A Psalm pick-me-up

Raise your hand if you have felt --

like someone understood when you read the Psalms

like God has come close

reality is drawn out and the massive sense of being drowned ebbs away...

The Psalms are an amazing collection of pick-me-ups; affirming our frailty and calling us to faith. 

Today, I share with us how the Psalms fall into four large categories; and with this knowledge, you may know better where to turn  ---

1. hymns which begin with praise and recounts God's marvel in creation and acts of redemption and end again with a praise rejoinder.

These Psalms are great for personal, family and corporate worship! You can use he beginnings and write you own experience of God's wonder in creation or list out recent experiences of His Grace. A wonderful exercise of reflecting on God's presence and goodness for every one; i imagine the little ones can easily join in the grand fun!

{8,, 19,29,33, 46-48, 76, 84, 93, 96-100, 113, 114, 117, 122, 135, 136, 145-150}

2. Laments and cries for help directly calling out to God, often with a description of the woes and troubles, a sense of God's absence in some; and a re-assertion of faith in God. In some, the faith assertion ends the Psalm abruptly or is followed by a note of thanks; signaling a change in mood.
These Psalms model authenticity and a generous dash of audacity! But who can we open the depths of our being to - who will not cringe, counter-suggest, or try to command our feelings another way? God, i once told my seven year-old nephew is like a huge sponge and He can take anything that is spilling out of us.
Personally, these Psalms are the very things that first moved me to take up pen and begin writing my heart. I haven't stopped - for God has shown what a heart can fill up with...
Interestingly, these entreaties are not all solo. Groups can come together to mourn, wail, and cry before God. 

{Individual: 3, 5-7, 13, 17, 22, 25, 26, 28, 31, 25, 38, 42-43, 51, 54-57, 59, 63, 64, 69-71, 77, 86, 102, 120, 130, 140-143}
{Group: 12, 44, 60, 74, 80, 83, 85, 106, 123, 129, 137}

3. Thanksgiving Psalms are fantastic for any season for we are a people called to the way of grateful-ness. 

Alone or with others, giving thanks deepens our faith as we lift our eyes and hearts upward.

{18, 21, 30, 33, 34, 40, 65-58, 92, 116, 118, 124, 129, 138, 144}

4. Then there are Psalms that combine the elements such that one Psalm has hymn+cry+thanks. Psalm 119 stands like a tall tower as it develops the whole idea of God's Word with the human condition weaved in; making it sound a lot like Wisdom literature (ie. Proverbs, Ecclesiastes group). Finally, there are those Psalms that clearly have a prophetic pointing-to-Christ element. {2, 50, 75, 81, 82, 85, 95, 110}. 

What a grand idea to read these Psalms during Advent {link} as we prepare once again to welcome God's Amazing gift that begin with a young couple's outrageous obedience.

advent

ˈadv(ə)nt,-vɛnt/

noun

1. 1.

   the arrival of a notable person or thing.

   "the advent of television"

   synonyms:

   arrival, appearance, emergence, materialization, surfacing, occurrence,dawn, origin, birth, rise, development; More
2. 2.

   the first season of the Church year, leading up to Christmas and including the four preceding Sundays.

Which Psalm has held special meaning for you; touched you in a deep place... I'll be delighted for you to share it here with us. 

[notes from The New Jerusalem Bible]

Of the weak, and our equal need for final hope

Today we look at Psalm 9-10 which is really one Psalm, written as an acrostic, using the Alphabets to start off each line. It's a great way to remember things! You can hear it read in Hebrew here: Psalm 9 read in Hebrew.

i attempt a little acrostic for us ~ the Psalm itself is not a complete acrostic; and of course we won't use all of the English alphabets...

A~
Alleluia! {do this in a tune that comes to your mind! it's for singing!}

B~
Based on your judgement that acquits me, my enemies beat a retreat

C~
Complete cities and nations are wiped out

D~ 
Dethrone You? No way? Judgement is coming.

E~
Everyone who fears you receives your help

F~
For you remember, and so we sing

G~
God! hold me safe so I can sing happily of your rescue

H~
How apt- You reveal yourself as nations are caught in their own sin

{pause with muted music}

N~
Nations that disregard you ought to go to burn

O~
Oppressed ones will be remembered, their longing will materialise for You will bring to trial and show that we are but mortals

P~
Pity the weak, you seem far off...and the wicked disdains your reality..

R~
Rude, boastful, and scheming, they assume you are too 'soft' to deal with them and they pursue their gain at the expense of the weak and poor; who have become bait and prey.

S~
See! Surely you see it and measure it all-- for to the orphan you are the only recourse.

T~
Totally break the power of the wicked and evil for you are King to everlasting.

In a sense, we who live in affluence will never touch the heart of the cry in Psalms 6-7 and 9-10 - unless- we reach, touch and choose to carry the hurt, losses, and the sense of hopelessness many in the world feel. As Jesus reminds us, 'the poor are ever with us'. The crazy spirit and law of this world  ensures that as man seek gain in expense of each other.

In this regard, we can all be guilty. Have we not sought our own good, comfort, well-being above that of others; and perhaps at time, at the expense of others? The getting-so-hot earth is a like a heating cauldron where the things will boil and rush over... because we seek lifestyles that the earth was not designed to provide. The life we get so used to - churning out carbon and waste and phenomenal rates is one our brothers and sisters in other parts will not have. Their portion is to work in the sun -- and we make their work harder as the heat turns up while we hide in our air-con rooms.

Can you and I understand these Psalms? Pray them?

They are there in Scripture: we can, and we must. For even in our 'good life' we too know suffering through sickness, loss and power-play. These Psalms then unite us with those who seem so different - as we both cry to God as our Source of Hope. And hopefully, we look at what we have and share it; trusting God to finally break the power of evil forever.

p.s. - i take a break from writing over the weekend. journal and write your own reflections and share them with us! Selah.

a morning and evening Psalm

I reverse the sequence. Psalm 5 is a morning Psalm; 4 is an evening prayer.

Psalm 5~ 
v11 -  JOY for all who take refuse in You,
endless songs of gladness!

that's verse 11 though -and we get to verse 11 in our days. But often, with the many things we carry upon our shoulders and in our hearts, we wake up dreary with verse 1's 'listen to my cry for help!'. And it's a good way to begin the day: set our sights on the One and 'lay our case before him' (v3) to call to mind who God is - One who does not delight in perversion and injustice but will act decisively against such perpetrators. So the morning prayer quietens down to this

'lead me, make your way plain' (v8),

 and a sobering reminder that YHWH is the one who will protect for his favour works like a shield. (v12).


Psalm 4~
is an end-of-day time with God. And o how we know that even as we worked and wished and wrestled through our day, we often come face to with one more 'w' -weariness. So the question before us:

'how long will you be heavy of heart,

why love what is vain and chase after illusions?'

and i ask to be shown what vanities have captured my attention, what crazy notions have become so important to me? Prone to wonder and wander, to want to define our path... figure out our itinerary... we do it so well with travel plans and career and even relationships perhaps --  but somehow, life at large escapes us. Our success in the pieces don't set in place a clear picture of peace. Vanities and illusions abound.

indeed,

'many keep saying, who will put happiness before our eyes?' (v6)

for we sure cannot quite see it!

And we can carry all the questions, regrets, longings deep into our being and act out of them- lashing in anger, accusing others of letting us down, rehearsing our hurts.. So,
'be careful not to sin'
The Bible honestly acknowledges this reality that we are often conflicted and unsure...but teaches us

'on your beds keep silence'

which relates to a word given more than thousand years later:

'do not let the sun go down on your anger, do not give the devil a foothold' (Eph 4v26)

and i wonder: could it be that when we sleep we are vulnerable; and our enemy gladly enter through any breaches in trust. Our unresolved, un-rested  hearts and worried minds are gaps and welcome openings to him; so over time, it just gets easier for him to keep coming back and tormenting us over those same things. Do we feel a rut, an inability to grow, a repeated trend? Perhaps there is a need to quiet, slow, repent and let the One come and seal those gaps. Again, and again.

The greatest marvel of it all is limited man can know and enjoy unlimited transcendent GOD

' to my heart You are a richer joy than all..' (v7).

LORD lead us to This Delight. In your Mercy, hear my prayer.

TREKKING THROUGH THE PSALMS

I'm two weeks late. 

I first sensed it when I looked over my Bible reading guide and it said Psalms. I've read and meditated and milked the Psalms for so much marrow, milk and molassy-sweetness over the years, so I turned my attention to preparing for Advent: the forty days leading up to Christmas. But God was waiting.

For in my journal one day, i was so heavy-hearted i wrote of BUGs: burdens, grief, uncertainties.

This year is filled with BUGs for me. Life goes on, I move on; but my Spirit-awakened heart refuses to just keep going. It broke and the tears came. And I hear the whisper, 'go to the Psalms'. 

The Psalms contain some of the oldest writings in the world: songs of worship. 

Worship is what we give worth and honour to.

The Psalms: personal, corporate; lament & praise; draws us to the truth of the human condition and wraps it in the One who alone can lift us beyond our limited, repeated sorrows.

I continue with my New Jerusalem Bible. {it is highly recommended that you read a different version especially when you feel the Bible getting too familiar & our ugly human pride gets in the way of truly listening as we read}

Psalm 1

v3 ~ every project succeeds
Really? I know how often i feel i failed. Quite a lot recently in fact.
But the One says to me "it's a success! Have you forgotten what I taught you success means? It's about the following, the working from your love, about leaning into the Wind at times and even sitting in the prison; where no one and nothing seems to go your way. Simply because you are Mine, and anyone who seeks to do my will cannot fail for I do not fail."

v5~ YHWH watches over the path of the upright
"It is hard to see the way you are going and I know the pain you feel with every step. But I see it; I am watching over it.  I, even I."

Selah {pause}

v2~ murmurs his law day and night.
this brought a chuckle to me. i think of those religious types who are taught to repeat words that secure salvation. And indeed, I am saved only when I repeat those truth-words: the 'great and precious promises' {2 Peter 1v4} that alone can keep my head turned right and my heart beating tender. The extrovert, take-it-all in part of me often subvert this as i get attracted and distracted.. like someone shared, 'I close my Bible and I forget what i just read'. Reading can be like that. But meeting with Someone usually lingers on.

Psalm 2

v12~ how blessed are all who take refuge in him
there is a little cross-reference to Proverbs 16 and it says, '...listens to YHWH and finds happiness'. {at this moment, the cat looks straight at me as if to say, 'well don't you already know that?'.

This verse comes at the end of an entire Psalm that contrasts the spurious plans of men with the solid Plan of God. We are planners we. Each day, Babel rises and we fight to justify our plans, our ways, our ideas, our dreams. And God says to the nations, to us, "come to your senses, learn your lesson!".

Where are we losing sensibility? In our pine, whine, dine culture, are we become senseless consumers - callous about deeper matters, careless about our attitudes, casual toward God?

What lesson does God want me, you, to learn?
i am a breakaway, runaway, flyaway... are you? My little plans for the days and the long years are little tributaries of God's grand rivers but sometimes I rush the rapids and lose sight of the River.
Perhaps for your, the little brook is drying up? Then, put on hiking boots and beat a trail to the River! Delay not!

Psalm 3

O i love how graphic this gets! The bad guys are so gonna get it. Slap them! Those thousand foes arraigned against me. Reduce them to  nothing.
Shield me.
You-are-the-One who holds my head up. I will not bow, demure, give in, give up.

I  will  look  up --- at You. to You.

Sisters all, we need the 3 S's !

My own journey to my feminine self, speaking to many and walking with individuals over the last decade – deepened my conviction that we need 3 S’s; each one of us.

But these 3 S’s cannot be bought or earned. Instead, they become ours when we are able to receive. And this-is-hard for most of us.

We are natural care-givers, community builders, romantics at heart. We bring beauty, colour and energy to homes, relationships, tasks.  But precisely so, we often find it hard to receive. After all, who gives? Everyone takes.

Plus if we scrub harder; we find that all our giving is a seeking – we want attention, approval, affection, affirmation.

She’s so thoughtful

What a gorgeous dress

 So gifted

How do you do it?

We want the 3 S/s: self-worth, security, significance.

Self-worth is of course now a famous make-up tagline: because you’re worth it! But they get it wrong. A hundred dollar bill will not cease to be worth a hundred dollar even if it got wet, wrinkled and lightly torn. This is the nature of worth. But we live in presentation culture. Recently, the world found its largest gem. It was discovered by a little African girl. The gem however is not hers though she found it. L' Incomparable the diamond  is now worth a whopping 55mil -- because of the process of clarity it underwent and the bejeweling to set it for presentation + all the marketing it generated. I wonder if anyone rewarded that little girl anything decent. In our market culture then, even if we are worth anything, we must showcase this worth with skincare and make up.

A short line from a Taiwanese drama I saw as a little girl has somehow stayed with me. In it two girlfriends were talking – about men. One of them was explaining her choice of man: “he can give me security” (he was the richer option).  But can he, truly? Security is elusive as long as we are counting on fallible humans to supply us with it.  People change, economies crash, love turns cold.

Some 980 million women and children live below the poverty line. Their dreams are basic. If they want to be noticed; it’s because they don’t want to miss any handouts. But for many of us who never ever really worry about staying alive; we who have clambered up Maslow’s pyramid; we crave the attention that will proclaim, “she’s really something!”.

Worth.Security.Significance.

We simply cannot live without them. So we will find them – somehow.

Unless ~

There is a way that they come to us – as whispers from beyond, gifts that turn up at our door....

The birthday surprise {I am worth celebrating}

The words that reassure {I am supported and defended}

The way we fight for our children {I make a difference}

Life offers us moments when we can choose to believe afresh that we have worth, are secure and have significance. But life also throws us all about and all of it can become gnarled and shredded.

So I dig deeper and track further to find a more steady spring of wellness… to that ~

“spring of living water, the cistern that holds water”  

Jeremiah 2v13

a Quiet Morning Log

7am 

My alarm goes off, I feel my cat’s warm furry, purring body. She’s so rested. I need to get up to where I learn rest – for my depths. What holds in every storm-tossed soul is the quiet centre.

730am 

the train is packed with humanity trying to awake and live. One lady is too tired and succumbs to sleep. Another is putting on her mascara. Another is catching up on her Korean drama. The younger set mostly have their ears plugged. Most of the rest and standing in silence but I sense the cacophony of souls as surely as I see the faces of wear and worry.

745am 

This month I have not received any confirmed registrations. And I am tempted to stay home when this happens. But I know that this is not just for others. It’s also for me: I have set a date with my Maker and I intend to show up. Sure, he’s everywhere; but we know – that often means we are nowhere near Him. The Psalmist words come to mind, “when can I go to meet with my God?”  This longing is in our hearts especially when things get too much. But perhaps if we asked this regularly and then met Him regularly; things may not get too much so quickly.

The old hymn I learnt from the Methodist church rises within me, “Take time to be holy, speak oft with Thy Lord..”. Yes, if anything is equally allotted to us it is the hours in a day: twenty-four. If you are so blessed that you don’t have to hold three jobs and labour from dawn to midnight; take time, make time, to be holy! Holiness is a force that grows with habit.

812am 

I walk briskly into the Cathedral, aware I am late-- and nearly missed her! One person showed up. She had written two emails with profuse apology that she’s not an early riser although she so much wants to experience this. Today, she tells me her husband apologies that he needs to set the alarm for six; and although a pre-believer, he offers to ride her to the Cathedral. She had heard me teach about Journaling and our spiritual growth and wanted to experience the Quiet Morning because at the session I taught, she had found a ‘freedom’.

As we sat, questions and concerns began to tumble out all over. I listened and then directed her on how to spend her morning, prayed and sent her off to be alone with God using the guided format I provide.

As I sat with God, I also prayed for her. She is sincere but there is much that can hinder her. Yet I have a quiet confidence – for God always shows up when we do!

915am 

I walk over quietly and sat near her. She raised her head and I motioned to join her. Her notepad had lines of words on it. We talked about the experience and  she shared with me astonishingly personal words she sensed God gave her. Still more questions; we talked and then I invited her to pray as we close the time. She was nervous but she complied and I heard an earnest, honest prayer that warmed my heart. We hugged and I send her off into the day ahead of her.

I turned to make my way home too.

Next Quiet Morning happens on: Nov 8^th. 

Pls email me at jenni.yt.hohuan@gmail.com if you want to participate.

and here's the music & words for the hymn  ~"take time to be holy"

半边天 – half the sky. This is a Chinese saying that up-ends the patriarchal reality: yes, men rule; but women cover half the sky!

Indeed we do! But -- what kind of cover do we provide?

There are skies we love to look up at, those clear blue hues with white clouds dancing. But is this the inviting cover I provide that draws people out to wonder, brings on the smiles, stirs dreams..

Tracing God’s handiwork; I see him shaping me to be a cover that brings safety, encourages truth, and promotes breakthroughs. And it took years to see myself truly: both present darkness and powerful Light, and the ongoing Grace to choose the light.

There were moments as a growing gal when I was struck by some things my mom did, at other times; I just sensed her sacrifices and stress, and I would hold my questions or try to be quieter. But my first real foray outside my own little self must be learning to love my father. 

It’s always the hard stuff that breaks us open and lets out the light.

Father did not meet my expectations, but I had a holy duty to draw him to God, so I gritted my teeth and asked him countless times to my notions of a better life.

Nothing really worked. I hit a thick impenetrable wall and collapsed in hot frustrated tears. That’s when God shaped the way I would provide cover…He asked if I would be my father’s ‘friend’.  Resistance was futile with God; so I agreed.

It’s amazing what shifts when we say Yes to God.

We started to talk. Like friends. I saw my father not as a failed model of parenthood but as a person; a deeply wounded person. What I saw changed my heart, my mind, my words… and I had to lay down my grandiose plans of ‘convertng’ the man, to simply learning about him and loving him.

More was to come.

 I had been in leadership roles most of my life. Then I started to lead a mixed group of peers at different places spiritually and in life. Now I see how that drew me to extend a cover over them of care, patience and prayer. I used to be at my wits' end so much I would cry-pray in my shower before I met them!

And God always showed up.

Good preparation for the pastor-to-be!

For thirteen years now, I have the most freedom and power to provide cover: as a mom. I had to make active choices about what to clothe, feed, speak into the hearts of my little ones. I have the ability to weave hope into the fabric of their souls. I have the grand opportunity to raise a new kind of being. They needed a blanket of security to discover life, themselves and others. They needed a firm reining in that will set boundaries for truth and life to thrive. They needed to be shielded, defended, protected. They needed me to cover them over with faith, hope, and love.

Women reach over, reach out, and -- cover. 

So each day and each season is filled with the same essential Q: what sort of cover will I be? Will I gladly be one and find the joys being a cover brings?

Next: foils of lightning and thunder peals…

Failure isn't final. Grace is.

Real, exaggerated, painful, fuzzy, cloudy, dragged-out…many circumstances can make us feel like we failed.

Life is too rich and layered for us to plot onto spreadsheets or subject to the see-saw of a cost-benefit analysis. Results and outcomes can be hard to measure; and the enemy loves to sidle up and whisper ‘what a let down’, ‘this is so disappointing’, or more directly, ‘you failed!’.

Whether we made a bad decision, or we feel at the mercy of difficult people and situations; a sense of having failed, being left in the cold by God, losing our way can crowd into our hearts and weigh it with heaviness. It can fog up our minds and even make us throw in the towel. Just give up!

Ask Peter.

Jesus even pre-empted his failure with a warning; but his quick words of denial turned around like a boomerang and knocked him over. The next time we read, he has gone back to fishing.

You and I have read this story countless times. Today though, I hear something more. I connected this failure with other failures. I thought of Moses losing his cool and losing his chance of going into the Promised Land. What a high price! I remember my daughter asking me as she read Genesis, “why did God put that tree there?”.  Yes, sometimes, it can feel like God has set us up to fail. Surely, the Almighty can help Peter bite his tongue and Moses cool over for once?

Why does God let us fail?

More importantly, what does God do when we fail? 

He rushes to us with Tenderness. {which also shows how he feels}

 Adam and Eve receive a garment God personally stitches together.

Moses is laid to rest by God’s own hand.

Peter is fed Jesus-baked fish on a shore.

God becomes personal, and He personally delivers us even as we feel the heaviness of our failure.

He clothes us
"and the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them"

He closes the chapter
"the LORD said to him, 'this is the land...and he buried him  in the valley.."

He commissions us afresh
"..feed my sheep.."

We think our gleaming trophies are what brings God glory. Success is the processed diet we have been fed that has left our immunity weak; making us vulnerable to lies and despair.

We must make changes to our diet, to ‘taste and see that the LORD is good’ – especially where we feel are failures. For our failures are never final. Grace is.

~ Grace flows downwards ~

jenni tweets

those cute minions..

We've all seen them. These guys are in-season, so they are everywhere: wallpaper, cakes. lanterns...

i'm no movie person but when my children were watching Despicable Me, and laughing; i had to go join them.

Sometimes, my family thinks i'm too austere and hard on a little 'entertainment'. But it is also clear to them that I am the 'crank-up-the-fun-o-meter' in the home person. It's clear that I love fun, funny, happy. So yes, they're a little mystified.

When i was a teen, i wanted so much to be fun and funny, at one point i had a notebook where i collected jokes. Thankfully, i'm not very persevering back then....or it may be me doing Comedy night!

So fun has always coursed in my vessels.

But, i-am-careful, even a tad skeptical of  'entertainment'. Why? Because as far as I am informed; this world is not neutral ground. Every inch is value-laden. There is no moral high ground; there's just ground; the ground of our being -- and whatever our religious persuasions; there are lines we won't cross, and evil is real.

So, i am alert. Darkness seems to have a way of winning the day without anyone noticing it. It creeps into our consciousness, comforts and culture slowly and persistently until we wake up and the world seemed changed! When did divorce, pre-marital sex, gun ownership, terrorism become common-place? While we were snoozing. Like the waves that lap slowly and changes the shoreline.

Today, we have to deal with so much violence within, between and among us.

Since most of us feed upon a popular media diet; we must ask what has been on the menu?

Have we become more accepting of evil, violence, fragmentation?
Are we unable now to resist because we have not built the muscles that can swim against the tide?

So what's the deal with Despicable Me?  i found it laugh-out loud funny. The minions were so clueless and adorable. The movie's quite clear subtext is what i surfaced with the kids:
Why was he bad? -- "coz his mom ignored him; he's an angry person"
Do people become bad and then good? -- "in their actions they can choose"
Who is your fav character, why? -- "the lil kids! they were powerful, they changed his life"

There's good stuff to be mined. {cultivating a questioning spirit not a cynical one is what we're after}
#We all impact others.
#We should seek to be well so badness doesn't root in us.

Then we revisit the Great Story...and we tracked to this: God is not after us being kinda good people. God is after our heart, for everything flows from it.

But i linger on.. we laugh at the exaggerated number of weapons used to defend one's fort. We are drawn to the possibility of love and dreams when the orphaned gals enter the scene. We weep quietly to find the bad guy grew up rejected. Those are serious themes!
Do we see threat all around and find it hard to trust?
Do we consider that life may turn out very differently because of...children?
Do we have roots of rejection that we need to pluck up and clear out?

Sadly, in a way, the 'heroes' of our imagination are the cutesy minions; the clueless ones. They are the ones who make the merchandise, and sing the music! The minions are cute; but let's be careful we don't end up minions serving changes that will take us down further.

"If we're spiritual beings, then it is the spirit of things that get to us & linger on to shape us"

~ jenni tweets ~

Helpful review sites:

Christianity Today movie review

music, movie, game reviews

I am woman, hear me ... pray!

For most of my life, I have not enjoyed being a woman. 

People tell you it's the weaker sex, the manipulative, vulnerable one that listened to the snake first.

Women close to me had a hard life, making ends meet...and every page of my life i turn, i meet more of such women; like an unending sequel: more women it seems sacrifice and are taken for granted. Doesn't feel fair.

Personally I have experienced rejection and been imposed limits because of my gender (they tell me so!).

this portrait is how most women appear to me: giving and and sustaining life, lonesome and powerless

Yet -

God said He basically makes two models: male and female (and i think our definitions of these require more depth). Anyway, I grew up with very few men I admired so I don't think I want to be a man. That decision was probably sealed by the time I was fifteen or so. But it would take me many more years to uncover what a woman is about, to accept myself as one, to welcome other women and be willing to speak to groups of women, to write for women..... - and I am still finding out more!

As a writer, my search for truth and authenticity develops into articles and books of course! Here's one:
Femme Max?!

One of the things I puzzled over is whether women have a spiritual life that is different from men's.
It is no secret that throughout history, women have always been more religious than men; even though men usually hold the 'professional office'.

This led me on a journey to read about great women of the church, the women in the Bible, and just to open my eyes and see my sisters all around me. I found so much pain yet so much amazing colour, strength, and beauty.

One of my favourite readings is Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle. It is a magnificent work on the prayer life of women. She was actually asked by her male superiors to write about her prayer life in order to instruct others. Something about her must really stand out! I must add I was drawn to her after hearing that she said to God once when she fell, "if this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!" Ha, what gumption!

As this journey continues; I am led to rethink this blog! I want to urge readers to live real and true. Yet i have created a section for women. It doesn't make sense. Everything i write about is filtered through my woman-self. Gender is a huge part of our identity and psyche (note i am not saying sexuality or sex).

So i am going to take out the women section and just write as me: woman - daughter, sister, wife, mother...God's lil' precocious gal !

Know that you are reading a woman. One serious about God, faith-life, just life, and being all she can be and helping others to desire and experience more of what it means To Really Live.

Let us pray:

God, in your wisdom, you shaped and formed me a woman. I have grown up in form; but let me also grow into my form. Let me grow in substance. Grant me grace to receive myself as a gift first; to see myself the way Truth sees me. Help me tear away and resist the labels and limits the world places on me. Alert me to my mortal enemies of sloth, fear and anger. Let me not be lazy to grow my talents. Let me not be afraid of failure, disapproval or rejection. Let me not stew in anger which constricts my being.
Let me hear your great word of affirmation, celebration. Let this song of your infinite love reverberate through my being and play on through my days until word and tone shape and define me, strong, true and beautiful. Amen.

Here's great stuff to read about women:

Lost Women ...of the Bible

Carolyn Custis James writes a nifty book about the identity and calling of women that goes beyond the standard stuff. She should know. As a good pastor's girl, she struggled when the usual stuff of life seem to pass her by: marriage and kids. What makes a woman then?

In this volume, she takes us through lesser and little talked about characters - from Mrs Noah to shady ones like Tamar. Even Hannah whom we know so well gets a fresh portraiture because Carolyn is a serious theologian. Her deft words and decisive scholarship brings these women to life and touches our hearts: there is a pain, darkness, and confusion we can readily recognise and feel for. 


Custis urges us to reach for the one power we all have in equal measure: the power to choose.

Enjoy and rediscover!

Behold, your God!

"Isn't your God of your own making?" - the question doesn't always come from pugnacious Skeptics; very often, it is a genuine question surging through the layers of our intuition and consciousness.

So I sit and imagine what God of my design would be like:

- God would not use a masculine pronoun but be more embracing.. {but wait, the name God revealed is a set of consonants that put together sound like a breath: YHWH which is really neutral..}.

- God would make black and white clear and intervene so we never have to agonize over 'religious wars' from Crusades to terrorist acts. {but wait, all skeptics would hate how this will reduce intelligent speculation and discourse}

- God would at once punish all the evil and put a stop to darkness {but wait, in all honesty, I may be soot if it goes this way}.

- God will be perfect, beyond question {but wait, will I be good enough then?}.

I am pretty sure my version of God will not lower to Human levels; or live so much like us as to feel emotion, and experience hunger, grief, loneliness.....and then die at the hands of humans!

I want a God who vindicates, usurps the powerful and is free to break all rules because He made them.... Not one who suffers alongside by living like us; fully exposed to the verities of the human condition: poverty, class differences, gender divide, injustice, suspicion, betrayal, loneliness, death.

Yet this is the God the Bible presents me with.

An amazingly 'humble' God who doesn't dazzle and scare me into submission but invites me to enter a genuine relationship of acceptance, celebration, reverence and awe. A God I can love because as in the Cross I can see love in action.

"very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man

someone might possible dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" ~ Romans 5v7-8

Almost by instinct, the notion of God comes with the expectation of power, might, majesty, eternity. But we will never figure in humanity in the mix; for we know ourselves too well-- we are simply not God material. Even the Greeks had to admit limits to their God's, and all our superheroes are accidental or lab-produced.

A humanity validating, affirming and rescuing God I simply cannot conjure up myself.

But because of this God, I embrace Life and long to live it real and full, rich and free.

How do we see it..?

final. Enough Series

To be able to say 'enough' is akin to being able to say 'It is well with my soul'

'I am content'

'I am blessed'

 And it is hard, so hard - until - I have a solid place to stand & can look at shifting sands without feeling unsteady. When we walk the trails and tread upon shallow riverbeds, inviting as they are; we look for solid footholds like rocks because the sands can shift.

and the weather can turn.

"the rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundations on the rock" {matthew 7v25}

Living in a world that strives and cannot but pursue this posture; it takes heart and sinew to cry out 'enough!'. From the way our world runs, there is no end point, no destination, just a continual grind. More, more, more.

Saying 'enough' requires a rock-solid standpoint that makes one stop, enjoy the view, gasp at the grandeur of life, hear the music of joy - refusing to confuse that with the continual hum of 'more'; all that white noise in our air.

This, i realized requires we develop a way of seeing our world, and ourselves.

What is life about?

The Chinese stoically report on the inevtiable cycle: 生，老， 病， 死: birth-age-sickness-death.

Layer upon this our human penchant for pleasure and pain avoidance, we get a formula that is all about maximising gains and minimising losses; which shows up in how we use things, people, and more... In the end, this utilitarian appraoch that seeks to glean the most backfires upon us as it dehumanises us all and devalues Life.

Other worldviews are close cousins: accept your fate and chug along, do minimum harm (to self first, then others), don't create trouble and don't be a burden....

Who are we?

The way we see Life and our world touches a close nerve: how we see ourselves and others. Inevitably, we are trapped as human Do-ings instead of Human Be-ings. So the treadmill goes on and we run on... too tired to consider that another way may exist. We can get off and stand on the Rock.

"See..I lay in Zion a stone...a rock..and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame" {romans 9v33}

Many years ago, I climbed clumsily upon this rock. As a little girl, i wanted to place to stand a little higher so i can see. a safe place than what i had.

Thirty years later, i stand in this spot still (though there were times i have gotten off it a little and explored around) and the rock has started to pour its solidity and strength into me. I used to battle with my mind and feelings about so many things I wanted: the shiny sports car, the hunk, the dream job, that splendid job... 

but as i stood upon that Rock, my view clarified and i see differently. 

I just noticed it:

My pay has never gone passed a certain mark (even new graduates would find laughable)
I carry the same handbag from 12 years ago (I have a few)

because - it is enough. The world is not for me to pillage for my selfish pleasure. it was for me to learn stewardship and discover grandeur, beauty, design, glory. My life is not about proving my worth or marking my place on terra firma  but about being the gift God made me to be for His world. All under-girded by Grace. So the one thing I want more of really, is more Grace.

Sorry...but No, not this time.

no. 3: ENOUGH series

ENOUGH  to stuff. We know that. Buy only what you need. If something's been in your cupboard/larder/freezer  and hasn't seen the light of day/night, you really can give it away....

I found that to do any of these with resolve, i need to first SOLVE something: what do i really need to feel like a living, healthy, growing being?

Again, the Q is: 

what do i need to feel like a living, healthy, growing being?

Everyday, we are offered answers. It is the Q that sieves out the answers and helps us decide if we should bother with the information or not. 

If you are not a huge fan of that tropical fruit durian, you really couldn't care less to track down when they arrive in truckloads and where to buy the most succulent, fragrant (to some) and inexpensive ones.

This time, we need to say ENOUGH to answers offered to us.

At this season of your life, with all your grapple with (typical!) -- what brings you Life? What strengthens and keeps you healthy? What helps you grow as a person in wisdom, fortitude, faith?

I made a clear decision to stay home for my baby thirteen years ago. Many said it wasn't a good decision to pare down my flock from a few hundred to one. (I was a family church pastor). I wondered too about it. But my priority led me in that direction. My pastoral calling wasn't sacrificed - i just did much less of it; and was not on a church staff for a few years. Today, I am still a part-time staff. It is enough.

What began as a personal conviction had within it a larger Grace: God created space, time, and enough frustration (right moms?) for me to need much more of Him. It expanded my capacity and creativity to connect with God. 

No time to pray? There's the breastfeeding moment (when it goes well).
No time to study? There's her nap time.
No time to socialise? Too bad! {God gave this extrovert a special Grace here: it's called next door neighbours. i just made friends with all of them. But I welcome visitors and would take my girl with me anywhere} 

I worshipped with children's songs and lullabies. Came alive with the colour, simplicity and sheer power of children's books. I prayed God would accept that what I was able to prepare for any sermon or sharing would not be the same as when I have hours to think, research and write. God said, "I'll take it!". Out of my mundane, seemingly small life, God brought out His riches and showcased His strength. Above all, to keep going, I needed God a lot. Mothering and making a home is a very dynamic journey and one cannot quite say, "Just learn these four steps". 

And so, over the years, God has led me and formed me --and now thirteen years on.... I have grown confident of God's kind leadership over my life. Things still go awry as they do. People still fail to understand, or affirm. Others hoist expectations on you. But I have to say enough.
this . is . enough .  for me. I am sorry i cannot live up to your demands. I am afraid i don't have those answers. I may even be wrong; but I prefer to live by my convictions for this season: 

i feel alive when i have lots of quiet times with God and help others do the same

i am healthy when i have a good balance of resting and giving. being forgiven and forgiving, when i exercise my body, tenderise my soul and keep vigilant watch over my spirit

i grow when i read extensively and do my itty bit for my community and nation, when i give to others & dream of ways to heal the world

To live by my convictions I need to say Enough to many other attractions and distractions. I certainly don't get it all right. But the convictions hem me in on those days i get jittery and anxiety creeps in; or i get bamboozled by demands. It's Psalm 16's 

"the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, surely I have a delightful inheritance"  all over.

Shalom. It is enough.

We Have A Word For It !

Enough Series no. 2

I came across this word months back and printed it and put in on my wall: 

וּ׃דיֵנ   DAYAENU

It's the Hebrew word for 'enough'; 

which really today should be read "ENOUGH (already)!"

We have way too many :

things- each phone model churns out accessories we cannot even find landfills for

conveniences - to be convenient we need some intermediary like another page to bookmark
expectations - clue: unhappiness is proportionally related to what we feel we deserve
complaints (twin sister of expectations) - it's everywhere in the air
unmet needs - smart TV, that spa experience, that fulfilling job, the perfect parent, mate...

I was musing over the humble packet of tissue. It traces back to paper pulp and hence eventually to a tree somewhere. My mother used to carry a simple square handkerchief which also served as a purse at times. Today, the average woman's bag has a pouch for this, that, and wallet, purse, key holder, phone case... It's getting so that we need a bag organiser which makes it easy for us to simply plop everything in the many compartments; pull the whole thing out and put it in a whole new different bag for a whole new look (which is really less powerful than one's outlook).

The water and detergent needed to wash the humble hanky and then let generous Sun dry it surely will never equal the energy and raw materials used to create and replace all the many purses and pouches we have today.

Enough -- is said in practically all languages:

nok

assez

sapat

Дастаткова

足够

כמות מספקת, מידה מספקת

पर्याप्त

Nóg

十分な

충분 한

آن قدر

ما يكفي (arabic)

đủ (Vietnamese)

کافی (Turkish)

Tillräckligt (Swedish)

Yeterli

Digon o

Go leor

Genog

Cukup

Tarpeeksi

Bastante

Isa

just that it isn't common use anymore.

That day weeks ago when i discovered the word, i heard an invitation to cease, to desist and to resist. Yet it wasn't like a huge battle or something. It's more like settling back in a chair after a decent meal and saying, "thank you very much, that was very adequate and satisfying", then breathing deep and even slouching a little in my chair, all content.

What do you need to say ENOUGH to?

..tempter's target....in the USA

Enough Series no.1

There was a good amount to be done ... But even all wound up with grief, conversations, and decisions...there were gaps; which the Singaporean lot of us took as cue to go shopping.

This plus my tween daughter's struggle to find clothes her size and our budget. So off we went to Target, a cosy commoner one-stop shop. Previous experience tells me there will be good finds. It's like going to Makota in Malacca I guess.

Quick as a flash, my daughter picked out five pieces per our agreement for less than sixty dollars, mostly from the Clearance racks.

Then the challenge began: while some of what we wanted to get was legitimate; the attractive prices, array of options, quality of products (even the Made in China ones looked better in the USA),  quickly bumped us all confused between needs and wants. Two distinct moments arose: I stopped my younger brother to remind him to do a currency conversion, I stopped myself to talk with God. The word came easily enough as I stood at aisle 18 (?). 

"You simply don't need this". No qualifications. 

I could do with quite a bit...or ..okay, I could not. Indeed, I do not. 

It's easy; if I didn't see the stuff, I really would live on very fine. Wait, that's how temptation works, isn't it?  

See
Consider
Relish
Reach for it

I believe it happened in primordial times and everyday since.

We returned with same suitcases, more filled  --- but better yet, a heart more satisfied that I paused, listened and obeyed.