Traveler's Views and Notes

~ an expensive trip for a frugal soul

the last two years we made long, costly trips. in 2012 i felt we needed to visit my brother in the USA. thankfully we did and enjoyed precious memories together: trying to ski, sitting by the fireplace, talking about the American elections, and most of all, the late night talks between us, about God. I still remember praying for snow for my son who has never seen that most magical sight: a snowfall. and just an hour before we needed to ride to the airport; there they came, floating down, gently at first! we grabbed our coats and dashed out the house to dance about in the falling of water in most beautiful forms! Hope seemed to bounce about us.

last june, i made a similar trip - but to bid him adieu from this side of heaven. a very different trip - back to the same lovely house of his on his sprawling yard; but this time it was sorting things out, crying, some laughing and as the family members poured in, food and more food; and more tears even as Grace wrapped around us and wove some fresh bonds.

earlier this year, the hubs and i while talking realised we never ever did have what is called a 'sabbatical'. still, we were grateful for the many pit-stops over the years to refuel and stay sane. then we thought, why not go to the one place we both love alot; and now that the kids are older, they will appreciate it more. New Zealand. Land of seas, sounds and sheep! 

but as i began to plan, i struggled. drawing out money to pay for trip to be with people we love makes sense to me. going on a trip just to enjoy ourselves felt so indulgent; especially when i am still learning Jesus' heart for the poor. i felt this strange conflict brewing in me. i wasn't sure where to place the line. my children have asked me before, "are we rich?". at first, my answer was "no". we were not rich by Singapore standards, when compared with many of our peers. But then, more recently, i have told them we are; because more than 80% of the world live with less than $10 a day.

so i kept checking back with the hubs our budget. can we really do this? 

we did it. we paid a tidy sum to-just-rest. it seems rather silly; but this is the state of our world. it tires

 us out so much. 

we skipped around animal poo on farms and talked with llamas, deer, sheep, chickens, ducks, seals, dogs, cats.. we drove or sat in an 11-hour train journey and went ooo and aah over the endless stretches of sea, rolling tussocks, sheep and cattle. we cooked and ate when we were hungry and basked in the long summer hours, exploring lakesides and glaciers. it was a lot of fun! we felt so enlivened to be so immersed in the beauty and power of creation. 

i had told the children why we are taking the trip: that we have both love the vast land; that there will be plenty for them to experience, that we will build great memories. i had reminded them of the expense and our values of not wasting and although i had thought to give some a little pocket change to spend; in the end, they both held back and didn't spend a cent on purchases! we came back just with ourselves, fattened by our wonderful experiences.

despite my inner struggle with the cost, amid the fears of spending alot and not getting a good return, the real and present danger of having to manage little tiffs and skirmishes of the heart..this was a trip held by Peace.

it was not so much about going away to get; but a making time and space to go deeper into something God had been seeking to deposit in our lives. Some times, we have to break our rhythms and even escape the scene to see and feel God's gifts deep enough they enter our beings.

At one point, i felt as if God himself stood between me and all my questions and anxieties and shielded me from the raucous soul-noises and just let me en-joy. a true vacation is one where you vacate the scene and just be.

and like the waters that are still reflect all the grandeur and beauty here, a quieted soul can take in the light and shape of all that is around and let them express without distorting them as rushing waters would.

~ wow, we did that?

i have a fear of heights while the hubs gets sick from motion. but i mounted a horse that must have been twelve hands tall and we took a small ski plane up to walk on snow upon ice! a lot of the time we felt too cold than we were used to; but mostly the weather permitted us to drive safely and enjoy the activities we did.

at mount cook, we were told the winds could get so strong that once the hotel windows all blew in and crashed. the hotel is solid reinforced steel and quite metallic and ugly-looking in order to survive the wild winds that come with such virgin territory. for the four little Singaporeans dizzy with delight? we had that "one fine, fantastic day" to fly out into the mountains the guide told us. 

young explorers at mount cook

without very precise planning {as i am not capable of it}  - we had moved in car, train, ship, horseback and on foot. we had lived in the city, in a monastery cradled in a valley, next to the sea, in the mountains and in a forest with deers around us!

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination ~ Drake.

Travel well friends!

iphone 6, what we do everyday, jeremiah the prophet and leaving a legacy

Yes, I am going to attempt to link all these disparate pieces of the universe!

I have never ever queued for any tech gadget or collectible toy in my life before and for the most part, sorry, I think it's pretty foolish to spend precious life-time waiting for something that simply, won't last, even if it was a limited-edition-thingamajig and may earn you some good bucks later over ebay.

Meanwhile, over in my cave-woman existence, the fiery exchange between a hounded prophet and his God is raising the spiritual temperature for me as God sounds to me like He is yelling -

"My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." ~ 2v13 

"I have planted you like a choice vine, of sound and reliable stock. How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine?" ~ 2v21 

"..these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts; they have turned aside and gone away. They do not say to themselves 'let us fear the LORD our God..' Should I not punish them for this?"  ~5v21 

"Are they not rather harming themselves..?" ~ 7v19 

"Why does Jerusalem always turn away?" ~8v5

God is the heartbroken parent, the spurned lover, the usurped monarch - and - He both warns his people of impending doom and pleads with them to repent. In the mix, he also promises a wholly different future! It is a 'mixed message' because that's what it's like when we open our heart: the truth is multi-layered and it tumbles out like this complex puzzle; not a neat algorithm.

There are exchanges, deals, and transactions that go on each day. But they do not inhabit the same worlds. The question is, which world is more real? Which world is the one to put our heart and hardwork into so that it becomes our legacy?

Make no mistake. We all leave legacies.

legacy: something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past

Some of us leave legacies of hope. Or perhaps perseverance. My mother left us an incredible legacy of resourcefulness; she always found enough to feed us (barely) and ensured we went to school. In this way she also left us a legacy of living by values and not by means.

Alas, some would leave a legacy of neglect, avoidance, and fear.

My girlfriend grappled for three years as her home felt overtaken by a critical air and mistrust built up. It was a combination of many factors; including a grieving mother-in-law who would not let go her hurt and resentment. Living under the same roof also surfaced the unresolved issues between her and her son. It was indeed painful to watch my friend struggle as she sought to love but felt constantly rebuffed. Thankfully, she found strength to resist the drag into the daily emotional tussle and over time, shifted gears from her frustration to her vision.

Our legacies are generational ties that are meant to bond the generations. If we focus on that which is fleeting, we communicate and eventually leave a legacy that does not give strength to our children and their children to come.

Yet we will discover, as my friend did, that our visions are gifts from God to lead us down the paths of righteousness and as we do the small things right, God sets into motion the larger changes of the heart that we simply could not achieve.

A few months ago, this mother-in-law agreed to move out; and she apologised and thanked my friend for her stay.

Only so much can occupy our attention at a time. Multi-taskers beware! You can turn your precious attention away from the fluff and fritter each day to the deeper, eternal quest. The exchange between Jeremiah/God/Israel is not some ancient historical relic for the exercise of our minds. The strong words found there are like tinder that can set our souls ablaze and set us on a trajectory that creates a blazing legacy.

Listen:

"..be my people for my renown and praise and honor" ~13v11

'..blessed is the man who trsusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. he will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. it has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit." ~17v7f

Here is a call to live for something larger than ourselves. I am grappling afresh with this. After many years of being zealous, suffering burns and facing setbacks; it is not the easiest thing to believe, to stand and to fight. But you get this: nothing, absolutely nothing compares with this.

And the beautiful picture of this tree that doesn't fear!

This is legacy, setting our hearts on a huge vision, each day living for the Dream, and finding our hearts not overcome by fear.

No new phone for me; but God, a renewed heart please.

Beyond the well.... an emptied out tomb !

More than a Well, 
more than well-being,
and, more than well-off...

Jesus promises us New Life. 

This is no easy promise to stake claims on. When something is new, how do we see, recognise, live it? How do you claim a promise you cannot envision?

You see, what we want is a life we define as good and well. Many of us want to live  meaningfully and pass on a legacy, go blazes with our passion and make a difference in the world, be healthy, robust, free to choose.We may also marry and have kids with a view to a 'better life'; whether that is beating loneliness or having someone care for us when we are old and frail, living.... but is this God's view of Life?

Plus we have this abiding thirst. When things get dry and hot, we feel it worse. So we run to God and get a few comforting licks of reassurance, an experience of his presence, a supernatural touch. But all of these are intimations of Grace to get us to stay with Him. Our problem? We major on the minors. We forget that fluid is what we are made of mostly. We allow ourselves to get distracted and busy - again. We leave the Watering Holiness and try to live again on our terms. 

We cannot quite see New Life, and we do not quite stick around enough to be soaked with Life. 

So God lets life roll along - 
- all the time His hand upon us, all the while His supply of refreshment, reinvigoration, restoration, and even resurrection close by. We just need to reach for it.

Sally Clarkson discovered this {and O how I resonate!} : 
I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature.

But since the Lord is a good parent, and He wanted me to grow into the likeness of Christ, and he saw that I was quite young, immature, self-centered and full of pride, he knew I needed more practice and training to become more like Christ.
So he gave me a husband and children, so that I could really find out what sacrificial love was all about. It has not been easy to pull out the weeds of expectations; to fight the storms of giving up my rights; to endure the drought of feelings that did not always match up to what I thought a loving wife and mother should feel in a happy home. But, I kept holding on to Him, pondering His life and seeking to be loyal through faith in His reality and presence, even though I could not always see Him.

Now, though still growing, I have learned so much more about true love, self-sacrifice, commitment. long-suffering–and it has all made me love Him more because I see how much of my life has required that of Him–as I have tested Him, misbehaved, thrown tantrums, and pulled away at times. But still He loves me and still He sacrificed for us while we were yet sinners.

Still He loves you and I and still He sacrifices for us while we sin. 

The tomb has been emptied. The place of death is now overgrown with wild flowers and small creatures have made a home among the plants. Life is bursting forth in a space where death once occupied. 

When thirsty, beat a path to the Well where He is waiting for you.
Then walk beyond it to that empty tomb {not quite looking like it for sure} that makes New Life a possibility for us.

Don't feel like giving your best?
Impossible to let go of that hurt?
Afraid to trust again?
Been confused and helpless for too long?

God is going to let life roll on. But you are not an idle, powerless pawn in the movements of life. Not when the New Life has been invited in and now pulses within you. What to do?
Ask for eyes to see this Life.
Ask for a heart to believe.
Ask for a mind to imagine.
Ask for sinews that will move in tune with it.

Your soul will at times feel dry, 
Drink much and often.
Your soul may sense the intrusion of  enemy-death
Dally around that garden-tomb much.

Last year, I woke up to a vision {I rarely do}. I saw that I was staring at some dried thorny bush and feeling very frustrated. In the corner of my eye I could see that there were pretty blooms nearby. God was telling me to stop fixating on death and fail to notice Life !

Remember that old advice from fiery apostle Paul -

"..whatever is true, whatever is honourable, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is of good repute, 

if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, 

dwell on these things."

~ Philippians 4v8

Well, this verse begins with "finally..." so if you will, read back up and discover more secrets of living out of an emptied out Tomb!

Thank you for being on this journey these last forty days. Invite others along. God has more  in store right here.

{Running} with horses

The Chinese calendar uses a twelve year cycle, each marked by an animal. Those born in the year are then described as having certain traits similar to the animal. When a new year rolls around, apt proverbs and jokes are tossed about. 2014 is the year of the horse and I learnt a new favourite proverb:马到成功 (success is imminent once the horse arrives). You see, I was born in the year of the horse - and ain't it grand that my arrival at any scene would herald impending success!

But i got to thinking about all the horse-related experiences in my life, and to a passage of Scripture that really helped me.

horse experience 1
My first flight and my first mission trip. We flew into Thailand headed for the mountain tribes. Most of us had not trained for those mountains. There were supposed to be horses at the foot to help us carry stuff. But we were late, too late. So we had to trudge nearly five hours up the mountains with our puppets, guitar, bags and tired bodies as a gentle rain fell all about us. We slipped in the mud, we gave up many times even as the guide egged us on with her limited Chinese, saying repeatedly, "another few minutes". We city dwellers had no idea. But how I longed for those horses! We never saw them. We came back down bumping all the way on the back of a truck which at one point got stuck in a muddy ridge and we all had to get off and shove.


horse experience 2
The university had offered me a place to do Honours in Political Science & English Language. I was on board an international book ship when that information came out so I returned to school a month late. It was unnerving and I found my source of strength in this passage which I would type into my thesis introduction:

"If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out,
then how can you compete with horses?
If you fall down in a land of peace,
how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? ~ jeremiah 12v5

I am not sure if my thesis supervisor picked up that I have referred to him as a footman; but my youthful zeal knew little bounds back then - upwards and onwards I was going to go!

horse experience 3
This time, i finally rode one; and nearly died! With two friends in New Zealand, we found our way to a hill where there was horse riding. The young Kiwi gal who ran the place sized us up and led us off to our horses. After a few brief introductory remarks, we found ourselves atop a horse each. Mine was a black stallion with a large bulgy stomach. Its name was Inky. We set off slowly and winded around the trail. Inky however had other ideas. It could undoubtedly pick up that I was a wimp (horse language for she doesn't know how to ride) and repeatedly veered off the trail to satisfy its love for far-out grasses growing at the edges. I was talking, coaxing, reining in...to little avail. After a nerve-wrecking hour, I dismounted and fell to the ground, my legs all gone soft and my groin in pain from straddling that fat tummy.

horse experience 4
My love for this majestic creature wouldn't wane it seems. How many silly Inkys can there be anyway? This time, I am on a trip with my brand new husband. We decide to go ride horses. No more mountains though, this was a coastal beach situation. Yes, firmly on the ground hooves. The sand, the wind, and even the gentle gallop was great - until - the horse got in the mood for some horse-trot. My feet came off the sitrrups and I let go and fell onto the soft sand. A few moments later, the other horses came around since mine overtook them sans rider. I felt just fine.
Later, i developed a nausea and we went to the doctor where we found I was pregnant. I suppose my baby and I fell off a horse.

horse experience 5
This time, I confront the horse I referred to years earlier. The nameless horse in Jeremiah that represents the trepidation and trials of a life of faith. With Pastor Eugene Peterson's help, I dig even deeper for a full, abundant life of faith-full responding to God.

"If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out,
then how can you compete with horses?
If you fall down in a land of peace,
how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? ~ Jeremiah 12v5

These words came as a rebuke to a prophet who felt all ready to give up. I wasn't at that point when I read Run with the Horses, but it came soon enough -- and God had prepared my soul for the onslaught by drawing me to long for what is deeper and more solid.

Latest horse experience {12 years later}
I had to go say it, "it's the year of the horse, let's do something with horses!". The now older hubs thought it a brilliant stroke and so we all went to The Riders Loft and pulled on some boots and helmets. My horse was a good fourteen hands tall. I cannot look over it at all. When I mounted Galvin, I wanted to get off even quicker. But my daughter and son were next in line to mount theirs so I breathed deep and psyched myself that my fear of heights cannot possibly apply to this. "Mind over matter - what you don't mind, won't matter"; I silenced my fears.We rode around the sand pit a few times each and the trainer applauded us all when we were done.

Associated by birth
Missed by timing
Challenged by its powers
Threatened by its will
Strengthened by its metaphor
Safeguarded from its whim

Nay, my horse encounters are not over yet.

My One Word for the year

Yes. In one word.
What do you think your 2014 will be about?

I want to invite you to try this. It is fascinating experience. It is a dare, a dream, a desire and a desperate grasp for life. For we are trying to live well, be brave, be enough for the task, and rise above the swelling tides. One word for our life of such ebb and flow, turbulence, trials, and trails!

"What is your one word"? the fellow sister wrote in her blog. I was drawn in immediately. One word for what? I can never say anything with one word {although 'persnickety' works very well with the children}.
The writing me immediately began to lose touch with daily reality and I began to experience all the fits and spasms that come with such an activity!

How can one word describe my year? 
Will it be a prescriptive, prophetic, hopeful word?
Should it be a colour, an outcome, an object or a verb?
If a word came to my mind, dare I accept it?
What if I picked the wrong word and lived my year all wrong?

Normal panic you would say, that comes with any choices with some weighty consequence.

Of course, the word is meant to surface out of a conversation with God. 

So a few words came forward to present themselves - all really shades of me wanting to be top dog. The up side of me wanted Glorious, the darker side hissed Needing, and the Thesaurus that sits next to me begged to have its guts examined.
I told God all the words that came when I walked, wrote, dreamt...and then - a word came and I just knew it did not originate from me. It made sense, of course, it does, but I wouldn't have quite seen it.

So my word this year is RENEW. Nothing fancy. Sort of disappointed in the way of words, one may say. It's so simple. Just two syllables, almost flat where the energy department is concerned. Like, renew one's passport, an administrative process...

But, I think the One Word is
an invitation,
an anticipation - and therefore it helps me look out for God's handiwork in my little life.

So I am going to have to trust that what feels old, tired may get a fresh zest.
So I am going to beware the areas where I tend to lose hope.
So I am going to expect and pray and work new-ness.
So I am going to return to some old solid stuff I have neglected for it's going to be revived.

My word for 2014 is RENEW. What is yours?

Here are some examples ~

Try it!

What will be NEW for you this year?

As the first day of January washed up the shores of my soul, I wrote on the board in my home, "What will be NEW for you?". Those words are still there. They remind me not to go back to the same, the old, the habitual, the knee-jerk -- not when Vision, Imagination and Longing are drawing me towards growth, difference, fresh, and possibility.

 I talked to my family - I remind us about Christmas just past; that it was Good News because Jesus had come to make all things new. We knew in our hearts the ways that hurt, that drained joy, that robbed peace from our home. We must reject old ways that have hurt us and look forward in faith, and act in accordance to the newness Jesus wants to give us.

We don't want to talk, think, or act the same. I dream of peaceable words, tender attention, patient bearing with each other...that in our daily life of believing in the New, we are being changed to bring the New to our world.

What about you?

I know it can be scary to dream. I know what disappointment tastes like. I know what defeat feels like and how it loves to linger around and turn everything stale and colourless. But, your heart and mine - are hearts held by God and fashioned by Him, are hearts meant to beat with hope, are hearts that can be be set aflame. Indeed, we need to have confidence that as God loves us and gives us His Spirit, many of what we desire are good things and ought to be in our lives, even if they are not yet! {see Psalm 37v4}

Often, God uses one of his many promises to trigger a sense of possibility. Such as ~

And he will be the stability of your times,
a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is his treasure. {Isaiah 33v6}

I long for stability! This verse draws me. It turns within my belly and I see the truth of it: i need to treasure, value, prioritise, honour God in my moments & movements.

Which of the many promises of God is tugging at your heart these days? {please do share with us in the comments!}


God's Word is always an invitation to an adventure of trust. 

I am learning again to take His Word - first, seriously, totally -

I have found that --
when you give the Word the place its rightful place, it anchors down and I can distinguish better; and swat away the lesser words, and, the lies.

the Word is milk and meat and when I am fed, I am less susceptible to feed myself cheap substitutes.

the Word is God-breathed; and each time I read, savour, meditate, fresh life-giving breath enters my being.

I am sure God will pepper 2014 with many specific promises and remind me of many I need to recall. But in His goodness, he began me with a familiar Psalm {yes, i have read it as part of my Psalm trek }, but it was so sweet to read it slow, write it and ask for eyes to notice what I must !

Go seek your promise(s)! There will be NEW this year!

Why Home-sickness is a good place to begin your 2014

Happy New Year!

How will you be travelling this year? There are four modes of moving along:

a/ well-planned to the hilt
you already have your goals and plans, a list of things to do by the end of January. Some more seasoned travelers by this mode would even have included safety precautions and back-up plans.

b/ tumbling or drifting
you basically dislike to plan. after all, things don't necessarily go your way (before or ever); so going with the flow is just easier: no fuss, no fight, no fire (to put out).

c/ pushed onward
there are strong forces within you that propel you or there are expectations you know you need to live up to.

d/ hanging on to a string of reactions
you may have goals and aspirations; but in reality, your travel style is to wait-and-see how things turn. You can get red-hot mad or walk away, depending on how you feel you are being treated.

Most of us will be using some combination of these four. But there is a fifth way. It is the way of God's Grace. This way sits at the bottom of all other ways, it also holds and weaves through the other modes of travel. For most of us, most of the time though, we are only vaguely aware of this ever-present Grace.
Why not live aware and upon this Grace so that each time we sing 'Amazing Grace', it is a distinct sense of awe with specific recollections and not vague ideas about how Amazing Grace truly is!

The way of God's Grace is to live tethered to God and His homeward call to us. It is living with a sense of homesickness.

I am rather a person on the move, relishing new experiences and challenges. But whether I am out for the day or away for weeks, a special feeling surges up in my soul as i turn homeward. It feels like a homesickness. I have missed home and hearth. I have missed the safe, familiar, comfortable, 'my place' sense.

It is the well-rooted tree that can spread its branches wide out and continue to bear fruit without over-stretching or toppling over.

Where is home for you? A small spot of ground or a huge house isn't what matters. It is where your heart rests that is home.

God is our home - for those of us who are His children because we believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins and want to live for Him. We go home to God often and dare not run wild and distracted that we cannot find our way home to rest and be restored.

Kingdom is our home - for those of us who are God's new people, called to build a different way of living; we find home when we are among those who share this same dream of a peaceable Kingdom in our broken-up world.

I get homesick a lot like when -
I've been waddling in shallows making waves when I can say 'see ya later' to everything and everyone and go out to the deep and float free.

I am fussing over the stuff that doesn't really count or last and then a ray of Kingdom light and eternity shines across my shoulder and I need to turn my eyes to see.

I am busy counting my small pile of gold coins of 'have', 'need', 'want more of', and forget that's just pavement where I am headed - it's the wrong currency to trade in

I see a picture of grim need, an old wrinkled face, a broken-hearted parent whose child was here a moment before that shrapnel came whizzing past

I need to feel this homesickness. You do too. For in the end, we are pilgrims, travelers, aliens, a-passing-through. And it is this homesickness - our desperate need for God, our deep convictions of a different world, that will help us travel by the mode of Grace.

As we beat our own path to God-home and soak in Grace, our hearts and minds expanding with Him.
As we work out our salvation by living as saved ones, building a different world, and know it will never happen apart from Grace-miracles where our pockets, priorities and perspectives shifting from sand to rock.

So yes, Home-sickness is a good place to begin your 2014.


Happy NEW year friends!

How did God see your 2013?

What is the first emotion that comes as you think of 2013?

If you could draw a picture to represent the year, what would you draw?

Some of us hitch onto some happy moment, grin and tumble into the new year. Some of us wince at certain memories and maybe even fight to fend off the sense that we blew it again. Doubtless for most of us in mostly sunny Singapore, our days were a busy mix of getting around, chasing deals and forging goals. It can be hard to tease our jam-packed days apart to see what they were truly about.

- The unexamined life is not worth living - Socrates

But how do we examine our lives? What do we use to map our days against? What grid, or guide do we have? Our ever-present tendency is to compare ourselves with... some ideal, and often feel like we have been given the short end of the stick again.

Recently, i thought that even being on Facebook can do enormous harm: we may be sick, jobless, lost...and it seems the whole world is having a great time without us - all the pictures of balmy scenes, happy faces, wise words, great times... people are going places and doing stuff. Life is happening without us.

Facebook tries to help with a review of your year by stitching together all your posts and updates that received the highest 'likes'. Ah, all is not lost, i was heard; someone laughed at my joke, someone noticed my melancholy, someone liked my pictures.

As I was preparing to lead my church tomorrow for a time of reflection; I think of Jesus' words that sets up that contrast between life and death. He offers us life abundant - and warns us of the living reality that we have an enemy who wants to steal, kill and destroy.

Perhaps if we recognise that this dynamic presents itself to us each day - that within each day, we are posed a question: would you have life or not? I think of how our feelings, thoughts and circumstances may well be God's invitation and offer to live more fully and free.

I imagine looking at my life from the outside - and seeing it through God's eyes. What then of my 2013? How does God feel about my year nearly gone? What picture would he draw?

Selah.

Psalm 139 & more {enjoy}

Why not have some face-time with God and just remember - He is the God who made you, loves you and constantly, and faithfully invites you to go deeper. To live.

A Psalm pick-me-up

Raise your hand if you have felt --

like someone understood when you read the Psalms

like God has come close

reality is drawn out and the massive sense of being drowned ebbs away...

The Psalms are an amazing collection of pick-me-ups; affirming our frailty and calling us to faith. 

Today, I share with us how the Psalms fall into four large categories; and with this knowledge, you may know better where to turn  ---

1. hymns which begin with praise and recounts God's marvel in creation and acts of redemption and end again with a praise rejoinder.

These Psalms are great for personal, family and corporate worship! You can use he beginnings and write you own experience of God's wonder in creation or list out recent experiences of His Grace. A wonderful exercise of reflecting on God's presence and goodness for every one; i imagine the little ones can easily join in the grand fun!

{8,, 19,29,33, 46-48, 76, 84, 93, 96-100, 113, 114, 117, 122, 135, 136, 145-150}

2. Laments and cries for help directly calling out to God, often with a description of the woes and troubles, a sense of God's absence in some; and a re-assertion of faith in God. In some, the faith assertion ends the Psalm abruptly or is followed by a note of thanks; signaling a change in mood.
These Psalms model authenticity and a generous dash of audacity! But who can we open the depths of our being to - who will not cringe, counter-suggest, or try to command our feelings another way? God, i once told my seven year-old nephew is like a huge sponge and He can take anything that is spilling out of us.
Personally, these Psalms are the very things that first moved me to take up pen and begin writing my heart. I haven't stopped - for God has shown what a heart can fill up with...
Interestingly, these entreaties are not all solo. Groups can come together to mourn, wail, and cry before God. 

{Individual: 3, 5-7, 13, 17, 22, 25, 26, 28, 31, 25, 38, 42-43, 51, 54-57, 59, 63, 64, 69-71, 77, 86, 102, 120, 130, 140-143}
{Group: 12, 44, 60, 74, 80, 83, 85, 106, 123, 129, 137}

3. Thanksgiving Psalms are fantastic for any season for we are a people called to the way of grateful-ness. 

Alone or with others, giving thanks deepens our faith as we lift our eyes and hearts upward.

{18, 21, 30, 33, 34, 40, 65-58, 92, 116, 118, 124, 129, 138, 144}

4. Then there are Psalms that combine the elements such that one Psalm has hymn+cry+thanks. Psalm 119 stands like a tall tower as it develops the whole idea of God's Word with the human condition weaved in; making it sound a lot like Wisdom literature (ie. Proverbs, Ecclesiastes group). Finally, there are those Psalms that clearly have a prophetic pointing-to-Christ element. {2, 50, 75, 81, 82, 85, 95, 110}. 

What a grand idea to read these Psalms during Advent {link} as we prepare once again to welcome God's Amazing gift that begin with a young couple's outrageous obedience.

advent

ˈadv(ə)nt,-vɛnt/

noun

1. 1.

   the arrival of a notable person or thing.

   "the advent of television"

   synonyms:

   arrival, appearance, emergence, materialization, surfacing, occurrence,dawn, origin, birth, rise, development; More
2. 2.

   the first season of the Church year, leading up to Christmas and including the four preceding Sundays.

Which Psalm has held special meaning for you; touched you in a deep place... I'll be delighted for you to share it here with us. 

[notes from The New Jerusalem Bible]

TREKKING THROUGH THE PSALMS

I'm two weeks late. 

I first sensed it when I looked over my Bible reading guide and it said Psalms. I've read and meditated and milked the Psalms for so much marrow, milk and molassy-sweetness over the years, so I turned my attention to preparing for Advent: the forty days leading up to Christmas. But God was waiting.

For in my journal one day, i was so heavy-hearted i wrote of BUGs: burdens, grief, uncertainties.

This year is filled with BUGs for me. Life goes on, I move on; but my Spirit-awakened heart refuses to just keep going. It broke and the tears came. And I hear the whisper, 'go to the Psalms'. 

The Psalms contain some of the oldest writings in the world: songs of worship. 

Worship is what we give worth and honour to.

The Psalms: personal, corporate; lament & praise; draws us to the truth of the human condition and wraps it in the One who alone can lift us beyond our limited, repeated sorrows.

I continue with my New Jerusalem Bible. {it is highly recommended that you read a different version especially when you feel the Bible getting too familiar & our ugly human pride gets in the way of truly listening as we read}

Psalm 1

v3 ~ every project succeeds
Really? I know how often i feel i failed. Quite a lot recently in fact.
But the One says to me "it's a success! Have you forgotten what I taught you success means? It's about the following, the working from your love, about leaning into the Wind at times and even sitting in the prison; where no one and nothing seems to go your way. Simply because you are Mine, and anyone who seeks to do my will cannot fail for I do not fail."

v5~ YHWH watches over the path of the upright
"It is hard to see the way you are going and I know the pain you feel with every step. But I see it; I am watching over it.  I, even I."

Selah {pause}

v2~ murmurs his law day and night.
this brought a chuckle to me. i think of those religious types who are taught to repeat words that secure salvation. And indeed, I am saved only when I repeat those truth-words: the 'great and precious promises' {2 Peter 1v4} that alone can keep my head turned right and my heart beating tender. The extrovert, take-it-all in part of me often subvert this as i get attracted and distracted.. like someone shared, 'I close my Bible and I forget what i just read'. Reading can be like that. But meeting with Someone usually lingers on.

Psalm 2

v12~ how blessed are all who take refuge in him
there is a little cross-reference to Proverbs 16 and it says, '...listens to YHWH and finds happiness'. {at this moment, the cat looks straight at me as if to say, 'well don't you already know that?'.

This verse comes at the end of an entire Psalm that contrasts the spurious plans of men with the solid Plan of God. We are planners we. Each day, Babel rises and we fight to justify our plans, our ways, our ideas, our dreams. And God says to the nations, to us, "come to your senses, learn your lesson!".

Where are we losing sensibility? In our pine, whine, dine culture, are we become senseless consumers - callous about deeper matters, careless about our attitudes, casual toward God?

What lesson does God want me, you, to learn?
i am a breakaway, runaway, flyaway... are you? My little plans for the days and the long years are little tributaries of God's grand rivers but sometimes I rush the rapids and lose sight of the River.
Perhaps for your, the little brook is drying up? Then, put on hiking boots and beat a trail to the River! Delay not!

Psalm 3

O i love how graphic this gets! The bad guys are so gonna get it. Slap them! Those thousand foes arraigned against me. Reduce them to  nothing.
Shield me.
You-are-the-One who holds my head up. I will not bow, demure, give in, give up.

I  will  look  up --- at You. to You.

Birthday (B)log!

 A strenuous dream stirred me awake..in the wee hours of 31st December. Thankfully, I was tired enough to fall back asleep. I next opened my eyes to a brightened room and my mind began to fill fast with thoughts of things undone, tasks to do, and ideas loving to consider. But soon, a sense of weariness crept in. ‘Happy birth-day’ should be about my being, not my do-ing!

Forty-six years ago, Love ushered me into this world...why?

For years it has been my habit to spend some part of my birthday looking back to trace Grace-prints, mark the pits and my folly that helped me stumble into them...and then to listen for the Wind's blowing for the new year.

I was sick last year after a busy Christmas season, and trundled clumsily into January...feeling totally awful and unprepared for 2012. But I felt a relief ...a reminding; that even my good habits must not overtake God and His Grace. I sensed the Wind late; it wasn't until January 14th that my new journal was ready. Epiphany.

After settling the kids’ breakfast, I sat to write in my journal. A plain recording of the moments up to that point...I had no appetite for breakfast, ideas or plans..so I wrote the last line: "today I shall drift". I  texted a few girlfriends. One of them replied, " sounds like a good 'plan'!".

Well, even drifting was challenging since I had to co-ordinate with hubby about kids...some one as always lays a way. How does one negotiate drifting?

The time came for me to hop on the train into town. Two of my older sisters are meeting me for tea. We went to a small shop filled with ornamental angels, chests, and posters, and clusters of chairs around tables. We sit in a corner and begin to examine the menu. I love trying stuff, but we settle for two pre-designed tea sets of bruschetta, cakes and scones.

 Being intentional and pastoral, I often ponder about our conversations. But today my mind gets to rest- I am drifting! The conversation was true and fast...hearts were bared through long diatribes about stubborn daughters and 'individuating' sons. Life is. Sisters are special- we can keep up the talking since most of the drama of our lives revolve around people we all know. My sisters agree at the end it maybe a good idea to invite my nieces and nephew to a new series on Love. The sister with the persistent cough may go off chicken on my suggestion...stuff of life.

The kids were excited dad got the Two Towers (I keep calling the them the Twin Towers) DVD. I slipped out to share some cake with a neighbor then came back to finish the movie and settle them for bed - a whole  hour later than I had instructed! My plan to be at a Watchnight service weakened. I showered and put on my flannel pjs, the rain has been falling lightly most of the night so it is now very cool for the tropics....

And I hope to drift off to sleep soon....

Every day is in itself un-repeatable; filled with details oft unplanned and perhaps even unwanted. Life has always been about this paradoxical tension of and/or: you plan, you also cannot plan. But on my birthday, planning was really low – which is a rest when you live in a busy city filled with expectations, longings and fears.

You know...Almost, Nearly, Always!

With the New Year coming, I’d like to introduce you to three familiar friends. This is because they have a knack for taking the ‘new’out of any year. Meet them and find out for yourelf! They will tell you about themselves:

My name is Almost. I have two buddies, Nearly and Always. We are pretty different; but as with all friends, we found a way to hang out, laugh, and not take each other too seriously. In fact, I think we look pretty good as a lot: Almost Nearly Always. I told you.

Well, those two can wait. First, let me tell you about myself.

I have great ideas-

-Better distribution of resources to end world poverty

-Roundtable talks to negotiate water resources so that nobody dies of thirst

-Cross-fertilisation of think tanks to deal with those intractable issues like democratizing nations, Aids, and mother-in-laws. Yes, I am also funny.

Ah…and in case you think I live in the higher realms, I also cover more pedestrian concerns like

-Losing weight

-Proper exercise

-Wardrobe makeovers

-Tidying my room (really)

And I come really close to actually doing something about these stuff I think about and talk about. In fact, my sterling quality is precisely this: everyone holds me in pretty high regard because I am so close to what everyone is trying to deal with. My admirers range from the neighbourhood coffeshop assistant to that smart professor of Philosophy who sometimes I see running in the park! I don’t exchange mere pleasantries when I meet folks: we talk for quite a bit. I always nod knowingly and with the sincerest empathy for whatever whoever is going through; and I am proud to say some of me rubs off on them afterward.

O, here comes Nearly.

This is a real chum. In fact, when I am with him, we seem to have a doubly effective effect! Just a few weeks ago, we spoke with young and old and everyone single one of them benefitted from the clarifying chat. I still remember some of what we talked about:

Bringing a gift for a friend’s birthday

Calling up her mother (she has not spoken to her in years)

Trying out a new way of talking to the kids

Changing job

Buying a new brand of (o dear I forgot what this one was about… My name is Almost remember?)

It is amazing how relieved people feel when they just know that these things at least crossed their minds.

Always is strongest of the three of us. She has this knack of sneaking up on conversations – whether the person is talking to himself or to others – and simply stabilizing everything. No change, no shift, no move. Nada. That is power I say. Just keeps everything the way it is! Just consider how she slips in and maintains the status quo:

I am always so slow/worried/blur (works with any adjective – amazing right?)

He’s always so selfish

It always rains when we have plans

See? She’s amazing!

Well, the Mayans were wrong. Or should we say right: after all, from the looks of things, we are almost, nearly about to end in a big bang (the way we began presumably)! Always.

The Teen Dance

There is this new dance i am learning. 

Darn, it's hard! Quick steps, slow steps...and so easy to step on those turning toes!

What? Step back ..now?!
O, ok...catch up and do the twist here..
Keep in step, side by side...

Fools we are all. We never believe what we are told.
Dreamers we are all. We never full awaken to the force of truth...

What did i expect? it's hard to parent a teen, tween... She's like:
40% darling girl
10% secret, spying agent gathering more and more tricks (what? from youtube?!)
20% angst, mood swings
20% rough, angular
10% total mystery [if the other bits are not mystifying & frustrating enough already...]

This is 60% majority challenge - and yes, it is major exam year! Augh!

I have read, I have loved, I have led...but in my own turf, under my nose each day, the wind blows hither and thither! O to really love and to let her really live... daily i trip all over myself trying this new dance of space-distance-privacy-connection-communication.

We have so much to say to each other and then nothing comes to mind.

We want to laugh but it happens so much less because she is growing slowly into her own skin and we don't always find the same things funny anymore.

We want to stay close - forever - but growing is forcing a needed distance.

I miss the dances we did when she was little enough for me to turn, twirl and lift off the ground.... God, help me see the crazy steps of this new dance as a joy-dare dance and swing along!

vacation

It's the time of the year when everyone who has any means talks about vacation. The standard Q is "where do you plan to go?".
Vacation - tours to hot popular places, getaways, family hols..sound sometimes pretty vacant. We go with our hearts full and return mostly the same.
Someone once said that we wont die from over-information. we will die from lack of appreciation.
What exactly about those places do we appreciate? Cheaper prices? Local cultures? Different foods? Cooler weather. We treat everything as utility. Go where it is useful for us - coz it's cooler, cheaper, popular etc.
I feel weary of this attitude. But I want my vacation too: a good rest break, a new scenery to rejuvenate my senses.. i dislike the mad dash for good deals...and now i have no plans and little funds (due to my toilet repair
saga)...ha!
Also, i dont think going to someone else's land and using all that resources (flight fuel etc) is really justifiable sometimes..since when did we get the idea we need and deserve these things?
What is it that makes our lives rich and full, meaningful and powerrful?
A vacation perhaps. Or perhaps the choice to NOT take one and give away to those in need...
What do you think?
O please - let's go appreciate what's before us first...!
Happy holidays!

what a start!

on the 9th day of the new year and everything looks ... (complete the sentence for yourself!)
for the first time in a long while i went out for supper...early on new year's day. when we got back; we thought we would check in to see how the major cities are partying to welcome the new year (i still dont get why we do that?)...then we got the news: fire in Bangkok and soon enough... one of us has passed on..
i am sure parties are designed to take us out of the gloom and humdrum of life give us a lift, escape, sense of adventure and some kind of wishfulness...
But
within every heart and into every national psyche a fear has invaded us like never before.
i remember feeling nervous when i was 15 and people were talking about a nuclear holocaust.
15 years later, we have that possible threat and more.
*the invisible hand of price that the great economist promised would regulate things for us rational beings did not.
* it's not a few people in power that can press the wrong button and kill us; it's many of us killing each other today with compromise, corruption, hatred and vengeance

Naturally i shield these things from my kids or share it with them very carefully. No child needs to grow up feeling frightened and powerless.

And then yesterday's papers tell of grievous things that happen when our hearts are troubled: an abused child, a beat up youth ....right here in safe, sensible, practical Singapore!

we can hope these things do not hit us, that we wont be at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people..we can pretend we are not afraid and chase a wild time..we can rant and rave...

or we can grief for our kind.
look inside out hearts
look for help

and then we can party, truly party - for time is short; and life is worth living fully, freely and well.

away from city! and other ideas

City life has become the epitome of power, prestige and pleasure. Bright lights, action, colour, hype..everything it seems comes from the city. So we keep flocking to form them, to be a part of one. it's a strange thing really. yes cities are exciting; but when it comes down to it, what human beings all over the world needs are food, friends and purpose. The city is rather a poor offerer of these things. So few jobs in the city actually produce food for example. I sometimes worry for Singapore since we rely almost completely for imports - to eat and just be alive.

I heard on the BBC that scientists with The Living Planet calculated that modern lifestyles will deplete earth's resources in 30 years! we either change or we better get lucky and inherit another similarly endowed planet.

Wow. i was driving my daughter back from school. i feel bad that at 8 years of age her carbon footprint is already so huge; even though we use very little air-con and the car ride is 10 minutes.
perhaps it's time for some radical ideas that will truly make the world a better place.

Everyone goes to a school nearby and walk - this means more exercise, more conversations and less traffic snarls.
Every product gets an innivation quota. Make no more than 5 new handphone models a year - this forces companies to actually make real innovations that count; not fancy footowork. We go for substance than sleek. We also work less crazy hours and have more time to live.
Every economy and industry submit a bi-annual audit of how they are contributing to the world's growth and health. - this makes coutrnies alrge and small think globally in more responsible terms and combats insular and short-term vision.

For a start: these ideas are really mad; but i keep thinking, why not? Who says that healthy = consumer confidence = spending?
Actually i dont feel very confident as a consumer these days: i dont know the quality of what i am buying any more! from whether it is safe to consume to whether it's truly worth my dollar...

IF you like these ideas, pass them on! Add on to them and write me!

to be fully alive!

happy NEW? year ?

Hands up, those who feel like 2008 has been more of 2007. Today, i just felt somewhat disappointed at the continuity of life. Yesterday is somehow still around. So, I took a deep breath and considered the reasons:
1. some things go on
i guess this is something we must accept and embrace. Some things wont be new just because we plastered up a really swanky or inspirational screen saver on our computers. Such as my daughter's tendency to forgetfulness as she yaks away...i blistered and blustered at how she could misplace and totally not recall...but, she is still her! Perhaps somewhere, with all my grand ideas of change and renewal, i forget that!
2. some things will fade off
perhaps there are still lingering things from 07 that need to be cleared..eventually, the newer things will arrive....
3. some things call for deliberate make-overs
well, if we want 08 to be different from 07; we need to get specific. some things will clearly call for decisive and disciplined effort (such as that exercise plan).
4. some things will catch us by surprise
ah, life is more than happenstance; but there are times things simply -- happen! For me, it was meeting a divorcee whom i somehow care for; and somehow, that took a good deal of my emotional energy. So i had to review my energy management and consider my options..perhaps i am seeking to be more than i am called to be.

Silly me, I am in a new year, after all. There is much to accept afresh, anticipate, celebrate and expect.

What?! NO work?

I got a call from a older woman in my profession one day. It was to talk shop (of course). Since i felt some connection with her, I ventured to share that I will be quitting work at year's end. I appreciate her concern, but her immediate, snap response to me was: what are you going to do?
Do-ing is such a huge part of our lives that i guess my plan to stop work sounds really airy at best. Yes, what am i going to DO indeed?!
Actually there's plenty being done all the time - waking to the day, talking to a neighbour, feeding a stray, reading a good book, writing to waive that parking fine (haha), minding the kids...caring for the older ones... but i guess these are not 'jobs'.
She immediately offered me a position with the attendant, 'grab it while it's good' overtures.
I have never been worried about not finding something to do; being paid for it is another story!!
But so far Providence has seen to it that i have enough to get by. So at the nudge of Grace, I have chosen to be job-less - and I have already heard a mighty chorus of protestations....from within me and around me.
I have a fear of heights so looking down the rungs of my vocational ladder to find my feet to climb down was rather giddying and very unsettling.

Perhaps the relentless whirr of hard work Singapore style tires you too. You may not need to get off; but I would highly recommend getting away some. Detach yourself a little more in the new year from your work.
I am more than my work.
You are more than your work!

aura photo headshot?

there were these two photos aligned for comparison: one with, another without - aura! yup, that's the new thing to hit spas. find out your aura and improve everything from circulation to waist-line!
this prompted my mind to recall a Q my seven-year-old posed to me just recently: why did adam and eve eat from the tree of theknowledge of good and evil? why didn't they eat from the other tree?
i told her i dont know. but one thing i do know: we can see the effects of that decision everyday.
i mean, isn't it true that we humans live on the brink of finding that one more piece of information that can make life healthier, happier and richer? from auras to patents to spirituality - we are continually on a hunt for the better, stronger, wiser, more efficient way to go about life.
which makes us run like mice on the ever-turning threadmill of effort.
i better sign off before i my writing leads me to some premature conclusion about how this would all turn out better...if only we knew...