Don't come, don't come Immanuel....?

I am guessing that like me, as Christmas loomed; you started sweating (we call it praying) about who to invite so they can hear the Good News and we can rejoice that one soul has come home. It is good that we take our evangelistic task seriously. I do, and you should too.

But, I have come to realize that our ideas often don't match that of those we seek to reach.

You see, if you live in water for a while and swim around merrily and start becoming a fish; you stop thinking about the water. But the bird looking at the fish (if the bird even bothers to) cannot fully make sense of the water and the gliding and flashing movements of the fish!

When it comes to Christmas, we are excited over it for very different reasons.


The answer to this is not to reduce Christmas to turkey, buffets and reindeers in order to connect.

The answer is for us to dive deeper into why God would condescend (that's what it is and more) so as to cross a permanently uncross-able threshold, become a bundle of cells that multiply rapidly in the waters of a finite human womb. Just think about that. 

We must bring the Wonder of Christmas back in order to have wonder-full words and gleaming faces that will put all the jingles, bright lights and partying to a pale.

I invited a family to church, and attempted engaging folks on the meaning of Christmas. I gave out gifts to neighbours, wished them well and offered a listening ear. I harbor hopes of them saying "tell me more", or "we're coming to church with you"... but as it often happens for me, there is polite refusal. In fact, in some cases, I get a kind, careful rejection (which means I get to try again at Easter!).

Friends, we sing 'O Come O Come Immanuel'. But for those we reach out to, it may well be 'Don't come, don't come'!

Like Herod, the king.

Jesus was born at a time when an egotistic, maniacal fellow named Herod was king; he who loved his life, luxuries, power, and position. To secure it, he gave orders to have a whole generation of children two years and younger killed. Mass massacre of innocent children just so that his position would be secure. Paranoid and sick. Violent and evil.

We balk at this and seldom think about how fiercely people can react to God and perceived threats.

It's not this serious in my experiences so far; but this year, I actually sense some tense up. A few ladies in my exercise class have some inkling that I am a Christian; and isn't it common knowledge that Christians evangelise! I'm probably too sensitive, but this week the room emptied out really quickly when class ended before I can invite anyone! (O you felt it too at work?).

The answer to this is not to shy of it but to be prepared for this rejection, plus to ask: 

is it Christ they reject, or us?


This is a great time for confession, so here's mine. I wasn't bright enough to figure this so God had to tap-tap on my shoulder and highlight it to me! Sandwiched between the Great Commission and the Sweet Compassion are other reasons why  I want to bring the Good News...yes, gasp, it is because -

some folks need fixing
if my family members are on the same page with me, life would be better (for all of us, especially me)
it is right and meet to do it (after all I am a pastor)

These reasons are valid and understandable taken our human frailty; but they lack two important ingredient: love and Jesus. These two ingredients are like one compound really. No Jesus, no love; and the other way around too.

From all indications of how we scurry and hurry about; supply of this ingredient while generous and available is not often accessed and used!

The answer to this is to pray for the love; and talk to Jesus about the people. Both of these do not sit easily with the great Singapore values of efficiency & getting-the-best-deal though.


It's two days from Christmas and I am very concerned about seeing seismic change in the lives of a family I am hosting. It's a fantastic opportunity and our conversations after so many years have finally gotten a little more open and honest. My mind runs through a list of things to tell them, especially the father, stuff he must know to straighten his life. And as I am racing along on this amazing mission, the Spirit reins me in and reminds me to just be kind... to be kind, like Jesus would.

The Spirit leads me to take it all to Jesus and simply thank him for the insights and also entrust the opportunity, and ask for alertness to the Spirit's wind, for -

"Spirit gives birth to spirit...the wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes form or where it is going.So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." ~ John 3v6-7

More Wonder.

We are going to be left wondering who, why, when walked, waltzed or got whipped into the Kingdom!

Let's not so easily shock at negativity and objections to Christianity.
Let's check that Christ is clearly in front.
Let's flow with the Spirit's graceful moves and stand back at the power of His Wind!

Have a   WONDER-full   CHRISTmas    dear friends!

Christmas through eyes like yours and mine: Bethlehem

Politics! 

We may not like to have anything more to do with politics than complain over coffee-shop talk and online chats; but all our lives are shaped by politics. So was the life of the King of Kings and Lord of lords. 
When God sent Jesus into the world; he was not exempted from the political realities of his day.

His birthplace, Bethlehem, a small town, was under Roman rule. His parents actually lived in Nazareth (more than 100km away - and note, no cars then so the journey was a long and arduous one); but because of a political decision; they had to make the long trek to Bethlehem.

Politics!
And
God!

This is where most of us feel lost. But in the Bible, God stands over politics.

Bethlehem was mentioned a few hundred years earlier by a minor prophet Micah (he is minor not because of age but because the book that bears his name is a short one):

 But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, you are little to be among the clans of Judah; [yet] out of you shall One come forth for Me Who is to be Ruler in Israel, Whose goings forth have been from of old, from ancient days (eternity). ~ Micah 5v2 (amplified version) 

So yes, the poor young couple.

God knew they had to make that crazy journey. 

It's not honeymoon. It is so inconvenient! What about setting up home first? How about being near immediate family?Surely God could choose a better time? We ask these questions of our lives, we who buy into the lies that the good life, even the God-favoured one is full of clappy-sappy-goodness.

No, not in God's plan.

God's plan to save you and I involved a young couple going through disgrace (see how the modern facebook version may go: Joe's fb account (imagined) ), leaving the familiar, making a long, tiresome journey to end up in a small town and - not being able to find a room; and so had to stay in some sort of out-house (the Bible doesn't use the word 'stable') because the inns were full.. and there, in a strange place, Mary delivers into the world its Saviour!

I remember reading this when I was nearly six months pregnant with my first child. By then, the worst of the morning sicknesses had passed. But my heart entered a new deeper place as I understood then what it felt like to be with child. I was bemoaning some of my circumstances then, but all I hankered after was personal comfort and affections of loved ones... and all of it for myself. Mary was carrying a child of eternal import and yet, her circumstances were so dire and threadbare.
Did God subject His Son and his vessels to all of these?

Yes he did.

We so don't get God's heart and His ways.

Even if I have said my prayer to ask Jesus into my life; I say it again often - especially this Advent season; because I so easily shut the door at him all over again as I whine about my life and confuse gifts with entitlements, losing sight that it is all Grace!

God puts His plan into motion. Human agencies and political powers all comply - knowingly or not, willingly or not.

You and I, brought into His house (for Bethlehem is the house of bread) to eat and to take what we are given and share - will we willingly and knowingly comply with God's plans?

And if I can find a clue for how Mary did it; it must be in the song she sang months earlier in response to God:

My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour,
for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One hs done great things for me -
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.... ~ Luke 1v46-50

Mary sees God's plan as a stupendous outpouring of mercy and that His choice of her is All Grace and will lead to exaltation. Wow. What will happen to us and how we live through our days if this is our view of things?

What if this is our view of politics too? I cannot tell for sure if Mary never grumbled against the Roman oppressors; but I see her view as higher than that. The Saviour she was privileged to raise certainly never fought the powers head-on; knowing they are but instituted by God and needed to remember their place.

What is your view of your life this Christmas?
Is God over all, and will work through it all?
Is Grace your story and exaltation by God your glory?

other prophecies about Jesus {click}

Christmas through eyes - like yours and mine

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘Christmas’?

Even as a pastor I find a little effort is required to focus on the Christ of Christmas as images of silly reindeer, a fat man in a red suit shouting ho-ho, jingles, bright lights and presents crowd into my view.

You too?

How did we get to see everything the same way? Big media. The loud, powerful, bright images and scintillating words have trained us over the years with the repetitive snapshots of buy-spend-eat Christmas.

But, the first Christmas, was a very different story.

It happened in a small sleepy suburb that was stirring only because some political order was given that made everyone pack a mule and muck some miles. Beyond this sudden influx of original inhabitants that needed to return to comply with a census, everything and everyone was going about business as usual; which wasn’t exactly a roaring city-scene.

I think if we step back from all that the media is yelling at us; if we stayed home just one night and refuse to turn to any form of media; maybe, just maybe, we can come closer to what Christmas is truly like. 

Maybe we can come closer and identify with some of these who were present when it all happened:

Shepherds

“and there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the LORD appeared to them, and the glory of the LORD shone around them, and they were terrified….Suddenly, a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God..” ~ Luke 2v8,9,13

I am guessing you never had an angel suddenly appear as you are marking those exam papers or reading your emails. I haven’t. But if I did, I would feel terrified as these shepherds did.

But what do we have on our greeting cards? Some meek, fairly frozen guys in robes, usually one cuddling a lil lamb. Pretty. Hallmark. Yes, it’s become hallmark; but it’s wrong. Those shepherds were anything but calm and relaxed!

First one angel, and then a whole lot of them – the whole night sky ablazed as heaven invaded earth-o-sphere and the usual blackness of the night sky is shining with light hitherto unseen. We don’t know how long this heavenly presentation lasted... but when it ended; the shepherds did what they felt compelled to: figure out a way to settle the sheep and go check out the news.

To a group of powerless, sheep-smelling men God chose to reveal the greatest event in humankind. (if our news networks got it today; what would become of it?). Simple shepherds who would be at a loss to find words to describe whatever they experienced except in the simplest of terms were privileged to receive the news. These shepherds, all shaken and awakened from their soporific states “spread the word …and all who heard it were amazed.”

Why cannot you and I share this such that those who hear it are amazed?

It’s become too familiar and not frightful enough. God came! We ought to get off our derriere to check it out and try to put it all in words!

For some of us, our spiritual awakening was indeed like the shepherds: we were going about our business and it got interrupted so big time we had to make a break with whatever we were doing in order to break the news.

But we find God-interruptions quite inconvenient. We wish they cease so we can return to ‘normal’; not realizing what we have isn’t normal by design at all. God breaks in to break us out of moulds that would stifle and eventually kill us. Like the shepherds, we need to find a way to check out the interruptions and find words to express what it all means.

Those shepherds probably remained shepherds. But the quiet as the sun sets, the grass, the night sky, even the sheep – have forever been touched by heaven. God can break in and what seems so mundane, ordinary and even, hopeless has forever been touched by glory. And their lowly jobs with those dumb, stubborn creatures? Well, you never know, angels show up.

And this openness to heaven, to God interrupting, to surprises, to angelic visitations lingered on in the church :

“do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for some have entertained angels unawares.” ~ Hebrews 13v2

Has 2014 sprung some surprises for you?
Did any of it feel just like heaven invading your earth-space? Is God wanting to share some news with you?
How can you live more ready for God-interruptions?
How can you be more careful about what feels 'normal' to you so you won't end up God?

 Next stop: Bethlehem


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a thousand lights that won't lead us home.. but one that will : Christmas peace friends!

Every year, the main shopping belt in Singapore gets lit-to-the-max. Yes, it is Christmas, the season for shops and retailers to cast a wide net and gather a huge catch. Lights help here: those glorious baubles, stars, 3D castles, machine-generated snow... the gold, blue, red, diamante colours.

It is a beautiful and enchanting sight that lifts the soul, if for a few moments, to some higher plane of wonder, delight, and relish.

Yes, we even call in those arctic creatures, the reindeer to help rein in the crowds and gamely remind them of the ho-ho of it all - the goodness of giving and receiving.

Perhaps these lights draw us in and lift us because we are afraid of the dark and darkness. Which one of us has not had a frightful experience with that? The child begs for the light to stay on for monsters lurk in the dark. When we cannot see, our minds run a lil' wild.

But there are lights, and there are lights.

Leaving a lil night light is helpful enough, but there are lights we torch that can hurt us ~

...all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand: you will lie down in torment.   

~ Isaiah 50v11

Major ouch.

A lack of peace,
a turning and a tossing,
a fearful anticipation.

fretting over gifts (we hope to have and wish to give)
worrying we may forget someone 'important'
feeling still angry, even hating
knowing deep within we are unforgiven and unforgiving
lonely
afraid as the days are turning into a new year and your plans are drafts

For everyone single one of these we may well have some plan, answer or defense made ready.
But our little torches of how to answer and 'don't dwell on it' won't suffice to get us to experience the angelic announcement over this season: peace on earth and goodwill to man.

You have no idea how much light you need if you won't consider how dark it can get.

No one brings a toy torch light or a half-filled gas lamp for a camping trip in the wilderness.The dark will soon overtake and it will be futile. We are camping for a while in a wide wilderness, en route home. Yes, we can build a campfire in this case. But sometimes. the journey takes us to deserts and strong winds and all we have is sun, moon and stars. The Bedouins learn to rest when it's too hot to travel and navigate by moonlight and stars.

But we? We just push on. City folk with our days made long by artificial light, our sense of prowess and control reiterated to us with every successful sale, every goal attained, every relationship milked. We push on. When we are not sure, we look inside our bag for another torch to light the way.

All this while, the darkness can be encroaching upon us. We wake up and we are shocked at the world news. What has our world come to?!

Christmas is God entering this world engulfed in darkness and piercing the dark to let in the Light.

The storytellers are right: it is an epic battle of dark and light.

A battle out there,yes, but really, it begins inside us. Each of us.

How about this Christmas we let the smaller lights remind us of the Great Light.

Jesus said,

I am the Light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. ~ John 8v12

In the wild as in the desert, no one travels alone. You file up and you want to make sure you follow a trustworthy guide. Jesus offers to lead us, to light the way. He invites us to fall in step.

Stop dashing around. Stop ignoring your heart's cries, aches and longings. The caverns of our soul is a huge space for Light to enter and shine around - as the darkness flees.

This Christmas, amid all the lights and sights, how about slowing down and sitting with Jesus, rest from the heat of the day and talk about your heart; and invite the Light in.

Peace on earth, goodwill to man - - because peace in us, goodwill to you!

Traveler's Views and Notes

~ an expensive trip for a frugal soul

the last two years we made long, costly trips. in 2012 i felt we needed to visit my brother in the USA. thankfully we did and enjoyed precious memories together: trying to ski, sitting by the fireplace, talking about the American elections, and most of all, the late night talks between us, about God. I still remember praying for snow for my son who has never seen that most magical sight: a snowfall. and just an hour before we needed to ride to the airport; there they came, floating down, gently at first! we grabbed our coats and dashed out the house to dance about in the falling of water in most beautiful forms! Hope seemed to bounce about us.

last june, i made a similar trip - but to bid him adieu from this side of heaven. a very different trip - back to the same lovely house of his on his sprawling yard; but this time it was sorting things out, crying, some laughing and as the family members poured in, food and more food; and more tears even as Grace wrapped around us and wove some fresh bonds.

earlier this year, the hubs and i while talking realised we never ever did have what is called a 'sabbatical'. still, we were grateful for the many pit-stops over the years to refuel and stay sane. then we thought, why not go to the one place we both love alot; and now that the kids are older, they will appreciate it more. New Zealand. Land of seas, sounds and sheep! 

but as i began to plan, i struggled. drawing out money to pay for trip to be with people we love makes sense to me. going on a trip just to enjoy ourselves felt so indulgent; especially when i am still learning Jesus' heart for the poor. i felt this strange conflict brewing in me. i wasn't sure where to place the line. my children have asked me before, "are we rich?". at first, my answer was "no". we were not rich by Singapore standards, when compared with many of our peers. But then, more recently, i have told them we are; because more than 80% of the world live with less than $10 a day.

so i kept checking back with the hubs our budget. can we really do this? 

we did it. we paid a tidy sum to-just-rest. it seems rather silly; but this is the state of our world. it tires

 us out so much. 

we skipped around animal poo on farms and talked with llamas, deer, sheep, chickens, ducks, seals, dogs, cats.. we drove or sat in an 11-hour train journey and went ooo and aah over the endless stretches of sea, rolling tussocks, sheep and cattle. we cooked and ate when we were hungry and basked in the long summer hours, exploring lakesides and glaciers. it was a lot of fun! we felt so enlivened to be so immersed in the beauty and power of creation. 

i had told the children why we are taking the trip: that we have both love the vast land; that there will be plenty for them to experience, that we will build great memories. i had reminded them of the expense and our values of not wasting and although i had thought to give some a little pocket change to spend; in the end, they both held back and didn't spend a cent on purchases! we came back just with ourselves, fattened by our wonderful experiences.

despite my inner struggle with the cost, amid the fears of spending alot and not getting a good return, the real and present danger of having to manage little tiffs and skirmishes of the heart..this was a trip held by Peace.

it was not so much about going away to get; but a making time and space to go deeper into something God had been seeking to deposit in our lives. Some times, we have to break our rhythms and even escape the scene to see and feel God's gifts deep enough they enter our beings.

At one point, i felt as if God himself stood between me and all my questions and anxieties and shielded me from the raucous soul-noises and just let me en-joy. a true vacation is one where you vacate the scene and just be.

and like the waters that are still reflect all the grandeur and beauty here, a quieted soul can take in the light and shape of all that is around and let them express without distorting them as rushing waters would.

~ wow, we did that?

i have a fear of heights while the hubs gets sick from motion. but i mounted a horse that must have been twelve hands tall and we took a small ski plane up to walk on snow upon ice! a lot of the time we felt too cold than we were used to; but mostly the weather permitted us to drive safely and enjoy the activities we did.

at mount cook, we were told the winds could get so strong that once the hotel windows all blew in and crashed. the hotel is solid reinforced steel and quite metallic and ugly-looking in order to survive the wild winds that come with such virgin territory. for the four little Singaporeans dizzy with delight? we had that "one fine, fantastic day" to fly out into the mountains the guide told us. 

young explorers at mount cook

without very precise planning {as i am not capable of it}  - we had moved in car, train, ship, horseback and on foot. we had lived in the city, in a monastery cradled in a valley, next to the sea, in the mountains and in a forest with deers around us!

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination ~ Drake.

Travel well friends!

Don't lose your 'ask-ability'...because you lose sight of God.

Dr Luke, who recorded as carefully as he can the events and words of Jesus included fourteen parables. In a few he prefaces the stories Jesus told by stating the purpose of the telling; like in chapter 18 -

Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up ~ Luke 18v1 

What intrigues me about this parable is how it ends.

For years I have heard this parable taught to me as a young person that this is about persistence. We must be persistent. 

But the ending -

However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth? ~v8

 is too drastic for a lesson on persistence.

No, this parable is about how we lack persistence.
It is a story that reveals how quickly we stop asking, how impatient we get for answers, how soon we resort to other sources for help.

Yes, our faith is often shaky, filmsy and short-breathed. It is a hyper-ventilating that resolves when we sense helps or solution nearing. It is a faith that may not be present when Christ comes looking out for it for we have traded it in for answers, fixes and escape routes.

God help me out of this mess...now!
Why aren't you giving me a mate?
How come others are prospering?

These cries are genuine, as is that poor widow's need for justice. In the parable, Jesus contrasts how a callous, godless human judge would - out of a desire to get rid of this vexation - do something for the widow. This are his words:

"Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me." ~ v4b-5

He couldn't care less about God or her. He cared for himself; and that is how the widow will get some reluctant help.

Jesus immediately contrasts this with God:

"And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though he bears long with them?" ~ v7

God will settle scores for us.
God also bears with our cries for help.
+
Will Jesus find faith on earth in the end?

When we add these elements up, we see that this is a parable about whether we will persist in trusting God for justice when things go bad. It is about whether we will lose our ask-ability, because our asking is an outcome of our longing, and where we choose to turn to for answers.

The widow was convinced that her help would come from that judge and so she goes to him persistently.

Soul, sometimes God takes a while to show up.
Many times, his silence is shattering to us.
We wait long and it is easy to lose our desire to ask, to question if the asking is valid, to wonder if there are easier ways out.

You and I hand out the ipads and phones too quickly to quiet our restless kids.
You and I dish out answers too fast in the face of pain, suffering or ill-logic.
You and I are not God.

With God, there is a bearing with us.
With God, there is a definite outcome.
With God, there is a caring, involved justice system.

God does not distance himself. He does not operate on cold logic. He does not simply use some pre-determined formula.

In fact, this parable is dealing not so much with our asking - for our needs, what we call Petitions. It is talking about justice, about asking for the great and grand themes of life ala Les Miserables. It is about supplication, and intercession. In the closing days of human history as we know it when things get really rough, God calls us to remember His Justice and cling on.

And perhaps our asking for the daily stuff of life is deepening our capacity to trust God for the stuff that ultimately matters in eternity.


Soul, in your asking -
over days - you find your energy sapped.
over weeks - you see questions surface.
over months - you feel your heart breaking.
over years - you find your soul changing shape.

You come to a place beyond words. You sit in a spot where feelings seem suspended. You walk around like a bit lost, needing a home to rest in. 

This is when you will come to a fresh sighting of God; you are about to come alive in ways you never knew existed before.

So don't lose your ask-ability, because you are about to gain a fresh vision and a new lease of Life.

And when Jesus returns, you will run with joy into His broad arms that will scoop his faithful friend up!

*Scripture taken from NKJV & for a a list of the parables Jesus told {click here}.

How to do the Will of God when your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are all in a jumble

Some days I can almost hear those gears grinding in my mighty teen's head as we talk about life, love, annoyances, boys (often a subset of annoyances), God and so on. Of late, she has become rather fascinated with the notions of personality and human psychology: what makes us do what we do? When you are as old as I rather am, you will forget you walked this road before as a teen - the one marked with so many signage it was plain confusing.

But then we reached some spot where we breathe, feel the wind, come alive, go a-ha!

credit: Michelle Nyat-Teoh

Somewhere in my university days I remember learning about CABs. We all move around in CABs, not the taxi variety but in a mobile unit made of our Cognition, Affections, and Behaviour. If you prefer, we are the ego sum of our Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour (speech and actions, silence and non-action). It was hugely helpful moment when the lights came on for me. However, the psychology prof did not really tell us which of the three came first. So we were largely left to sort the sequence and pieces out and many days as a young woman, that is pretty hard stuff when your mind tells you one thing, your heart another and you may out of cowardice, peer pressure or sheer momentary insanity act yet another way!

But that was years ago. I am glad I remember my clumsy years. It certainly reins in my tendency to run out of patience with the mighty teen and lead me down a more compassionate path. While I still believe that difficulty and hardship are wonderful gifts when one is growing up to develop grit; I also see that her battle is a different one. Grit is still needed from her; but it is called forth in other ways. Figuring out who one is has never been an easy thing to do, rich or poor. Very few embark on it with honesty and courage and so many fall by the wayside and settle for living up to some handed down dream or limit themselves to circumstances.

My hope is that my own journey can be a legacy and a sort of trail for her to learn how to make her own.

According to the famous Myers Briggs temperament analysis, I score higher on Thinking than Feeling, which is to say I process my information more through my brain than my heart. I was happy to hear that having grown up in a spiritual tradition that was distrustful of fickle human emotions and also seeing first-hand the crazy damage to congenial relations when emotions ran feverish and words and bamboo poles were wielded to inflict hurt {that's right, my maternal grandma you do not trigle with}.

So my CAB had a huge large captial 'C' that drove the way forward, or so I thought.

What the psychology prof did not also address is what happens when God gets involved. So let me tell you: He stalls the cab. My thinking hit a limit.

Without the Thoughts to control the other bits; I found my Feelings staging a mutiny and my Behaviour sometimes surprising!

For others I have seen, it has been Good behaviour, Outstanding Performance, Fantastic Feelings that have ruled the day. But sooner or later, they hit a limit. We cannot sustain our self-constructed worlds. God lets some disrepair, disorder, disruption take place. It can lead to pretty depressing states. But it is the only way we are jolted out of our self-life. In the Silence when what used to work doesn't, we find our Selves deconstructed and if we dare, a truer more real self will emerge.

You see, there is one more component the prof didn't talk about because he didn't study it in graduate school: the Imago Dei - made in God's image. You and I, thus created and designed operate not only with Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour; we also have this mysterious bit that still defies location today, called the Will. The Will is the power house of direction and action. We can think and feel and act but until we will something, the power doesn't come through. 

I love him -
can be a thought. O what a lovely thought. But it can remain all but within our brains.
can be a feeling. Such a sweet feeling. But it vaporises quickly enough when a contradictory feeling comes along.
can be an action. Great acts can even arise from this but they need to be sustained...

Thought, Feeling and Behaviour gathers at the gate waiting for the Will to muster them and say -- 

I will love him! 

The question is, will I? Will you? Why yes/no?

So I realised the deeper Q is this: what wills you? Why should the Will awaken and assert over the rest? The answer is that there is A Higher Will that you and I pursue and seek to obey. It is what we say in the prayer Jesus taught

Our Father in HeavenHallowed by Thy NameThy Kingdom ComeThy Will be doneOn earth as it is in Heaven...

I can almost see a valley full of Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour now gather in amazing numbers bearing arms and waving signs that say 'no way!'.  I hear protests of :

do you have any idea what i have gone through, my mind remembers every detail...
my heart is still in so much pain
look, this is just not me, I simply don't do this

I wait out the clamour a bit. I let the self-evident results play out as the Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour begin to show signs of disunity. The great army disintegrates in smaller camps rife with conflict. The memory is hazy, the feelings are going hither and thither, and the behaviours are deepening in crisis.

I read a Psalm slowly. At first, the three continue with their murmuring... but they quieten down, and when I read this, they snap to attention ~

"Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
all you who hope in the LORD." ~ Psalm 31v24

I go back to the start of the Psalm now that they are quiet, and read again:

"In You, O LORD, I put my trust,
let me never be ashamed;
Deliver me in Your righteousness.
Bow down your ear to me,
Deliver me speedily;
Be my rock of refuge,
A fortress of defense to save me...
For you are my strength.
Into your hand I commit my spirit;
You have redeemed me, o LORD God of truth...
You have considered my trouble;
you have known my soul in adversities...
My times are in Your hand..." ~ Psalm 31v1-5 (NKJV)

As The Thoughts back down from their haughty place, as the Feelings are soothed with a salve that reaches deep, and as my Behaviour stops flaunting its self-righteous label, my Will arises afresh and commands them to move in concert to the baton held by the One who knows best. I am ready to act in love.

Ignore the war and lose the battle

Maybe this applies only to me. 

But after having listened to hundreds of people, especially women, I think I am not the oddball here.

Negative Thoughts.

It is a very real battle, part of a war of cosmic proportions. I know, it sounds 'normal' when the circuitry goes -

He's gone and done it again
Hiaz, I don't think this is going to change
What to do...this is the way church is..
I'm not good enough 

Some self-doubt is good or we would all be obnoxious pompous pigs {sorry, pigs, writers love alliterations}. But, when it comes around, lurks in your mind, sneaks into your conversation, lingers in your memory -- and it makes you or worse, someone else smaller -- it is time to take action. Yes, it is time to take all your ammo out and shoot it to smithereens. {My son will be very proud of me for such decisive, drastic thoughts; he the one who wants to blast road-hogs into space}.

In particular, I am talking about those closest and dearest to us. We see their spots: soft, weak, blind, gross... and it is easy for us to pick on those spots like we are scratching an itch. It is honestly, quite effortless. Plus, we get plenty of help from the Enemy who has a deep fascination with disintegration, destruction and discouragement. If you and I can experience any of these within our bosoms and in our relationships, it is success for him.

God designed us to live in relationships. This is how we learn who we are and become who we can be. In the ~
tussle,
the give-and-take,
the forgiveness,
the letting go,
the learning to respect and to gain respect,
the drawing of boundaries and the breaking of rules

-- we uncover our personhood and thrive as humanity and community.

Nothing wrecks us like isolation, accusation, and condemnation. With all our best devices and ideas, these trio lurks close by because it is not the media that connects us but the Master.

So much of my life would be different if the Master did not have his say. I can see the debris of broken trust, the fall-out from half-truths, the abject brokenness of abandoned projects of life. But thankfully the Master had his say.

So you and I; we risk, reach out, restore, and release.

There is a horrid battle going on right now in the Middle East. It is a familiar battle of frustration, disenchantment and a different dream wanting expression. The observers and critics all say it is a battle that can only be won if there is enough political will and commitment. Just striking from the air won't do the job. It will cost us heavy. But the alternative? A continual bleed that turns up in a new spot? I don't know if it can be finally stopped due to the ideological and religious roots of such movements. But it is instructive for us. The battle is expressing a larger war of ideas and ideals.

In a sense all our battles too arise out of a clash of ideas and ideals. So out of a sense of frustration, of feeling like we are overpowered, of a lack and a desire burgeoning to break the ground...come our harsh words, impatience, and weary thoughts - all expressions of a larger war where we have not learnt to find peace, contentment and suck the marrow of life. Instead our hearts are tossed hither thither by ideas and pictures that tantalise and lure us away from what we do have; keeping us in a forever 'I don't have enough' mode. We have not submitted our hard-won ideas and ideals to the Master. No wonder we cannot hear him -

The Master says to us we are strong enough with Him to bear the tough stuff of life. Where people are concerned; this means they will never be enough for us. Yes, our longing and hunger for love is so great it needs a Great Lover to meet it.

The Master calls to us to keep waving that crazy banner of hope that there is Glory right here to be had. Where people are concerned; this means we never give up seeing them in God's light so that we choose to believe and trust rather than to doubt and distrust.* 

Nearly everyday, those Negative Thoughts would try to occupy me. They come sometimes in legion and spread out mats all ready to have a picnic! Regrettably, I am able to write this precisely because I have sometimes failed to bat them away with a mighty Word. This is what happens then:

him: .....
me: (gruff)....
him:... ??...
me: ...(still gruff)...
him: (wiser now)..wait a minute, how is this related?...

If only this was a preamble to a warm heart-to-heart that led to hugs and kisses. No. More often that not, it just exhausts us!

If we really held on, we won't be adrift

I woke up this morning to a Negative Thought. {they are very impolite; they never ever knock but barge right in}. By now, I know better. I take out my broom and sweep it away. Out! Damn thought! Then I go sit with the Master. My mind and heart soon fills with far superior things and occupations. I want to pray  and build up the very person I began the day with odious thoughts about. I become aware of their struggles and needs, and tender thoughts fill me.... I have stopped reducing him/her to his/her weakness but is seeing the person.

Fellow woman-soul (& the men who care), remember there is a war, so be armed; and you won't lose this battle.

 

*this does not apply if the person has a compromised mental capacity or has repeatedly hurt you. Please see the police/a counselor.

today, my children's names remind me of greater things

There is this conversation Jesus had with a woman of questionable repute. As the man, Jesus starts the conversation off (because if he didn't, it would not happen because women back then were basically second class or even property).

If I may, this is sorta how it went:

J (very tired): Will you give me a drink?
W: What? Are you crazy? You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan*. We don't get along remember? How can you break the rules?  

J: If you can see past all that, you will know I can give you a drink that truly settles your life's thirst.
W (eyes J carefully): hey, how you plan to get water, you didn't bring a bucket. This well was dug centuries ago by Jacob. Our ancestors drank from it. Are you greater than them? 

J: this water relieves thirst but doesn't satisfy and overflow from your life.
W: sounds good, Give me some, coming here is really a lot of work. 

J: Go call your husband.
W: I have no husband! 

J (smiles gently): you are accurate here. You have had five husbands. The man you are with now is not a husband.
W: You can tell... some sort of prophet huh? Then answer me, who is right? Where is the right place to worship God? Did the Jews or the Samaritans get it right? 

J: The place is no longer the issue. Listen, salvation will come through the Jews as God planned; but it's for everyone. God the Father is Spirit so those who worship him must do so in spirit and in truth.

Fifteen years ago, we talked about having children. The hubs was not keen; but I was pretty set on the wonders of having children and very excited about being a mother. We agreed that he would take some time to pray about it. He came back with a rather nervous demeanour but conceded that children are accorded worth, purpose and glory in the Bible. Our baby girl was conceived the following month.

The point that Jesus made in that conversation captivated me. Many of us by then are pretty jaded about where the world is headed; and not a few friends have sworn off having children. But there is this: there is a group who seeks and responds to God - and they do so not depending on tradition but by being animated by spirit and truth.

I am a huge fan of tradition in many ways; and call people to return to a historic, tested faith. But there is also this: every generation will have challenges that must be confronted and it requires a move of the Spirit that emboldens and an anchorage in the Truth so they won't get swept off their feet.

My firstborn bears the middle name Spirit-of-God ~רוח אלוהים
Six years later, the son enters the world with theTruth enfolded in the middle of his name ~אמת

People name their children for many reasons:
popularity of the name
in honour of family members
expressing aspirations
a sense of the child's destiny

These middle names I felt inspired to include were more like a proclamation. I wanted to shout out: Spirit and Truth!

Interestingly, many days, these two Hebrew words shout back at me, holding me up against the Light~

are you guided by the Holy Spirit or relying on your own past experiences and success?
are you seriously seeking the truth or will you get lazy nd gloss over stuff?

I never get past these questions. Even now. I need to prepare talks and sermons. I mentor. I need to make decisions and respond to the decisions others make. Will it be in Spirit and Truth?

The thing about growing older is you lose confidence in the right places.

When I was younger, I said, "Lord, lead me in Spirit and Truth!" because I didn't know very much anyway, so I needed to be led; and honestly I did not see much of what was coming!

Now, I cry out, "Lord, blanket, build, bolster, barricade me..." for I know much more; and it's mostly about how easy it is to stray into Self and falsehood. 

I guess the real stuff becomes all the more precious when you see how frequently the counterfeits are traded around, when you have hurt and been hurt because the Spirit and the Truth were absent.

Perhaps lift a prayer for me please: I am feeling a great need to remain in, dig deeper, be defined - by Spirit and Truth.

You too? Share with me in the comments so I can pray for you too.

*the story is found in the Bible in John chapter 4. A Samaritan is part-Jew so rejcted by the pedigree Jews.

What shape are you..and if there's a mould, how about a Cross?

{this is a post I shared over at The Brave Girl Community - an online group of gals loving Jesus and learning to live freely in His fierce freedom!}

We don't just have stereotypes (and these can be useful); but we also have stereo-shapes! That's right: aren't we being told all the time what shape things ought to be, whether it is the economy, the family..and of course, our bodies {and the men are not spared these days}. But who determines these shapes?

I remember thinking about the wondrous ideals of communism and mashing it with Acts 2 'they had all things in common' only to be challenged by my Theology professor about the good that capitialism has done. I see his point; but I am not fully convinced. After all, the principle behind captialism is this to capitalise -- which gets really out of hand quickly!

Who decides when something is maxmised or capitalised? Whose benefit are we thinking about? Who defines the shape of things?

What about our individual lives? Do they too have shapes?
Some people remind me of :
Arrows - always directed at something. I respect their missional sense and drive; but wow..it's does get rather one-dimensional at times just to speak of bottom lines.
Circles - they keep going around the same issues.
Loose shapes -these are ill-defined it seems and appear to go with the flow...

The Cross is a shape. If we could pout our lives into a mould; how about the shape of the Cross?

Loving God
Loving Others

This is a shape we should explore more. The Cross is the shape formed from the meeting of two lines.
A life in Cross-shaped seeks to live upward or Godward. It is a life that reaches, stretches, grows... and it happens not as the line goes up; but also as it goes downwards; plunging the depths and abyss:
where we dig deep into the why and wherefore of things, where we examine our motives, sense the movements within our bosoms and ask probing questions so that we don't go through life like a phantom or facade.

Then there is the other reaching where we aspire, dream, hope, work towards...that moves outwards. These are the horizontal lines that can stretch out a welcome, and reach around to embrace!


The cross-shaped life is a very dynamic life that cannot be fueled by seeking to capitalise, or asking 'what's in it for me?' because it will take us to places where those sorts of questions don't make sense at all.

The Cross is a symbol of ~

Love and Life
Forgiveness and Freedom
Grace and Goodness
Power and Peace

It is a shape we must in humility lie down and soften into.