start / keep that gratitude journal - here's why.

It's nearly a standard medicine that I dole out.

Women and men, children of all ages, if you come to me with a woe or worry, after listening... I will definitely tell you among other things, to keep a gratitude journal. Yes, each day, before the dark blankets, write down on your phone, notebook or Typo journal 3 items you are grateful. It doesn't have to be huge, grand, interesting, or life-changing. Just 3 things you notice, stuff that made you -

smile {that silly pigeon cleaning itself for Ms World?}
blush {that affirmation, wow, thank-you}
gush {funny, interesting, thought-provoking, maybe ice-cream}

Like this:

(got you!)

This is how to do 'rejoice always'. It's to notice that there is an undercurrent of defiant joy in life. A force that refuses to beat down and defeated by naysayers, blues and even evil.

Look at these children in Calcutta -

I know we have disappointments, frustrations, hurts, and pains - some ongoing and not seeming to get better. But if you are a middle-class Singaporean, I am guessing you can find some relief - a good book, spa, high-tea, even travel.

Yet.

These things may not lead us to that river that sends out those currents of joy! You see, the joy is there. It needs to be noticed, recorded, practiced. Slowly as the joy seeps into our crevices and cracks, it flows to all the places and spaces ..... washes, feeds fills and ... it flows forth from us.
Joy can become us. We can be joy containers and bringers!

And if more of us were open, receptive, and laughing? If more of us were generous, forgiving, chill? If more of us were teachable, tender, humble.....

.... What will the world shape up around us to be?


There is now enough scientific evidence* to tell us that God's call to us to rejoice is not only practical, it is needful. Gratitude strengthens our immunity, raises our resilience, infuses hope, and even re-wires our neural circuitry! Giving thanks taps into Joy and this amazing force of heaven can crack the hardest nut!

Friends, there will be darkness out there. But there is light given to those who desire it. And that light enters your being and shines from there. The darkness loves to encroach and have us believe that it is far too strong and massive, a deep, penetrating, sense-surround reality. Like its Master of deception and denial; the dark loves to flaunt its influence way beyond it's actual ability and powers. It fools us into cowardice, fear, and despondency.

If you have turned your life over toe God and accepted His forgiveness and gift of eternal life; the enemy knows he can only fool you. So he sets out an elaborate scheme, scheduled and timed to volley one in your direction, to  target your weakest areas, to deafen you to The Voice by doing voices which sound so much like your own, those you love and even God's!

I'm so stupid to make this choice
Now you are stuck, there's no way out!
You had better not sin, or things will only get worse

The Light? It just shines and dispels the dark. But not under a bushel, or under a bed. Not in some hidden spot. Take that light out! Put it someplace prominent. Let is draw your attention to its lovely glow. Bask in its warmth.

Easy first steps to do this? Light Spotting. Joy jotting. 

God is light.
He is Joy.
In him is Life.
From him comes healing, and hope.

Start from the strand that easy to grasp: spot and record 3 things each day that made you smile, blush or gush.

Try it. Start today. Get a friend to do it together. Share it on Facebook.

"Keep your eyes open. keep each other's spirit up so that no ones falls behind or drops out" {Ephesians 6, The Message}

P.S.
And  O friends, I am so grateful about this I just wanted to shout it out! A new friend, someone I whose thoughts and words I respect and read has written a long, kind, meaningful review of my book, Shed Those Leaves.

This one is in the gratitude journal along with my cat's antics, the son's jokes, the less gruff reply from the mighty teen, and being able to walk in the park.

*some sources:
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/expandinggratitude
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/in-praise-of-gratitude-201211215561
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ocean-robbins/having-gratitude-_b_1073105.html

Failed - another day in parenting

Please don't tell me to chill. I am pretty chill as they come. My animal of choice after all is the one that takes naps through the day.


But I am tired, even resentful, of having to work so hard - in very specific ways - to help my children succeed through school.

I went to school nilly-willy; sometimes I did my work, many times I didn't even know I had work to get done. There are days when I was more present, asked questions and participated. More often, I blanked out or got lost in my own little world, and the fact that my teacher called me 'a dreamer' must point to that. {thankfully, that word didn't sound too harsh, so I dreamed on...}.

But with my children, I have to watch if they are ~

1. bringing all the stuff
from textbooks to activity books to folders, letters, files,letters, and more - all of which should be clearly labeled with permanent ink from get-set-go. Not being the most detailed of personalities; I still got the hang of it. But they have a lot of stuff. Last year, for English language alone, I finally got from the teacher that my son needed 8 different books/files/folders!

2. being their best
the kid should come heeled with positive learning habits ie. sit still, listen, work conscientiously, write beautifully, and of course, top it all off with band 1 marks.

3. boosting the school's performance
from raising funds to playing the cello... "is there anything your child can do ... preferably something at a competitive level?".



I never believed in hot-housing; but the temperatures are pretty high all year round with our system!


Talking with the teachers always leave me feeling like I have failed my child when they haven't caught up or measured up - in all the areas, all at once!

Even though well-meaning; I wanted to scream at the teacher: I know my child far better than you! I am the mother who chose to stay home, live on one income; to both enjoy and raise responsible, responsive human beings. As we march them off to the 'system', I braced and reminded myself often to build a synergistic team with the teachers (even the security personnel, come on!) ... bless their hearts, I know their workload is crazy. In fact, I am supportive to the point that I hear a little chiding voice asking me to feel bad, really bad, that I have failed to hand over a finer specimen for them to begin work with.

This is the discordant reality when everyone who meets your kids tell you they are 'smart' and their daily life reminds them of a different reality.

So with all my erstwhile efforts it feels like we are continually chasing a moving target.

Honestly, it's hard to motivate a child when the parent is pretty punctured!


I have found out that in their training, both pre-school and primary school teachers don't get more than a module in child development and learning. I guess, what's the point of covering that since at the end of the day it's going to be just one huge uphill task just trying to sit so many children down to and get-their-work-done; and it's a lot of work!

This past month, me the inadequate parent, found out that 'O' level students now take TWO preliminaries; the first one was in March! I cannot wrap my head around that! When did this madness begin?

Steven Covey the guru of get-things-done said to "Begin with the end in mind". 

I wonder what is the end in mind here? This is not a question about economics; it ought to be a question about Purpose.

My end in mind may just be divergent. And so, I will be classified as 'different', 'fail'... or as my funny friend used to say, we are the 'outstanding' ones - always made to stand outside/out.


How many parents end up feeling like I do, I wonder?

If you do feel lost, tired, discouraged or just plain lousy, share in the comments please.

Because you are making a difference, your way

A confession.

There are days I wonder what on earth I am doing. This post for example, what is . its . point? Why sit on a cushy chair and write when there are starving children, traumatized human slaves, lonely women, marriages falling apart and systemic evils?

You have them too don't you?

Such days call for remembering old lessons and seeking new ones. 

credit: PaoloTy

Old lessons:

1. There is only so much a brain and heart can handle.
I just heard they have been studying Einstein's brain for 60 years; this doctor kept it in a large cookie jar for a long time...and we found: thinking about complex Mathematical matters gives you not a larger brain; but a different brain. Or it was the brain that came first... Still Einstein's brain was preoccupied with higher cognition issues and as such he didn't garden, bake or write songs.
What do we want our brain to handle?

Endless questioning robs us of precious energy and brain space which can be well used persevering with what we already do; and learning to do it better. (this post will see re-drafts and editing).

2. The happy heart serves up the best meals
If we go to whatever it is we do with misgivings, disgruntlement, jealousy over others' lot and other such toxins; neither the work we do or the outcomes will be pretty. I consistently noticed that people who do amazing work - from crocheting to selling ideas - totally throw their heart into what they do.

It just matters to them. Others may laugh, criticize, mock or reduce...but they solider on, happily absorbed in what they are on to.

3. There is a God above and the results are not out yet
We are way too used to the exam script. Hustle, sweat and wait for the result slip. Sorry, but where your life is being poured out - listening, praying, going to work each day, noticing your colleagues, interceding for world needs, taking your kids to school, nursing that sick parent... there is no result slip that can tell you how well you have done.

The only indicator is the one within your bosom: do it with great love, advised dear Mother Teresa.

New lessons?

Actually, so far for me, it just seems to be a layering of the old ones. When I get restless and angst; and want to invent some great good to achieve, I leaf through these old lessons and let them strap me back onto my seat. Then I breathe deep...and I feel them more keenly, see more deeply.... I settle back into my chair; and get on with the day before me.

Sometimes, an old memory returns - a mercy of course. This morning two came to me.

I think of the surprise I felt when a young lady ran up to me and thanked me for helping her turn a corner. I don't quite recall what I said or did! Then as I sat lifting up needs and just naming them... I recalled the impression I received at my mother's passing: that I need no longer be the spiritual gatekeeper for my large family. That impression surprised me too. It wasn't a role I had thought up or defined. I clumsily loved and inconsistently prayed...and at that word I felt a huge burden roll off my shoulder.

Sometimes we just don't know what we are doing and the difference we are making. 

I have found we are happiest when we don't worry our little heads about that!

Go have a great day doing what needs to be done, what comes your way, and sit deep in your chair!

walking on at King's Park with Charisse Neo