about you Father: that you did not have a job title I could report to my school teachers with pride. While my classmate rattled off 'driver, manager, hawker'; I had no clue what it was you actually did. That in turn triggered off memories of times when Mother would say quietly, "just tell the teacher I will pay her next week" , I wondered if you did anything for us. What was obvious were the Toto receipts, the smoking, and the long stretches of time you weren't at home. 

But of course, I was only just figuring out about life as a kid.

No one, absolutely makes pigs' tongue soup like you did. I can still taste it; clearly some fireworks went off in my brain the few times you ladled it out for us. The pasty combination of soy, onions and melt-in-your-mouth potatoes and the chewy bits of meat (I ate unquestioningly and avoided the unfamiliar looking bits with the gristly surface, but knowing it was tongue did not deter me in the slightest for I had been won over by the aroma and the taste!),

In my teens, my self-righteous indignation ruled me with a ferocity and I persuaded, scolded, debated and gave you the cold shoulder for the many imperfections I saw in you.

It would be a few years of such suffering for you before your daughter grew up more to realise that you have a personal story that may account for the person you are; and to develop a compassion and curiosity to know about it, and so treat you as a person and not just someone who owed me proper fatherhood.

Mutual respect took us a long time. But I am glad we reached that shore.

Probably out of convention, I asked you to all the most important occasions of my life: my baptism, graduation, and my first public sermon. Convention has its place for sure; because your presence normalised us - I now have regular photos with parents - and for sure, we are both glad for it.

We did grow to respect and like each other. If there is anything I feel sad about now; it is that you did not get to walk me down the aisle and blossom into the amazing Grandfather I am sure you would. My children will never get to hear you tell your lame jokes, play the accordion, and watch your favourite Hindi movies and follow every episode of whatever David Attenbrough was up to ( I was shocked one time when I heard the august commentator's voice and instantly recognised it). And of course, that soup.

I wonder if you tell stories about us in heaven.

One thing we felt sure would happen in heaven. In fact one of us dreamt about it even. It was that when Mom arrived, you were thrilled to bits but she ignored you, like she did on earth.

Mother, you are a wondrous mystery to me. You weren't perfect for sure, and you often lacked the wisdom to guide us as the world spun crazily fast in the decades of immense change. You had no words for what to study, who to date or marry, what to do for a living. 

You did better than that. You showed us that learning is something we can all do. You did not get to start school because the war broke out, but you did not shrink from learning: going out to work, basic English conversation,  singing, crochet, reading your Chinese Bible, swimming, using the ATM, traveling, cooking new dishes, dancing… Your life demonstrated the meaning of the word 'possibility'  for us. What a precious gift. We knew we could suggest anything to you and never feel put down.

When we felt like quitting, you wouldn't let us. Opportunities don't come easy. While you never pushed us in any direction; you showed us that some things are worth every sacrifice, and that effort is what counts. Your fierce commitment to the family, your pride, your core values are the lights for a family that had little and could have turned out very differently. You took illness, nasty relatives, work injustices, hunger, lack, all in your stride. Never once did I hear you whine, complain your lot or blame others, except the glaring frustration you had with the government when you applied for public housing. If it had to be done, you saw to it that it was.

You stayed up long nights to twirl old calendar pages into beads and strung them so we could have some beauty in the home.  At night, as we lay together like sardines on floor mats, you sang us the silly song about the boats at Clifford Pier that 'fell down' and ate dog shit. I never got to ask you where that came from. You did everything you knew to ensure the family would be provided for: cooking and selling fried noodles at dawn to folks making their way to work, operating a Tontine, going out to work at the hospital despite your aversion to it (just take the job that comes), joining an MLM briefly….and always, bringing whatever donation cards schools required of us to help us get it all filled out.

I dig not know it then although I certainly felt it - mothers have a way of being pervasive in their influence.

You grew up without a father, and your own Mother was a compulsive gambler. As a daughter, your future would be marriage. In the meantime, your older Brother must be cared for, and supported through school; so from an early age, your life was turned outwards to solve problems and care for others. You survived the war after being recruited to work in the soldier's mess, and your diligence sometimes paid off with a few sweet potatoes above the rice they paid you with. You figured out how to make a quick buck by selling theatre tickets at black market prices.

But when it came to your own life, you did not take charge as you had for others. Your mother took a liking to Father, in part because they were both gamblers and had good chats over their games. So despite your own conviction about the evils of gambling, you acquiesced and married Father - and stayed faithful to him all the long and hard years.

 We are a bundle of contradictions aren't we?


I am not sure why, Mother and Father; but I really want you to be proud of me.  I want you to know that your pain, suffering, sacrifices have meant something.

It feels unfair to me that only as a young adult, when I was beginning to take the effort to understand and truly appreciate the contours of your lives; that my life became so full of my dreams and commitments, that although our conversations and interactions could be so rich; they often stayed mundane and thin. That when the roles were reversing and I was meant to take charge, I was too absorbed with my world. I did not neglect you per se, but there is so much I want to say to you and do for you still.

And then, you left suddenly, painfully, and alone.

Some things in life just cannot be managed: the heart attack, the car accident.

Father, we could go bargain hunting together. I now see the value and fun in it.
Mother, where else did you want to travel to - for once - not in order to visit one of us?

I don't know how you two did it. In your authentic and courageous lives, I witnessed and received Providence, Grace, and Mercy. Through your refusal to give up on life, I have a legacy of resilience and optimism.

Fifty years feels a long time. You were more than half of it; and I am going to make sure you will always be a part of whatever remains….until we meet again. Then, let's read this letter together.

Love,
Jenni Popo

Advent 2016 possible resources

Advent 2016 for those with experience

Do click on this link to get the resource!

There are also plenty of other kinds of resources depending on your personality, age and spiritual temperament. Some sites* include:

For leading Advent & Christmas

Advent Home worship by United Methodist Church, USA

Range of ideas from Anglican Worldwide


*disclaimer: no personal endorsement of any of these resources listed.

true trIumpH

Who can we trust?
Where are the real victories?

Politicians flip what they say, especially on a campaign trail. The media has been shown up for their biases. Religious leaders reveal shocking political positions. Who do we trust?

The Democrats are in despair, while the Republicans are celebrating a restoration of historic constitutional values. Meanwhile, real people are already feeling the effects: just recently, we read of christian business owners who sometimes closed their shops because of the effects of a Supreme Court decision. Yet in recent months, we are also hearing stories of children and women feeling unsafe as they are being taunted because of a licence given to another form of 'freedom' (or superiority). What is considered victory?


What must we learn from the recent election - that God is calling his people to?

1. we are all trumpets

I am afraid we are all racist, xenophobes, biased and frightfully insecure in our own ways about different things. We all operate at some level with stereotypes. But we were able to live and let live. We were able to know without so many words that all human community and convention is best not over-analysed. Life is to be lived, not yelled at.

Here in Singapore, we grew up with silly jokes about each other. Let's be honest, we told racist jokes, we beleaguer our government, we complain about everything. Yet we knew there was a line we did not cross. Rarely did we mean ill. We saw each other as equally tried and challenged by the realities of life, even though we will envy the rich (and equally make stereotypical jokes about them too).

The internet however, has made it way too easy for us to confuse our need for self-broadcast with mindless spewing of personal opinions, often without regard for its consequence. Love thy neighbour seems not to apply online.

Recently I even learnt a new word from friends, kolaveri. It's meant to be a friendly tease, used among Tamil youths to indicate that the cranky person should back off. Its literal meaning is murderous rage, which we are seeing plenty of these days alas.

Our human desire for an audience drives us to jump in on all the confusing stuff flying around, often without careful and prayerful thought. Christians are going, "XX endorses the candidate" as if XX is God speaking, and we send echoes reverberating.

"Be slow to speak (type/share/like), slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."  ~ James 1v19 

is probably the needful application of biblical wisdom here.

James is not saying there isn't a place for indignation that issues in actions for justice. But he very honestly shows us the shadows in our hearts and calls us to rein in our speech and our strong emotions. We just don't so easily know God's right way in any given situation, especially one as complex as this... yet -

2. we are all truth-bearers

Each of us bear witness to truth. We all bear witness to our particular story and the truths found there. We all contribute to the larger story and the truths we will uphold together.

From the American dream to the Singapore Home, the rhetoric is always about things getting better. Understandably, leadership calls for the need to cast a vision of hope. The reality for many however is looking and feeling dreadfully grim. And we are not surprised if we read our Bibles.

Yet the human heart always will need these few things: faith, hope, love.  We will differ on where we find it, experience it and express it.

The young gay man and his straight friend both need love. We all bear witness to these needs. I want to tell those who disagree it is alright. I also want to tell them that when they are vicious in their words, it hurts, for they, and our relationship matter to me. My friends are not a bunch of opinions. They are real beings with real hearts and real needs.

There is one truth that can bring us together, if we are willing. The story that unites us all. It is the honest admission that every one of us have dreams, we carry wounds, and we are capable of wounding. It is the story we all belong to: imago Dei and the Fall.

This is the story that Christians must live and tell, well.

We do better to spend our time doing these: dreaming, healing and serving.

"For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth" ~ 1 Corinthians 13v8

3. we are all tired and being tried

The earth is heating up, and the world is longing for renewal. We have exhausted many avenues for change. But there will always be fighters, warriors, dreamers and leaders because God loves us. There will be a cataclysmic end, but it is so wrong for us to get judgmental simply because there is a Judgment coming. 

Wishing judgment upon any nation, people or group reveals more about your heart than theirs. I believe it breaks God's heart. When we turn to our cliches that 'God is on the throne', let us be sure He is on our thrones in our secret hearts.

Wishing judgment exposes what is going us in us. We are blaming our woes on others. I have been there. I was angry with American entertainment for tainting our marriages, homes, youths and children. I was mad and disappointed at leaders for failing to stand up for the weak. I was upset with Wall Street and the White House.

But I clearly see that I did not care enough to pray properly in a sustained fashion for a world that is reeling. When I began to, my heart changed. Clinton, Obama, Miley Cyrus... every one needs prayer.

GK Chesterton's reproach is apt here:

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.

It is time for us to try and go about it all very differently.

Beware what we share and spread.

Become clear what we believe.

Be first a pray-er than a proclaimer.

Who can we trust? 
Christians, we must trust each other. We won't be at the same place in maturity and conviction. But let us start at the point of trust, allowing others to speak their wisdom and share their stories. We must learn to rebuild trust and not contribute to any unnecessary breakage.

In trusting each other, we honour God and trust Him as He has promised to never leave nor forsake us. In trusting each other, we make room for growth and transformation, partnerships and new possibilities because the Holy Spirit in us will lead us into all truth.

Where are the real victories?
More than any time in human history, we risk anarchy and the rule of the demagogue. More than any time in human history, ancient and traditional familial lines and community loyalties are being challenged.
When we can create a society and communities where there is faith, hope and love, so that the truth of God and His amazing love is not obfuscated, we showcase the victory of the Cross that reconciles, heals, and unites. We represent the nature and desire of God. This is victory, and one that truly lasts.

Let's shoot for real, true triumphs!

here's great, thoughtful, music to help us get there:Andrew Peterson's The Burning Edge of Dawn

all images from: http://politicschatter.com/politics-talk/slideshow/best-photos-2016-campaign-trail/

Transforming Grace

You know what I find disturbing about us Christians?

We have a holier-than-thou attitude.

interesting title no?

I would not have said this ten years ago. But a lot has happened in ten years, the most important being this: I have seen the darkness in my soul. Yes, I have come to the place where I understand that when Paul called himself the chief of sinners, it wasn't hyperbole. We all rank first place when it comes to harbouring demons in the dark alleys of our souls.

Yelling at kids?
Thinking of divorce?
Entertaining hurtful thoughts?
Fantasizing?
Blaming?
Ego trips?
Seized by discontent?
Poor stewardship?
Lack of love?
What if i try out...?

Been there, been that.

This reckoning has in turn done two things. One, I am much less shocked by confessions. Second, I have begun to strip away at the notion of 'the other'. I identify with others more than I differentiate from them.

Thomas Cole, Voyage of life

If you have ever met a personal darkness, sensed a shadow, wrestled with a demon, chances are you want to either reach for HyperGrace - it's no big deal, or we collapse into UnderGrace - we are wrecked with guilt and try our best to cover it all up.

I use these monikers to represent the two common ways we respond to glimpses of what lurks beneath our respectable, put-together selves. In HyperGrace, we may -

. brush it off as not really so serious compared with...
. create a spiritual scorecard by pumping up more rigour for spiritual activities (from dancing to Bible studies).

On the other end, some of us veer towards UnderGrace where we -

. smile and act nice, totally inconsistent with what's tugging at our hearts
. blame others or beat up ourselves for not measuring up
. endlessly analyse what went wrong

This happens to the individual, and even to groups and entire churches.

The problem is that both of these take us away from Transforming Grace, which the Bible says is given to the 'humble'.

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe  with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5v5-7

Peter wrote this. I dare say no one knows about Grace and humility the way Peter does.

He was the blustering disciple who boasted of his loyalty only to find it crumble when faced with the threat of persecution. He is the one Jesus re-creates a memory of his calling {read this John 21} so that he could be restored. He tasted Grace that morning when his professional fishing efforts yielded no gains. He tasted Grace in the fish on live coals and the poignant words of restoration Jesus spoke into the depths of his being.

He humbled himself in admission of his shadows and failures and was reunited with His Lord in love and mission. Still, he would have moments of weakness, but those are moments and not definitions.


Being humble is connected with casting our anxieties on God. 

We are anxious whenever we don't know the outcomes to things or when we anticipate a negative result. But Peter, he has learnt that. All his bravado cannot gainsay the truth that he has limits and he cannot really fix some things, even if he can swing a sword the way he can throw a net.

Transforming Grace - that flows downward to the bowed and receptive heart - happens when we humbly agree with God that we don't have the answer but we know God does.


I love Danielle Strickland's* definition of humility: agreeing with God about who you are.

Mind you, God does not think small of us. No, he thinks wonderful thoughts beyond our wildest dreams. Yet, he remembers and knows we are dust. We are finite. We do well to remember that of ourselves and others. That's when Grace happens. Peter tells us that God's intent is to exalt us. God knows we cannot reach the heights of who we truly are unless He raises us up.


The verses has another dimension:

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because he cares for you.  

I admit that this is the bit most of us don't really like. After all, whether it's our families or work or churches, we all know elders and leaders who we struggle to respect and follow. But here, Peter reminds us that there is the basic posture of being submissive that counts if we want to experience Grace. To be fair, he speaks here of an environment where there is the effort to honour one another.

Being humble creates a flow of God's Grace into our lives and situations.

We will meet, experience and share Grace when we are willing to kneel with the broken, sobbing alongside, hurting with them, remembering this could just as well be us. This is when Grace creates community.

We will know, be touched and grow in Grace is when we are willing to face our need for it in an authentic and vulnerable fashion. This is when Grace creates courage.

We will stand upon and lead stronger out of Grace when we will call out our tendency to hide, gloss over and conceal. This is when Grace creates maturity. 


These three are good indicators of the present workings of Grace in our lives: community, courage and maturity.

To have reckless self disclosure without regard for others lacks maturity.
To have endless discussions without actions shows a lack of courage.
To be part of unending gatherings where our deepest concerns are never shared or heard means there isn't real community.



Perhaps try this: you may well notice that from the American elections, to ISIS, to the latest local news about things gone wrong, our standard way is to point out what's wrong, in clear denial that we could go so wrong ourselves (and it's a miracle we didn't). This stance has rarely helped us get anything right in the end.


It is a peculiar thing. The knowledge that we are saved by Grace and sustained and sanctified by Grace's operations in our lives should be grateful, joyful and humble. Yet so often, we the chosen, the elect, the faithful - saved by Grace - have a way of turning Pharisaical.

We start to distance ourselves from 'the others' and become a holy huddle of sorts.
We have our share of doing good and pitching in to improve things, but in our hearts there is a line that says 'we' and 'them'.
We go on a religious treadmill seeking out new and amazing ways for spiritual experiences.
We complicate matters. The Pharisees churned out 613 checklist items to keep the law....how many have we generated while regularly refusing to encourage the formation of lives through basic disciplines of prayer and Scripture and a commitment to community?

Nicodemus was a Pharisee. But he was different. He was at least humble enough to seek out Jesus and considered fresh possibilities. On the other hand, we have the thief that hung next to Jesus. His was not the robe of religiosity but the rags of crime. But he too experienced Grace when he humbled himself to admit that he deserved his sentence.

Go down with a name like Nicodemus or go down without a name like that lowly once-thief. Just be known by God and be touched by His transforming Grace.


Some of my best record of Grace's tracks:
Grace in the story of the woman in John 8. She got it, they didn't
Take that small step, Grace is coming
The wide mercies of God's cradling Grace
Failure isn't final. Grace is.
I married a non-believer, is God mad at me?
How do you see your life?


references:

1. If you want to know the 613 laws

*as heard on Global Leadership Summit 2016

God does not want us sick. Really? What does it mean?

Humbling.

I got called out.

So burdened I was about some of my friend's struggles with chronic physical pain (to which I am no stranger during those years when I was healing from fine fractures in my spine), I grabbed screenshots off the seminar and blasted it to the group chat. In my enthusiasm to share some hope, I shared information about a seminar that began with "God does not want any of us to be sick."

She replied promptly with this: I just read a review..I think that can be a dangerous view because then you can't explain why Christians who take healthy diet and live good, spiritually above reproach lives get cancer or die young (read Job). In fact I think God's perfect will is for all to come to the knowledge of Him and his sovereignty."

Gobsmacked.

In this day of information flying all over us and coming at us from us at so many directions, slowing down and taking the effort to check and think is truly needed.

You see, I was right, but not enough.

God indeed does not desire sickness for any of us. But we see that only in Genesis 1-2 (from deduction), and then in Revelation. Right now between Genesis 3-Jude, things are very different and this is where we live.

Where we set our assumptions determine the path we go.

If we begin with God not wanting us to be sick, we will resent it when we are. We will dig endlessly around for reasons why we may be sick.

Did we sin?
Are we being punished?
Do we lack faith?

However, if we understand that God does not want us to be sick and has provided for that day through Jesus Christ, but we are not yet in that place, the conversation changes.

I do not welcome sickness and resign myself to it. Of course not. We have a new lease of life in Christ. Yet we do live in a broken world and are figuring out how our new lease of life is to be experienced and shared in an environment hostile to it.


So we have hope. Miracles happen. We can lay hands and command diseases to flee. Fevers leave, joints are set right, pains subside and stop.

But we also begin with our reality. Germs exist, accidents happen, disease is a frightful opponent.
Sometimes, God intervenes and delivers, raising even the clinically dead. Other times, he chooses to receive his child back home.


One of my heroes of the faith is Amy Carmichael. She rescued children from temple prostitution in South India.

 She lived such a blameless and selfless life. But the final two decades of her life was mostly spent increasingly in bed and in pain. Those twenty years with chronic pain, she prayed and thought and wrote some of the most illuminating and powerful books ever (books by Amy C).

It will be a travesty to say she remained sick because she did not pray a certain way. The only right way to pray as Jesus reminds us is to be honest and humble before God:

"But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!'..." ~ Luke 18v9-14

That wouldn't be Amy's issue at all.

In case you are wondering, Amy lived from 1867-1951, and unlike so many things done in the name of Christ, her mission work endures even after a century: Donhavur Fellowship. The legacy of her life, her work, and her faith is astounding.



Practically, what does this mean for us?

When I fall sick, I take it that my sickness is speaking to me in various possible ways:

1. It is time to rest
Seriously, city-dwellers have a way of going at a speed that is largely detrimental to our health. God designed our body to be a finely-tuned instrument that will scream for attention when it is out of whack. Rest and restoration is needful for good equilibrium (as for how to really rest, check ...).

2. It is time to pray
The sovereignty of GOd is not an abstract theological idea. It is a present truth we need to learn to press onto our lives because it leaves a very different imprint. Sickness starts me on a new conversation for me to seek God for insight and better understanding about life in general, and my life, in particular. Sometimes as I pray, I decide against seeing a doctor. Always, I pray authoritatively over the sickness, commanding it not to become an doorway for fear and worry. I rebuke it and demand it leave. I then give my body permission to heal at its pace.

3. It is time to rely on others
Hopefully, none of us are so wary or shy of others that we live in total isolation. I learnt that I will be less miserable if I had the right foods and drinks to help me along. So I had to make a list and share it with the dh so that he can help me as I heal. One time, I was so sick and even the extended family was unavailable due to a bereavement, so I called up an elder who is a doctor. He could sense the urgency and I think he saved my life when he came and gave me that injection.


I am glad my friend pointed out my error. She also texted this:

"Once you know Him and have an intimate relationship with Him, all the cares of the world and our mortal self become strangely dim."

Indeed. May we live with the clear imprint of a Sovereign God upon our lives so we can say like Amy -

“It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates” 

The One reason to keep you going and growing

What keeps you going?
What keeps you growing?

Coming to Christ gives us a new command centre, but as we can clearly see from all the difficulties Paul the apostle had with the early church, a new identity and destiny does not always translate into new godly behaviours easily.

With Whatsapp, I belong to several group chats. One of them is a group of ladies who I go to exercise class with. That chat is filled with Youtube videos, links, pictures and quotes about living healthy, shopping cheap, and eating well.

One time I decide to risk a little and peel it all back by asking, "It is normal to be afraid of sickness and want to be happy. Perhaps we should ask 'Why'".

Perhaps we should /why?'.

I imagine it is entirely possible for other chat groups to exist consisting of fellow Christians who post videos, links, pictures and quotes about .... more or less the same thing, with a layer of 'faith' and large doses of Christian activities thrown in. 

Another event.
Another seminar.
Another conference.
Another gathering.
Another training.

Another speaker/teacher/prophet.

Perhaps we should ask /why?'.

What if --

We are afraid... that Singaporean syndrome called kiasuism. We are afraid to lose out on the latest, the great 'spiritual deals' as it were.

What if we are really worried that we will look ignorant, ill-informed, not with the times?

What if we are really unsure of our faith?

I was prodded to start asking 'why' many years ago by a missionary friend's well-written piece on what he calls a peculiar Christian disease: 'meeting-gitis' -- the endless meetings Christians feel obliged to attend. 

It is true, isn't it?

 So few of us even  think through the ramifications of our daily devotions and Sunday sermons so that we are living them out.

Many of these conferences are fantastic and have solid material. But our buffet spread is wolfed down and poorly digested, much less savoured for all its texture and flavour.

Less can be more.

Scripture urges us, '

keep in step with the Spirit' ~ Galatians 5v25

How do we do this unless we know where we are. Unless we really see, for without good sight, how shall we know which way to go? 

This admonition is given in the context of real intra- and interpersonal struggles. Right here, right now. 

Yes, it's great to follow the grand winds of the Spirit. But the Spirit of creative orchestration works specifically and uniquely in each of our lives. A meaningful journey is not a long march of the masses. It is a deliberate walk by the pilgrim. A walk where flowers are noticed, pauses are made, strangers are met and turn into friends, where difficulties are surmounted and overcome.

It is a journey where we learn to see truly, rightly and lovingly.  

You are a pilgrim, not a tourist. 

Go on your walk.

Keep in step with the Spirit who is leading you.

You may be feeling tired from all the stuff you feel you ought to be part of. You may know others who are trudging along and adding one more thing to their plate.

Ask yourself 'why?'.

The Holy Spirit works in our lives and circumstances to bring us to both understand and experience God's goodness of abundance.

I have met too many who don't know how to relate to parents, spouse, sibling. I have met too many who complain about fellow Christians. I have met too many who live clueless about why they have the issues and struggles they do.

Their lives appear to suffer from a lack of leadership. Or perhaps, it is a lack of follower-ship. There is no real pause to observe, sense, and obey the Spirit.

Life is hard, and it doesn't get easier except in one way: you either know how to walk, or you don't.

The Holy Spirit wants to lead you. Will you follow?

Don't let the reason to grow and go on be a fear of being left behind. Let is be that you hear the Spirit beckoning you. Let it be Love. Nothing else will really do.

Next steps for destiny unfolding

When we feel pulled in many directions each day and as we watch a world that seems to unravel; it is easy to lose heart and even wonder if such a thing as destiny exists.

There are no easy answers for the poor little Syrian girl whose body is writhing in pain while her family cannot be found.

There are no easy answers for the family forever changed by the suicide of their teenager.

There are no easy answers for the old lady all alone in her tiny flat whose spouse has died and whose children are too busy to visit.

These are all real stories.

These too are real stories:

Ruth
Sarah
Miriam
Rahab
Mary
Elizabeth

The Bible gives us stories that are grit-real and the answer that God changes the script when we turn to Him and trust in Him.

Our lives are not a pointless treadmill of trying to get on, ahead and stay alive.

Jesus came to live, die and rose from the dead to change that script forever. 

When we live into our destiny, our changed life scripts begin to inter-weave with other real, actual lives - maybe even in the lives of those far away, in despair, hopeless - and together, we say against all the odds stacked against us: there is another way to live!

In the last post, I shared 2 practical daily-life steps for living into our unfolding destiny.

The next 2 are:

3. What is my heart's burden/longing/inclination?

Think about what you brought you delight as a child. Think about what would make you jump out of bed to do, even if no one paid you. Think about the time(s) you felt alive. Think about a change you want to see happen.

You may come up with a few answers. See if there is any overlap or a theme. Wait on God for insight. You may find the word that comes could be -

encouragement
comfort
children
support
team-building
harmony
marriages
leadership
homeless
life-giving beauty

With a sense of what this may be, redesign your routines so that it includes either learning more or being more involved in this area. 

This is something I still reflect on. What God has laid on our hearts sometimes get buried under years of doing what others expected, what we thought was the right thing to do, what we felt was needed to get ahead. Yes, we can uncover our true selves slowly as we peel back the layers. It can be scary, but it is definitely liberating!

This journey of discovery and growing confidence needs to be paired with the other step that keeps us humble and dependent on the Lord.

4. Growing to be ready for my destiny, what weaknesses do I need to overcome at this point, so that I can be ready to walk through the door God opens?

For many of us, a fear of failure and the loss of control straps us down to the status quo. Others really do resent change of any kind. 

Yet to grow is to change. Change is inevitable. We may as well take charge of the process rather than let our lives get overrun by changes we did not intentionally pray and work out.

When I tell people that I work as a life-coach*, they always say, "O counseling...". I have thought about it. Counseling is of immense value and I do seek help myself. But there is a huge difference. Counseling is typically crisis-driven. You see a counselor because you hit a crisis. I prefer to get people to be proactive, to look ahead and to seek wisdom before their lives hit a snag.

Consider what weakness(es) are limiting you. Do you tend to be negative, doubtful, worried, calculative?  Are you prone to laziness, gossip, disrespect?

Being brave to face our weakness is very critical. Our weaknesses creep up on us and disable us sometimes when we are about to make a difference.

I have a tendency to slip into melancholy and during those times, it is easy to become rather absorbed in my thoughts and emotions. As a result, I am unable to pick up cues or truly be present to others. It is a weakness I learnt can be overcome by noticing the danger zones.


Your destiny matters.

It makes a huge difference to the way you live daily.
It makes a huge difference for the people you will bless and impact (and perhaps a social change!)
It makes a huge difference to your relationship with God.

Let us live with intention, hope and faith.
Let us love others even as we live amazed that God's love gently intervenes in the script of our lives.
Let us marvel that our one small life is so treasured and loved by One so Great.

*I use this term in general as I welcome anyone to contact me for a conversation about their life. But the skills involved are pastoral, facilitation, mentoring, and spiritual direction (where it applies).

Navigating those steps in my unfolding destiny

When God wanted Adam and Eve to face the truth of their lives; He asked them a question: where are you?

God of course knew where they are. The question is: they needed to know.

They needed to know and confess that they are hiding.
They needed to know and confess that they are hiding because of what they have done.
They needed to know and realize what that hiding would mean for their future.

Similarly, if we want to take steps that are in sync with the Spirit who is working to unfold our destiny, we need to ask some relevant and revealing questions of ourselves.


In this and the next post, I want to share  4 questions we can use that will help us look deeper and realise where we may be at. I hope you will print/draw and place them somewhere you will remember to look at, pause and consider.


Q1. What is my current assignment and am i doing it with my whole heart?

At the end of the day, Jesus tells us he will look at our deeds. They matter because our deeds are an indication and manifestation of our values and priorities. God says that we cannot claim to love Him and fail to love those around us.

God has given each of us gifts, opportunities and even suffering to steward. As we accept and labour, we are being trained and transformed. 

God has given us a mandate to steward the earth: our relationships, resources and this physical earth. If we cannot be trusted with what we have been entrusted; God will not enlarge the scope of our stewardship; and He wants to! This is not a matter or pride, but a matter of real needs that need to be met by women (and men) who are ready to act. 

Q2. How can I keep my heart pure to be able to hear God? 

Everyday, our heart not only pumps millions of times to keep us alive, it also absorbs a lot from all we experience. Our hearts are often cluttered and burdened with hurt, anger, sadness, regret, and doubt. Carrying around a heavy heart will affect our ability to commune with God deeply and hear him.

Find a way to be still and hear your own heart, to unburden yourself regularly before God. The early Christians did this every evening with a short time of quiet meditation. Can you include something like this in your system of discipline?

I will share 2 more helpful Qs in the next post. To make sure you get it, type your email in the box provided on the right bar.

Here are some further readings that may help you (simply right click on link):


Doing God's Will when your emotions are helter-skelter

When I feel my faith isn't enough

Do share your thoughts in the comments!