11 Sept 2014

Form 'other' to 'another' and the wide mercies of God our cradling Grace

My life has some pretty basic routines. One of them is going to the neighbourhood mall Junction 8. By now I know the street, the spots to park free, the stores and the short-cuts pretty well. But still, I never quite get used to all the life I will meet each time I venture out.

Even a familiar place can yield the unfamiliar. The expected can throw up a surprise.

We can walk like the dead, going about our routines, operating like the rest of kingdom animaliae; just trying to survive another day. But we get restless, we question, we mourn, we get served a notice that jolts us awake.



Today for example, in the hustle I saw this skinny man whose eyes did not seem to focus really well.

He's not really old, not more than thirty. He was in his green and yellow uniform, standing right there in the sea of humanity streaming around him scrounging for bargains and queuing to make payment. There he stood, quite oblivious, waving his arms with palms up as if to catch falling water. I looked for a leak but did not see any. He seemed consoled too that he did not catch anything, and then proceeded to pick up his broom and pan. 
At the car park, I shifted my cumbersome trolley and gave a wide swath to another cleaner who smiled appreciatively as he maneuvered his mop-bin-on-wheels across. 

"It's easy to feel good for kindness, but you aren't different from him".
 I know. 
 Like him and the other, we are all but souls with skins on. All trying to make it through.

Later, as my car perched nervously at the slope turning onto the road, I glimpsed ahead of me a van that had the words "Inspiring Hope, Enriching Lives". It was the van that brought the small party who live with muscular dystrophy for their weekly outing. 

I am rushing through my gorcery routine and I am as usual feeling thirsty; and all this Life is asking me to pay attention.

There was a time when our thoughts were 'other' - we see someone different and we thank God we are not born/bred/turned out so. We feel a twinge of sympathy and when the charity drives come along, we are moved to help with our monies. But there remains a I/they divide. What's more, we often compare and augment 'I' by classifying and categorising 'them' so that the 'I' feels stronger/better/more.


But there comes a time when we see just 'another'. It is just another life really; and very much like ours. Another life wanting to mean something, be useful, to laugh, be loved and love. The garb and language and colour and words may all be different, but it comes to the same stuff of dust seeking glory. This is why I am upset these days --

when I think how we interpret Jesus' words that he came to give us life abundant as a narrow, materialistic, self-indulgent offer that we deserve. 

when i find myself forgetting so quickly that the awkward, badly dressed teen is imago Dei as I am. 

when I push my closest ones away too quickly because my soul is out of shape and I don't know what to do with my jutting angles; and it is their fault for coming too close.

In Brennan Manning's final book, All Is Grace, he writes simply of his life without fanfare or any need to embellish. His was a life-time of struggle with alcoholism. His was a life others can only dream about: book successes and a life message about Abba Love...Yet here was a man, another, like you and me. He had his triumphs and his demons. He lived honestly as he could. His is not written to garner a book prize. It almost read like a child's re-telling of a long adventure.

The simple truth that grips your heart and changes you is this: Ordinary life shines because it is all Grace.

What would your life and mine look like if we lived like we truly believed this Grace is wrapping us safe and cradling us through the storms?
 What would our world look like if we saw each other as just another, and helped each other sip often of the sweet nectar of Grace rather than rush around thirsty?

A great song as we ponder The Love of God by Rich Mullins


There's a wideness in God's mercy
I cannot find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God

Now I've seen no band of angels
But I've heard the soldiers' songs
Love hangs over them like a banner
Love within them leads them on
To the battle on the journey
And it's never gonna stop
Ever widening their mercies
And the fury of His love

Oh the love of God
And oh, the love of God
The love of God

Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God



1 Sept 2014

Getting pain for loving and living the Fight

The cat has a strange habit.

None of my other cats had it. Chats throws up. Yes, every now and then, the kitty will deposit a mess of still-being-digested contents at whatever spot she happens to be at. Our first instinct on seeing this? A chiding of course, "Chats! ....". Today however, I decide to go after her and give her a little tummy rub to soothe her. And this is what I got:


It is stinging me even now.

Talk about love being messy. Which part of "poor kitty' didn't she get? I feel utterly unappreciated, and I cannot argue with or reason with this feline. It is really painful.

All of us live with some form of pain; maybe the pain of regret or loss. Most of us learn to cope, or numb, or pretend. But there are many today who live where pain is a constant -
They are losing loved ones suddenly from blasts that shatter any solidity they may yearn for. Like in the Middle East.
They are being judged - first - simply because of their skin colour. Like in many parts of that free land called the US of A.
They are worried about being found out, exposed and rejected. Like the guys.gals who wrestle with being emotionally and physically attracted to the same gender.
There is simply no salve or solution, but there is this: Jesus enters the pain. 

I first heard this idea twenty years ago in seminary. In my youthful enthusiasm, the mere knowledge of it made it all so grand. I reached for this truth like it was a trophy and prize and may have uttered, "pain, do your worse for I am not alone!".

This cat scratch that still hurts is nothing. Over the years, Pain has thrown tornadoes and whirlwind against my soul and upset it in no small way.

Many days I wonder that I still stand.

Jesus has entered the pain ---
Is he here supporting me so I don't fall?
Is he giving me moral support, rooting for me with the "you can do it, coz I did" kind of thing?
Is he quietly working out this marvelous outcome, rigging the results while I am having this slugfest in the ring called broken humanity?

Jesus entered the pain by becoming one of us creatures-in-pain. He allowed his infinite being to be limited by time and space, subject to broken humanity and suffered all of the pains we do -

physically  from hunger to near-death physical afflictions,

emotionally from suspicion to outright betrayal,

and endured a pain none of us would ever have to: separation from God as a result of bearing the totality of sin.


In every season of pain, I have gone to this Jesus and asked him again, what does it mean that you enter our pain?
And I begin to realise that my pain is real. It is being taken seriously. I can talk to him about it. He is deflecting and absorbing some of it I am sure or I would totter and crash.
And like a dedicated medic who has rushed to the wounded solider in the trenches, he reaches over and bandages my wounds. He tells me it will heal. I look into His eyes and I believe Him even as the battle rages on.



As the bandage goes around the wound, he tells me too that I am to stay in the fight; not let the injury incapacitate me. I lean back and dreamily wish for Lucy from Narnia, coming up and applying her magic potion that would immediately restore me.

Sometimes it feels that way. It happens quick the healing. Other times, it seems the wound is going to just gape and mock me. But I arc and lift myself up; everywhere are the fallen and I must not get lost in my own pain....Even though sometimes there's the added burden of someone cussing nearby, another calls you a madman or a clown, others cry and melt down; and still a few yell back, "save yourself", the same words they said to Jesus that he may prove himself smarter and stronger; and if he did he would miss the point of love that dies for the beloved.


Lesser mortals would kick the cat that scratched. But I am no mere mortal now who contain glory am I?

"And you...he has made alive together with Him..." ~ Colossians 2v13

So I too enter into pain and deflect sometimes and absorb at other times. I too learn to bandage wounds and speak valour back into the wounded soul.

We are more than the wounded; we are the wounded healers.

And dear soul, how about just pausing for this: healer of my soul {michael talbot}





29 Aug 2014

Of doubts and 'what if I am just psyching myself?'...

Doubts plague all thinking people.

And some of us, we are prone to question, and so to doubt; more than others.

But because the world loves to operate and talk as if we all know what is going on, to harbor doubts can be scary for us. It smacks of a lack of faith. It feels like we are missing something. It feels like we may be have a loose screw jangling noisily that only we can hear. So we berate ourselves and make ourselves feel worse.

But then with I read a cry like this,

Why have you forsaken me? ~ Psalm 22
and know that we who doubt are safe.

Psalm 22 has been called the Messianic Psalm, and right here is the cry from the pain-fraught, anguished soul of none other than Jesus. He cries out that God has left the scene! Jesus on the cross and felt the Father’s absence as the sin upon Christ caused the Father to turn His face away.

If you ever felt the stung of rejection.
This is what Jesus felt. For the first time. In the most awful way.

Because of you and I.

Rejection is at the root of all our doubt. It is the fuel for the “what ifs…” we utter frightened within our hearts. And all of us have felt this sting before.

We think God is all ready to reject us.

But he is the sting-remover; the One who wants to come close and apply a soothing balm to this sting that acts up and cause us to shrink back, become cynical and even paralysed us into non-action.
What if she laughs at me?What if he doesn’t believe?What if I am wrong?
More than once when journeying with people, they say at some point, “I think I am only psyching myself. I am tired of pep-talking myself…”.

I get that.

The pep talk, the one we do to remind ourselves of hope; yes it can seem pretty lame. It’s just words, and often with a stinging pain, it feels plain powerless to make any real difference. Besides, some of us just aren’t the talking kind.

But listen. We talk to ourselves all the time.

We even talk to ourselves that what we say to ourselves is useless, or useful.

It’s kind of circular and silly;  or  it is powerful and deserves repeating.
It really works.




However –

Our self-doubting capabilities will kick in. So we demand some evidence -

If I am worthy, then why doesn't anyone notice?
If I am gifted, then why is my life so ordinary and I am so wrecked with pain?If I am loved, then why do I feel so miserable and weak?
I get this too.

We need to talk to ourselves.

But we need more than preppy, happy, ’clappy’ shorthand ways of describing life. We need more than clichés.

This means it is pretty important that we talk to ourselves properly.

Takes time.
Takes effort.
Takes quiet.
Often helped with a journal.

If you want to have a great conversation that unearths truth and sends light exploding in strange corners of your soul.
If you want to be real and authentic; which is required for intimacy and communion.
If you want to feel free and lighter.
If you want to sense a trajectory to your life.

Then talk to yourself properly.

Don’t stuff your feelings or ignore your fears. Don’t kick those doubts or trash those tuggings.

If you reject yourself, you make yourself more prone to seeing rejection in others’ responses to you.

Even more – rejecting yourself is an affront to the God who made you.
This is the God who declared each of us fearfully and wonderfully made. There is no mistake or manufacture fault from His point of view. But it's so hard to believe this when we live in a world that defies this truth and trample upon it in a thousand ways; demanding that we prove our worth and earn our space here. Founder of evolutionary biology Richard Dawkins recently tweeted that couples should simply abort their babies because it's immoral to give birth to a Down Syndrome's kid. That's saying a lot - and talk like this floats around in the air we breathe in each day. It can get hard to talk ourselves to a place of security.

This is why, the self-talk must give way to silence – when we listen to God talk.

Whether we intentionally shut up and read Scripture, and scrawl sightings.

Whether we sit quiet and wait.
Whether we walk in the great world he made and let bird, water, light send their echoes of delight into our souls.
Whether we draw, doodle, make music, move or squish mud to be amazed that these hands and this body and this mind can come together and convey beauty and longing.




For in the end, we are reflectors. We reflect what we absorb.
“In the beginning was the WordAnd the Word was with GodAnd the Word was God…Through Him all things were made;Without him nothing was made that has been made.In him was life, and that life was the light of men.”
~ John 1v1-4
The Word that's always been is what forms and makes and shapes. The Word gives definition and stirs to life. There is the promise here that we can be set alight by this Word that gives life. 

If we ever hope to have some light on our lives, the most important self-talk is to remind ourselves to go to the Word, the Life, the Light.

For a little more dissecting, here's the good, bad and ugly of doubts .




26 Aug 2014

Getting older, growing bolder {with cat pictures}

No one seemed to have witnessed it.



There was a huge arc of light splayed apart in its constituent colours last Tuesday. I followed the arc and it flowed towards where I lived. For the first time in my life I tried to chase a rainbow. But as I grew nearer, I realised that when we stand right under the Light, the colours scatter all around and we may not notice it!

We remember the first rainbow as a promise that a earth-wide deluge would not happen like in Noah's days. But there is more. God is not looking to destroy but to heal and embrace and make real. The rainbow is what light really is. When it shows up, we are always surprised and a little dizzy with delight -- the same way
when we stop; and remember that we all stand under the Light.

And there is this choice to notice it.

"I am the Light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,
but have the light of life." ~ Jesus in John 8v12

May I share something I saw under the Light?

Seventeen years ago, i decided to check out the meaning of my name. I found out that it means 'boldness'.

I sat deeper into my chair -- and the moments I was bold and the many times I was just plain scared, when I stepped away, backed off...all came tumbling into my mind.

Was I bold to choreograph a dance when I did not know a thing about dancing?
Was I bold to write that protest note on behalf of the class to the principal and so five of us got to see what it was like in her office.
Was I bold to trek off into the mountains of the Golden Traingle in Thailand with an two-week old cough?

Perhaps.

Who we are is given to us. 

While our mom and dad and so many fussing aunties or none at all look at us and decide on a name; they had no clue what to call forth from this tiny being all packed with future and possibility.

There were hints: I was the kindergarten bully - I sat next to this clueless kid who drove me mad and I made sure he knew. But I was also the one who would cry and refuse to go because I remembered I forgot my book. I was the pretty girl my mom wanted to spend her precious little on, but when she took me to the market and after twenty minutes when I stood my ground instead of accepting any of the frilly dresses, we ended up eating fishball noodles instead.

There are times when who we are might be crushed and squashed a little; even lost to us when hurt and pain can send us hiding because we think that's the way to be safe. But we die as we hide.
come on out from hiding!

This is why it also takes this:

Who we are is called forth from us.


Was I bold to walk into a new place and people and start being their pastor?
Was I bold to call myself a 'pastor-writer' when no one else did?
Was I bold to ignore the reasonable voices that I should look after the needs of a few hundred and not stay home to watch the souls of two?

The needs call out our gifts.
The convictions of our hearts stir the cauldron of our values and prime us to activate our selves.
The faith of others, when they see our gifts and affirm them energise us to arise.

Bold - is the standing up, being loud and noticed, making a splash and causing a stir. It is speaking up, being different, daring new things. So we think.

and we stand, now, upon Grace


But as I grow older, I find my boldness surface and surprise me. In fact, it seems my boldness is leading me away from the typical places where the bold tread: decision and power centres. But I see that a courage is being nourished and honed in this strange paradox of being obscure and away from the action. This process mostly involves me seeing my fears up close and refusing to cover them up with leaves; but to accept my smallness, to weep over my cowardice and compromise, and to rest that Someone greater has named me, given me gifts, and will call me forth. 


What have you been given?
What is being called forth?

And, haha this -
o kitty! not like this!

21 Aug 2014

All Parenting must start at the very beginning...with Genesis

We love '....and they lived happily ever after'.... 

But -
that won't do unless it began with 'Once upon a time'... which makes it real, concrete, believable -- because -- it apparently really happened before!



Do our lives have a 'Once upon a time' too? 

Yes it does!

Perhaps this is why we connect with the stories and long for the logical conclusion: the bad guy is extinguished and the good guy wins and saves the gal; and they live happily ever after!

Sounds like heaven to me! {Jesus comes and vanquish his enemies and win His bride the church}.

Except --
to a temperamental teen and a distracted boy, heaven feels more real when the teen gets to whatsapp furiously with friends, while the eight year old gets to play without a care for time or chore with his Lego pieces.

This is where Genesis comes in.

I dream of perfection and highest joys with them. I remind them that heaven is very real, and is the longing of our hearts because right there in Genesis chapter 1 we had it. It was great.

But we messed it up. So now we feed on counterfeits and can grow callous and insensitive to the real deal.

This basic truth is so essential and foundation to parenting children (of the utero or spiritual kind). Genesis sets the stage for us to understand so much. Like they say, "if you don't know where you came from, you're likely going to lose your way".

The creation of humankind is our background story. It explains our glories, longings, possibilities and the very real threats and angst we feel. It can be taught simply to smaller kids and used with great drama with teens!

Take this conversation for example -

son : I'll be so happy if I don't have to work, but everything is work..even playing!
me : well, God created us to work!
son : {looks at me}
me : Do you remember why? (i whip out my phone and read}
let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature
so they can be ressponsible for the fish...and yes, Earth itself..
{read with drama of course}
See, it is part of God's plan that we work. It's good for us!
But you remember what happened right? {i remind him of the Original Sin and continue reading}
"the very ground is cursed because of you;
getting food from the ground will be painful..
the ground will sprout thorns and weeds.."
God created us to work, to take care of everything. Sin has made the work much harder. This is why we find it so tough; and we are tempted to become lazy.
But this is the beginning right? What happens later?

son: Jesus dies for us.
me : That's right! Now,you have the Holy Spirit within you. Jesus lives within you ..and listen carefully to this:
"do your best, work from the heart for your real master for God.."

This is the picture we parents want to avoid:


Helping our children embrace life involves helping them to see a huge part of life correctly: work.
Hopefully, our own view is sound too.

Genesis, the book of beginnings -
sets us straight, inspires us, and reminds us of why we need a Saviour.
throws us back to depend on the sweet Spirit to guide and empower us.
opens our eyes to the First Person of the Godhead, the only real Power there is, and so -
sets us on the solid ground of reverence and awe, gratitude and godly fear.

It's a very good place to start!



18 Aug 2014

when your book launch teaches you what your book is saying


So yesterday was The Book Launch.

publisher's spiel
Here is the publisher sharing his excitement over his trademark and imprint.

I was very happy yesterday. 

The day had begun with the family going to support a local church we know for their anniversary where my husband was invited to preach at. We then drove over to The Arts House and found a free Sunday parking lot (these things bring cheer when you live in the city!) within walking distance from the venue. 

The event was being held at a historic spot - where the Parliament met for more than two decades - a place where words were aplenty, debates were lively and decisions were formed. I love old, historic buildings; and it was not typical to be able to launch a Christian book at such a venue.

Then the people started to stream in. I lighted up. Being the extrovert, I loved meeting people, especially my friends; and especially because city-life and motherhood just don't conspire to make getting together with people happen easily. Every face was so full of meaning and memories for me. One recently-made friend came with her family in tow and I knew it was her determination to come that brought the whole lot. My mind and heart was a-flutter for in each face I saw people who have taught me something from their life; I recount how our paths crossed; what we shared in the time we worked/talked/played/grew up together. I was dizzy with delight!

Yet all the way I was also a bag of nerves.

When the publisher first said, 'we should do a launch", I just wasn't too enthusiastic. It seemed so officious, so self-seeking somehow to go, 'hey everyone! come look at what I've done!'.There was a time I did that often within the chambers of my heart. But these days, it's just plain awkward. In fact, I noticed that I have lost my youthful optimism and blustery confidence as a small still whimper kept coming back, 'people are too busy". Sure, some people have told me they are coming. But we also needed to fill the numbers, and that was just hard for me.

The publisher picked up my nervousness and tried to assure me that there will be people who will support, my husband reminded me that there were people who loved me and cared about my gifts. But I kept having these doubts.

What I have written is so true. Being loved is hard for us. We are so used to working for approval. A book launch is like asking for love-in-advance. They haven't read the book, they may hate it. It may be a huge letdown... who knows? It's asking people to show up and say 'she has something worth saying'. Or perhaps, they came because they were curious (never been to a launch or the the Old Chambers), or they were obliged to (church friends?). It's horrible to think this way and scar a good beautiful thing. But we do it. I do it.

The Insecurity is deep. The soul-enemy loves to drum in the spaces of that crack in our souls and turn up the noise so that love gets drowned out.


I feel sorry to have felt this way. It felt like I let my friends down to have such a thin faith in our affections.

The only thing I can do is thank as many as I can individually for their presence. I know it has taken their time and effort to come be a part of something unfolding. But can I thank them enough for depositing love into my hungry soul and so being strength-agents for my life?


Thank you friends. 





7 Aug 2014

We cannot get the Big Picture -- and it's okay...

We all like to know 'why'.
It stands to reason as we are creatures of reason.
Some of us are happy with a big picture; others need a lot more detail, so social scientists tell us.

Well, I for one am generally happy to begin moving in a direction once I know where the arrow points. But, with some things, details are necessary.... like needing some sign that your kid is really, actually studying, not just being told , "don't worry mom, I'm studying!". Right?



But sometimes, we simply won't get the Big, whole picture no matter how hard to strain to. This is how I found out recently.

My 14 yr old shared with us this year that she feels she is ready for baptism. As pastor-parents, we are delighted! But I must admit that my delight is tainted with some concern. Does she really understand? Is she really ready? I must admit that I agree with a fellow parent here: some of this concern is troubling as what it really reflects may be self-concern that we have done a good job as parents! Ouch!

The sleuth in me began to set to work. What has led up to this point?
You see, my daughter has an extremely questioning mind. When she was six, sitting in the sofa reading something, she suddenly looked up and said out loud, "Isn't it God's fault since He put the tree in the garden in the first place?". This is the first of a long barrage of questions that came, and with each year, they also became laced with a sheen of skepticism.

And then, clear as sky, I could see she no longer read her Bible or prayed. It was painful.

Well, we had spots of light -
she kept asking
she talked and debated with us (rather than turn away)

So yes, I wanted to trace what led to this amazing tipping point.

It wasn't difficult as they were all in the journals of my heart: the moment several years ago I felt God said to "fight for her destiny" and it quickened me to pray and continue creating a home where the spiritual is weaved real into everything and everyday. And then an event or two plus heart conversations... with a river of tears and prayers (mine and several dear fellow-moms) flowing beneath it all....

This is my version of what led to Baptism.

Then, during the service, she went up and gave her testimony. It began, "Hi, I am ...14..and the daughter of not one, but two pastors" to knowing laughter around us. This is all the mention we get by-the-way (the Ouch).

She then goes on to describe what led to this point; and guess what? Her story and mine doesn't fit! Not even an overlap in parts!

I thought God worked and met her in certain ways.
She talked about how God met her in other ways.

I felt a Holy Laugh.

I get it the next morning. My sleuth work isn't bad. It's just what I saw and felt meaningful. Her story is honest. It's what's real to her. And I get it: we cannot get the Big Picture of what God is up to sometimes. But we each have a sliver of it and it is enough for us to take the next step.

Yet moments like these - when we know what we know isn't all there is to know -- well, we bow and give thanks; for that's all we can do!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are you ways my ways", 
declares the LORD ~ Isaiah 55v8 



As the Psalmist reminds us,
Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord
or fully declare his praise?
~
Psalm 106v2 {emphasis mine}

2 Aug 2014

Go on, be creative!

-- Why we must all create and be creative.

“I’m not the creative kind” she said to me and handed me the bulletin. I looked it over and knowing she had given it her best shot, replied, “you mean you are not creative in a particular way”.

Most of us think being creative is drawing, splashing colour, wielding the mouse and putting things together to get pretty, beautiful and classy. That is not exactly wrong – just that – we narrow it to
  1. Art and craft variety of creativity
  2. Only some can do it


Afterward, I continue to think about what the staff had said and found a deeper reply for her. Genesis says we are all created in God’s image. We bear some of the traits of God; not in His Godlike-ness but our humanity somehow cradles something larger such that we are not just spectators/participants of life but more. We were specifically called to be missional; to steward; and we are able to do so precisely because that entails qualities that rise above the rest of created order. One of those qualities is our ability to be creative.

Just think food. (some WOW food pictures)

It is mind-blowingly incredible what we humans can churn out with the raw materials we are given. We can mix flaours, tetusres, colours, looks. We can consider nutritional value, seasonal changes, production cycles… Consider with me that majestic animal that strikes terror in our hearts: the lion. Food? It roars back, “toss me a zebra! No dressing required!”

Being creative is essential to our being’s wellness; it is inherent and natural to our design.

Just think blogging.

For many of us, the act of writing, putting together ideas, stringing words and creating a message is life-giving (and it helps if it brings in the income too!). I have been writing now for more than ten years. It began first as a step of obedience, then sheer discipline, and now, it is mostly delight. In fact, many times I have found my writing practically saved my life when I can forge the flotsam of my heart and mind with a solid cord of truth and weird and wonderful creatures emerge from them instead of lurk around like shadows inside me.
Unfortunately, most of creative activity is lost to us. We limit creative activity to arts-and-crafts, and conclude when we did not get an ‘A’ for art in school that it is a lost cause.

In truth, our nature urges us on towards creative activity. This is why many who are in the workforce are extremely disenchanted. Most workplaces (including schools) major on conformity.
Stick to the rules
Appear competent
Push for those sales targets

Some are lucky to find that their abilities and creative energies are harnessed well. Most are not.

This is where hobbies can be life-saving.

But, there is a whole realm of creative activity that is not talked about: the home.

Here again, we think of creativity in terms of design and furnishing. We bring in the experts and pay them a handsome fee.

But in truth, it takes enormous creative energies to grow a marriage and to raise children.

It involves a responsive and creative nurturance of the home atmosphere – to build a haven of peace and openness.
It requires ongoing review and adjustments to creatively relate to children through the stages of life – to build and maintain a strong bond of love and trust.

I have worked in public relations, operations, taught a little, begun ministries and led a church. But the one role that has called for the most sustained effort, and broadened my inner reservoir of creative impulse has been parenting. Sadly, I believe that many women make the mistake of feeling that they are more creative at work. Yes, parenting has a lot of hum drum. There is a daily-ness to it that can drain the life from you; if you do not engage your creative impulse.

We were created to be creative; and in every season and sphere of life, we are animated and feel more alive when we will believe this truth about ourselves --- and . just . create.

A new recipe
Gardening
Blogging
Scrap-booking
Menu-planning
Conversations of loving-impact
Playing
Museums
Music
Musing

The list is long. Somewhere on it are things you can do, enjoy, and feel alive.

Somewhere on it, as you and I are willing to step off the treadmill and yell “I’m abstaining from the rat race”, we can be building a different world.


Go on, be creative!



1 Aug 2014

Broken is normal in this broken world... and it's not an Iron Dome that saves us...

We are living in tired times.

There is so much bad news we grow weary listening to them.
Today, I simply had to turn the radio off.

After all, it's the same news all over again -
there is no peace.

Ebola, we first knew it from that movie Outbreak, a distant thing we like to believe modern science has conquered. But today, three nations are staggering to contain it, while the rest of the world hopes no one travels with it.
MH17 is one of three plane crashes in two weeks. There have been war casualties before; but today, we can all know fairly quickly, and get mighty angry at how protracted conflict can spill over to innocent parties. It takes a clandestine effort to pry open the normal processes of retrieval and resolution.
Speaking of conflict, the bombs going off in Israel almost reverberate here. Those militarily inclined report and post videos of how the amazing Dome is working its magic to intercept missiles and protect...

It would be good if intercepting ill was enough to solve our woes - then give us all a personal Iron Dome; but hurts and wounds come at us from so many places and ways....
And of course, it isn't enough in Israel's case, to intercept; it is necessary to root out the menace.
This is our way to seeking peace. Remove the problem point.

If it can be so easy.

As I get older, I seem more able to recall distant things, like songs I used to sing as a teen in church. O those songs, so many of them speak of enduring the earth and living as aliens longing for our true home.
When I was older, I was drawn to the higher energy, confident, even triumphalistic songs...but growing older does this: you learn there are no easy triumphs. Yes there are surprises, miracles and all about us is Grace-goodness; and they are the highlights and fireworks of an otherwise nearly unbearable existence.

But the Bible has already said it right there in the third chapter: we are broken in a broken world.

But - then - how do we not fall into the abyss of -
despair
fear
callous living
...  how not to live small lives of 'minding our own business' when our calling card says:
royal priest.citizen of a holy nation.owned by God.declarer of God's glory.rescued from darkness - for good

Well, there is chapters 1-2 before we hit chapter 3.
Those first chapters are the seedbed of our longing. It was all made and declared good. It was lovingly attended to, hand-sculpted persons with a direct breath of life!
And even in chapter 3, there is tucked in that dark moment of God and man/woman parting, of a cord that is not permanently severed. There is a promise of a reversal, a redemption, a rescue.

We are broken; but not irretrievably so.

And yes, events about us and things that we see within our souls can darken the corridors of hope but the doorway to hope is already open and we need only walk resolutely on, singing the songs - like this one:

Gungor's Beautiful Things


and remembering this -


22 Jul 2014

a poverty-stricken spiritual life?

Spiritually poor?

This week I read:
Years ago I was consulting with a congregation about their future. In a large gathering of members, a question was raised, “what would you most like your congregation to do for you?”
Much to everyone’s surprise, the answer from one person was, “teach me to pray.
This older adult said she had been baptized, married, saw her own children baptized…held her husband’s memorial service in the church; yet in all those years and experiences, no one ever taught her to pray.....
The inheritance that belongs to every Christian is frequently left unclaimed. So many of us live a poverty-stricken spiritual life. (Reuben Job)

The cheque that was never drawn.
The gift that was never fully opened.
The meal that’s left only hastily eaten in portions.
The words we fail to hear.
The wholeness we miss….

It happens.

Joyless Christainity.
Cold orthodoxy.
Self-righteous convictions.

It shows up  perhaps --
Aversion to spiritual conversations.
Excuses from commitment.
Escape from community

Someone wisely said, ‘we need to preach the Gospel to ourselves everyday!’(and I suggest we do it in church too!)



It is easy to forget what it’s all about.
Life gets busy, We get hurt. Things get too much (pink dot, library books, wars and rumours of wars..)

In my soon-to-be-released book, Shed Those Leaves, I probe this.
It traces back to a Self that is basically far too alive still – where we continue to run on an operating system called performance, strife and competition. Naturally, the spiritual life becomes one more piece of work; and who needs more work?

Kinda like this?



The Word declares,

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, 
and takes us to high places of blessing in him..
he had us in mind, had settle down on us as the focus of his love, 
to be made whole and holy  by his love.”
~ Ephesians 1 (the Message)

There is here a different plane to live from where we find ourselves blessed.
There is a different person to become where we find ourselves becoming whole and holy.

And it takes this:
“live by the Spirit” 
“led by the Spirit”
“keep in step with the Spirit” ~ Galatians 5 (NIV)


So this week soul friends, how about we confess ~

blessed are the poor in spirit” {Matthew 5v3}

– and wait -- for Mighty Grace to swoop down and fasten us to the right winds that blow. Not to be tossed, thirsty and tired; but to be trussed and trusting as we live led and walk our baby steps each day.



16 Jul 2014

something new: a blog hop, and my 4 answers to writing.

Martha whom I got to know on a facebook Writing group asked to introduce me on her blog as part of a Blog Hop!(if it were hip too...then, a hip blog hop...haha!). I said yes because -

i didn't want to say No to Martha! (I can say 'No').

it's really nice to have more people read my blog and find something they need.

reading other blogs have often been so life-giving for me. As a juggling stay-home-and-work mom; the internet is a useful source for this extrovert to feel connected with other adult humans; especially when they write honest, good, God-ward stuff.

What about you? Well with this Blog Hop my dear friend, you get to hop around a few blogs today just by clicking on the links! Perhaps you may find something just meet for your soul. I can pray so.


But first, remembering we met in a writing group and blogs are about writing; Martha asked me to answer 4 questions. So here goes -

1. What are you working on?
This is actually quite hard to talk about as I always have a few things buzzing around inside my lil head...and it all depends on what resources I come across and how much time I have. I am hugely relieved (though still nervous) about my recent book which launches in August, Shed Those Leaves - really an important message I want to share. It's about how we are so irreparably self-reliant that Grace is truly an alien idea to us. So it gets to the heart of the Good News. I am excited about the message and praying for it to have a good impact.

2. How does your work differ from those in your genre? 
The best response I get from my work is that I am raw and honest. For me, ideas are real and show up in life. Perhaps this is why even though I write non-fiction; I get into the material a lot and it's fun that way for the readers.

3. Why do you write what you do?
I do write a range of things - many stay in my folders. Mainly writing is something I need to do. It clarifies my thoughts and so helps me be a better communicator. I also preach and teach and train; and I always script for them. As for material; I write to seek meaning, connections, and a sense of hope. So whether it is on parenting, thoughts on what I read, a special features or reviewing a book; I am seeking to understand, and to help others find a way to see life that gives hope.

4. How does your writing process work?
I try to write a few times each week but I don't push myself to complete material unless there is a deadline! There is a lot of pre-writing when things are knocking around inside the head and heart though...but I found that often I write best when I respond to a surge of energy and ideas that seem to come forth from somewhere deep within. When I miss those moments; the writing tends to feel flat.

Now let me introduce you to 3 very different writers:



Martha
lives in USA, is a trained nurse and married 45 years to Ron, a pastor.
Her exciting blog mission is to :
help women understand themselves as daughters and not orphans
give women tools to mentor
encourage women to have cross-generational friendships for mutual benefit.

Now, who says "wohoo" to that?! I do!!


Next up, is "an ordinary girl striving to live everyday as God's big "show and tell" and
 simply trusting nothing about my past, present or future will be wasted in His capable and loving hands. Blooming where I'm planted and dancing on the dash!

We can all identify with that....
and I enjoy her energetic, honest, provocative writings.




and of course, a fellow Singaporean ~ who was so closed to death, she now blogs at Alive & Kicking!
to celebrate faith, creativity and life!.
She is News Editor and you can check her favourite Scripture and songs on her blog.


Carol

Well, here we are, heeding the Voice and putting ours out there.
Let's hear yours too! Share with us in the comments!



13 Jul 2014

God is real

I had several Jesus moments these few days.

It didn't come because I was at some conference.
It didn't happen because I was all set out to change the world.
It didn't come about as a result of any specific plans.

But Jesus came near to the broken, hurting, confused and I happened to be there.

As I  listen to their words tumbling out or their tears streaming down, I begin to feel Jesus' heart for them. I speak softly, "let us sit here with Jesus", "let us wait for God to show us"....

To the broken-hearted gal, Jesus dug a large hole and said, "toss all that you clutch in there".
To the confused man who saw everyone around him prospering while he seems to stagnate; who wonders why all of his giving is not returning, Jesus reminds him of true treasure and that He has noticed his giving as surely as he sees that old widow's two copper coins.
To me, the "what do I do now" lost child in a world of needs such as the epileptic lady trying to sell me stuff I don't need, I heard Jesus say, "pray for her".

Often, the Spirit also brings to mind stories from the Scripture and words of truth and promise that helped me to relate and share with them.....

An old song comes to mind, one I taught my youths (did they laugh at the tune at first!) which they grew to love --

There are some things
I may not know
There are some places
I can't go
But I am sure, of this one thing
My God is real
for I can feel him deep within
My God is real, real in my soul

My God is real
for he has washed and made me whole
His love for me
is like pure gold
My God is real for I can feel Him in my soul



So soul, Jesus is near. Maybe sit and listen?

Perhaps you will see something. Or feel the Spirit's wind blow and remember to breathe, to slow, to hold the tongue, offer a hand, open your heart....


7 Jul 2014

Seeking Faith

Faith is not fluff ; but sometimes, it can feel like vapour. 
It is hard to grasp and hold on to.

Over my fish lunch today I hear a friend share her struggles and she asks, "how is it faith doesn't seem to make a difference here?".

You and I share the sentiment. In our own lives, we wish faith can shatter the dark like a hammer or else unlock a treasury of new possibilities so that we can step out of these old tired shoes we have been wearing and are cramping our feet. Sometimes faith seems so powerless; like when -

fear and doubt darken the corridors of our mind and we shut down a little
discouragement returns even as we just set our heart to move forward
persistent pain stares us daily as things remain unchanged for all our thumping on heaven's door

We look at ourselves.
We look at our spouses, children, situations, and we ask, "how can it be done?".

How does God's kingdom come and will get done in this world bent of breaking it all apart?
How does it happen, and will I be able to really spot it?
How do I make it last long enough to become a happily-ever-after?

When will night give way to day?
when will the flowers finally open to the sky and bloom?
when will we really make a difference - that lasts?

We look at ourselves. And we wonder, "where is my faith?"

and God whispers,
"Those are questions of a faith-filled heart. You have not lost faith. You have lost sight of what faith is built on."

Then I lift my eyes - and He continues,
"It has been done."

I get it.


The Cross and the Resurrection has done it: the deep reversal, the overturning, the upheaval.

We are in the season of the dust settling; so we see unclear.

And because it has been done; it will be done.

Those who see, such as St Paul records his sighting for us:

"...Christ is all, and is in all (and we God's people) are clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (where we are able to ) bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance..and put on love which binds us all together in perfect unity as the peace of Christ rules in our hearts...together with His Word so that we are able to teach and admonish one another with wisdom and praise God in song and psalm, with gratitude. 
Then everything we do - let it be directed towards Jesus!" 

~ Colossians 3v11-17 paraphrased, Jenni c.2014


Our part -

"..if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. 
Pursue the things over which Christ presides."

"Don's shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, be alert to what is going on around Christ - what's where the action is. See things from his perspective."

~ Colossians 3v1-2, The Message version



Looks like we need to train our eyes to look past the obvious. Help each other here: share the good stuff worth looking at can?

And each of us on a quest: the perfect mate, the great marriage, the dream job, the 'calling'... place them where they belong: personal ambition, fear-prompted, envy-triggered or is the quest really initiated by God and is your Father's heart for you?


And some serious effort here:

"throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.."
 ~ Heberws 12v1, NIV



This week: what hinders you? What entangles and catches your feet so you stumble?

Share with us: fill a comment. You never know who you will lift up with what you share honest and faith-seeking.



1 Jul 2014

When my son wailed 'I'm a failure!" and it spoke so much wisdom...

The routine was usual enough. Parents and caregivers stood around the school gate area waiting for the boys in blue and white to appear, noise first. As my son walked down the slope towards me, I noticed his expression of concern-unhappiness.

"Hi son!"
"Mom, I failed my Chinese! I AM A FAILURE!"

Needless to say, I promptly corrected his thinking. 'You failed your Chinese son. That is not the same as you are a failure....". But soon enough, God would have to remind me of the same.


We don't speak much of failures. But none of us get through life without failing some. 

There are even times when we feel like we are failures, living as we do in a world of successes. 
Today, a woman shares how a poor payment decision led to a huge mess and her losing her job. A few weeks back, a fellow mom watched her son step out of the house and she collapsed in grief.

A few months ago as I was reflecting on my own failings, and found that although it was one specific area of my life, somehow, a fog descended and because it wasn't a situation I could reverse, the failure seem to cling to my soul and began to eat its way inwards. That was when I heard:

... don't let one failing bleed into all your parts ...

God was warning me not to let a failure mark me. I was hurt, disappointed and bleeding in one spot. But if I wasn't careful, that bleed can begin to soak back in and cause me to malfunction.

When I finally met my fellow mom, she talked of how she was drained and struggling, but later got up out of bed to continue to care for the rest of her family. To her surprise, setting her heart on what she could do; she found strength again. She was even able to listen to and felt the pain of another.

Failing is hard for us who have lived a few decades. After all, we think: we are suppose to get better at this thing called 'life'. But sometimes, new things come and it's just hard. Parenting for example is a long journey of new things round every bend. If there is something that humbles us, parenting has to be it. So expecting ourselves to be able to hack life better seriously increases the burden we already carry. We need to allow ourselves to fail.

In fact, I posed this Q to a group of mature executives recently, "did any of you experience recently a surprise that you were not able to do something, or found something challenging?".  Everyone said 'yes'. I laughed out loud and we chimed, "life-long learning!!".

It does take us a life-time to learn about our own lives: why we hurt the way we do, how we heal best, what ways we can still function and even reach out when we feel cut down or diminished. This is the most important learning there is; and alas, it takes failure in the mix to learn it.


We are not a scroll recording accolades and success. We are more a a pot on a wheel going round, experiencing some harsh pressures and pinches as we take shape.

And here, dear friends, are some wonderful shapes that emerge ~








This particular pottery form holds such sweet meaning ~


23 Jun 2014

What can.should happen when we sing 'You are worthy'...

It's a song we sing often in my community:


But last Saturday, I felt as if God turned off all the music and sound, and a singular beam shone down on me as He gently probed, "Am I worthy of it all?". 

When you have lived more than four decades, somehow, you don't go happy clappy 'yes' so quickly. Not just so, I am in the wait-zone where He has seemed really quiet; or if he spoke, it has not directly answered my questions. Meanwhile, the wheels of life go round and round.... . Not an enjoyable space. 

And suddenly, I feel like I see this long uneven road all the way behind and ahead of me; and I asked myself, 'Is God worthy of all that I have gone through?" which is to ask -

Am I going about life in a way that reflects His worth?
If God be truly worthy, what price can be too high? Would't that mean joy ought to be a permanent exuberance of my life?

Do I consider that everything I have gone through of worth, since I believe He watches over me - and what's more, somehow, able to bring Him worth?

God is of course worthy of all the good stuff. He is worthy of all my best accolades and successes. He is worthy of all my mighty singing and crazy mixed-stepped dancing. He is worthy of the hard choices, the wee hours of prayer, the study, the pursuit, the quiet... but - to - think that - 
my life - 
with all of the dark splotches, the botched efforts, the present and persistent darkness, the rebellion, the running away... all of it gathered up and offered...and found to be of worth. God asks of nothing more than my life. And my life is a really mixed bag of gems and mostly hard-edged stones.....

I suddenly felt a strange comfort. Even the drear and weariness of seeming to sit forever at the gate waiting to take flight lifted off me.




The light that shone on me now shines from within as I see that the best of what I have in my tiny life is but God himself. Every decision, sacrifice, denial, dying, resisting, surrender --- leads to One thing: more of God. 

So is He worthy of it all?

If God says to lay down my dreams. To step on that pride. To step away, to step down, to step up... whatever, wherever, God himself will meet me at every turn and --

He is worthy of it all

for

He is the source of all that is worthy and worthwhile

So the song is really one of adoration as we marvel at how God Infinite comes to dwell in finite us and works patiently through the dark so His light breaks forth. Let's hear it again :

*


* i picked 2 different versions of the song just because you may like one more.