a retreat experience

retreat /rɪˈtriːt/ - a period of withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

According to all battle strategies; there is a time to retreat.

When -

We forget we are in a war. 
We don't build in the strategic moments of retreat. 
We face defeat.

God in His loving, attentive, all-wise way, beckons me to step away, leave it all, and go to a quiet place to rest, to hear, to rec calibrate ... in order to engage the battle with fresh vision and strength. My disobedience to my Commander-in-chief will lead to horrid outcomes.

Retreating is not a luxury. It is a necessity. And I nearly missed it.

After setting my heart and arranging to take a retreat; I made a last minute decision (upon my dear husband's strong support) to attend a 5-day writing-related conference. This was going to be just before my retreat dates; taking me away from home for more than a week. 

i tried to reason that perhaps i could kinda retreat during my conference if i stole pockets of time. But the very first day of conference, I was uncharacteristically exhausted! It looked like i couldn't even enjoy and benefit from the conference; much less burden it with one more agenda: God. 

Also, i needed and wanted to give Him undivided attention. 

Good thing I did not cancel my retreat plans!

Yesterday at Bible Study, we looked at that familiar verse from Mark 1v35:

"and while it was still dark, Jesus arose and went to a quiet place.."

We were asked: what did Jesus do in the dark and quiet when he met with God?

Did he look at the stars and remember the long-ago promise God gave to Abraham his ancestor?
Did he review the day's route and asked for God's-Positioning-System?
Did he ache over the faces and lives he encountered?
Did he grapple with his humanity?
Did he talk about each of his disciples by name?


What do you do when you get to a place of quiet with God?

Quite often in the past, I went into a retreat time with many burdens, questions and longings. My last retreat I went with a huge need to find direction as I was feeling so out of sorts with where I was at. I was doing what seemed right but it did not bring me peace and I felt my soul warping with frustration and pride.

Weeks earlier, I had several questions I wanted answers to at this retreat. But when I got to the place and set my things down in the bare room; I was unable to find or frame my questions.

A simple and bare space can do wonders for us. It seemed to strip me of the questions and longings that clung to me. As I shed all the things I usually surround myself with - no more laptop, familiar books, the cat (!), the schedule, responsibilities and noise... suddenly there is this sufficiency, this simplicity. I tried in fact to dig around because when I was busy and filled with much to think/say/do; the questions pressed on me with urgency. But now, they lose their power and their claim. So I stopped. I reminded myself that being on retreat is to receive care from the One who knows me completely. I gladly opened my hand and let Him lead the moments.

If you have never known the freedom of having no datelines, no whatsapp, no emails, no one to answer to...then you must go on a retreat! Simply being on your own with nothing to achieve/settle/ resolve is a most freeing experience. it is not that your troubles are all sorted out; it's just not the time for it. In fact, we are so used to being a problem-solving mode that we really need a break from it; in order to come back fresh.

I ate my meal quietly; it was all set out. I did not need to fuss over what to eat. There was just one option. I did find and enjoy the last green-tea packet though! Again, the mind gets to rest, the body gets to slow. This in turn allows the deepest part of us to surface.


I went to the lounge area and looked at some stuff on a table: art paper, two tins of fabric with needles and thread, a large bottle of buttons. In a cupboard I found markers and paint and glue. I walked away to sit in a large armchair and began exploring a huge hardcover book on Thomas Merton's art. A most charming title isn't it?

But my heart felt drawn to return to fiddle with those buttons. I flipped and read slowly; then I got up and went to the table. 

Not quite sure what i was going to slap together, I picked out some fifteen buttons that caught my eye. The word 'mystery' had been floating around so I wrote that down on the middle of the page. With a oil pastel, I drew a thick red line across the paper. Finally i drew and then stuck the buttons on. 

I selected a few books I found and took them to my room.

In the evening, I started to journal. The pages filled out quickly! The spiritual director I arranged to meet had suggested a few Scripture passages. I read those familiar passages and listened. As i journal; i realised those passages helped me to pray about the questions I had. It was good to turn the questions away from being a quest for answers to prayers that expressed my hope in a God who hears and answers.

sitting with Jesus

Over the next two days, God would let me know He knows exactly where I am at: the longing for clarity for my ministry, my recent dreams about a former church, entering a feminine season where loss and rejuvenation combine called menopause, growing children...

brave Mary

in the chapel

I felt something deep within me being filled up. 

Then the deepening impression. Joy. Joy, Joy. We need it but we are so afraid of it.

I prayed relinquishment.
I prayed hope.
i prayed about missing my mom.

i looked at my artwork and i knew its meaning would continue to unfold for me: there is mystery to life. But a river of redemption runs right through it. And along the way, God buttons us up where we may otherwise unravel or split apart.

When I finally packed my things, I was ready,and eager to be home.

Retreat to Advance.

Do I really need God?

Actually, you don't.

If what you want is to get by in life, make it rich, have a good time, mind your own business...raise some decent kids. I would say you do not need God. There are plenty of non-God people who do well in every department of life, from studies to marriage to phenomenal success.

In fact, I tried being an atheist once. Just forget about God la.

It lasted about a week.

This is why.

God is not an add-on.
He is not a secret ingredient for the best life.
The Heavenly Father isn't lonely.
Jesus isn't desperate for followers {as I tell it in my book Shed Those Leaves, his political non-maneuverings led him to a grisly death}
The Holy Spirit won't overpower / spook you because he needs to deliver / fill / use someone.

Human beings at our best spiritually is Religious. This means we think, do, define stuff that measures us as: up / down, in / out, black / white. And religion has got us all into a lot of trouble which we are still trying to climb out of.


We can get by without God. He has graciously and generously provided the air and water cycle plus basic causal links which we can use to generate food, shelter and even regenerate ourselves.
When we reach for God ourselves, we tend to create caricatures, totems and idols.

What the Bible tells us is not that we are bad people. Not that we must improve. Not that Christianity or Judaism is a pathway to God even. No, the Bible tells us,

In the beginning God.
At the end, God.

We come onto the scene at his breath. That breath makes us alive on multiple levels: able to eat, relate to animals, work creatively, govern, procreate, hear and respond to God with immediacy. That the breath returns to the Giver by orienting us towards Him in reverence, obedience, and union.

But the breath gets snuffed.

We need fresh breath to be truly alive.

I named this blog To Really Live because I started out on life with very little. I wore the same dress twice to birthday parties and another child pointed it out. All of my life I grasped at what it means to live. I was alive even if I was hungry often. I was alive enough to thrive through some harsh setbacks. I wanted to be alive emotionally, intellectually, creatively... to really live was my quest.

For many today, a full life is a busy life, or a pleasure-filled life, or a life where one is not denied what one wants. Some are more outward looking and a full life is about making a mark, leaving a legacy.

But to really live, we have to be really alive first.

God says we need Him to be really alive.

With Him, it does not mean our lives are charmed. We speak of Grace, Favour, Providence, miracles. These are all true and we would be blind to deny they are real and experienced by many who trust God. Yet, our lives can also be filled with all the same issues and problems.

The difference?

It is to really live by that breath that turns us Godward so that we rise above ourselves. Our agenda is no longer ourselves. Our reward is no longer this-worldly. Our joy is no longer circumstantial. 

Jesus did a strange thing (especially to our sensibilities) when he appeared to his disciples after rising from the dead. It is recorded that 'he breathed on them'. That breath brings us right back to the first page of our story, when God breathed and brought forth a living being called man. It seems Jesus was re-enacting that; letting them know he is calling them to life.

{imagine the scene, being there and hearing the breath}


Perhaps pause now to hear (one of these):

Breathe on me by Hillsong

Breathe on me breath of God by Steven Green


And this fresh breath is sustained and swept up in a work of God that urges us forward to a vision of renewing earth, reconciling hearts, restoring hope that flickers within us. 

The story of how the disciples were struck by a wind that carried flames and loosed their tongues in Acts is the turn key event that establishes this grand sweep of a purpose no human can imagine or concoct.

The breath of God is God himself and He is afoot with mighty things that will thunder and billow upon this crusted terrestrial ball!

'to really live' quest lives on!

So I don't need God in a way.
But I cannot truly live without Him.

I was created in His image
To be in relationship with Him
In a way that brings Him glory

If I denied that, I am saying I don't need him.

What's your real desire?
Get on with life, or get on with God?

You are the best parents for your child(ren): the power of planning

Plan for peace.
Plan for growth.

I would never have believed you thirty years ago. To my plan-to-the-tee husband, I am about the most spontaneous person there is. (let me guess, you are married to an opposite too?) But I have come to see the power of planning.

You are the best parents for your child(ren) - plan for it to happen!

Married to a planner, I certainly had to learn to plan - in terms of telling him way ahead of time - what is coming around the corner; what I hoped to involve the whole family in (read: need his participation), and what outcomes I am working towards.I was chafing at it quite a bit; then I realised this: from day one that Parenting involved Planning.

When did I last feed the baby and from which side?

 She is going to outgrow her clothes!
 Which formula to wean her to?
 When are his exams.... so soon?!

But plans exist because they serve a greater purpose. 

We plan because it gets us somewhere! So the big Q is not whether you have a plan; but whether your plan will get you where you want to go?

Do you want a family that loves being together?
One that serves the community?
One where each person's potential is championed and supported?
A family where conversations are heartfelt?

Now consider the actual plans and priorities we have. Are we doing what helps us arrive at our vision, or sabotaging what we hope?

I still remember being asked when I chose to stay at home as a mother, "how can you give up the care of hundreds for one?". Yes, the Math did not seem to add up. But it was clear as a haze-less daylight to me. The hundreds can find another pastor; the child I bought into the world is my first direct responsibility. I will learn and I will enjoy this. That was the starting vision for me.

Along the way, I prayed and thought often about the vision of family and home life. With the vision, I put in place plans. The plans include:

 Good Health

 Spiritual Vitality

Diligence

Wonder at life


The plans always required me to seek these things in my own life and be a model for it. After all, more things are caught than taught.

I may have a helper to get certain things done; but holding forth a vision and living it out first, simply cannot be delegated. Grandparents, church and helpers cannot be expected to develop attitudes, habits and spiritual postures in children. It is the task of the parents to do so.


 Living cannot be delegated.

To have children who are interested in life, secure, who develop empathy -- I needed to be all these myself first. Plan . to . grow .


The pace of life in a city like ours can keep us panting. I know some full-time stay-home mothers who basically plan car routes, meals, tuition and recreation. They are ferrying their children from one thing to the next. Well, there are plans, and there are plans.


A plan is basically a roadmap to get from here to there. It considers the outcome, the resources, the possible hiccups.

In order to go away on a personal retreat to recharge myself, I needed to plan for caregivers, emergency phone numbers, even to plan a time to prepare the children (and their father) besides the aspects related to the retreat itself: booking a spot and preparing my heart.



But it is easy to be so caught up with the daily demands that we hit 'cruise'.

I drove a car once on a highway in the United States and tried the 'cruise' button'. The car basically drives itself! You just needed to hang on to the steering. My cruise mode lasted no more than ten minutes. It felt honestly scary. I wasn't sure if my reflexes would be good enough for me to change mode when something called for it. Crusising was relaxing and it was easy to become less alert I felt. Also, cruising happened at a minimum of  50km/hr speed and it kept at that speed. This meant that I could not slow down at will to take note of any thing I saw along the way. Everything would be given the same length of attention. Things would get monotonous and become same-same -- lowering alertness and increasing the risk of accidents.

Life can run on cruise mode too! Just the same basic motions everyday: wake self, wake kids, pack them off to school, start working/worrying, chores, the homework drills, more chores, maybe a little TV, crash into bed. It can end up feeling like a never-ending highway of things to get done. {for some parents with children who need special attention; this situation is very real and much more tiring}.

To avoid a 'cruise' situation, set aside time to plan.

I'll be cheeky and say this: all of us basically have a 'plan' to get through each day: grit and grin it.

Ok, seriously, here's how I do it. Remember I am not Mdm Systematic.

1. the daily just-in-case I forget something
I have important dates, details and datelines written on a whiteboard for everyone to see. There is even a message section for me to leave 'reminder' or 'cheers' depending on my emotional state! The schools hand out so many letters I found sticking them on the fridge felt so cluttered; instead reading it through and writing out the important bits helped us focus.

2. the weekly check-it-twice
Yes, don't we just love how the school and tutors have to shift things around {and we are talking pre-haze days}. CCA is particularly notorious at the Secondary level and of course, all the project work. The kids used to like to download the information and hoped I was listening. Nope. I was blogging dearie. We both got frustrated. So I learned to really listen, to write it in the calendar or phone or whiteboard (very useful). Slowly, I taught them to plan their week, to anticipate changes, and NOT to assume our schedules are wrap around theirs! "If I don't hear from you early enough, you take public transport, or go without that necessary tee-shirt or extra pocket money...". With both ends learning to plan, things are far better these days.

The weekly plan is not just for activity. Like I say, plans exist to support a vision. So there are already priority items on the plan: personal time with God, family devotion, church, caring for grandparents, and so on. I also include our meals as part of this weekly plan. The menu and shopping cart has some items that are served each week so as to ensure that we have a healthy diet.


3. the monthly pray-it-over-again
Humans are not static and neither are our relationships. We are habitual it's true and it can appear hopelessly beyond change. But kids - their habits can be shaped. Each month (it turns out more or less to be so as I will worry about them regularly: are they faith-filled, sutdying hard, up to mischief, hanging out with wrong peeps, onto porn {gasp}..maybe it's PMS-related), yes, more or less monthly I set aside some time to plan their growth.

Any thing to address? Any concern to dig around? Any issue blocking our relationship? This is the time I pray for insight into each child, and then make some specific plans to talk to them / take them out. A lot of it is not to 'fix' them; but just to share their interests and support their growth. I find so much peace here when I am able to release my fears to God. I also get all excited about being able to spend intentional time which will become a precious memory if not a wonderful time to align and form stronger habits.
My journal has sections specially with each child's name on it. It's cool to parent together with God!

Parenting is hard work. But it is meaningful, beautiful work. And anything worth doing calls for effort and sacrifice. 

A plan makes the art come to pass.


What art are you making as you parent?
What plans do you have?