I am a witness, and a servant

We like to think we made things happen. After all -

we planned the trips
we cooked the meals
we rounded up the people
we bought the gifts
we made the trip
we prayed the prayers

Then yesterday, as a group of us middle-aging ladies, laughing over the silliness of our age, sitting deeper into our chairs and talked together, I was drawn to this ~

"you are my witnesses, declares the LORD, and my servant whom i have chosen.." 
~ Isaiah 43v10

Who me?
I am a witness it says. It means that I have seen things. I was there at the scene. I was privy to certain happenings. I saw it.

Some philosopher once said we are lonely until we now our lives have been noticed; that we have witnesses to our existence. Perhaps this is why we crave attention, affirmation, and if we are bold enough, pre-arrange for our funeral eulogy (why not?). There is this famous line from that movie, Shall We Dance when Susan Sarandon says:

You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.

We need witnesses. God has granted us unique finger prints so we know that we can leave our mark. Our lives matter, always - to someone, and in the end. 

We are familiar too with the idea that God watches over us and some of us are afraid of that dread day when our lives are played like a movie for all to watch {who came up with this scary idea?}.

But here the prophet Isaiah says God considers us His witnesses. This means that the action is happening outside of us. We are the watchers, the onlookers at Life and Grace playing out.

This means that for God to be real to us; we need to find Him real. We need to witness Him about our lives, our world. 

Witnessing God is what leads to knowing, believing, and then, understanding -

"...so that you may know and believe and understand that I am he." 

When we don't take notice of God, our faith shrinks. Growing faith confidence begins with what we notice, observe, see.

God in, God grows, God out. 

Witnesses tell of what they have seen and felt and known.

So how much of my life reveals God?

Recently, one of my favourite ways of remembering people is to think of how they remind me of God. Some of them show me His generosity, others help me remember that He is kind. There is jocularity, mercy, forgiveness, truth-telling, and more.

What of my life? What of yours?

And then, we are His servants. 

Seriously, most of Christianity today pays lip service to this. The way we talk and live make it looks more like God is serving us, isn't it? In fact, our moods, commitments and valour rise and fall according to how we perceive God has treated us. We are in the centre, and on the throne not God. 

Perhaps the two are linked. 

If we witnessed more of God, we would know our place as His servants more readily. 


We are His servants by choice - let us notice God and see how in our lives he is working to bless others.

"you are my witnesses", declares the LORD, and my servant whom i have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. 

Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me..."

So, have you noticed God today?

And just for parents, here: wisdom of revealing God to our children {click, and be enriched}

Moms' day--"'over-rated' / disappointed - and why i will give you a look.

So Mother's Day is two days away (for countries including: United States, Italy, Australia, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, and Turkey). And yes there are poster, stickers, photos, words lyrical everywhere... and then, 

someone, somewhere is going to say the whole thing is over-rated, we made too big of a deal, we should be nice to our mothers everyday.

If you say that to me, I will give you  my finest "you are so wrong" look.  Because -

we need special days to make everyday special. It's just us.

The baboons don't need it. My cat is happy with her routines. The fish gurgle gladly to where they were first spawned. Not us. We were made for more; so we will reach for more. 

But we forget and we lower ourselves - each day we busy with our pedestrian appetites of buying, selling, getting ahead ... we forget. We forget what truly matters. We forget how good it is to be alive. We forget how much love we have received {and so can give} - even if, yes, much of it came through broken  containers and sometimes we suffer cuts as that love is poured clumsily, fitfully through our very human mothers.

Honour a special day for it cracks your heart that bit more and Life flows into spaces opened up. And our days - they flow one into another, don't they?

Another group I will reserve the "you are so wrong look"  for will be my fellow-moms who due to a day on the calendar that has gotten us looking forward to breakfast in bed, flowers, thank you notes... and as a fellow mom* admits, we expect it and huff when we don't get it. 

What we expect can become entitlement. 

"We deserve it distorts the  the sacrifice of motherhood and spins it in dizzying, disorienting circles.

Motherhood bends. Entitlement demands.
Motherhood serves. Entitlement stomps its foot.
Motherhood delights. Entitlement keeps lists.
Motherhood laughs. Entitlement whines.
Motherhood celebrates. Entitlement sulks.
Motherhood forgets itself in favor of remembering her dimple, his fastest mile, their mouths all ringed around with chocolate.

Entitlement tastes bitterness in every bite of a day that doesn't go as planned."


Let's pray for, and do something loving for our moms, for Love never fails.

Fellow moms, let's gladden our hearts in our high calling and perhaps inspire ourselves afresh as the whole world give recognition to our calling.


Here's a bit of inspiration and something to think about then -

A good mother is a role model for her immediate family and for everyone else she meets. Her joy makes those around her happy. And every woman is called to be a mother, whether married or single, and whether or not she has had children. People notice a woman who loves God and whose primary concern is serving others.

I cannot thank God enough for the love of my own mother, and for her deep relationship with my father. Even though they could never be called "religious" people, it was obvious to us seven children that our parents loved God, each other, and each one of us. And while it was clear that our father was head of the family, he never tolerated the slightest disrespect from us towards our mother.

Many women today resent the idea of motherhood, but they forget that it is a privilege as well as a task. Once regarded as the highest calling of woman, it is now pushed aside by "real" careers and viewed as an inconvenience or even an embarrassment. While this rebellion might be understandable in the case of oppression and abuse, it achieves nothing. How different family life could be if we admitted our confusion over the roles of man and woman; if we sought to rediscover God's plan for both, and regarded one another with respect and love!

Women today hold important jobs right up to the time they go into labor, and that is admirable. But when pregnancy and children require it, a woman's first priority should always be motherhood. She should be a mother first and foremost – and only after that, a doctor, teacher, lawyer, manager, or accountant. Far from regretting or resenting it, she ought to feel that motherhood is a gift, and that in God's eyes, there is no sacrifice more worthy than one made for a child.

Finally, watch this:

Moms, these things you are. Be great-ful!

Credit: Inspiration from Johann Christoph Arnold & mom sharing taken off http://lisajobaker.com/

When you don't feel steady..

Today I went down to the hospital to visit my sister. This is day 7 after her surgery. Her surgeon, Prof Thomas had exclaimed with confidence that the operation was a sailing success and prior to the operation had told her she can expect to be home on day 8.

She feels this unyielding pressure on her head which worsens at bedtime or when she moves.

Brain surgery is a sensitive piece of work.

The porter came by to wheel her upstairs for physiotherapy. I decided to go along. The rehab room was busy even though the movements were slow and tentative. A disinterested looking tall Indian physio was introduced to us as observing for audit purposes. Slowly, they asked her to perform different tasks to assess her sense of balance and to check if any optical nerves or vestibule-related concerns need to be addressed.

Somehow watching my older sister going through this made a weakness come over me. I wasn't going to faint; but when she teared, I did too. Perhaps I felt impotent. Or perhaps all our years of growing up, working, and being successful - especially since we started in humble circumstances - fell about us and we were as vulnerable as tykes figuring out a bike: she struggled to stand steady while I wrestled to be strong for her.

Sometimes, no matter how strong we have been, we feel unsteady. But it's a temporary upset. It isn't pleasant. It may take a while before we find our feet.

The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. 

~ Deuteronomy 33v27

This uncertain journey and all the courage it took would not happen without the extensions of these everlasting arms: the prayers of many, the care and concern of friends and family. Even as I dried my tears and breathed deep, I let these Arms steady me, and help me to be present enough for my sister. 

There are important questions to ask, things to learn, decisions to make. 

Being held and present is important. 

I probed a little and finally wrote down the main areas of concern we wanted to raise with the neurosurgeon. {do that because the doctors aren't easy to catch hold of!} 

A few hours later, this phone message: thanks for coming by today.

I came by sister; but Someone never left. 

a River runs through it all

Recently I posted on Facebook:

fb: what are you thinking about
me: a lot.

I am guessing that describes you as well. Goodness knows we have so many things to consider, re-think, analyse, remember and decide about. It's like a busy six-lane highway chugged to the hilt with cars, many honking to demand immediate attention!

This past week, after dreaming, praying and writing about Life; what is more pressing and present seems just the stuff of life {small 'l'}:
- a decision that cannot be made but must in due time, so the engine is humming away
- the days of exams that are upon us
- the endless glancing at my calendar because appointments/needs/requests pop up, like my father-in-law coming down with vertigo and all that means
- my sister is going for a surgery where they will make a hole at the side of her skull in order to reach some blood vessels/nerves that need to be set right. (the condition is known as Hemifacial Spasm).
- some unchanging situations that simply drain you and so tend to take up one whole lane of your consciousness...

But then, I come across a different image. You have to see it:

a river runs through it all {click}

The story of Ishurdi is not all pretty. But, our stories are not unlike theirs. Our everyday lives are seldom instagram-chic quality and facebook fuddy-duddy.

Ishurdi means 'where God stays'.

It is small villages dotted along this mighty River in Bangladesh. This River that runs with a powerful force that shapes and cuts and defines. The River of Life.

We come to the River to camp and get. But the River of Life can sweep us up in its torrents and it is we who must learn to carve our lives around its winding ways or end up cut off.

Such a River frightens us so we prefer a faucet we can turn on and off at our whim. The way we do with God.

You would think that the folks who lived along the river in Ishurdi wish for a different life. Listen to these moving words from the interview:

we are happy.
we are grateful.
God has blessed us with so much.
we love to live by this river.

Us urbans probably feel like they are not wiser to other options. Perhaps so. But with all our multi-options, all we have is more cars piled high on more lanes of a busy highway!

I see the pictures of this river and all of its beauty and mourning and my soul calms down. The highway recedes and I enter into a different place. The river, God, speaks to me.

And I am drawn to the fierce river and the risks of living close to it and choose it once again over being on a highway I am pretending to be cruising along merrily on.

Life is a powerful river that moves. Move with it; and when it dislodges some things, let them go.

all pictures taken off site. Credits: Sarker Protick (Nat Geo).

Beyond the well.... an emptied out tomb !

More than a Well, 
more than well-being,
and, more than well-off...

Jesus promises us New Life. 

This is no easy promise to stake claims on. When something is new, how do we see, recognise, live it? How do you claim a promise you cannot envision?

You see, what we want is a life we define as good and well. Many of us want to live  meaningfully and pass on a legacy, go blazes with our passion and make a difference in the world, be healthy, robust, free to choose.We may also marry and have kids with a view to a 'better life'; whether that is beating loneliness or having someone care for us when we are old and frail, living.... but is this God's view of Life?

Plus we have this abiding thirst. When things get dry and hot, we feel it worse. So we run to God and get a few comforting licks of reassurance, an experience of his presence, a supernatural touch. But all of these are intimations of Grace to get us to stay with Him. Our problem? We major on the minors. We forget that fluid is what we are made of mostly. We allow ourselves to get distracted and busy - again. We leave the Watering Holiness and try to live again on our terms. 

We cannot quite see New Life, and we do not quite stick around enough to be soaked with Life. 

So God lets life roll along - 
- all the time His hand upon us, all the while His supply of refreshment, reinvigoration, restoration, and even resurrection close by. We just need to reach for it.

Sally Clarkson discovered this {and O how I resonate!} : 
I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature.

But since the Lord is a good parent, and He wanted me to grow into the likeness of Christ, and he saw that I was quite young, immature, self-centered and full of pride, he knew I needed more practice and training to become more like Christ.
So he gave me a husband and children, so that I could really find out what sacrificial love was all about. It has not been easy to pull out the weeds of expectations; to fight the storms of giving up my rights; to endure the drought of feelings that did not always match up to what I thought a loving wife and mother should feel in a happy home. But, I kept holding on to Him, pondering His life and seeking to be loyal through faith in His reality and presence, even though I could not always see Him.

Now, though still growing, I have learned so much more about true love, self-sacrifice, commitment. long-suffering–and it has all made me love Him more because I see how much of my life has required that of Him–as I have tested Him, misbehaved, thrown tantrums, and pulled away at times. But still He loves me and still He sacrificed for us while we were yet sinners.

Still He loves you and I and still He sacrifices for us while we sin. 

The tomb has been emptied. The place of death is now overgrown with wild flowers and small creatures have made a home among the plants. Life is bursting forth in a space where death once occupied. 

When thirsty, beat a path to the Well where He is waiting for you.
Then walk beyond it to that empty tomb {not quite looking like it for sure} that makes New Life a possibility for us.

Don't feel like giving your best?
Impossible to let go of that hurt?
Afraid to trust again?
Been confused and helpless for too long?

God is going to let life roll on. But you are not an idle, powerless pawn in the movements of life. Not when the New Life has been invited in and now pulses within you. What to do?
Ask for eyes to see this Life.
Ask for a heart to believe.
Ask for a mind to imagine.
Ask for sinews that will move in tune with it.

Your soul will at times feel dry, 
Drink much and often.
Your soul may sense the intrusion of  enemy-death
Dally around that garden-tomb much.

Last year, I woke up to a vision {I rarely do}. I saw that I was staring at some dried thorny bush and feeling very frustrated. In the corner of my eye I could see that there were pretty blooms nearby. God was telling me to stop fixating on death and fail to notice Life !

Remember that old advice from fiery apostle Paul -

"..whatever is true, whatever is honourable, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is of good repute, 

if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, 

dwell on these things."

~ Philippians 4v8

Well, this verse begins with "finally..." so if you will, read back up and discover more secrets of living out of an emptied out Tomb!

Thank you for being on this journey these last forty days. Invite others along. God has more  in store right here.

His Cross... and mine - because Resurrection is coming! {Journey #12}

lively lilies in polluted China

This is the story of Resurrection.


It began with a mis-step. An I-did-not-see-that curb moment. You may have experienced it before? That one moment you were striding confident and the next you come crashing down? My hands were on the floor, my right ankle twisted and I felt a sharp pointed pain in my left big toe. I did not know where to clutch and soothe!

That was nearly three months ago. With care and exercise, my ankle healed. But my left big toe nail region had turned all black, a sign of death. But, I thought, since my toe looked and felt like it was still very much alive, new nail will no doubt grow and it will all be well in time.

Life will push its way forward. But it can get really painful.

I decided to trim my dead black nail. Then I decided to poke around the blackened clog. Big Mistake. The very next day, I started experiencing some serious pain. I had unwttingly introduced an infection.


We began this journey because we were thirsty. We met with Jesus and heard him invite, comfort, assure, steady us. But then we enter deeper into His life as we walk with Him. This week, we see a Cross
looming ahead. He is walking towards it! We nervously follow...

It is his cross. For our sake. But if we dare to admit it, the cross is ours, rightfully. 
In fact, Jesus did not go to His cross so that we won't have to go to ours. He went so that we can. 

We must face our crosses --

Our traumas that left us hurt and seem to take forever to heal.
Our busy niggling that may have turned up more pain.
Our limping and hobbling rather than a full, steady, confident stride.

We are quick to look all around us and point to our horrid experiences (those mis-steps, mistakes), those persons and their expectations/weaknesses/sins, the harsh words...
The soil of our soul is rich food for the enemy to sow an infection. When he does, it will be painful.

It is painful to rehearse our hurts
It is painful to plan a payback
It is painful to doubt God
It is painful to feel alone, lost, unsure, to regret

(and Grace and slow to a trickle)

A course of antibiotics for the toe.
A course of antibiotics for our soul: going up for prayer, sharing with a friend, ranting in your journal...

May not do.

That dead toe nail had more in store. In death, it began to deform. It curled. So as the new nail grows, the curled old nail began to burrow into my flesh. Fresh pain. I decided it is time to get down and deal with it. The doctor had warned that removing the nail would expose the toe and remove the protective covering which is the nail's job. But the nail was malfunctioning. It was not protecting, it was hurting. It must go.

I was nervous. The doctor had said it can take weeks to heal. After two anaesthetic jabs, the doctor yanked and said, 'O, its not so bad, It's coming off like a door. Just this bit like a hinge.' Then, 'Ok, when i remove the rubber band, it will bleed some....O, it's not bleeding very much at all. I think it has healed quite a bit.'

So healing grace has been at work but it's all blocked from view because of the dead black nail!
Is God's work being blocked from your view? Are you unable to trace what the Spirit is up to? Are you unsure of Jesus' presence in your life? Are you looking for Life?

My son had asked, "why call it Good Friday? It's not good! Jesus died. [frowns]"
me: it's good.... for us.

The dying is good for us.
Because the Life is always throbbing and pushing forth. 

"I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, 

but Christ lives in me; 

and the life which I now live in the flesh 

I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave himself up for me." 

~ Galatians 2v20 (NASB)

Dear soul, Good Friday is a day of death and death is no longer what we fear for we know the story. It is the prelude to Life. If God is bringing forth Life, renewing hope, reviving dreams, restoring faith; then you must let that which stands in the way go. You must recognise the death to receive the Life. You must trust the Life you can barely see more than the death that appears so obvious {live by faith in the Son of God...}

Yes, you worked really hard - yet
Yes, you tried so long  - yet
Yes, you cried and prayed and pounded on the doors of heaven  - yet

It is time to accept that you live in a fallen world where you will be let down, as surely as you let others down.
It is time to accept that your best shots may not rip asunder the heavy curtain hanging between you.
It is time to accept that you just may not be able, ever to, figure this one out.
It is time to see that our worst enemies are not out there; but within: pride, lust, greed, envy, unforgiveness.

It is time to die. It is time to Live.

Friends, get ready, for Resurrection is coming!

Take a moment and let this Michael Talbot song wash over you. Sing the refrain with your lips, then your heart, then your whole being.

Peace dear friend.

Meeting the Cross on the way {journey to the Well} #11

Good Friday is coming.

The Cross is looming large in my heart. Its shadows fall long and it seems I am in a perpetual Arctic winter where the days are always dark. Yet it is a good, even glorious darkness. This kind of darkness is meant for us to stop trying to 'make hay while the sun shines'; to stop our busy efforts at making life work. It is the dark of being shielded so a secret work can take place.

Often God does his work very quietly and if we do not come under the shadow of the Almighty, we will miss it. The lights, sounds, dazzles and demands of daily city life often distract and detract us from God's most precious work.

Can I urge you dear friend to come and stand under the shadow of the Cross too?

And would you share with us what begins to stir in your heart as you do?

As I stand under the shadow of the Cross, my mind remembers how Love decided to act. But more, my heart wrestles with whether my love is large enough to act like His Love did. I know full well the areas I want Life to fill and brim over; those areas I am pretty sick of being so pale and lacklustre; missing the Life and abundance.

What was it dear Jesus, that makes you go to that wicked Cross? Why did you face and fight death?

Then the Spirit whispers this ~

"...for the joy set before him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame.." ~ Hebrews 12v2

You know why we struggle so to let go, to give in, to give up, to be wrong, to forgive ... ? 

We have no clue the joy that can come. We are stuck with the nails and hammer. Our eyes are fixed on the pain. Our minds are rehearsing our regrets. Our hearts are clinging on to small delights. 

Jesus was confident of his joy. 

This enabled him to endure the cross. 

This enabled him to look at his ignoble, humiliating, undignified death and loss as something to despise. 

Jesus knew the enemy would do his worst; throw the whole shebang; but he wasn't going to let the horror, the agony, the loss of face.. - the shame - wrap him up into subservience.  He despised it all. They were not worth his focus.

If Jesus felt grief and loss on the Cross; it was clear it happened at three points: the ignorance of the evildoers, the turning away of God, the inability to continue to care for his mother. 

But the Cross and its shame? He despised it.

It was as if Jesus was having this conversation with shame:

"Listen to me, Shame, do you fee that joy in front of me? Compared to that, you are less than nothing. you not not worth comparing to that! I despise you. You think you have power. Compared to the joy before me, you have none. Joy. Joy. Joy. That is my power! Not you, Shame. You are worthless. You are powerless.

You think you can distract me? I won't even look at you. I have a joy set before me. Why would I look at you? You are ugly and despicable, and you are almost finished. You cover me now as with a shroud. Before you can say, 'So there!', I will throw you off like a filthy rag. I will put on my royal robe.

You think you are great, because even last night you made my disciples run away. You are a fool, Shame. You are a despicable fool. That abandonment, that loneliness, this Cross - these tools of yours - they are all my sacred suffering, and will save my disciples, not destroy them. You are are fool. Your filthy hands fulfil holy prophecy. Farewell, Shame, It is finished."

{with thanks to Ps John Piper}.

Death must -come- before Resurrection, and we take the death because we so want the Resurrection unto new Life. Because we are confident of New Life promised to us. Things are not what they seem yet; but they will not remain the same if we are willing to die, to despise the shame that may come with it ... so that Life breaks in.

How high have you set your sights for your life? Is it for Life, or is it just to live?

You can die to this one... {our Journey to the Never-dried-up Well resumes}

7 days to Resurrection.

I have always preferred Resurrection to Easter. Besides the fact that Easter have been the subject of speculation {isn't it the name of some goddess? Check it up here: easter origins }, Resurrection is simply easier for us.

Resurrection is the promise made possible by the prototype. Because Christ rose from the dead, death is no longer final for us. We can expect to live on. Heaven is real. Eternity continues when your watch dies on you and your lungs and heart are placed to rest.

But Resurrection comes only after death. So we won't die; but we must die first.

Honestly, no one talks this crazy way but us CHRISTians. See the word 'Christian'? It ends with -ian. It is an acronym for
I
Am
Nothing.

That's right. Remove the CHRIST and all you get is nothing. Zero.
A Christian without Christ is pure oxymoron. Not possible, doesn't exist.

Back to the dying.

We can, and must die.
We can die because Life has come and we know this Life cannot be snuffed out. So whatever we need to die to, we can for we are now unafraid.
We must die because Life doesn't co-exist with death. So whatever within and around us that drains life must be dealt a decisive blow.

Struggling with forgiveness?
Agonizing over an unanswered longing?
Feeling covered in shame and pain?

Die to all of that. Must, and can-be-done.

After nearly half a century on earth and enough battles to write a mini-drama, I know it is hard stuff, this dying. We feel the desperate sense of loss more than we can whiff the promise of triumph. The good we need just doesn't show up quick enough and our soul is frightened that is will suffer even more to go through a dying.
Honestly, it feels plain impossible.

Jesus beckons you to come sit with him.

He may say very little. As you sit there, the turmoil within begins to stir less. Your racing heart finds a new, slower rhythm. The prospect of death is not as overwhelming and frightening as it was before.

Jesus is he who knows all about dying, and can say,

"I am the Resurrection and the Life" ~ John 11v25

Sitting with Life overcomes death.

And just perhaps, that thing you want so much, fought so hard for, cried so many nights over... you suddenly realise that it isn't what you are really thirsting for at all. 

What you really need is right here, by the Well, with the One. 

Complete this sentence then, "What I really need right now is..."

We are now defined and empowered by Christ cannot find it outside from Him. No one and nothing compares with Christ.

He was willing to die for us, to carry the guilt and penalty of our sin.
He is working in us so that we can face ourselves and the assault of death.
He is waiting for us to come sit with Him and let Life enter our beings so that death will no longer sting.

I married a non-believer. Is God mad at me?

We all think - quietly - that God is mad at us, at some point.

Perfection just doesn't jive with us.
We know we are not perfect, so how can we ever measure up to a Perfect God - who must by his perfection be irked by our many constant imperfections.
This is after all, how we feel towards others who do not measure up to our expectations.

So deep in the echoing chambers of our soul is a tremor that just perhaps -- God is mad at us - especially when we are struggling and don't feel 'blessed'.

Nothing betrays us like our questions.
Nothing reveals our hearts like our anxieties.

A new friendship I have with a young mom pointed me in this direction. Her preoccupation is how to get her child interested in spiritual matters when her husband is lackadaisical about it. She is not alone. Across the years, I have met many women who struggle with this. How do they raise children in the faith when their spouses are not interested? This disinterest spans a wide range: spouses who will let you go to church but will not go themselves - to spouses who mock, stop and oppose.

I call such women spiritually single.

If as a pastor married to another, I struggle with a common vision for faith in our homes and the hearts of our children; the spiritually single must have it so- much- harder.

And you know what? When things are rough, we sometimes think God is somewhat angry with us. And once, an honest soul asked me the question; "I am supposed to marry a fellow Christian.....Is God angry/disappointed.."?

Fourteen years as a parent, twenty years as a pastor and forty years as a Christian tells me that is the wrong question.

I understand the feeling; I get the question. But consider this --

Since Jesus is the exact representation of God (Colossians 1v15); then what we see is forgiveness, compassion and Grace. Jesus never once rubs our sins into our faces, makes us feel bad, muzzle us with guilt. He does berate and judge - and it has always been reserved for the proud religious leaders of his day; for their stubborn refusal to ponder the truth.

God is not smouldering with anger. He is saddened by our choices but, He is sovereign-ly able to bring change.

Marrying a non-believer is a blatant act of disobedience because the command is clear. But obedience - for we are creatures - is not rule-keeping. It is response-making out of being touched by God's mercy and grace. So it is possible, that for Christians, our longing for human affection at some point was a greater thirst and we did not know that God alone can satisfy that thirst, for we have not learnt to drink from the never-dried up Well that is God himself. We have all done. So the right question is, "God, show me how you see me and let me live the way you call me to, even now".

We will tend to hide when we sense anger. So I am urging you to take a good look at Jesus and know that though God is righteous and holy, He has one massive desire: to save you and I back to a vital relationship with Him. Did he not say,

I did not send my son into the world to condemn the world, 

but that the world through him might be saved ~ John 3v17

The verses that follow speaks of what God truly judges: a refusal to turn to him, to believe, to go to the Light.

So please, don't stay away. Come. Come for -

Forgiveness: God will forgive.
Compassion: God will journey with you.
Vision: ask God what to do now; he always has a way forward.
Courage: the way forward may require sacrifice, a lot of waiting, praying in ways you never knew before.

Come and see what God has in store for you:
A sense of freedom because you are forgiven.
A sense of acceptance as you lean into God's compassion.
A sense of hope as you perceive possibilities and act as the Spirit prompts and guides.

Once again, God brings good out of our messes.

God is not mad.  

Tell you what, if you run to him, he is, in fact, glad.

{ I felt a leading to write this. We will resume Journey to the Never Dried-up Well }

Journey's...end..in view..

Today, someone asked if my son's Christian school does anything special for Easter. 

Anything special? My initial response was to remind her to live Easter each day. But then, it made me think.

I have certainly seen some Easter specials in my life -
as a growing child, i had collected Easter eggs home to add to the family meal...and try to tell my mom about the good news of new life...
as a rookie pastor, i had my little church put out lilies, serve out eggs and pancakes..sing and tell             stories... while i preached a fiery message of new possibilities..
as a visitor to one of America's largest churches, I have seen a pageant complete with an angel suspended by high wire, real horses and a camel...


What is the big deal about Easter? Why am I even talking about it?

Because when we began, our goal was to drink in order to get to this: Resurrection ! {click for reminder}

That's right, we were not drinking to get by. We are drinking to get somewhere. We are headed towards a vision God himself has etched within our souls, and we won't turn back until we reach it. Friends, we have found in this journey how great our thirst is! Thankfully, we have also found that the Well has not run dry.

Yet as I ponder her question: 'are you doing anything special for Easter?', I must say that for most of us, Easter is a time for the church to do something for us - remind us of great glorious truths, roll out some higher-than-usual octane programs.. pretti-fy the church with larger than usual blooms... and this only goes to prove on thing: Christians are in danger of no longer knowing the big deal that is Easter.
After all -

We skim meaning while we store up material goods.
We seek relief rather than learn the rhythms of rest.
We settle for vague improvements instead of hunger for sorting-our-life-out according to God's Word.
We strain for spiritual 'highs' and remain blind to sibling, parent, neighbour needing a clear picture of God's love.

These patterns of life does not predispose us to obey this simple word:

Remember Jesus Christ, risen form the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel *

~ 2 Timothy 2v8

How much, how often, how well, do -- we -- Remember?

And what are to remember? Jesus rose from the dead. In case we forget in our busy 365 days, the church has an entire season called Lent that culminates in Easter to help us remember. 

And, all of our lives are but a living out of what we remember.

What is it you remember? 

What is it you store in your heart and mind?

The next few days, ask the God of memories to show you what you remember, and perhaps what you need to forget.

And this --- what is it that you pour into the hearts and minds of others?

Drink today dear friend, the journey continues. 

As we remember Jesus, know that his journey took him through a valley, and to a Cross; and then it was quiet in a tomb -- before --  the Resurrection. 

*my gratitude to Ps John Piper for reminding me of this verse.

Journey to the never dried-up Well #9

I have begun reading Isaiah to re-encounter Jesus who shall soon suffer, die and rise triumphant.

In my younger days, I dreaded to touch the pages of prophetic writ; all that fire, fierce anger, judgment... But now, I have lived longer and I see how accurate the words are.

The contrast in  -
judgment and mercy
anger and longing
desolation and life
destruction and perfection

Soul, it is easy to feel lost in our world of contrasts. It is easy to feel wedged between the hard places of our many burdens and our need for rest. It is easy to become overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and suggestions. It is easy to lose our way, to become alarmed, to be fearful.

Today, may this song - true to the Word, filled with images true to our world, and yet carried by a peaceable, anointed melody wash you over and may these closing words of the prophet bring you strength ~

"I will extend peace to her like a river..." {66v12} 

Be not afraid {click here for song}

Journey #8

Water flows downwards, just like Grace.

But sometimes, the water curls around and it is forced to stop because it cannot find a downward path to keep going. God, the Source doesn't overpower us. Instead, the water flow begins to slow to a trickle...

And this isn't always out-and-out sin. At times it is a kind of sin of omission. We omit the power of Grace in our lives.


In John 8, the 'right and holy' gang drags a woman caught in sin before Jesus and expects him to condemn her - thus showing that he is somewhat in their camp, at least in such an obvious instance. The story tells us that Jesus astounded them with his very essence: Grace and Truth {John 1v14}. He does not condone sin, but he refuses to let it be the last word where there is a willingness to repent. In fact, the woman was so scared to death, we really don't have any indications of her true spiritual state except to deduce it from Jesus' words to her to "go now and leave your life of sin". He saw in her the possibility of conversion and transformation. The right and holy gang did not receive such words, for they have already skulked away - turning their backs on both truth and grace.

Sometimes, we stay in the dead corner of reviewing our mistakes, going over our mis-steps, flip that dusty file of our misjudgment and mismanagement.... We feel sure our mistakes are staring at us in the eyes of others; and we basically condemn ourselves. We stick our finger in the sand and scribble furiously away even as the Master steps up close to offer us truth, and grace.

This is when the Water cannot reach deep. We have decided we don't deserve more.

Pour out your soul to the LORD. Let your tears drain away all that chokes you up and let Living Water flow right into you again, and again, and again.

Let truth gird you like a belt and Grace garland you and draw attention to your beauty; you made in God's image, called to be His own, chosen before the world began, destined for Kingdom!

Pause / Selah / Drink {click to hear a wonderful song by Sherman Wong}

Bless you dear soul !

Journey ... ..because of ... #7

Hey soul carrier, how are you doing on the journey?

I sensed some of us got waylaid. Some of us got distracted. Some of us had such a huge thing drop across our path, we despair of journeying on. Some of us were nearly kidnapped!

So here's a reminder to self and you: we have enemies, and we need traveling companions. {this is why I really hope we can start writing comments at the end of each post and just see how our souls get watched by others. It's also a good idea to invite someone to journey with you and follow the blog together}.

Now for my confession. I nearly gave up. Let me count the times. When i first began this and felt there was no way i could continue it. When I was in beijing and the internet connection was sensitive and I felt bad to let everyone down, and thought maybe it's best to disappear quietly..when this past week I was whacked by the enemy and his favourite whisper "you are not good enough to do this..".

But I am still here! God reminded me that I have enemies. When you wrote to me, I remember that I have companions for which this journey is meaningful.


God also taught me that traveling with a view to reach the Well can be sabotaged by a few things.

Depletion
Any trip takes some planning, time and effort. If you embarked on this without at the same time, cutting out some stuff so that the time you need to trek this walk is available, you will feel depletion. It will be a disappointing experience; for it is unrealistic to reach the Well and drink when no enough time is given. Some of us {my heart goes out to you} need to walk very slowly for we carry alot on our backs....

Crowding
Sometimes the journey gets noisy and it seems alot of others want to go the same way. The chatter, the passing around the instagram, the next inspiring pinterest picture can crowd us out. This journey needs a certain quiet, a space.

Bondage
Good God will touch and refresh us and more ... but we can live in bondage. So we reach the Well, we drink, but we find that freedom eludes us. We cannot think, feel or act with loving courage. The will of God remains a frightful prospect. The bondage must be faced and dealt with.

So, dear soul carrier, let your body find rest enough to stay on the journey. Carve out time for this trek. If you sense weights around your ankles, pray for insight and ask those you deeply trust to pray for you. Share with us here, I will pray for you.

Journey to the never-dried-up well #6

The Drinking must exceed the draining-

so our thirst is quenched, there is a satisfaction in our souls, and so we are plumped and healthy.

Pushing fifty, I was informed that my skin needs more moisture, not less. I come to see this is true in the maturation of souls too. Maturing souls do not need less, they often need more. Not more of the same, but more that will penetrate deeper, more that nourish from the roots.

I have been living through some immense pains these few years. You would think with age and life experience, life gets smoother. Not necessarily. I have felt like my lush leaves have been ripped, my fruits picked or left to rot, and more recently, my very trunk is struck and a gash is now visible.

I have grasped for the falling fruit, panicked over the drooping branches, and grieved over how the tree of my life seem to be threatened with extinction (yes, I am a unique tree, as are you).

But I have been planted next to a stream (or in our journey, a well).. And as I lose water through tears, my roots are being flushed and nourished... I found fresh strength return. I did not wilt. There are buds. Birds still come by and sing their happy song among my small branches.

Psalm 1
A tree planted firmly by the water,
Which yields its fruit in its season,
Its leaf does not wither,
And in whatever he does, he prospers

This is my tiny tree-life through His eyes. 
I confess it does not feel or look like this to me; of earthly wisdom.
But these words come after an observation of such a life: she is careful who she listens to, she chooses her company with caution, and she does not hang around those who are cynical and  and compromise. 

does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers

These few years I witness the blessing of purification as I am warned by the Holy Spirit precisely not to be uprooted, drained, deadened even as my heart and mind whimper, protest, cringe and plain suggest sin. I am blessed and planted more firmly when I refuse these voices and temptations. Instead, as I turn to the Word and hunger for truth-answers ....

his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

Then i notice it. While the struggles are real, the strength and resilience are just as real - and they feel certainly like they came from beyond me. 

This river, this well, this spring ... has a name, a face, a glory, and a goodness. He is waiting for you.

Journey to the never-dried-up well #5 ~ rest that reinvigorates

I was away in Beijing this past week. I heard it rained in Singapore - finally, after more than two months; our longest dry spell in fifty years. 

The grass had begun to turn brown, trees were going bare. Life was threatened, a frightful prospect of our proud garden city being licked by the dust as the sky remain cloudless.... until - the rain came - and the life that still pulses beneath the ground bursts forth and things began to green again. 

Like the grass and leaves all about us.. life can cause us to turn dry and dull, and even risk going lifeless -

Until

-we come to the never dried-up Well and let the Water reach deep inside of us and help us unfold, loosen, and come to life again. The Water that refreshes deep so that parts of us that may have given up or been handed over to ‘that’s the way it will be’ are quickened and we stretch toward the sun again.

Has the Water started

trickling,

flowing,

pouring down

swirling all about 

you 

on this journey....

Word & Truth

Perhaps you felt the Water’s gentle healing presence began to refresh you right when we started out on this journey; when the Word was –

“... for it is God who works to will and to do… “ ~ Phil 2v13

The truth that God Almighty works within us His children to lean towards His will and act out of love… This has certainly encouraged me to have more confidence and to step back and trust God.

Or perhaps you felt the Water when you stopped in your tracks, looked to Jesus and began to simply say, “I am thirsty, Lord..”

"If you knew ... who it is who says to you, 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water...." ~ Jesus at a well, John 4 [NASB]

As I lap up the Water, my hungers and fears become stilled and it seems my life is saved again.

Or did you experience the Water through this amazing promise –

Are you tired? Worn out?

Come to me,

all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads,

and I will give you rest

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls ~ Jesus looking at the people, Matthew 11v28-29

It’s beyond our figuring out; but O how we want it to be so: rest - for - our - souls.

Did you have a deeply personal moment when your life story began to fill with colour as Jesus held you and said, “I know your life.”

"Come see a man who told me all the things that I have done, this is not the Christ is it?"

~ woman’s response after chat with Jesus, John 4v29

My truth

As I walk this journey just a step or two ahead, I sense Jesus’ heart for us.

He is the Water the refreshes our lives.

He offers the Rest that can dramatically redefine our lives: imagine finding a load and a yoke that is fitted for you. It is a load and a yoke – you and I will still find it tough and be constrained; but o how it fits!

Today I stop at this point and linger over this astounding thought.

What yoke and burden do you need to cast off?

What have you avoided out of fear?

What if Jesus were to say, 

“everything in your life, I know, and it’s going to be alright. I will refresh you and reinvigorate your life. I will be the Source in you that springs forth…”

more truth with community

Will you share your story with us here? Our stories, just like the stories in the Bible are testaments that point to God’s truth, beauty, greatness and eternal purpose.

One of the best moments I had in Beijing was being at a women’s conference. Our theme was ‘God’s story, Our story, my story’. ‘

Our individual stories are unique, yet often we can empathize and help carry each other’s burdens because there are common elements. All our stories weave and map together, and make sense when it is seen against the larger backdrop of God’s story of love for humankind.

We need to know that our lives are not random, senseless and pointless. It is not. In fact, your life, your story matter to God enough for him to step in!

So let’s share our stories and help each other remember we are part of something larger . and . eternal. 
Amen.