When My Soul Flaps Over The Church

I suppose it’s because you can’t take the pastor out of me.

But I have these tendencies - of a mother hen. Before you genderise this, remember Jesus referred to himself similarly!

Just that I am not mothering a specific local congregation right now. But my pastoral-mother-hen heart clucks up a notch at news of those who are lost, burdened, and struggling to grow in the LORD.

Here’re some scenarios that get my soul flapping:

1. news that spiritual babies are not being fed a proper basic diet to establish their health

2. that children, the elderly and non-mainstream folks don’t have a place at the table, the worship order and the missions expression.

3. another leader doing what other leaders are doing (especially traveling overseas) and it smacks of “look, I am successful”

4. when we take our western diets and without taking time to learn, love and live with a different culture, tell them this is the christian life, spiritual progress…

5. turning to triumphalistic story-telling as our main way of gospel sharing which leaves many struggling in the dust

6. failing to love the whole person - body, soul, spirit + past, present and future - not doing the hard work of seeing with God’s eyes

7. hoarding souls rather than sending them soaring

8. pride: disguised, veiled, ugly and on display (including mine, especially mine).

9. going over the same debates (worship styles, women etc) as if the church has made no progress on these weighty matters - because we did not bother to read, think, dialogue.

10. impatience: it’s everywhere, in city-living, and it colours our own walk, and the way we do and evaluate everything.

11. refusing to learn from wider wisdom, do research and practise discernment which leads to all sorts of poor decisions, esp the decision to promote and appoint based on oftentimes very worldly values.

12. consumer faith (this is huge and I have written on it  here (back in 2007!) ) - which promotes not simple, but simplistic faith.

These are serious issues that weaken our faith life, communities and witness.



Singapore loves how her smallness can contain so much. It is true. Our miraculous nature is pretty obvious. So we are excited, excited that God has something special in store for us (actually, He has something special for every nation)… and this label that we are Antioch is such a great shorthand for us to park everything under.

Antioch represents a fresh wind - away from Jerusalem - where the buzz of global missions outreach and the site where we first got our IDs as ‘christians’.

Just that, we are now 2000 years away, in a very different world. The term ‘christian’ now means very differently to what it meant then. Since globalisation and the internet, the world is also both closer and more polarised than it ever was.

So we have a lot of hard- thinking and heart-searching to do.



I also found, that it is easy to complain.



But God has called us to edify. So this is what I decide to do these days:

- I talk to people who may share these concerns and have answers (and it is very heartening to find that the Spirit is stirring and people are doing things about some of these*)

- I use my platforms to raise them when I can (such as here and here )

- I pray, for God Almighty reminds me this old truth I learnt in my youth: “more things are wrought by prayer than… (EM Bounds I believe it was)”

Share in the comments:
Do you share any of these concerns?
What do you do when your soul flaps over the church?


And here's some cheer --

*Areas people are acting on - already and upcoming for points:

2. several churches now have teams that look into this (check The Cathedral Podcast where I speak to a few such folks!)

4. we have think-tanks...and there will be work to link, strengthen and maybe have our own version of Gallup or Barna!

I looked up some images of churches in Sg (of course, home churches and those in industrial estates etc won't turn up...) Look at the lovely architecture. God is building a thing of beauty, our call is to be pillar of truth in society (1 Tim 3v15). Ain't very often we pause to give thanks, appreciate and savour what we have!

See if you can recognise these few (selected randomly):

God's Amazing Plan of Motherhood (and Sp Parenting)

Fearlessness is faith unleashed.

Mothering ignites faith.
You have to believe.

That breastmilk is best and so time, pump, feed, store (Olympic athelete Montana pumps, stores and ships her milk across the globe!).

That your child is unique and worth protecting, nourishing, nurturing.

That sacrifices are a holy exchange of life when you lose sleep and develop a whole new lifestyle so that a new life can be birthed and raised.

That while the system is good, it isn’t perfect and you have to many times, stand up for your child.

That your words, hugs, look of love, meals, stories, prayers make a difference.

And faith unleashed, makes you a fearless warrior, fighting for what truly matters: life.



Any good warrior tells you there are

boring routines

necessary and often painful disciplines to gain muscle and develop strength

sacrifices of comfort and ease

the need to develop a mindset and a tough heart

because there is a battle worth fighting for.

And the warrior is made, not born. He began as a recruit, a legionary, a simple soldier reporting for duty.



There are many ways to see and do life.

The most common is to go with the flow.

You move from one stage of life to the next, because you are ‘old enough’, ‘it’s time’, ‘expectations and body clocks kick in… This does not mean you don’t plan. In fact, you plan quite well, from thinking through options, weighing pros and cons, consulting others, doing the Math and so on… The question is whether these ways are life-giving ways, wise ways, enduring ways.

Another way to go with the flow is takes a ‘come what may’ approach and hate to plan, it’s a moment-by-moment flow. This is highly popular with the younger set, who eventually give to the need to forecast and therefore to endure the dread of discipline grudgingly.

Following the flow isn’t morally wrong, but it is easily driven by FOMO (fear of missing out) and by sheer fear (of change and taking ownership). It is easy to see how one can drift or become indistinguishable from the crowd.

This is the soldiering part of life.

At some point, life presents you with the opportunity to become a warrior.

You choose battles

You train

You fight

You win and you lose



Along the way, faith is built and fear is banished.

This is God's design, where he invites us to give up what we hold so tightly on to, and trust him for something better. Perhaps our success-to-date, our comfortable lifestyles, our well-planned ideals... which wrap within them a whole lot of fears and anxieties, aspirations and disappointments. We grasp on afraid to let go...

But if we only will!

The journey of leaning into a new journey, unfamiliar experiences, stuff we don't think we can do... that how we get to feel in our bones and our sinews the deep truth that even if our battles are similar or related, each of us is a unique individual with a destiny.

A journey that requires maturation - a dedicated process that works.


The guys have their journey from motley solider to unique warrior.

For women, mothering is the unique journey.

As I have yielded my body to God’s wondrous design to host life. As I have let my heart soften to the coos and cries of my child. As I have given up sleep, entertainment, a whole familiar and comfortable way of life. As I have made choice after choice to be the adult, grow myself and be at my best for my child(ren)....  I have done the equivalent of digging trenches, countless marches, sweat-soaked training, even arming myself. (and hence we have asked a Minister once to pay SAHMs coz it's like national service).

The trench of going over the same thing, feeding, diaper changing, repeating that story for a hundredth time… these repetitive acts dig a trench of safety for us to huddle in. 

The march back and forth to soothe and quieten, fetch another drink, patiently guide unsteady hands to pick up another toy. 

The days when there is hardly time to get a proper shower (and thankfully bub never ever minds it) much less have a slow go at the throne. 

Picking up my weapons of prayer and intercession….polished to a shine from use.

It’s so common to hear moms say they are surprised by how they can sacrifice, and how they now realise the depth of what their moms went through. But that’s merely scratching the surface.

Motherhood is deep stuff.

God carves capacities in us that cannot come another way.

The capacity of faith lies at the heart of it.

Mothering (and Sp Parenting) is hard. It can be unpredictable. It’s been said there are no guarantees (but that’s most of life anyway). You recognise the limits of control... yet -

If we accept that this is God’s wisdom and lean into it, we can become warriors who are fearless.



We know what it’s like to sleep two hours and still function.

We know our bodies mend and heal.

We know we can think deep and talk simple.

We know we can invent solutions and face crises (from meal planning to stretching the dollar to averting accidents).

We know we can adjudicate, negotiate, persuade, coach.

We know we can serve joyfully.

We know we can appreciate the present moment and find delight in simple things.

We know we can speak up and stand up for what we believe in.


Tell me, is this not maturity, a growing fullness in our humanity, a carpe diem seizing of our lives to make it count, and a confident way to leave a legacy?

I remember a young mom who was abjectly frustrated for her style in life is to plan to the hilt and enjoy the control she had. Mothering shattered this false illusion for her. Hopefully, more than merely soldiering on and hoping things ease up, she dug in and transformed into a warrior!

Soldiers become warriors when they quit pining for life outside the camp, but dig into life in the camp and take the battle seriously.


The ‘wisdom’ of the world is to lie to you that it is all about loss. Sniff out this false narrative quickly. That’s the world’s favourite presentation: you are going to lose out.

And sure, perhaps you may never get that job (or your figure) back.

But is that truly a loss? Really, is your life the work you do and the shape of your body?


The world isn’t operating on God’s agenda, but is reeling from a determined rebellion against God. How can it offer you and I what is truly life-giving and eternal?



God’s ways are going to be inconvenient and counter-cultural in such a world.

Caring for someone else, being generous, ‘wasting’ time going over the same “why?”, not having full control over life (you cannot even control bodily functions of your baby ok) - is how God designed life so that he can delight us with His care, provision, wisdom and strength.

Mothering and all forms of parenting  is God’s marvelous design to build life into us as we follow our faith.

When I decided to prioritise my family, I wasn’t able to foresee much of anything. But I knew enough to know that it’s an illusion anyway to think we can shape outcomes so easily. But the true north of this priority unfolded in marvelous ways.

Today I continue in my pastoral calling (although it isn’t a very conventional ‘format’), I have embarked on a writing journey and authored six books. I have had to face up to my many skeletons and heal! Along the way, I have found so many wonderful women soul sisters. Now that my children are more grown, and I am warrior-like, I feel so excited about what faith will unleash next!

This is the other way to live: go with the faith.

What do you really believe in?

How A Mother and Daughter-In-Law Can Teach us Hope

Recently I spoke about a mother and a daughter-in-law at a women's conference. More than six hundred women gathered to hear stories, and I was given the privilege to wrap up the conference.

But for me, the conference did not wrap up. This pair of women lingered on in my consciousness. I have thought about the story of this mother and her daughter-in-law for years now...but they surprised me by granting me keener insights.


The story of Naomi and Ruth is told in the Bible is four short chapters. It's not a pretty story when we take time to linger over what happened... .

Naomi had left her ancestral home with her husband and two sons to a foreign land. This may not strike us as tough today due to our movements. Yet if we sit with it for a while, we all know that moving is tough. There is so much to adjust to. Modern city-to-city move may seem relatively bearbable since our cities have many similar features with global culture today, but the realities are lives are abjectly lonely in crowded, busy cities.

Her sons mature and reach marriageable age, and they take on foreign wives. This is particularly significant for ancient Israeli culture as God had wanted them to keep their genealogy pure. But even today with cross-cultural marriages becoming more commonplace, it is easy to see the difficulties that attend it.

The story is told from Naomi's perspective and these bare facts are laid out quickly, and then it quickly goes south!

Naomi's husband and both sons die, too soon, leaving her a widow and childless, with two foreign daughters-in-law. Then famine hits.

In a fix, Naomi decides that her best option is to return to her ancestral land and relatives. But her daughters-in-law could be a real liability. They will be a living testament to Naomi's earlier decision to leave and the tragic outcomes of that choice. So Naomi tries to persuade them to go home. It sounds sensible too, as the women were still young and could potentially remarry and secure a future.

Then the story throws us a real spanner, for one of them, Ruth, not only refuses to leave, she makes this strange exclamation about her conviction that she actually shares Naomi's faith and sees herself as a part of the Jewish people:

 “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” ~ Ruth 1v16f

beringfamily.org

Many have speculated as to how Ruth came to hold such a view. Some suggested that Naomi must have been a shining example of faith.

But the story hints otherwise. The story records this heartbreaking revelation that many of us can identify with. Naomi laments over her life, where she tells those around her to call her 'bitter'. She saw the trajectory of her life as one that is afflicted and filled with misfortune. And don't we like her, sometimes run out of tears and find our lives in the valley too?

The thing is, Naomi actually means 'pleasant'.

This is a powerful literary cue for us.

All of us long for a pleasant, trouble-free life.

But Naomi's rather basic expectation from life was totally upended as her life basically fell apart.


So if it wasn't Naomi's shining example, we are left with a mystery as to RUth's faith and loyalty. The only clue we have is found in her name: friend.

Providentially, through this unsuited union, Naomi has been given a friend. And what do we most need in our darkest times? A reliable friend who would go the distance with us.

There is a palpable sense of hope - at least Naomi is no completely alone and desolate, having to fend for herself. Two women traveling miles to get anywhere would still be a dangerous idea, but it's far superior to a lone, old woman!

The two then reaches home safely and Ruth proceeds, with initiative to seek out a living for them by doing what she could: picking up grain that is being dropped during harvesting. From here on, the story unfolds with flow upon flow of Providence and Grace.

Eventually, Ruth is married to a rich relative who treats her honourably and they have a son who would become the ancestor of Jesus Christ!


1. When God sends a lifeline, take it.
We can say that Naomi is the Christian while Ruth appears not to be. Christians often feel the weight of being the ones to bless others. But there may be seasons when we are in dire need, and God will send us a lifeline that may seem unlikely. I hope we learn to reach for it.

Is there some uplifting resource, encouragement or direction that God is sending you? He can use a bird on a branch, the sunset, a poster, an article, music, solitude, or a human (even a stranger).

Never insist God serves you an answer the way you want it at the time you need it.

Provision and Timing are God's sovereign domain, and it is what builds faith and develops our relationship of trust in God.



2. What God has established, work within it.

In her desperation, Naomi could have begged, manipulated and stayed a victim. But as her circumstances clue her in to God's activity, she chose to trust afresh in God's order. One of which is that in ancient Israel, legal decisions are made by men. But she needed to communicate her need and sense if God has indeed opened a door. So she waited to sense what kind of man Boaz was, and then she tutored her DIL to seize the opportunity to convey the message of their need.

In our individualistic and fast-paced culture, it is hard to wait and see how others may be involved in the larger tapestry of what God is seeking to do. Also, we are often too impatient to understand what is truly going on and rush into our own solutions. Our solutions are often quite limited in wisdom and scope. But God's perspective and help is vastly different.

Are you under authority? Is there a channel for communication? Have you been given a word from Scripture (which God will not contradict!)



3. Witness God move you from your ideals to His destiny

Naomi could never engineer becoming related to Jesus Christ! Her ideal was a life of safety and relative ease. But God's destiny for her was different. Yes, it needed her to go on a path filled with sorrow - and it is not that God sends those sorrows. Life will hand us sorrows. But God kindly provided Ruth to help her transition to a whole different future - which included what she longed for: safety and security!

Naomi moved from pleasant, through the vale of bitterness and emerged hence:

The town women said to Naomi, “Blessed be God! He didn’t leave you without family to carry on your life. May this baby grow up to be famous in Israel! He’ll make you young again! He’ll take care of you in old age. And this daughter-in-law who has brought him into the world and loves you so much, why, she’s worth more to you than seven sons!” ~ Ruth 4v13-15

These thoughts fuel me with an equanimity and confidence, and gives me Hope.

I offer this Hope to you my friend.