You are the best parents for your child(ren): how to bless your children

Mom bless
Pop bless
We bless you!

Every parent wants to bless their child(ren). But sometimes it can be hard.

It can be hard when you find your resources limited, you simply cannot afford what is touted as 'advanced, best, enlightened'.

It can be hard when they irk us with their demands, expectations, and what feels to us like pathetic levels of endurance and patience - these softies raised on a diet of fast, quick, and easy.

It can be hard if our picture of blessing is a plump and statuesque pronouncement that their future is secure because we have an estate or because, like those grand biblical figures, we call upon the Almighty and our word is good as gold.

It sure can be hard. It's hard to bless our children when we wonder if we are blessed.

To bless is a soul exchange. It is to impart and leave something that will live on. It is an extension of one's substance, a sharing of one's joys, an offering of one's life; so that another will thrive and exceed us.

What do we have within us and our means that can do that for our children?

1. We bless our children when we live blessed.

Every home is defined ultimately by the choices parents make. If a home is filled with anger, tension, a sense of lack and frustration; it is how the parents have chosen to live. A home that resonates with peace, joy, and abundance begins with parents who know how to find and fill themselves up with the these gifts of life. We cannot give what we don't already own.

2. We bless our children when we build them up.

God has shown me that parents are trailblazers. Each unique life is a fresh trail of possibility and love. Each child God's imprint of hope upon our worn ways and days. Parenting is about finding a whole dimension of yourself as you make sacrifices to help your child find his feet, his shoes, his path in life. I am mot thinking of sitting in hours reading the papers while waiting for your child to emerge from enrichment. I am not sure if that is sacrifice. But all parents have to say 'no' to some things in order to say 'yes' to their children's needs, requests and growth struggles.

It takes homework and housework to feed and fit a child for life. It takes targetted prayer and persistent effort to discover strengths, overcome weaknesses and explore territories.

Do you know what milestone is coming up for your child? What he may find overwhelming, difficult, enjoyable? We cannot anticipate every outcome and should not; but we should track where we are on the trail and find resources to keep going in the right direction.

3. We bless our children when we bless the LORD.

Recently, I have been coming up against a new kind of hard too. The voice that whispers, "You never had all of this. Kids these days are so 'spoilt'. Time to dish out the tough stuff..."

It's hard to be a blessing when you are assailed by doubts; and we all have doubts. After all, the terrain is new. The world is changing ever so fast. We expect too much or too little. We try too hard or not enough....

But precisely so, we need to find anchors and a compass to navigate our way.

Also I notice that this voice always makes me pull back from being trusting, generous and joyful: indicators that I should beware of its source.

The voice of dubious origin (perhaps not so dubious) often has some ground to stand on. In this case, it is true that our children have a lot more provided and going for them. Just consider the wonderful reality that is the air-conditioning. I did not have that. Even without global warming, I remember sweating and soaking through some nights.

Yes it is true that our children seem to have nothing to worry about except their studies (friendships, skin condition, clothes), but the more I recognise how the lack I grew up with impacted me; I am glad they have a secure base with which to venture forth from.

But generations come and go; and life will go on until it is time for The Total Re-haul when Christ comes again. In the meantime, all of our movements and crazy spinning can go off orbit unless we set in our hearts that our lives will bless God and that becomes our true north.

I know as a young person I struggled with what felt like a restrictive notion: living for God. But now, I discover how freeing it is, what focus it gives, and how fruitful life can be when we have a way to gauge the value and quality of our days without being bombarded by the whims of our unsteady hearts and the winds of change around us.

Psalm 100

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.

Serve the Lord with gladness and delight;
Come before His presence with joyful singing.

3 Know and fully recognize with gratitude that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who has made us, [a]not we ourselves [and we are His]. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

4 Enter His gates with a song of thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, bless and praise His name.
5 
For the Lord is good;
His mercy and lovingkindness are everlasting,
His faithfulness [endures] to all generations. {Amp version}

Mom bless
Pop bless
We bless you!

Because, God has declared it so.

And o, here is something...especially for fathers !

Bottom lines and the Bible : a leaf from Beauty

We want the bottom line.

I suppose bottom lines give us a sense of control, allowing us to say, "this is what it's about", "enough is enough", "no negotiation here". So often, I hear people asking for the bottom line:

We cannot divorce right?

Surely God loves me right?

How come others are more successful than me?

Whose fault is it?

The straightforward, clear, and predetermined answer that absolves so us from further thought, wrestling, and struggle.

But life bottoms out more than it has bottom lines.

Our bottom line approach can only get us so far. Perhaps this is why the Bible is so laborious: long meandering stories, unpleasant gore and savagery that can be so repulsive to our modern sensibilities, notions rooted in cultures alien to our urban mindsets...not to mention the names we may never know to how pronounce properly! 

How often we wish it would be an easier read, filled with clear injunctions and instructions. The straight and narrow should come with clear signs and guard rails!

I just returned from a trip to China which included a visit to the famous Jiu Zai Gou (九寨沟). It is a nine hour bus ride through mountain passes, dusty quarries, and remote Tibetan villages. Then, after all that wearying travel, you enter a Narnian world of wild and amazing beauty:

On a good number of the walks, the wooden slate walkways had absolutely no guard rails. I was concerned my ten-year old would accidentally slip into one of the icy lakes or rivers. Without the guard rails, the beauty and power of Nature seemed so much closer. There was nothing between us. My breath was swept away by the evocative and mesmerising power of such raw beauty. I felt enveloped by it and drawn to step right into it and be lost in it.

Michael Fryer describes it thus:

"Beauty is not some vague, abstract idea. It's the opposite... when there is a dearth of hope, beauty in all its forms, has the ability to create moments of transcendence."

Viktor Frankl, the Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who wrote Man's Search for Meaning described the impact of nature on the prisoners:

"As the inner life of the prisoner tended to become more intense, he also experienced the beauty of art and nature as never before. Under their influence he sometimes forgets his own frightful circumstances. If someone had seen our faces on the journey from Aucshwitz to a Bavarian camp as we beheld the mountains of Salzburg with their summits flowing in the sunset, through the little barred windows of the prison carriage, he would never have believed that those faces there the faces of men who had given up all hope of life and liberty...we were carried away by nature's beauty, which we had missed for so long."

What do we do with Beauty's power? 

We try to capture it, interpret it, convey it - with photos, paintings, songs, and stories. [JiuZaiGou was the location for this cinematically breath-taking scene in the film Hero; which I suspect made many regular kungfu fans yawn at the lack of action! You can watch it here later: wow scenery, slow kungfu moves ]

Life according to humans is our technological manipulation of nature for our ends: to enjoy ease, pleasure and productivity. But in truth, nature teaches us what we need to know about life. 

Jiu Zai Gou reminded me of the sheer wonder of life and the God who lay behind its creation. The clear pools created in me such a longing for clarity and made me aware of how murky our lives are. The strange little buds growing out of fallen tree stumps that sit in the water speak to me of the persistence of life despite odds. The beautiful and pristine snow that will always melt when the sun shines on it calls out to me to let go, melt away as it were, because melted snow becomes life-giving water.

This encounter required eighteen hours of rugged journey.

God is actually less elusive and more accessible. But we must still make the journey.

The journey through your own soul's many twists and turns.

The journey through loving, being loved, hurting, being hurt in God's family.

The journey through seasons and stations, starting and stopping.
The journey through losses, gains, suffering and resurrection.

In particular, this morning I thought of a journey so many of us are reluctant to make and pay a high price for: the journey through Holy Writ. We are satisfied to have bits and bytes because the Bible really seems such a thick and difficult book.

I had considered being satisfied with looking at pictures of Jiu Zai Gou from the Net. That would be the bottom line approach perhaps. We had worked right before and after the trip and the thought of the journey felt wearisome enough.  But I also know that I am not likely to pass that way again. 

I am so grateful we went, even if at one point, the tour guide warned us that accidents do occur, prompting me to pray that we would be transported heavenward as a family and not leave anyone behind!

Perhaps the Bible, like nature's wild beauty beckons us to enter in and have transcendent encounters. 

The Bible is not a piece of literature to be mastered. Rather, it is a gift from God to tell us again and again the nature of life and the transcendence therein. 

When I was younger, I loved the hard-hitting words of Paul. They were clear and filled with specific practical instructions. We need those. But as I grow older, I cherish too the many stories, the histories, the word pictures, because as I enter the stories, I find that I am not alone in my cowardice, my fear, my little faith, my dreams, my hopes…

This Holy Week, I re-read once again the closing days of Jesus' life. The younger me would have tired of going over the same ground. I already got the bottom line. But after experiencing that the bottom line is a thin thread, I know I need something far better: a large safety net. As I read and enter into the details of the account, thinking about the facts, wondering about the events, feeling the emotions, sensing the atmosphere… I enter Jesus' story and life even as it enters me. It's as if truth wraps its self around me like a blanket against the biting cold realities of our world, enabling me to keep walking.

Future ready?

I suppose some things will remain.

We certainly hope so: those jobs that carry prestige and bring in the moolah - bankers, doctors, engineers, lawyers, vets... The Professionals.

Some of us grudgingly admit that a 'proper job' is acceptable and can be a source of pride: designers, dancers, singers... The Presentables.

But what if your child and you are clueless about what the trajectory looks like? Is it time to panic?

How do we work out the tension between wanting our kids to have a life (and especially a childhood) and a future that we don't even know about?

We have heard enough about how fast the pace of change is. Later this year, we may have a wristband that can transmit your phone image and you can swipe your arm!

Some of us cheer, some will jeer, others will find it just plain queer that such an 'innovation' is required at all [not to mention the Evangelical obsession with last days and the anti-Christ].


But we are mostly thinking of change in terms of product innovation. There is another change afoot.

This video speaks of change based on current trajectory and it's mighty exciting and scary at once.


Yet if we pay attention to the news; this trajectory may have serious tangents and disruptions-

The economy isn't working well anymore.

There aren't enough real jobs.

 We haven't had any real innovation for a while (though many projects are at the cusp of success if they could have funding - and many for good causes, such as cleaning up the seas).

 There is rising discontent on multiple levels in many societies, poor and affluent.

 A property magnate thinks he can be the American president.

 There are alternative models of business and financing via the Internet that parallels or may overtake traditional markets.

There is cause for much worry - if - we sit around and expect things to be fixed for us.


How shall we raise our children to be future ready?


You remember how at some point, you asked, "what is the point of studying this?".
It's a question prompted by sloth and some real inquiry. We used to moan a little then get on with it.
Today, when kids ask the question, it's kinda like us; but they are onto more. They already live in a different world than us. We inhabit the same spaces but do not see and interpret them the same way.

Perhaps then, what we need is to stop imagining a future we cannot quite see; but get into heads and hearts more to see the future the way they are envisaging it. More than once my mighty teen has said, "Mom, it won't be like that". It gave me pause. 

We should bring the great unknown into out discussion, and then, read the amazing legacies of exploration.

scaling everest
braving the antartic
crossing the seas
plumbing the depths

read about these -

scientists
adventurers
biologists
trekkers
missionaries

If it's going to be new territory, perhaps the best way to be future ready is to be inspired to see the future as a space to be explored and conquered. It is best to prepare to develop grit, compassion, and collaboration. It is necessary to have basic survival skills honed: reading, problem-solving, relatonal intelligence, self-care. It is time to face the fears and demons. It is time to find a reason for living.

And I have found that I need to keep seeking my own reason for living in order to believe in life, in my place here, and not be overwhelmed. I guess I am modeling for my children how to face the future.


I'm thinking this is how best to be future ready. What about you?