Sabbath? Nowadays... You have to be joking!

24 hours? That's an entire day! We don't have enough hours already as it is. Besides, what do we DO on a Sabbath? 

I don't really have a 24-hr Sabbath right now.  I hope that makes you feel better already and will read on, knowing I am not here to pontificate or direct your life.

In fact, I am writing this post because someone asked me about the Sabbath.

There's the command. How do you feel? What goes through your mind?

Let's back up a bit and observe how we respond to this command given in the Ten Commandments that back up God's design for life.

It is easy to see that our first reaction to it is really to reject it. We back up our rejection with 'empirical' evidence, the way businesses run, the extent of our busyness, the scope of our commitments and so on.

This approach is plainly faulty. It puts God's Word at our service, where our life habits and priorities are held so dear that they resist being challenged.

In truth, as a child of God and a disciple of Christ, we are called to continually challenge "the way things are" because the world is ruled by the prince of the air and he is antithetical to God and to life!

No business (or busyness) as usual for us!

Well, when I was a teen, I loved the adrenaline this "challenge the status quo" gave me. It was cool being counter-cultural. But as I grow older, I find that more and more I am exposed to, and at odds with the world. There are now a zillion ways to feel the pressure to conform: and the gamut ranges from the public arena of trying to keep pace with the successes of others which infects our work ethic, financial values, to marriage and parenting, to even the private arena of my personal health, habits and preferences.

Just recently, I asked a few ladies this:

In what way do you feel the pressure to conform to something in our culture?

You  are conforming when you have not thought it through, when you plod on even when you don't feel it's a fit for you, when you are grappling to keep up.... Yet, despite the doubts and perhaps even a still small voice that beckons, you remain engaged, and breathlessly so.

Unless - you - Sabbath.

Sabbath is to take a break from our mechanisms, machinations, methods and even motives. It is sheer rest, that restores peace and perspective, purpose and patience.

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it. ~ Isaiah 30v15

We would have none of it?
What madness has us in its grip that we reject rest and strength, so essential to living meaningfully with passion and resilience?

This madness is fed by several streams:

1. We mimic others

there is a powerful theory that explains how we routinely mimic what others do. All it took was the first selfie to set us all off. Clothes, travel, work, even religion. Actually, this is a short step from breaking another commandment: not to envy. But mimicking others come so easily and naturally to us. Being like others makes us feel belonged, accepted, approved. Those are innate desires which we have to meet.

But the Sabbath allows us to disconnect with this tendency (even bondage for some) and really find that our desires are met - in God's unconditional acceptance of us. Looking outside of God always requires us to do something (smart, beautiful, connected etc) to find belonging and acceptance. Not so with God. He invites us to rest from trying to meet our deepest needs ourselves.

As we disrupt our usual frenetic pace, as we lose ourselves in worship, Scripture, prayer and activity that rejuvenates us, we are being changed and empowered in small increments to become our own person, less dependent on the need to mimic others.



2. We struggle to trust God

trust in God is something we have to experience and learn. Thankfully, God does not refuse us salvation for falling short of the Sabbath! But without a deepening trust, our faith life can become shallow and even a sham. In a world which teaches that "if it's gonna be, it's all up to me", trusting God can be challenging indeed. Also, it is in the nature of systems to punish those who don't conform and we are afraid of the consequences of not keeping in lock-step with the world.

When we keep the Sabbath, we dare ourselves to take our hands off the steering wheel, to stop agonizing so much over outcomes, to learn to let God bless us. We stay away from work-related habits, stop checking our emails, occupy our hearts and minds with the gifts of being alive and being able to explore and enjoy life.


3. We are creatures of habit

most of what we do can be done without much thought each day, and our habits create a sense of safety for us. Doing the familiar gives us a sense of 'family', of being embedded in something trustworthy because it has worked so far. It is hard then to jam the brakes and do something different. Even working or being busy 24/7 is often a result of habits we form: keeping our phones with us and online, talking and posting (way too) quickly, saying 'yes' too soon...

The Sabbath offers us a different way to pass the time and expend our energy and resources. Solitude and silence can surface for us habits that may not really serve us. As we join with others in worship and serve the needs of a community or others, we challenge our habits of 'looking out for ourselves' or 'looking out for number one'.


Our mimicry, our lack of trust and our habits grow out of the soil of our lives here in a world insistent on being apart from God.

Notice that the Sabbath command ends with a call to holiness.

Holiness in its etymology is being set apart, distinguished, differentiated, distinct, separate. Hence there is a day in the cycle of days when God says that we are to live differently - in order not to be sucked into a way of life that is contrary to God's loving design for us.

Indeed the call to holiness is a call to a different kind of life, which is made possible because of a new birth:

... no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. ~ Jesus' words to Nicodemus in John 3

The amazing thing about this new life is the diverse ways we can express it.


Does it have to be 24 hours?

If God says so, I should think we ought to humbly agree. Alas, that can be challenging. It isn't just our paid jobs, but so much of modern life requires attention, energy and resources. To relax, we have to work to plan our vacations and so forth.

So for a start, we have to simplify. So much of modern living is clutter. While the first thing that comes to mind is material possession, the more insidious clutter is in our brains and our hearts. Do we have to spend hours scanning online for the cheapest airfare? Do we have to spend hours online shopping? Do we have to have work-meetings where we typically don't eat well or work well?

We need to get serious about wanting the life of salvation God offers us. We have to re-examine our habits and priorities and design our lives to thrive such that we discover a way to incorporate the Sabbath as a part of our lifestyle.


I said at the start that I do not observe a strict 24 hour Sabbath right now. Perhaps I am wrong. If I am thinking of doing nothing, then clearly I don't have that, or will ever have it. But if I see Sabbath as a posture, a priority and a re-purposing of my life, then I am on track. Certainly, I want to get to that 24 hour pattern.

But for now, I am practising another facet of restedness. Not in terms of time, but in terms of learning a posture of trust, prioritising time with God, and putting in place habits and things that remind me that this world is not my eternal home.

So I fiercely guard my time and ensure that my calendar doesn't clog with commitments. So I figure out what refreshes me and seek those things out. So I journal and pray to lean into trust rather than fear and fret. It isn't Sabbath-on-the-go though, as each of these things do take hours at time.

Then I plan for longer one day stretches and few day retreats several times a year. The barometer for all of this is not to keep a law because God may be angry if we don't, but to observe a command because it came from the Designer and it calls us towards our destiny as God's beloved children.

Jenni's help for you to cultivate a Sabbath life:
a) Books
b) Quiet Morning




 For those who like a bit of dark humour, here is modern life in twenty slides.

You are the best parents for your child(ren): when your kid marches to a different beat and you feel beat

I have been asked to write another parenting book. What shall I call it?

Wholesome Parenting? Or -

Visionary
Positive
Successful
Enjoyable
Rewarding

Which of these would you prefer as both a description of present and future reality?

Strange we somehow hold on to the idea that a child will grow steadily through the years... while we accept the cough, cold and even HFMD, we balk at so many other things, which cause us to get ditzy, complain, compare and more:

The child who -

isn't the grandparent's bright spark
incurs the ire of caregivers
ruins a teacher's patience
is often friendless
struggles at school
has learning challenges
suffers chronic health concerns

The conditions are varied. Some have labels, others seem to even defy labels.

What kind of parenting are we left with then?

Hopeful . Persistent . Struggling

In every family, the challenges are configured uniquely. When your child marches to a different beat (or can barely march), it is entangled with other issues like finances, marital unity, balancing the care of other children, personal plans and so on. These other dimensions compound the challenges.

I wanted to homeschool my children. My husband did not think it was a good idea.
The mighty teen thinks the kid brother should just snap out of it with sheer willpower.
Well-meaning relatives and friends think that prayer and healing is the key.
And I secretly hope it's just something he will grow out of...soon!

In the meantime, you are reading, sizing up, trying out stuff... and stepping on landmines!


My now-taller-than-me son still struggles with stuff he should be adept at, like knowing what homework to do and getting it done. I cannot keep him at age eight, so he is being assigned chores at home too. He needs guidance and supervision, but as a teen, he wants privacy and space. He needs discipline and direction, but he prefers distraction and de-stressing with music.

The teen years are always tough as they need to grow deeper and larger, but everything within them wants to skip the hard stuff, as if everything gets magically accomplished while they sleep till noon.

And, he gets ballistic.

This is the hardest part. He turns into a different creature. The tender, responsive child flees as the raging monster rears its head, breathing arguments, retorts and negativity. The once languid space can turn into a war zone.

And it gets really tiring.

(The cat just jumped onto the table, as if to suggest that I trade him in for another feline. I am ashamed to confess that the thought has crossed my mind, Chats).


It takes years to get to know your own child's mind and heart.

A life is not a computer program or an excel formula. My son feels like a moving target. He grows, he lapses, he churns out new challenges.

Gracious . Patient . Trying

What do you do when you child-turn-teen loses his zest for life?
You don't lose yours.
What do you do when you don't know what to do?
You do what you know to do.
What do you do when you need everyone to back you up?
You go to them and ask them for help.
What do you do when you feel like you have lost your way?
You talk to The Way, The Truth and The Life, aka Jesus.

I have learnt so much because of this uncommon child of mine.

ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia.
How other parents must struggle and need compassion.
What the school system can and cannot do.
The power of prayer
The power of words
The power of a soft reply
The power of humour
My need for others
The glory and fun of parenting done right


This morning, I was meditating on the prophet's account of how God told him to go and visit a potter.

 “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will announce My words to you.” ~ Jeremiah 18v2

As he observed the potter at work on his clay project, he understood that the clay that conformed to the Potter's skilful work of moulding it as well as clay that turned out to be useless - that is decided by the Potter. The prophet had some sobering words for Israel: their response determined their destiny.

The Potter had the power to pick and choose the clay and work at it. He certainly began with an end in mind and is shaping the ill-defined lump into an object of usefulness and beauty. The transformation of that lump of clay can only happen when the Potter is able to work it and shape it.


This parenting thing, with all its endless spinning of daily routines and familiar battles... I feel as if I am the lump spinning on the wheel. It's a state I must embrace if His good design is to take shape.

It is also where I am a co-potter working on a smaller lump entrusted to my care. As the co-potter, I don't have the full picture of the final design, but at stages, I see what needs to be done, faithfully and constantly. My role is to do just that.

And as I listened to the Scripture account, I saw a dusty old space with a lightly bearded, muscled-man sitting by a Potter's wheel. A light is streaming in and the dust particles are dancing. The Potter's eyes are on the object, his hands pulled away for the moment, as if to consider his next move. I feel an invitation to sit and watch, to converse and understand.

God in his manifold wisdom is shaping me as I learn my role in shaping my children.


I really don't have full and complete certainty that I know what I am doing. I don't know the final outcome anyway. But I do know a few right things to keep doing -

Pray . Love unconditionally . Model . Listen . Set boundaries

It seems to be working... most days.


Postscript:
When things are blue, it is easy to blame yourself. In my case, I sometimes wonder if the financial sacrifice of staying at home was worth it. After all, if we had more money, we could have more options. But again and again, I know that any progress I make is possible largely because of the foundation of deep bond and connection we share. I can appeal to so much memories, goodness, shared love with a nod, a gesture, a knowing look. My tears deeply bother him and my prayers stir him. He may roam, but he knows where is home.

You are the best parents for your child(ren): this thing about Legacy...

She turned 18 yesterday.

She says, "it's just another day".
The law says, "Now young lady, you may purchase alcoholic beverages and smoke and drive".
Her friends say, "time for a surprise, cards, gifts!"

Her parents, yes me and the dh, are predicatably busy and we took her to lunch with some friends who are staying with us. She shared a main course with me, didn't even need some special birthday dish of her own.



This morning, she let me read a couple of sweet cards her friends wrote her. Not to be outdone, I wrote her one, declaring it Da Best Card eva!

Someone wisely said:

we are not leaving a legacy for, we are leaving a legacy in our children.

To leave a legacy for amounts to storing up treasure to hand down. But a legacy you leave in someone, is a part of them, forever. I choose the latter (not to mention the former is a bit paltry).

Honestly, turning 18 must be a big deal. But we are tired from a busy month of work and had guests in the house. She has been studying hard for her upcoming exams...and told us not to go to any expense (see comment above).

I was feeling a tad guilty, wondering if I should have done more. I will ask her again if there is more we can do. For now, I turn to gratitude (far better than guilt friends!).

Then I realised something, as my memory kicks in.

Her birthday is for me (it sounds horribly selfish until you read on please).

The last few months, there have been very significant conversations and happenings. Even as I write this, God is giving me a birthday special for the last 18 years by showing me glimpses of who my daughter is becoming and what I have sown into her life all these years. I'll just share a few:


Simplicity
Last month when I was cleaning out some stuff, I took out a large box where I had kept items from their earliest days: first shoe, first dress from grandma, a favourite book... The daughter took one look and said, "Mom, give them away!".  When she was 13, I thought to take her shopping for clothes, coz most of the growing years we lived on hand-me-downs and purchases by me. After two hours of milling around, we bought two tee-shirts from Giordano and decided that talking over ice-cream was more fun.


Spiritual hunger
More than once, she comes to me with tears, wondering why God feels distant and is silent. I want to bang on God's door to demand passage for her. But he knows the journey she must take. It's a journey that began with spiritual sensitivity even at a tender age. She responded to an altar call at age three, writing to ask for the Holy Spirit. She had prophetic dreams. Then her conscience and her brains took centre-stage as she debated the merits of the faith. Yes this one who asked questions since age seven:

"Isn't it God's fault for putting the tree there in the first place?"
"How can anyone be good enough for heaven?"
"What if it's a hoax?"

We discussed, debated and opened up books and our own lives to her.

I opted for her to do a study program that is broader and she went to a Catholic school. More questions!


Sensitivity
Thankfully she does not seem to have my melancholy, but she is very sensitive to the moods, atmosphere, needs and vibes of people and situations. She is the in-house psychologist who makes us take online personality tests so we can put each other in boxes, reminds her parents to go on dates, and worries her little head off about her kid brother who is totally unlike her, and seriously beyond her depth as a result.


She is also many things I am not and I am amazed.

Tactical
Persistent
Strong-willed
Winsome
Artistic
Athletic

She can clean better than me, take incredible photos, knit and soothe fussing children.

Ok, I still cook better.

When she was still a toddler, God told me he had entrusted an all-rounder to me, and I wondered how I would raise someone like that, my own strengths being quite limited. Quickly, I learnt that parenting is an enterprise best embarked on with God at the helm. At every turn, he assured, assisted and amazed me with His wisdom, gifts and goodness.

We had difficult times.
I made countless mistakes.
Patience wore thin on occasions.

God parented me while I parented her, for sure.

With this birthday reflection piece, I am humbled at how God grew me as a person through my parenting journey.

God also parented her, and in fact He is moving centre-stage as the perfect Parent she needs.

Yes, when reminiscing, it is true we will have a positive bias. It's not a bad thing if it inclines us to gratitude and puts hope in our hearts!

18. Having struggled and surmounted not a few mountains, it feels goo to be able to say that I have grown up with the kids. Now it's time to grow wide and older with them. (O wait, I still have a 12 year-old who is currently playing Minecraft. Tune in for his story!).


Your turn:

What glimpses of God are you getting through your parenting?Where do you see yourself in your children?How can you intentionally impart a legacy that will honour God and serve them well for the world they are to steward?

You can read more about my journey with her here:

The power of planning
It's a wild ride, enjoy it!
Media addictions
the war you must win!
How to bless your children

For all my posts of parenting, type 'parenting' in the search box on the right!