When my son wailed 'I'm a failure!" and it spoke so much wisdom...

The routine was usual enough. Parents and caregivers stood around the school gate area waiting for the boys in blue and white to appear, noise first. As my son walked down the slope towards me, I noticed his expression of concern-unhappiness.

"Hi son!"
"Mom, I failed my Chinese! I AM A FAILURE!"

Needless to say, I promptly corrected his thinking. 'You failed your Chinese son. That is not the same as you are a failure....". But soon enough, God would have to remind me of the same.


We don't speak much of failures. But none of us get through life without failing some. 

There are even times when we feel like we are failures, living as we do in a world of successes. 
Today, a woman shares how a poor payment decision led to a huge mess and her losing her job. A few weeks back, a fellow mom watched her son step out of the house and she collapsed in grief.

A few months ago as I was reflecting on my own failings, and found that although it was one specific area of my life, somehow, a fog descended and because it wasn't a situation I could reverse, the failure seem to cling to my soul and began to eat its way inwards. That was when I heard:

... don't let one failing bleed into all your parts ...

God was warning me not to let a failure mark me. I was hurt, disappointed and bleeding in one spot. But if I wasn't careful, that bleed can begin to soak back in and cause me to malfunction.

When I finally met my fellow mom, she talked of how she was drained and struggling, but later got up out of bed to continue to care for the rest of her family. To her surprise, setting her heart on what she could do; she found strength again. She was even able to listen to and felt the pain of another.

Failing is hard for us who have lived a few decades. After all, we think: we are suppose to get better at this thing called 'life'. But sometimes, new things come and it's just hard. Parenting for example is a long journey of new things round every bend. If there is something that humbles us, parenting has to be it. So expecting ourselves to be able to hack life better seriously increases the burden we already carry. We need to allow ourselves to fail.

In fact, I posed this Q to a group of mature executives recently, "did any of you experience recently a surprise that you were not able to do something, or found something challenging?".  Everyone said 'yes'. I laughed out loud and we chimed, "life-long learning!!".

It does take us a life-time to learn about our own lives: why we hurt the way we do, how we heal best, what ways we can still function and even reach out when we feel cut down or diminished. This is the most important learning there is; and alas, it takes failure in the mix to learn it.

We are not a scroll recording accolades and success. We are more a a pot on a wheel going round, experiencing some harsh pressures and pinches as we take shape.

And here, dear friends, are some wonderful shapes that emerge ~

This particular pottery form holds such sweet meaning ~

What can.should happen when we sing 'You are worthy'...

It's a song we sing often in my community:

You are worthy of it all

But last Saturday, I felt as if God turned off all the music and sound, and a singular beam shone down on me as He gently probed, "Am I worthy of it all?". 

When you have lived more than four decades, somehow, you don't go happy clappy 'yes' so quickly. Not just so, I am in the wait-zone where He has seemed really quiet; or if he spoke, it has not directly answered my questions. Meanwhile, the wheels of life go round and round.... . Not an enjoyable space. 

And suddenly, I feel like I see this long uneven road all the way behind and ahead of me; and I asked myself, 'Is God worthy of all that I have gone through?" which is to ask -

Am I going about life in a way that reflects His worth?

If God be truly worthy, what price can be too high? Would't that mean joy ought to be a permanent exuberance of my life?

Do I consider that everything I have gone through of worth, since I believe He watches over me - and what's more, somehow, able to bring Him worth?

God is of course worthy of all the good stuff. He is worthy of all my best accolades and successes. He is worthy of all my mighty singing and crazy mixed-stepped dancing. He is worthy of the hard choices, the wee hours of prayer, the study, the pursuit, the quiet... but - to - think that - 

my life - 

with all of the dark splotches, the botched efforts, the present and persistent darkness, the rebellion, the running away... all of it gathered up and offered...and found to be of worth. God asks of nothing more than my life. And my life is a really mixed bag of gems and mostly hard-edged stones.....

I suddenly felt a strange comfort. Even the drear and weariness of seeming to sit forever at the gate waiting to take flight lifted off me.

The light that shone on me now shines from within as I see that the best of what I have in my tiny life is but God himself. Every decision, sacrifice, denial, dying, resisting, surrender --- leads to One thing: more of God. 

So is He worthy of it all?

If God says to lay down my dreams. To step on that pride. To step away, to step down, to step up... whatever, wherever, God himself will meet me at every turn and --

He is worthy of it all

for

He is the source of all that is worthy and worthwhile

So the song is really one of adoration as we marvel at how God Infinite comes to dwell in finite us and works patiently through the dark so His light breaks forth. Let's hear it again :

the song we are so blessed to be able to sing: You are worthy of it all

*

* i picked 2 different versions of the song just because you may like one more.

Because you cannot be overwhelmed ...a reminder of our power

I must have felt overwhelmed many times before in my life, but one time stands out in bold relief in my mind. There were many papers to be submitted, and I had chosen an ambitious project of finding out about the tiny Jewish community in Singapore and write up a research paper on it. I can still see that moment when my mind went into a whirl, I felt choked, and was completely sinking in worry, pretty sure I was not going to make it.

But I did. I breathed deep. I wrote a long list of what needed to be done. I prayed. I decided I would die trying. Then I got started.

Well, nearly thirty years later you would imagine I have had enough practice managing multiple responsibilities and some crises; so I should be this happy lark. This is the weird thing about life. It doesn't get easier - we don't get to be fully on top of everything, it just won't run like clockwork.

So we get overwhelmed - again.

There are two main reasons we feel the demands creeping up around us and we feel unable to tackle them to satisfaction. 

1. it is a particularly crazy season with simply too much going on.
This happens for example when there are plans and commitments and out of the blue there is also a crisis, or a sickness. This is why wisdom suggests we do not fill our days to the brim with plans. Buffers must be built-in.

2. you are actually hurt and in pain.
We all love to believe we are strong; and we are. But we do get hurt and suffer. In one sense, Christians who live with a longing for our true home carry about a pain and weariness because this world doesn't really suit us. But there are specific painful experiences; in fact, pain feels different to each one. Some painful situations don't resolve easily so we are actually living with a measure of pain all the time. This no doubt takes some of our capacity away. 

But even so, the pain is never the final word. Painless-ness is the final word, the apt description of where we are headed. So when we persist in pain, it is because we haven't given time to heal and found right resources for it, or we have forgetten Someone can take it all. We have forgotten to hand it over to Him. We have forgotten to take time for this all-important exchange, where we breathe in peace again.

This is the power I have: to gather up all that's a-tossed within my bosom and hand them over to the Prince of Peace. And how often do I need to do it? Very often. 

In the morning, I hand over what this day is about, how much I will accomplish.An hour later, I hand over my nagging concern about whether my kids are doing ok.By lunch, I have noticed that my heart is still heavy, so I take that to Him again.Evening comes and I find a clarity about my pain, I write briefly about where it comes from, and once again, He gladly took the list.

Often, as I hand it over, He hands me a little something that brings a smile to soul and face:
-notice that little bird nipping merrily among the leaves?
-an email that says "what you do matters, thank you"
-"my child, how can I deny myself and fail to be faithful?"

And then, last week, I learnt afresh about praying with authority. I felt my soul stir and my Father seemed to say, "there you go, forgetting again....". I blushed a little, but as I read, then said the words -- blood rushed within me like torrents of water coursing through the curves and edges within my soul, rushing from headwaters that have come unfrozen and is unleashing its force; His Life reviving within. 

Here is the prayer: 

“In the strong name of Jesus Christ I stand against the world, the flesh and the devil. I resist every force that would seek to distract me from my centre in God. I reject the distorted concepts and ideas that make sin plausible and desirable. I oppose every attempt to keep me from knowing full fellowship with God.

By the power of the Holy Spirit I speak directly to the thoughts, emotions and desires of my heart and command you to find your satisfaction in the infinite variety of God’s love rather than the bland diet of sin. I call upon the good, the true and the beautiful to rise up within me and the evil to subside. I ask for an increase in righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

By the authority of almighty God, I tear down Satan’s strongholds in my life, in the lives of those I love, and in the society in which I live. I take unto myself the weapons of truth, righteousness, peace, salvation, the word of God and prayer. I command every evil influence to leave; you have no right here and I allow you no point of entry.

I ask for an increase of faith, hope, and love so that, by the power of God, I can be a light set on a hill, causing truth and justice to flourish.

These things I pray for the sake of him who loved me and gave himself for me.

 In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Perhaps this is a prayer you need now.

I still have years ahead of me. Moments of feeling like it is getting too much will surely come again. But - and who cannot help but laugh at this - our crazed upside-down reality that

WHILE we were sinners He died for us.
His Grace is made perfect IN our weakness.
WE ARE more than conquerors through Christ

All happening - God active in the present. Right now. 

So that every moment is shot with the possibility of changing the next.

So when we feel overwhelmed, we know we will not be- because we have this power to hand it over, and this authority to set it in the place it belongs: under His Feet.

So why not sing to it with this bunch:  More Than Conquerors sung by Rend Collective. {click}