Journey to the never dried-up well #4

Welcome. This is our fourth stop, and as I look over our journey, something emerges.

When we encounter Jesus: each time you read, pause, go away to a 'closet' place to be -- Jesus steps out from our hazy ideas to a become a solid, real Presence and Person who has much to offer our hungry, thirsty hearts.

word & truth

Our first stop was a well, a most natural spot to quench our thirst.
In John 4, we have a record of a woman who went to a physical well and met the Spring of Living Water himself. Her story shows us the transforming power of a heart-set-free: she had come to the well at noon to avoid the town gossips, to just get her water and go. Her life was far from alright; she has been in a string of relationships where rejection and desertion has been the theme {over the years, I have met many women who indeed live with such themes. So real-ly painful}.

Yet -

after Jesus reaches into her heart, she leaves that well and announces to her fellow villagers - the same people she wants to avoid - that "he told me everything about my life".  What a strange thing to say. Unlike anything or anyone she has ever met or known, Jesus' chat with her was so filled with truth and acceptance that she felt he embraced her life so that now her story is no longer one that needs to be hidden.

Jesus helped her see her life in a whole new light; so that she is now able to claim her life and be at peace with it. Her life is not a fearful, foregone conclusion, but a faith-refreshed, forward possibility.

She found the water that reached deep into her parched, desperate soul.  As she is deeply refreshed, it begins to spring forth to refresh others ~

"Come see a man who told me all the things that I have done, this is not the Christ is it?"

John 4v29

your truth

How has this journey been? I am recently keenly aware that my questions and struggles signal that there are bits of my life I am not at peace with. 

Perhaps you too need not fear taking your long list of pains, regrets and questions to Jesus. You may even beat about the bush like the woman at the well did; talking about history and theology...but Jesus will lovingly and firmly lead the conversation to its heart. 

At some point, when we get to our desperation and humbly acknowledge it, "give me this water.." Jesus may well ask us the one question that cuts through everything and lifts the fog -- so we can see why peace escapes us.

We can then gaze long into the eyes of the Prince of peace and feel his peace flood our beings, our sense of confidence, worth, and destiny refreshed...and indeed, long to refresh others.

more truth with community

As you take time these few days to sit with Jesus, anticipate refreshment! Please share your experience with us. We would be so encouraged to hear your story!

Journey to the never-dried-up well #3

Welcome. Our basic format is:

The Word

I will be writing the reflections based on Scripture. You will need to read the scripture and let it sink it over the few days. This is a great way to know the Word better, deeper.

Truth

As you look over the reflections and let the Holy Spirit of truth lead you, God will take your hand to look at your life through his eyes. It will be 40 days of coming to know yourself better – through God’s eyes of love, compassion and freedom-bringing truth.

Your truth

Consider how Jesus is drawing you to the Well to drink...and take steps...

More with God's people

We are all encouraged by fellow travelers; so may I urge you to write short notes in the comment. Sometimes a comment by a fellow Christian can really lift us up. This way you will also realize that there are others on this journey too. 

Now, for these next few days ~

The Word

We were last at a real well, retold to us in John 4, where Jesus offered living water. The next few days let us hang out with Jesus as he walks the shoreline of lake Galilee and teach in her towns. 

Jesus' heart is heavy for the hard-heartedness of the people. Yet as quickly as he identifies and lament their true spiritual condition, his heart swells up with compassion and he raises his voice to say,

Are you tired? Worn out?

Come to me, 

all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads,

and I will give you rest

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

~ matthew 11v28-29

Truth

I am guessing you blew out a tired breath, and readily agreed, 'yes, I am tired Lord!'. 

Really, I have not met a soul who would say 'no'. 

We live in a soul-weary world. 

All the great beauty, lofty ideas and grand vistas fade away soon enough. Our soul needs a constant feast, and no one has time or resource for that.

All the happiness and ecstasy we may taste fade away soon enough too. Our soul needs a constant spring of intimacy and hope.

Into such a stark and dry landscape, Jesus stands up and offers us rest, rest for our souls.

Your truth
But sometimes, soul-weariness is already wired in us. We have gotten so used to it. 
Our minds are choked with sound bytes and idea-bits and datelines.
Our emotions are whirling with the temperature and the temptations.
Our wills are tussling with what we want and what we ought and more.

Rest sounds like a distant, unfamiliar thing, an impossibility even.

What then? 

Jesus simply says, 'come'.

Today, and in the next few days, can you schedule an appointment to go to Him? To show up - and then see...what happens...

it may be the dark quiet of the wee hours
it may be a lunch break
it may be stopping the car or getting off the ride and just sitting somewhere for ten minutes
it may be going to bed earlier, except you are not there to sleep


and if music helps to get you going, perhaps Jeremy Riddle's Full Attention --

a song to arrest your heart for Jesus

What does your soul need more of? 
What can it do less with? 

Jesus speaks of a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light -- for His strength in us. 
Strength we must soak up from Him. 
Strength that doesn't get sapped by our heavy-laden souls. Lighten your soul. Wrap it around the Saviour who alone can make us sing, 'it is well with my soul'.

more - with God's people
O share, share what you are willing to. Cracking open your heart can bring life to others. [write in the comments below or send me an email if you prefer doing that, bless you].

Journey to the never-dried-up well #2

Our journey coincides with a season known as Lent. It is a forty-day period when we look inwards for signs of new life and symptoms of anti-life. Yes, we are a work in progress, and often the trajectory is anything but straight! 

We will sight Grace and Hope and the fruit of the Spirit. We will also see traces of dark, and shadows. Our normal human tendency is to avoid the latter. But Christ's finished work on the Cross means we no longer fear the dark side. Our goal however is not to clean ourselves up to be good enough or dwell on our sins. 

Our focus in on the new life - the hope of Resurrection which we will celebrate at the end - on Easter. Yet, the defining lines of Grace upon our lives takes on bold relief when it is contrasted with the dark. This seeing leads us to dig deeper into gratitude and greater dependence upon God who alone saves.

When this idea gently landed upon my heart late 2013, it was clear that our focus this season had to be Jesus. He who came to offer us life; and lived on earth so we can see how life ought to be lived.


Let us begin.

The Word {read and listen with your heart}

"If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water....whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst..."

~ Jesus at a well, John 4 [NASB}

If you know, you would ask, he would give.

Doesn't this mean that -

We do not have because we do not ask.

And that, we do not ask, because we do not know.

What is it that we fail to know? 

Truth {...wait for it}

I am thirsty. I am guessing you are too. That's pretty normal. The conditions are dry. The world promises to slake out thirst and feed our appetites but we have found that what we drink dehydrates and what we eat are actually appetite suppressants. After all, Truth, grace and love; faith, hope and joy aren't the things that get celebrated this side of heaven.

Just so far in 2014, what wind has whipped your sails? What words spoken, and left unsaid, has left you tired and feeling forgotten?

Perhaps you have even tried a few wells; dug one or two yourself.

How can we connect what we need to KNOW and what we ASK then?  What blocks us from knowing, and so, from asking?

Your truth {own your life and offer it back to God}

Sometimes it can get hard to ask God. We needed the solutions yesterday. Our bosses and children are not going to wait forever. 

I have found very often that I totally skipped the asking. So I miss the drink -the water that refreshes, hydrates, enlivens us. We try to do life half-dead really. 

Drag that bag of drying bones over to the Well, now. {i speak to myself, and yes, to you dear friend!}

Jesus stands before you and me, and asks, "hey, look up, look at me. You forgot to ask me. For if you knew God's gift you would ask and you would receive..."

Look up. Look at God's gift right now standing before you. Look at him looking back at you. Look.
Then, 
Ask. Go on, ask for a drink. 

{and i won't be surprised if you linger around, he will throw in a friendly chat that may surprise you further!}

Connect with God’s people

leave a note of encouragement, a Q, an insight in the comment below.

Perhaps a song: Be not afraid

Journey to the never-dried up well #1

Forty days is a short time in a life-time. Yet much can happen - when we make regular time to be apart, away, alone - with God.

Welcome to our forty-day journey to the never-dried-up well !

taken from The Plough

"..for it is God who works to will and to do... " ~ Phil 2v13  

As we begin, it may be our reflex to begin dwelling on our 'desired outcomes', how we wish our hearts will be at peace, or how our circumstances would be turned around. We may come looking for some confirmation that our hunches are right; and hope to find swift wisdom in practical steps to quench our thirst.

But 

it.is.God who..

So let us begin the journey right - by abandoning ourselves to God as much as we know how. Maybe just to cry out, "Lord Jesus, here I am!"

An old song goes,

Jesus take me as I am

I can come no other way

Take me deeper into You

Let my flesh life melt away

Make me like a precious stone

Crystal clear, and finely honed

Life of Jesus shining through

Giving glory back to you.

You can use these words as a prayer as we begin.

Over the next flew days, repeat it. According to God's Word, He will work. He will work something in us that will cause us to lean, to seek, to desire, to will...and then, to do that will.

This verse is sandwiched between the words that call us to 'work out our salvation' and to 'shine as stars'. We know full well that we have an active part to play in our growth and maturity. We know too that we were meant to fill up with Light and shine. In each instance, our tendency is to work at it ourselves. The words, "it is God" is the pivot. There will not be any deepening or shine without God. 

The entire verse reads,

"for it is God who works in you to will and to do according to his good purpose"

What a wondrous reminder from our God. He has a good purpose in all this. He has a good purpose for you this forty days.

It. is. God.

In a way, this is the secret to -

Joyful discovery of God's will

Restful trust as we go about our seemingly nothing-has-changed-much days 

Knowing what to do when we don't know what to do 

Facing fear and standing still in the rushing waters

-- which, yes, are the practical manifestations of whether a soul is well-watered. 

{and do I want them to mark my life!}

Welcome. Bring a friend.

a little more of the Will-ing

Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow.
It's always been the same. All about the Will-ing.
See that little '-ing'?  My hazy memory of grammar reminds me it is an on-going thing.

Today, i needed to come to a place of Will-ing - again.

Based on my distant Yesterdays' experiences of Will-ing-ness, it meant long days of traveling inside my head and heart. Indeed, I had for the many days running up to Today still struggled with what my mind and heart couldn't wrap around. What happened? How did things turn out this way? Where did I go wrong? What next?

But of late, these questions no longer led to answers that deeply matter.

To will after all, is the exercise of all our powers after some object. Will-ing-ness becomes powerful when the object we will after is great enough for me to be stupefied into silent submission.

So I have let the questions, the tears, the pains heave and groan, spill out in words, tears and silence. They are not the object. Soon, their energy dissipates and the object of my heart's deepest desire begins to take on an increasing clear outline: it looks a lot like Jesus.

Prayer bit by prayer bit, I confess, Lord, lead me, I want to be willing.

I feel a strange something entering my being. It feels foreign and familiar all at once. I feel knitted together - like the cosmos of my swirling emotions, hormones, thoughts and more being drawn to a centre. I shake less. I whimper less. I find a break in time-space into eternity it feels. I find my next step. The best outcome will depend on many people and their will-ing. That i need to leave to Him. But me, I stand here, and Jesus asks, "are you willing?".

Journey to the never-dried-up well: a personal invitation

A personal invitation

Dear friend,

As a pastor-writer, my desire is to use words to build you up. Even as the dry spell persists around us, it reminds me of how much we need water, Living Water. Many of us long for a deeper refreshing, one that will affect us permanently. We want to experience the promise Jesus gave the woman at the well, that springs of water will well up and flow forth from us (John 4v13).

If this is your longing, I want to invite you to join me on a 40-day journey to reach that never-ever-dried up well.

Every five days, there will be a short reading and a reflection that I will post on my blog. You can bookmark and remind yourself to look it up or even easier, simply submit your email and it will be sent right to your inbox!  Other ways are available at the bottom of each post.
For those who prefer print, I suggest that you print it out so that you can refer to it.

It is a journey that I pray will lead us to more of the following –

more of the Word

I will be writing the reflections based on Scripture. You will need to read the scripture and let it sink it over the few days. This is a great way to know the Word better, deeper.

more of the truth

As you look over the reflections and let the Holy Spirit of truth lead you, God will take your hand to look at your life through his eyes. It will be 40 days of coming to know yourself better – through God’s eyes of love, compassion and freedom-bringing truth.

more of God's people

We are all encouraged by fellow travelers; so may I urge you to write short notes in the comment. Sometimes a comment by a fellow Christian can really lift us up. This way you will also realize that there are others on this journey too.

This journey will begin on March 10^th, part of the season of Lent – a 40 day period when Christians everywhere seek to be more sensitive to God and yield their lives to Him afresh. The Scripture reading and reflection will plow the soil of our hearts so that we can experience the meaning and power of Easter – the cornerstone of our faith – in a marvelous new way.

As an expression of this desire, a fast is often included in the journey. Fasting is not deprivation; rather, it is a proclamation of what we truly need to live. So if we fast from TV or desserts, we do so to so that these are not needful for our lives. Instead, we turn our hunger to Him, who alone feeds us in the truest and deepest sense.

Well, dear friend, I hope to see you on this journey!

and now, a song .. ..for music stirs our souls..

For more on fasting and Lent, consider Julia’s simple write-up :

http://www.christianitytoday.com/amyjuliabecker/2014/february/in-defense-of-lent.html

Four words to bring order... and peace.

In the beginning

GOD

These first four words in Scripture establish for us two important truths:

1      1. There was a beginning.

Something happened that sparked, initiated, and ignited what came next. This also means that there was a pre-beginning; there is an unfolding, and probably, a conclusion coming at the end.

      2.  There was God at that point.

He was already in existence. He is the one who started things off. He made a move, spoke words, took dust and he ‘prepared, formed, fashioned’ (amplified bible).

kota kinabalu/mersilau by Joyce E Chow

These four words have over the years burrowed deep into my soul. They are not words that apply to creation alone. They are words that are real today.

Every situation I encounter, every surprise or setback – it has helped me recognize that this God who created, He is already there. I may be surprised and set-back; but not Him.

This is immense comfort, and hope.

In the original Hebrew, everything was in chaos. Then God stepped in and there was order.  Tell me that doesn't apply to our everyday lives? Chaos is so easy for us. We lose sight of our priorities. We step on toes. We forget promises. We lose our phones. We haven’t packed and cleaned for too long (and I don’t mean just our homes but also our hearts)… Chaos is always about to break out on us.

Some days, one too many things happen and we drown in a churning sea of how-to-get-all-this –done?!

Until – we pause – and ask God to please step in.  And he always does. He responds to invitations.

Isn’t it?

When you remember the sermon point.

When you recall that hastily written line in your journal.

When a tune grows into a song grows into worship.

When you remember that heart-felt prayer said over you.

Then -

Reprieve.

The chaos may be there; but its power to swallow you up has been denied because you have appealed to the Highest authority there is.

And, God is the God of beginnings. Right in the midst of the swirling chaos, God can begin things. 

Perhaps a new beginning as you recognize your weaknesses.  Perhaps a new beginning as you sort out your priotiries. Perhaps a new beginning as you fill up with hope and take courage to press on. 

Perhaps a new beginning as you anchor in on this:

The earth is the Lord’s, and all it contains, the world, and those who dwell in it. ~ Psalm 24

These words are a throwback to Genesis 1.

He started it. He takes care of it. He will lead it toward the end. We – are – His, whether we know and acknowledge it or not.

This has helped me to see, feel and pray differently. It’s hard to be me vs them. My colleagues, friends and even family members may be cause for my troubles and sorrows, but we all belong to, and will have to account to God our Maker. I cannot account for them. My own heart is sometimes far from my grasp and I need help to not fall into the all too common trap of self-deception. 

Before God then, as I invite Him to come and bring order in my chaos, I willingly open my heart to address - whatever - needs to be 

spoken to,

healed,

calmed,

and directed.

This week may be more of the same, or may throw up some curves... But, Remember - whatever, whoever, whenever,

in the beginning 

God…

So, steady, my heart. In the beginning GOD... {a song by Kari Jobe}

Lost, setback, and feeling your faith is small?

Lost.

Listen, when you live in a lost world, it is natural to sometimes feel the lost-ness.

The directional signs are all over the place. Fat is bad, fat is good. Go here, no, there! Do this – now! Save up for retirement. The trend is graphics, the trend is finance, the trend is start-ups.

Our ability to choose is sabotaged by the profusion of available choices.

And then, we stumble. Things go awry. Relationships hit a wall. Promises are forgotten, our hearts break.

Set.back. 

Sounds like all our steps led to nowhere. Sometimes it can even feel like after all the effort, conviction, and sacrifice; we regressed! After all, we are getting older and someone told us we were meant to move forward, to go from  ‘strength to strength’. Aw God, this is so darn disappointing!

Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe I did wrong. Maybe, my faith is too small. No, a small faith like a mustard seed moves mountains. Where is my faith if I am walking into mountains?

Go on and say it: I am disappointed. I am sad. I am mad. I am giving up.

It’s okay. These feelings happen: lost and setback, unsure, frightened, feeling vulnerable, wanting to let it all go, angry, resentful…

You are not being held by your feelings anyway. Not even by your faith. {I shall talk about where that comes in later}. You are being held by Love. Love is unafraid of your feelings. Love sees them, absorbs them, bears them.

Blessed be the Lord,
    who daily bears us up;
    God is our salvation.  Selah ~ Psalm 68v19

The fruit of pain is often cynicism. It is also the fruit of years. Growing older can make us more cynical as we encounter more of life and people.

\ˈsi-nə-ˌsi-zəm\

: cynical beliefs : beliefs that people are generally selfish and dishonest

So, just in case, we will not lay all our cards on the table. Just in case, I will withhold myself. Just in case, I will self-protect first.

The problem is, we were designed by God to be free, safe, and fully engaged. Life is an immersive experience. You find it and live it as you dive in. Holding back lets you see the water but not feel its power. To dive in, one will have to trust that the water will hold you up when you relax and let it. But we thrash about so!

God’s answer to this is so simple, we often miss it.

G-r-a-t-i-t-u-d-e.

Being grateful is a posture of dependence.

Being grateful is an exercise in defiance.

Being grateful is engaging with the Unseen and announcing its triumph over what we see.

Being grateful is laying down a traceable trail in this world of crisscrossed pathways.

It is hanging on to what little faith because that little faith is hanging on to a Great God who is holding on to you, with no intention of ever letting go.

Such that, we can,

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ~ 1 Thess 5v17

God’s will is that we remain thankful because this is how we remain faithful.

Your feelings are real, but they are not truth. Tell them to Him who is all Grace and Truth. He will hold you, steady you, and as you pour your heart out, and begin to write down your thanks, He works things out – and we can see the good without straining.

Mellowing means texture, depth & strength

It is inescapable. We grow. We grow older.

I live in a young nation still. But she is getting older. In fact, she turns half a century next year. I am but a few years younger so I feel tethered to her and as she ages, so do I. Anyhow, I get plenty of help reminding me: mirror, advertisements, falling energy levels, increasing number of areas that ache, people calling me 'auntie' who are taller than me, aging parents-in-law.

But it isn't just our bodies that age. Our souls do too.

We describe people as growing mellow - referring to their loss of oomph and zest - a coming-to-terms with reality where people begin to trudge along wearily. This unfortunate image still trumps all other pictures of senior vitality. We mourn the loss of youth.

And no wonder. If we see life as something we must make the best of, growing old is very regressive and regrettable. We simply have less to wager on. So we grow frenetic trying to prepare for that retirement nest egg to make up for losses in youthfulness. 'Have money; will travel, see the world, live it up - still'.

In fact, growing old isn't so bad*. Every season of life will have its limits. The child cannot make decisions for himself. The youth cannot actualise his dreams just yet. The young adult is trying to make every spinning plate stay up in the air.

Accepting our limits is part of embracing life, and so having a sense of satisfaction.

Growing old is can be a time of great stability. One has figured out more of who one is. One has fought for, and discovered what is important. One has learnt to let go, to lay down, to lose at times. Life has taken on hues and textures not possible in the earlier years of gung-ho machismo.

People we have not given up on, and who have not given up on us, wear like comfortable cotton house clothes.

We have trembled and wept through pain and losses, realising that we have little control over what is precious, and that we cannot know all we are desperate to know. This gives us a certain positive invulnerability and we are on a more even keel.

We have known love's enemy is not hate but indifference - and been forced into the open by our own longing for love.

We have walked long with God and now allow Him to be God, more.

We are learning to live with mystery.

Hopefully, we are more forgiving, patient, generous and laugh more easily.

We have so many stories to tell to anyone who would listen.

We have lived.


I think of those who are even older. Who wouldn't think or write the thoughts I just did.

As a nation, we have a growing army of elderly. Not to be sidelined, but to be honoured as life veterans. Sure, not everyone of them is a sterling example of success. Many are poor and needy in fact. But they have weathered life and it has been their very ordinary days that added up to the colour and vibrancy we have today. It was the boring dad and mom who went to work and cooked the meals, who fretted over exams and cooled hot foreheads... they gave us something to stand on. It would be inhumane of us to sneer at their seeming lesser lives.

In a few encounters I had with the elderly, I realised what they lacked was the facility and vocabulary, not the heart, the thoughts and certainly, not the all too common human experiences of life. My own mother never had a chance to go to school but she had rock-hard determination to make sure we did. She had values that no one can tear from her soul. She had insights and perceptions that did not come from books and Ted talks. When I took the time to talk with her and listened, I feel her strength and her power of being.

Just this year, I heard two real-life stories of the old displaying such grace and courage. What's more, both are the supposedly non-expressive, insensitive Asian men. One, whose wife was very ill, stayed with her and one day lovingly held her hand and assured her that he will always be there. Then he turns to his children and assures them that as a couple they will commit to the same faith. His wife had just become a Christian a few weeks earlier.

The second man was struggling for his life in the hospital as he underwent a slew of investigations. In a rare more lucid moment, when his wife came to see him, he asked his wife to forgive and overlook his mistakes.

In this year of the horse, I am growing older. I won't even attempt to halt the process (though I may finally colour my hair) but with my little hand held firmly in a much larger One, I want to walk on in courage. This is a beautiful picture right here -

Strength and dignity are her clothing

and she smiles at the future ~ Proverbs 31v25

To my elders, I hope I am patient and respectful.
To those younger than me, I hope to be a source of wisdom and stability - and I won't let some young punk tell me I am less.

*not including those who are very poor and destitute - another post perhaps.

{Running} with horses

The Chinese calendar uses a twelve year cycle, each marked by an animal. Those born in the year are then described as having certain traits similar to the animal. When a new year rolls around, apt proverbs and jokes are tossed about. 2014 is the year of the horse and I learnt a new favourite proverb:马到成功 (success is imminent once the horse arrives). You see, I was born in the year of the horse - and ain't it grand that my arrival at any scene would herald impending success!

But i got to thinking about all the horse-related experiences in my life, and to a passage of Scripture that really helped me.

horse experience 1
My first flight and my first mission trip. We flew into Thailand headed for the mountain tribes. Most of us had not trained for those mountains. There were supposed to be horses at the foot to help us carry stuff. But we were late, too late. So we had to trudge nearly five hours up the mountains with our puppets, guitar, bags and tired bodies as a gentle rain fell all about us. We slipped in the mud, we gave up many times even as the guide egged us on with her limited Chinese, saying repeatedly, "another few minutes". We city dwellers had no idea. But how I longed for those horses! We never saw them. We came back down bumping all the way on the back of a truck which at one point got stuck in a muddy ridge and we all had to get off and shove.


horse experience 2
The university had offered me a place to do Honours in Political Science & English Language. I was on board an international book ship when that information came out so I returned to school a month late. It was unnerving and I found my source of strength in this passage which I would type into my thesis introduction:

"If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out,
then how can you compete with horses?
If you fall down in a land of peace,
how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? ~ jeremiah 12v5

I am not sure if my thesis supervisor picked up that I have referred to him as a footman; but my youthful zeal knew little bounds back then - upwards and onwards I was going to go!

horse experience 3
This time, i finally rode one; and nearly died! With two friends in New Zealand, we found our way to a hill where there was horse riding. The young Kiwi gal who ran the place sized us up and led us off to our horses. After a few brief introductory remarks, we found ourselves atop a horse each. Mine was a black stallion with a large bulgy stomach. Its name was Inky. We set off slowly and winded around the trail. Inky however had other ideas. It could undoubtedly pick up that I was a wimp (horse language for she doesn't know how to ride) and repeatedly veered off the trail to satisfy its love for far-out grasses growing at the edges. I was talking, coaxing, reining in...to little avail. After a nerve-wrecking hour, I dismounted and fell to the ground, my legs all gone soft and my groin in pain from straddling that fat tummy.

horse experience 4
My love for this majestic creature wouldn't wane it seems. How many silly Inkys can there be anyway? This time, I am on a trip with my brand new husband. We decide to go ride horses. No more mountains though, this was a coastal beach situation. Yes, firmly on the ground hooves. The sand, the wind, and even the gentle gallop was great - until - the horse got in the mood for some horse-trot. My feet came off the sitrrups and I let go and fell onto the soft sand. A few moments later, the other horses came around since mine overtook them sans rider. I felt just fine.
Later, i developed a nausea and we went to the doctor where we found I was pregnant. I suppose my baby and I fell off a horse.

horse experience 5
This time, I confront the horse I referred to years earlier. The nameless horse in Jeremiah that represents the trepidation and trials of a life of faith. With Pastor Eugene Peterson's help, I dig even deeper for a full, abundant life of faith-full responding to God.

"If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out,
then how can you compete with horses?
If you fall down in a land of peace,
how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? ~ Jeremiah 12v5

These words came as a rebuke to a prophet who felt all ready to give up. I wasn't at that point when I read Run with the Horses, but it came soon enough -- and God had prepared my soul for the onslaught by drawing me to long for what is deeper and more solid.

Latest horse experience {12 years later}
I had to go say it, "it's the year of the horse, let's do something with horses!". The now older hubs thought it a brilliant stroke and so we all went to The Riders Loft and pulled on some boots and helmets. My horse was a good fourteen hands tall. I cannot look over it at all. When I mounted Galvin, I wanted to get off even quicker. But my daughter and son were next in line to mount theirs so I breathed deep and psyched myself that my fear of heights cannot possibly apply to this. "Mind over matter - what you don't mind, won't matter"; I silenced my fears.We rode around the sand pit a few times each and the trainer applauded us all when we were done.

Associated by birth
Missed by timing
Challenged by its powers
Threatened by its will
Strengthened by its metaphor
Safeguarded from its whim

Nay, my horse encounters are not over yet.

My One Word for the year

Yes. In one word.
What do you think your 2014 will be about?

I want to invite you to try this. It is fascinating experience. It is a dare, a dream, a desire and a desperate grasp for life. For we are trying to live well, be brave, be enough for the task, and rise above the swelling tides. One word for our life of such ebb and flow, turbulence, trials, and trails!

"What is your one word"? the fellow sister wrote in her blog. I was drawn in immediately. One word for what? I can never say anything with one word {although 'persnickety' works very well with the children}.
The writing me immediately began to lose touch with daily reality and I began to experience all the fits and spasms that come with such an activity!

How can one word describe my year? 
Will it be a prescriptive, prophetic, hopeful word?
Should it be a colour, an outcome, an object or a verb?
If a word came to my mind, dare I accept it?
What if I picked the wrong word and lived my year all wrong?

Normal panic you would say, that comes with any choices with some weighty consequence.

Of course, the word is meant to surface out of a conversation with God. 

So a few words came forward to present themselves - all really shades of me wanting to be top dog. The up side of me wanted Glorious, the darker side hissed Needing, and the Thesaurus that sits next to me begged to have its guts examined.
I told God all the words that came when I walked, wrote, dreamt...and then - a word came and I just knew it did not originate from me. It made sense, of course, it does, but I wouldn't have quite seen it.

So my word this year is RENEW. Nothing fancy. Sort of disappointed in the way of words, one may say. It's so simple. Just two syllables, almost flat where the energy department is concerned. Like, renew one's passport, an administrative process...

But, I think the One Word is
an invitation,
an anticipation - and therefore it helps me look out for God's handiwork in my little life.

So I am going to have to trust that what feels old, tired may get a fresh zest.
So I am going to beware the areas where I tend to lose hope.
So I am going to expect and pray and work new-ness.
So I am going to return to some old solid stuff I have neglected for it's going to be revived.

My word for 2014 is RENEW. What is yours?

Here are some examples ~

Try it!

What will be NEW for you this year?

As the first day of January washed up the shores of my soul, I wrote on the board in my home, "What will be NEW for you?". Those words are still there. They remind me not to go back to the same, the old, the habitual, the knee-jerk -- not when Vision, Imagination and Longing are drawing me towards growth, difference, fresh, and possibility.

 I talked to my family - I remind us about Christmas just past; that it was Good News because Jesus had come to make all things new. We knew in our hearts the ways that hurt, that drained joy, that robbed peace from our home. We must reject old ways that have hurt us and look forward in faith, and act in accordance to the newness Jesus wants to give us.

We don't want to talk, think, or act the same. I dream of peaceable words, tender attention, patient bearing with each other...that in our daily life of believing in the New, we are being changed to bring the New to our world.

What about you?

I know it can be scary to dream. I know what disappointment tastes like. I know what defeat feels like and how it loves to linger around and turn everything stale and colourless. But, your heart and mine - are hearts held by God and fashioned by Him, are hearts meant to beat with hope, are hearts that can be be set aflame. Indeed, we need to have confidence that as God loves us and gives us His Spirit, many of what we desire are good things and ought to be in our lives, even if they are not yet! {see Psalm 37v4}

Often, God uses one of his many promises to trigger a sense of possibility. Such as ~

And he will be the stability of your times,
a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is his treasure. {Isaiah 33v6}

I long for stability! This verse draws me. It turns within my belly and I see the truth of it: i need to treasure, value, prioritise, honour God in my moments & movements.

Which of the many promises of God is tugging at your heart these days? {please do share with us in the comments!}


God's Word is always an invitation to an adventure of trust. 

I am learning again to take His Word - first, seriously, totally -

I have found that --
when you give the Word the place its rightful place, it anchors down and I can distinguish better; and swat away the lesser words, and, the lies.

the Word is milk and meat and when I am fed, I am less susceptible to feed myself cheap substitutes.

the Word is God-breathed; and each time I read, savour, meditate, fresh life-giving breath enters my being.

I am sure God will pepper 2014 with many specific promises and remind me of many I need to recall. But in His goodness, he began me with a familiar Psalm {yes, i have read it as part of my Psalm trek }, but it was so sweet to read it slow, write it and ask for eyes to notice what I must !

Go seek your promise(s)! There will be NEW this year!

I want to dream on...

I have always been a dreamer.
When I was in Primary four, and the teacher had called my name several times and failed to get my attention, she said to the whole class, "Yim Tee is a dreamer". Then she promptly shifted me to the back of the class to be left to my dreaming!

I grew up harboring many dreams in my heart. Some of it was plain necessary as we were poor and i was one of a large brood. I dreamt of running away from home to a different life where there will be toys, a pony and good food... to a place like Sesame Street where people smiled kindly and large puppets, funny and grouchy were your neighbours.

I dreamt of becoming somebody important, like a doctor who saves lives. A singer who is clothed in glamour. At times, i trimmed my dreams to fit my circumstances. Perhaps i could be satisfied with selling roast meat rice, being an air-stewardess, or just getting married ...to someone richer.

But when I was eight, I said a prayer to ask Jesus to be my best friend. Since then, another heart seemed to beat within my bosom. By the time, I had listened to my Sunday school teacher teach us about God's great big world and the perishing millions; a new dream begin to unfold within me. I was going to serve God.

Perhaps due to my humble circumstances, I never really harboured grandiose ideas though I had asked for millions to rid the world of some of its poverty. {did not get it}.

Now nearly forty years on - God's dream for me remains still a few steps beyond me. It's a reaching-for-it that seems to matter to God. There were times when doubts crashed over me and threatened to keep me submerged in the mighty waters of fear, regret and anxiety.

I have had many long months of crying over losses, wondering over what-ifs, angry, frustrated, and just plain frightened. Yet, God holds me still. I have seen my smaller dreams come true as He continues to deftly cut off, fold and shape my heart and my circumstances. I have been sustained and even felt celebrated as God's gifts and goodness continues to enter my life.

I have become a pastor out of obedience and found such deep joy it was like coming home. I am a stay-home-mom out of my convictions and have discovered possibly my favourite job in the world. I have faced my many pains as a woman and suprised myself that God's healing grace in me reaches out to other women. I have followed my husband and moved churches and gained such precious friends along the way. I have written books and now have a longing to fill my bog with biblical insights to teach and reach.

I am still reaching-for. My dream is nothing less than to know God, live His Kingdom out loud and build a movement that will shake up the world! It's way too crazy-big and beyond me and I have come to realize that it isn't up to me to see it comes to pass even though each day i need to work hard at what comes and prayerfully try to anticipate what's around the bend.

Most days, I find huge gaping holes in my motive, action and mood! But Grace has constantly held me together and I have learnt there is a bubbling little brook of Joy that refreshes me though the days can get dreary, discouraging and even downright dark.

In a way, God-sized dreams are precisely that: God-sized!  I'm a really tiny person but the Spirit of God lives in me so I guess there's a way it shall all come together.

DOUBT - the good, the bad, the ugly

This is meant for all of us who struggle with doubts. About God. About where our life is headed, who is really in-charge, whether we are really making a difference...

Doubts are here to stay because we have a mind that loves connections. Our brain is made of millions of tiny neurons (hence neurotic) and they love to reach across and go zap!
Doubts are here to stay because we love closure and hence a sense of completion or control - but so much of life goes on and on. Our faith is jumpy at times, our work issues keep coming, our children never 'finally grow up', our finances are never enough (hmmmm..why)...
Doubts are here to stay because we cannot see, touch and struggle to hear God (is it really Him?).

In fact, today, i got this download about doubts and i so here it is. Doubts come from 3 places and thus they can be good, bad, or ugly.

Distant Doubts
are the bad doubts that arise because we have some unfinished business within our hearts. These are the doubts that trip us, stall us and slow us. We wonder if we are on the right track. We get nervous, agitated, often we may blame others.

John the Baptist when he was in prison had a moment of such doubts. He knew he was going to die. But he also knew his life was about preparing the people to meet the Saviour. He would only have succeeded if the Saviour had come. Jesus was his cousin. Could he really be the One?
So from prison, he sends word to Jesus, "are you the one?".
John was wise to voice his doubt. Jesus gave him the answer: the evidence is everywhere John, you don't have to doubt!

Martha had doubts too about Jesus. Is he balanced and does he really care? Her agenda for hospitality was so very important to her; but from her words, i feels like she has not yet embraced it as a gift. It was more the 'right thing to do'. No wonder, she got fed up with her sister who sat around not helping her out!
Martha voiced her doubt with no small tinge of frustration. Her famous line was actually an accusation, "Don't you care Jesus that Mary has left all the work to me?"  Most of us have said this before! We ask God why he seems not to notice our challenges. At heart we have not accepted that they are a part of God's plan for our lives. We want them 'zapped' and fixed -our way -and soon please.

Both John and Martha could have lost faith, given up, wallowed in the mire of doubt. Thankfully, they lifted their doubts to God and received their answers and were set right.

Denomic Doubts
are direct lies and ideas planted into our hearts and minds by our enemy.  They typically lead to a unhealthy self-focus with a sense of dread, condemnation and fear. It can be an accusation that makes us run away from God because we doubt we will be accepted. It can be rabbit trails of distraction from simple faith that come masked as questions.

These doubts tend to make us grow cold, insensitive to truth and entrenched in a posture of faithlessness. Often it comes with the need to have human approval.

The Pharisees were unaware that they had been letting these doubts of God enter their hearts for years. In their bid to provide spiritual leadership, they had become cold, calculative and even heartless.

As i think about it, i empathize somewhat with them. God's silence over the years cannot be an easy thing. It is not easy to keep faith and provide leadership when your people - God's chosen - are the world's frozen; trampled by the Romans.

They needed to know a deeper dependence upon God but because their heart's inclination was to grasp power and influence and prosper on the backs of the people; they ended up coming under the rule of the enemy. Jesus revealed their true state when he says they serve their father the devil.

But - there are surprises. Nicodemus was one of these leaders. But he stands apart from them for he did not let his doubts sink such deep roots because he had a desire for truth. We may tease him for his clandestine night-time visit to Jesus, but at least he took his questions to God; and of course, he received his answers {not without some serious soul search on his part!}

Divinely grace-d doubts
happen when we take our questions to God. Eventually, we realise like Job that it is not God who accounts to us; but the other way around. God holds us and begins to ask us deeper questions. He helps us sort through the labyrinth of worry, anxiety, fear, contradictions. He pegs our thoughts down with His Word and we see a tent spread unfold and take shape that becomes a shelter for us and others in the storm.
God wants to strengthen our faith and convictions. God brings us to a place of worship and surrender. God renews our faith.

Don't be afraid of those doubts and questions. They will come. But take them to God. Check them carefully to see where they have come from. Reject the lies. (Did God really say..?) by getting familiar with the truth (God's promises and principles). Spend much time journaling and talking with God. And - listen, learn to listen. The muddied water will settle in time and you will see what you need to. Then get up and follow in faith!

A strong cord of Joy to string your days

You know those famous words of old man Nehemiah -
"the joy of the LORD is your strength"

Most of the times I have heard it referred to, i get a vague sense that joy is related to strength and i feel strong for precisely two minutes because I have a way of leaking joy and losing strength.

So i decide to check. Are we mis-using Scripture? Are we missing some gem? If there's a way to be strong in my days, i sure want it.

i thought-prayed. i read. i asked.

A 3-part scrutiny:  Joy / Joy of the LORD / Strength



Joy is a God attribute. It does not originate from earth. The word is distinct from 'pleasure' which is the proper word for when we see, feel, taste or experience something temporal that brings a smile and a sense of satisfaction. Pleasure however is a glimpse of joy. Psalm 16 famously tells us that joy in its fullness is found in one place, or rather one Person: God Himself.

God is Joy, not kill-joy! {what an awful distortion and lie}

Christians, who are God's children, will over time mature in joy. It is the Father's character and being flowering in his children's lives.

God is Joy. God is also joyful - over certain things. Jesus mentioned the wild vive joie  of the father who hikes up his coat and runs to welcome his prodigal's return. The entire mood of the coming of the Saviour is one of great joy - God is excited about His Son coming to earth to save us. God is joyous about what he is up to and He invites us to share His joy!

We find joy and grow joyful as we relate to our Father God. Day by day, he infuses more of Himself into our being.

We find joy as we take upon our hearts what is upon His. If we take up His cause and join in His plan. Old man Nehemiah's words in fact come from this take. The people were listening to the Law and beginning to look at their failures and feel sorry and sad. But to God, his people's hard labour of rebuilding the wall, their coming together to hear the Law, the turning of their hearts God-ward is all joy! So they are to take their eyes off themselves and share in God's joy over them!

Each time you en-joy life's gifts, remember it is a doorway to the God who is joy and who invites you to join in His joy over life.

EN(ter) into JOY.

This is how Joy becomes a strong cord and holds you together, keeps you strong through the storms in the coming days.