Sisters all, we need the 3 S's !

My own journey to my feminine self, speaking to many and walking with individuals over the last decade – deepened my conviction that we need 3 S’s; each one of us.

But these 3 S’s cannot be bought or earned. Instead, they become ours when we are able to receive. And this-is-hard for most of us.

We are natural care-givers, community builders, romantics at heart. We bring beauty, colour and energy to homes, relationships, tasks.  But precisely so, we often find it hard to receive. After all, who gives? Everyone takes.

Plus if we scrub harder; we find that all our giving is a seeking – we want attention, approval, affection, affirmation.

She’s so thoughtful

What a gorgeous dress

 So gifted

How do you do it?

We want the 3 S/s: self-worth, security, significance.

Self-worth is of course now a famous make-up tagline: because you’re worth it! But they get it wrong. A hundred dollar bill will not cease to be worth a hundred dollar even if it got wet, wrinkled and lightly torn. This is the nature of worth. But we live in presentation culture. Recently, the world found its largest gem. It was discovered by a little African girl. The gem however is not hers though she found it. L' Incomparable the diamond  is now worth a whopping 55mil -- because of the process of clarity it underwent and the bejeweling to set it for presentation + all the marketing it generated. I wonder if anyone rewarded that little girl anything decent. In our market culture then, even if we are worth anything, we must showcase this worth with skincare and make up.

A short line from a Taiwanese drama I saw as a little girl has somehow stayed with me. In it two girlfriends were talking – about men. One of them was explaining her choice of man: “he can give me security” (he was the richer option).  But can he, truly? Security is elusive as long as we are counting on fallible humans to supply us with it.  People change, economies crash, love turns cold.

Some 980 million women and children live below the poverty line. Their dreams are basic. If they want to be noticed; it’s because they don’t want to miss any handouts. But for many of us who never ever really worry about staying alive; we who have clambered up Maslow’s pyramid; we crave the attention that will proclaim, “she’s really something!”.

Worth.Security.Significance.

We simply cannot live without them. So we will find them – somehow.

Unless ~

There is a way that they come to us – as whispers from beyond, gifts that turn up at our door....

The birthday surprise {I am worth celebrating}

The words that reassure {I am supported and defended}

The way we fight for our children {I make a difference}

Life offers us moments when we can choose to believe afresh that we have worth, are secure and have significance. But life also throws us all about and all of it can become gnarled and shredded.

So I dig deeper and track further to find a more steady spring of wellness… to that ~

“spring of living water, the cistern that holds water”  

Jeremiah 2v13

a Quiet Morning Log

7am 

My alarm goes off, I feel my cat’s warm furry, purring body. She’s so rested. I need to get up to where I learn rest – for my depths. What holds in every storm-tossed soul is the quiet centre.

730am 

the train is packed with humanity trying to awake and live. One lady is too tired and succumbs to sleep. Another is putting on her mascara. Another is catching up on her Korean drama. The younger set mostly have their ears plugged. Most of the rest and standing in silence but I sense the cacophony of souls as surely as I see the faces of wear and worry.

745am 

This month I have not received any confirmed registrations. And I am tempted to stay home when this happens. But I know that this is not just for others. It’s also for me: I have set a date with my Maker and I intend to show up. Sure, he’s everywhere; but we know – that often means we are nowhere near Him. The Psalmist words come to mind, “when can I go to meet with my God?”  This longing is in our hearts especially when things get too much. But perhaps if we asked this regularly and then met Him regularly; things may not get too much so quickly.

The old hymn I learnt from the Methodist church rises within me, “Take time to be holy, speak oft with Thy Lord..”. Yes, if anything is equally allotted to us it is the hours in a day: twenty-four. If you are so blessed that you don’t have to hold three jobs and labour from dawn to midnight; take time, make time, to be holy! Holiness is a force that grows with habit.

812am 

I walk briskly into the Cathedral, aware I am late-- and nearly missed her! One person showed up. She had written two emails with profuse apology that she’s not an early riser although she so much wants to experience this. Today, she tells me her husband apologies that he needs to set the alarm for six; and although a pre-believer, he offers to ride her to the Cathedral. She had heard me teach about Journaling and our spiritual growth and wanted to experience the Quiet Morning because at the session I taught, she had found a ‘freedom’.

As we sat, questions and concerns began to tumble out all over. I listened and then directed her on how to spend her morning, prayed and sent her off to be alone with God using the guided format I provide.

As I sat with God, I also prayed for her. She is sincere but there is much that can hinder her. Yet I have a quiet confidence – for God always shows up when we do!

915am 

I walk over quietly and sat near her. She raised her head and I motioned to join her. Her notepad had lines of words on it. We talked about the experience and  she shared with me astonishingly personal words she sensed God gave her. Still more questions; we talked and then I invited her to pray as we close the time. She was nervous but she complied and I heard an earnest, honest prayer that warmed my heart. We hugged and I send her off into the day ahead of her.

I turned to make my way home too.

Next Quiet Morning happens on: Nov 8^th. 

Pls email me at jenni.yt.hohuan@gmail.com if you want to participate.

and here's the music & words for the hymn  ~"take time to be holy"

半边天 – half the sky. This is a Chinese saying that up-ends the patriarchal reality: yes, men rule; but women cover half the sky!

Indeed we do! But -- what kind of cover do we provide?

There are skies we love to look up at, those clear blue hues with white clouds dancing. But is this the inviting cover I provide that draws people out to wonder, brings on the smiles, stirs dreams..

Tracing God’s handiwork; I see him shaping me to be a cover that brings safety, encourages truth, and promotes breakthroughs. And it took years to see myself truly: both present darkness and powerful Light, and the ongoing Grace to choose the light.

There were moments as a growing gal when I was struck by some things my mom did, at other times; I just sensed her sacrifices and stress, and I would hold my questions or try to be quieter. But my first real foray outside my own little self must be learning to love my father. 

It’s always the hard stuff that breaks us open and lets out the light.

Father did not meet my expectations, but I had a holy duty to draw him to God, so I gritted my teeth and asked him countless times to my notions of a better life.

Nothing really worked. I hit a thick impenetrable wall and collapsed in hot frustrated tears. That’s when God shaped the way I would provide cover…He asked if I would be my father’s ‘friend’.  Resistance was futile with God; so I agreed.

It’s amazing what shifts when we say Yes to God.

We started to talk. Like friends. I saw my father not as a failed model of parenthood but as a person; a deeply wounded person. What I saw changed my heart, my mind, my words… and I had to lay down my grandiose plans of ‘convertng’ the man, to simply learning about him and loving him.

More was to come.

 I had been in leadership roles most of my life. Then I started to lead a mixed group of peers at different places spiritually and in life. Now I see how that drew me to extend a cover over them of care, patience and prayer. I used to be at my wits' end so much I would cry-pray in my shower before I met them!

And God always showed up.

Good preparation for the pastor-to-be!

For thirteen years now, I have the most freedom and power to provide cover: as a mom. I had to make active choices about what to clothe, feed, speak into the hearts of my little ones. I have the ability to weave hope into the fabric of their souls. I have the grand opportunity to raise a new kind of being. They needed a blanket of security to discover life, themselves and others. They needed a firm reining in that will set boundaries for truth and life to thrive. They needed to be shielded, defended, protected. They needed me to cover them over with faith, hope, and love.

Women reach over, reach out, and -- cover. 

So each day and each season is filled with the same essential Q: what sort of cover will I be? Will I gladly be one and find the joys being a cover brings?

Next: foils of lightning and thunder peals…

Failure isn't final. Grace is.

Real, exaggerated, painful, fuzzy, cloudy, dragged-out…many circumstances can make us feel like we failed.

Life is too rich and layered for us to plot onto spreadsheets or subject to the see-saw of a cost-benefit analysis. Results and outcomes can be hard to measure; and the enemy loves to sidle up and whisper ‘what a let down’, ‘this is so disappointing’, or more directly, ‘you failed!’.

Whether we made a bad decision, or we feel at the mercy of difficult people and situations; a sense of having failed, being left in the cold by God, losing our way can crowd into our hearts and weigh it with heaviness. It can fog up our minds and even make us throw in the towel. Just give up!

Ask Peter.

Jesus even pre-empted his failure with a warning; but his quick words of denial turned around like a boomerang and knocked him over. The next time we read, he has gone back to fishing.

You and I have read this story countless times. Today though, I hear something more. I connected this failure with other failures. I thought of Moses losing his cool and losing his chance of going into the Promised Land. What a high price! I remember my daughter asking me as she read Genesis, “why did God put that tree there?”.  Yes, sometimes, it can feel like God has set us up to fail. Surely, the Almighty can help Peter bite his tongue and Moses cool over for once?

Why does God let us fail?

More importantly, what does God do when we fail? 

He rushes to us with Tenderness. {which also shows how he feels}

 Adam and Eve receive a garment God personally stitches together.

Moses is laid to rest by God’s own hand.

Peter is fed Jesus-baked fish on a shore.

God becomes personal, and He personally delivers us even as we feel the heaviness of our failure.

He clothes us
"and the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them"

He closes the chapter
"the LORD said to him, 'this is the land...and he buried him  in the valley.."

He commissions us afresh
"..feed my sheep.."

We think our gleaming trophies are what brings God glory. Success is the processed diet we have been fed that has left our immunity weak; making us vulnerable to lies and despair.

We must make changes to our diet, to ‘taste and see that the LORD is good’ – especially where we feel are failures. For our failures are never final. Grace is.

~ Grace flows downwards ~

jenni tweets

those cute minions..

We've all seen them. These guys are in-season, so they are everywhere: wallpaper, cakes. lanterns...

i'm no movie person but when my children were watching Despicable Me, and laughing; i had to go join them.

Sometimes, my family thinks i'm too austere and hard on a little 'entertainment'. But it is also clear to them that I am the 'crank-up-the-fun-o-meter' in the home person. It's clear that I love fun, funny, happy. So yes, they're a little mystified.

When i was a teen, i wanted so much to be fun and funny, at one point i had a notebook where i collected jokes. Thankfully, i'm not very persevering back then....or it may be me doing Comedy night!

So fun has always coursed in my vessels.

But, i-am-careful, even a tad skeptical of  'entertainment'. Why? Because as far as I am informed; this world is not neutral ground. Every inch is value-laden. There is no moral high ground; there's just ground; the ground of our being -- and whatever our religious persuasions; there are lines we won't cross, and evil is real.

So, i am alert. Darkness seems to have a way of winning the day without anyone noticing it. It creeps into our consciousness, comforts and culture slowly and persistently until we wake up and the world seemed changed! When did divorce, pre-marital sex, gun ownership, terrorism become common-place? While we were snoozing. Like the waves that lap slowly and changes the shoreline.

Today, we have to deal with so much violence within, between and among us.

Since most of us feed upon a popular media diet; we must ask what has been on the menu?

Have we become more accepting of evil, violence, fragmentation?
Are we unable now to resist because we have not built the muscles that can swim against the tide?

So what's the deal with Despicable Me?  i found it laugh-out loud funny. The minions were so clueless and adorable. The movie's quite clear subtext is what i surfaced with the kids:
Why was he bad? -- "coz his mom ignored him; he's an angry person"
Do people become bad and then good? -- "in their actions they can choose"
Who is your fav character, why? -- "the lil kids! they were powerful, they changed his life"

There's good stuff to be mined. {cultivating a questioning spirit not a cynical one is what we're after}
#We all impact others.
#We should seek to be well so badness doesn't root in us.

Then we revisit the Great Story...and we tracked to this: God is not after us being kinda good people. God is after our heart, for everything flows from it.

But i linger on.. we laugh at the exaggerated number of weapons used to defend one's fort. We are drawn to the possibility of love and dreams when the orphaned gals enter the scene. We weep quietly to find the bad guy grew up rejected. Those are serious themes!
Do we see threat all around and find it hard to trust?
Do we consider that life may turn out very differently because of...children?
Do we have roots of rejection that we need to pluck up and clear out?

Sadly, in a way, the 'heroes' of our imagination are the cutesy minions; the clueless ones. They are the ones who make the merchandise, and sing the music! The minions are cute; but let's be careful we don't end up minions serving changes that will take us down further.

"If we're spiritual beings, then it is the spirit of things that get to us & linger on to shape us"

~ jenni tweets ~

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