Spiritually Destined, Desperate & Destitute - all at once!

This may seem strange, but it is possible to be destined and yet feel both desperation and even a tad destitute.

Destiny is the stuff of dreams. We are headed somewhere, there is gold dust and a rainbow (hopefully with a pot of gold at the bottom) is just round the corner. This is our idea of destiny so often. The thing is, when we have lived several decades, we invariably have said good bye to a few dreams. Some have crashed messily about us and we have been walking careful, hoping that we don't get splintered - again.

And so perhaps, the desperation begins to creep in some. Will my life count for anything in the end? What difference have I really made? I cannot even be sure my children are going to turn out right! Not another crisis?

Where is my happily-ever-after?

So the fairy tale diets we were fed haunts us for we thought we found the shoes, attended the ball, and even danced with the Prince; and now we feel like we are back to the humdrum, mundane, evil dark days of Ordinariness and we are destitute. After all, everyone else with their happy selfies seem more fulfilled.

And what happens? We hold back some. We step back, pull away.

I have been processing some decisions for many months. They are decisions that shape destiny. I notice afresh this morning that even though God has been granting me much peace, there is still that trace of desperation. I have made bold, hard decisions many times; and often it has cost me much. I would be lying to say they did not do me in some.

Disappointment can shrink wrap us.

Not only so, most of us live with an operating system that says, 'at all costs, avoid pain'. This is a dicey one. God designed us with nerves that avoid pain and detect pleasure. But we swing to extremes as usual: we run scared of all hints of pain. We forget how we have risen from the ashes, how we have stared death in the face, how the pain has sometimes kept us in safer places....

Jesus came, and taught us that pain may be a necessary friend. He helps us remember it for his chosen instrument is the Cross.

While we are never told to hurt ourselves; we must realize that being hurt is part of being human; and that Jesus not only understands and feels along with us; he has forever limited the damage it can do to those who turn to Him in simple trust.

"We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralised; 

we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; 

we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; 

we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken...w

hat we believe is tat the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly

raise us up..alive."

And perhaps, this isn't how you feel. It's okay. Let the Word wash over you until it soaks into your fibres and you are nourished to read it with resonance. For:

"Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, 

on the inside, where God is making new life, 

not a day goes by without his unfolding grace."

And why not join me over here to mark  Grace unfolding. For record keeping of the good stuff is what finally gives us shape.

And then, let's Dance to this wild promise; for that's the 'D' that can thread the Destiny, Desperation and sense of Destitution in our days. Dancing is feet that have learnt to follow Another's.

"These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, 
the lavish celebration prepared for us. 
There's far more than meets the eye...
The things we can't see now will last forever."

 ~ Today's Scripture taken from 2 Corinthians 4, The Message

Life like an MRT line

You have felt it  ---bodies too closed, all packed in the train...faces buried in smartphones, hearts fighting a thousand shadows. So much a picture of life: we nearly touch but we don't connect, we wish and long, but we fear push back. So we stand in our little spaces and try not to totter in the lurching movements, wary of others coming too close.

It isn't just the ride that reminds me of life. The MRT lines I found one day, did too. Just take these three:

NE (northeast) --  Not Enough line.
The moment we board the train of life, we begin a journey to grasp for more. It is never enough. We can do better, grow more, give more, be at more places, experience more....this relentless chugging for more. We live tired lives of pursuing the more.

We all ride this line.

EW (east west) -- Ever Worrying line.
I can sing 'I've got peace like a river' and do  all the fun actions, but the river of peace is often a long trek away from where I am. For you too? We need to escape life to find it. It's been called the vacation - we vacate and leave our hearts emptier of the burdens... Only to find they still sit snugly in our in-trays and sometimes even gets highlighted in our to-do lists when we return.

Many of us are here, especially us parents.

NS (northsouth) -- No Solution line.
There is that one person or situation you cannot fix. There is nothing you can do to change it. You are stuck in this carriage; the door it seems is jammed and the air is getting stuffy.

Some of us certainly feel we took the wrong train to end up here.



If we really took the wrong train and got on the wrong line, we would't hesitate to get off at the next station and hop on the right train. But these lines are different. They aren't so easy to get off; especially if you are tired and the lull of the engines have made you sleepy....


I have met many sleepy people. They will tell of their woes and go over their troubles but sadly, it takes too much to contemplate that they can actually get off these lines.

But listen, the Life Engineer announces above the lulling motion and noises:

" I am near. 

Do not fret or have any anxiety, about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, 

continue to make your wants known to me. 

And my pace shall be yours 

(that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from me and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort it is, that peace) 

which transcends all understanding shall 

garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

~ Philippians 4v5b-7

Last year, I jerked to a realisation that I had forgotten this teensy bit the Enginner speaks of here: by prayer and petition (definite requests)....make your wants known. 

We outgrow the basics to our peril. I began writing down specifics. And I saw specifics being answered. This means God is not good in some general sense; God is specifically, precisely, spot-on good. That's the power of being definite. It made me ask what it is I truly wanted; it made me come to know my own heart .... and realise how much God cared about how I turned out. Like a late-blooming teen finally getting it that his parent really does want the best for him (and in this case, the parent is perfect too).

One other thing too right smack here: thanksgiving.

There are always things to be thankful for. Seriously. Try it.

Thankful-living is deep art, a mysterious force that pries open our crusted, cynical hearts, so that we are able to look within, see what we truly want, and pray audacious. 

Don't attempt great prayers until you attend to grand thanksgiving!

The train is here. I'm headed Downtown. 

And souls, a lil' reminder:

broken-hearts

Like the ever-expanding universe that is moving ever outwards, it’s hard to hold together when you feel like your being is shattered into a zillion pieces and they are orbiting in crazed random circles, the only thing you can do not to explode or fall flat on your face is to pretend and get on with the day.

At other times, sudden tornadoes come ripping up what little you managed to stick in the sand and everything comes tumbling down again. Your body is assaulted by wrecking sobs and your thoughts are spinning around: more of the same. Tumult rages as you fight off anger, guilt and fear. At times, the darkness offers you a broth of venom to drink or to disguise and offer it to the other.

You want to run away, cut loose, forget but you are shackled.

You look for help but yet you know help is not at hand: no, they are not able to enter this with you. No one can.

Then it can get all quiet and deathly and you don’t even bother to pinch yourself to check if blood still courses through your being.

This is how a broken heart feels.

And perhaps –

This is how hanging on the Cross feels.

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

These words are the best prayers at such a time.

Listen, it is not a physical death that counts when a heart is broken. That is pure fraud. For your heart lives on. 

But a dying is happening -

of cherished dreams.

of prized relationships.

of personal confidence and success.

Let  . the . death . happen.

But know this: death is always a precursor to Life.

Like the tiny seed that must suffer so when it is put into the dark ground and covered up; no longer able to see the light of day and wondering why its tiny being is bursting apart. An inexorable force of Life is ripping at it so it won’t remain a seed.

Trust in Life. Trust in God.

water, shawn

Tell it to Him, words not needed:

I am weary with my moaning, every night I flood my bed with tears, I drench my couch with my weeping. ~ Psalm 6v6

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? 

~ Psalm 56v8

Why?

I feel—so -- abandoned !

I’m thirsty!

I am dying… into your hands, I commit my spirit.

                                                                                                                  

Wait, like the seed in the dark. Don’t run, and don’t take matters into your own hands. 

Wait.

And you shall feel it.

Then you will be able to say it, first unsteadily, but with increasing clarity:

For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. 

~ Psalm 116v8

Scriptures are from the ESV.