Holy Week 5: when we speak before we think - an extrovert's confession

On our tenth time going out or thereabouts, the boyfriend said to me, "you speak before you think". Yes, even before we were married. we ran smack into our deep differences and we did not always handle it kindly!

No one had ever said that to me (I didn't connect it with what my primary school teacher had written in my report book: "...very talkative.."). Growing up in a large family and watching how folks in my poor neighbourhood often jostled for space, rights and voice had perhaps built into me a necessity to know, reach, and speak up - or be forgotten and left behind. I aced my General Knowledge quizzes, I raised my hands to ask questions, I spoke.

So yes, I turned out an extrovert. Even with my love and need for solitude now; this basic personality bent remains. Which is why, Peter the disciple is understandable to me. I suspect some of us get him more than others.

Watch Peter here: the skit guys {click}

My introvert husband always felt a little jealous of us extroverts - our ease in company, our ability to connect quickly and with so many!

Yes Peter not only connected with Jesus fast; he believed deeply that he had a great relationship with His Master. His own estimate of the relationship was so optimistic and ideal that he did not recognise his potential to fail.

Observing Peter over the years has grown me. He is the most fleshed out character among the disciples. See if you chuckle a bit at recognizing yourself or someone you know: 

He is demonstrative

Luke 5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”

He answers on his feet (literally!), he is observant

Luke 8:45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”

Mark 11:21 Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!”

He responds fast

Matthew 14:28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

John 21:7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.

He asks questions

Matthew 15:15 Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

 Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

He is perceptive

Matthew 16:16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

John 6:68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

He believes he is special

Matthew 16:22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

He wants to contribute/solve/seek the best

Matthew 17:4 Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

He gives his all

Matthew 19:27 “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”

John 13:37 “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”Matthew 26:35  “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.

He reacts in line with his feelings and beliefs

John 13:6-8  He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” .....“No, you shall never wash my feet.”.... “Then, Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

He denies Jesus

Luke 22:60  “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

He may be ADHD? He certainly influences the others

John 21:3 “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.”

Peter is very instructive for me. I see my own zeal as well as foibles in him.

But most of all, it is the way Jesus believes in him, is patient with him, calls him forth, and restores him that moves me deeply. 

Jesus loved Peter with his personality strengths and weaknesses. Jesus also sees beyond the Cephas to the Petra. Cephas was his name. Petra (rock) was his true substance. But Petra won't happen as he remained Cephas. The rock is forged over time with an assault of the elements of faith, doubt, fear, and healing.

 If who we truly are is to emerge; we must be who we are now, bravely and trust the LORD to take us there.

But it's no harm holding back a bit; learn from our Introvert brethren, and pray this prayer in the meantime:

 Psalm 141:3 ~ Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Holy Week 4: the power of a soul's shape, 30 pieces of silver and how much Jesus is to you

Someone may yet make another movie of the last days of Jesus.

It has all the elements of a great story: there is tension, scheming, gender observations, power struggle, religion, politics, crowds, and of course; a hero.

A silver screen rendering that awakens our imagination and stirs us emotionally may help our faith.

Or maybe not.

The answer lies in the shape of our souls. Is it receptive and open, or has it calcified and hardened?


The final days of Jesus unfolds as an outcome of soul shapes really.

It was the souls of the religious elite, the people, of Pilate and Herod - that shaped how conversations went and how the events moved on one to the next.

If Pilate had a hunger for truth, he may have made a different choice and things would be different.... Equally, it was Jesus' soul - determined to do the Father's will - that led him to clash with the powers and people; and saw him end up on the Cross.

Yes, God's plan to save us would still stand. But the shapes of the souls involved each of them in a specific way. 

Yet this most powerful reality is largely hidden from our view. As a result, we may not notice or pay attention to the state and shape of our souls. Yet it is powerful to turning situations one way or another. Among the disciples, one of them would be instrumentally used by the Enemy against his Rabbi, his teacher, his friend. In his soul, there was a churning of discontent, anger, disappointment with Jesus. He was unable to get Jesus' priority. He had allowed himself to compromise, raitonalising it away... his soul was taking on a shape that would not fit the shape of the Cross.

“Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.                      ~ John 12v5-6

In the end, when Judas' soul was shaped to fit the equivalent of 30 pieces of silver.



I have sadly seen more Christians fight over money than probably anything else.


Maybe we have forgotten Jesus' words; calling us to be mindful of the power of money to dent our souls and recast us in a mould that in the end wouldn't allow us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow -- which means we may well bear the Name and be on a very different path.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. ~ Matthew 6v24

I have always been intrigued that Jesus singles out Money as the competition for our allegiance, loyalty, and faith.

And if it stays as a cognitive curiosity I am in trouble. I need to hear, seriously hear this words and ask myself the hard questions -

what does money mean to me?
what do I really look to for security?
will I trust God when I am in want?
will I strike out at a brother or sister when I am robbed?

This inner seeing and search will reveal the shape of our souls.

This is the sad commentary of Judas' soul -

"...thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel.." ~ Matthew 27v9

This is it? A man is but thirty pieces of silver? Wouldn't this mean that when we betray our Saviour; that is how much He is worth to us too? All of Judas' dreams, experiences, personal moments with Jesus. All of Jesus' life and message added up to but thirty pieces of silver....which would purchase a small piece of real estate. It is shocking and grievous isn't it?

Our soul shape shows how much Jesus means to us. 

And mind you, it is this not-easily-seen shape that is shaping things up.

.... perhaps this song as you reflect: O Sacred Head Now Wounded {click}

credit: kellylydick

Holy Week 3: the kingdom is in your midst!

I asked a few dear souls what this week, this season means to them:

Holy Week is a yearly time for me to take a journey inward, to let His light give illumination on some area of my life that needs His redemptive love and lift. Last year He whispered, "Choose what gives life.". – Kenny Chee

Over the past few years, I've come to understand and observe Lent as a season of identifying with Jesus who experienced the tension between his humanity and divinity, in seeking to relate with humanity. It is like standing between two mirrors: one reflects my pre-Christ human condition, which from time to time attempts to reach out from the flesh and seize control; and the other reflects my in-Christ condition, which I continue to grow in and into. Lent is thus the remembrance and observance of the preparatory journey in the inner man to the Cross and the Resurrection. - Ronald & Ethel

Holy Week serves as a timely reminder to us to "practice the presence of God" in our daily life. We try to slow things down, de-clutter our routine and be more mindful of God-appointed moments. All this in order to ponder again and to be renewed by what Jesus has done for us on the cross and what he is doing in us along the journey of life. — Aaron & Namiko Lee

Do you see it?

Their responses describe it so well. Holy Week is not just a rolling of the hours for some remembrance on Good Friday and then a trump of smallish victory at Easter service.

But -

with our eyes socked right in front of our skulls, we tend to look ahead and outward. Yet we have another way of seeing; one we need to learn to use and get used to. It is the look inward. This season, this week, we must use this other way of seeing; where we turn our gaze inward - to where the deeper things lie.

If you want to know --

why you react the way you do;
what truly motivates you
what matters to you
what grieves you
what has mastery over you

you need to look within.


The religious elite, the disciples, the crowd; they all looked outward. They set their attention of what Jesus did; and how it benefited or threatened them. They tried to interpret his actions, maybe even hoped to crack the code so they can do likewise; or otherwise ensure they don't lose out on the miraculous and the action they hope would come when Jesus stands down the Roman powers and ushers in God's kingdom.

So many missed it.

"The Kingdom is in your midst!", Jesus had pronounced.

How would you respond if you were a humble bread maker whose earnings were meagre, or wife to a fisherman who comes home each evening smelling of sea and fish? Would you sneer if you were an up-and-coming young rabbi who has been praised and selected to mingle with the religious big wigs?

We reason it: why, the King is walking about! The potential for the kingdom is always at hand.

But God is not looking for us to explain anything; and of course most of the time our reasoning is meant to convince ourselves!

Of course there have been miracles. Of course the teaching is enrapturing. It still is today. But we can - like the crowds and the leaders; even the disciples - still sort of miss it. 

Jesus was inviting them, and us today; to consider Him as-the-king right in the middle of not-quite-obviously-Kingdom. Jesus was inviting them, and us today; to look into our hearts and find that the Kingdom is what we long for: peace, rule, stability, kindness, compassion, one-ness, purpose...

And as we look, really look. we may find that our Kingdom notions are hazy. We will most certainly with honesty, see that our longing for the Kingdom is being challenged and perhaps undermined by other loves and loyalties.

This week is our appointed time to lean into our Kingdom longings, to feel deeply and really pay attention. 

Here in Singapore, we just lost a father to our nation. With the outpouring of grief and the demonstrations of consideration; we are feeling the rise of a new day. Like the crowds in Jerusalem; we mutter softly, "what if..".  But "what if's" never brought in anything solidly new.

In fact, the crowd, through bribery, coercion and the failures of individual hearts in the end turned on the One they had hoped would bring in the new day - because - they would not identify that God's kingdom must come by God's ways.

A new day for our own lives, families, and for Singapore won't come any other way; for God's ways are unchanging as they are rooted in His character.

If we want a new day to come, we want the kingdom of joy and peace; then we must accept that it comes by the way of the Dolorosa - the long road of cross-bearing and finally, death.

Bonhoeffer, the Kingdom dreamer who would pay for his dream with his life said,

"When Christ bids you come, he bids you come to die.".

A few years ago I began a habit of wearing black and being plain on Good Friday. I mourn not for Christ; for He is risen, but for myself. I am a reluctant die-er. I mourn how my dying is slow. I cling to a false life easily. It sounds crazy to stay hooked to a limited tank of oxygen when one is being invited to a clean, oxygenated garden of delights. But this is me. I am guessing this is you too some days, many days. So I mourn and repent.

But every time, I see that I am even more an eager live-er. I want to really live! So -- I am willing to die.


The kingdom of God, like God himself, is hard for us to get.
We won't quite grasp it with those eyes looking outward.
We need to look within.

And we shall find it lives there, brilliant and dazzling, enthralling and absorbing; and it is pulsing with Life. If we care to open our hearts to others and really receive; we find that it is alive and growing in the spaces between us, binding us to each other.

When we touch it, the Life flows into us and renews us. We get up another day and fight on, live on, laugh on, dream on -- as the Kingdom takes shape in, through and beyond us.

and perhaps this old, meaningfully-worded song: Jesus, God's righteousness revealed {click} as you look inward for a while.