Ignore the war and lose the battle

Maybe this applies only to me. 

But after having listened to hundreds of people, especially women, I think I am not the oddball here.

Negative Thoughts.

It is a very real battle, part of a war of cosmic proportions. I know, it sounds 'normal' when the circuitry goes -

He's gone and done it again
Hiaz, I don't think this is going to change
What to do...this is the way church is..
I'm not good enough 

Some self-doubt is good or we would all be obnoxious pompous pigs {sorry, pigs, writers love alliterations}. But, when it comes around, lurks in your mind, sneaks into your conversation, lingers in your memory -- and it makes you or worse, someone else smaller -- it is time to take action. Yes, it is time to take all your ammo out and shoot it to smithereens. {My son will be very proud of me for such decisive, drastic thoughts; he the one who wants to blast road-hogs into space}.

In particular, I am talking about those closest and dearest to us. We see their spots: soft, weak, blind, gross... and it is easy for us to pick on those spots like we are scratching an itch. It is honestly, quite effortless. Plus, we get plenty of help from the Enemy who has a deep fascination with disintegration, destruction and discouragement. If you and I can experience any of these within our bosoms and in our relationships, it is success for him.

God designed us to live in relationships. This is how we learn who we are and become who we can be. In the ~
tussle,
the give-and-take,
the forgiveness,
the letting go,
the learning to respect and to gain respect,
the drawing of boundaries and the breaking of rules

-- we uncover our personhood and thrive as humanity and community.

Nothing wrecks us like isolation, accusation, and condemnation. With all our best devices and ideas, these trio lurks close by because it is not the media that connects us but the Master.

So much of my life would be different if the Master did not have his say. I can see the debris of broken trust, the fall-out from half-truths, the abject brokenness of abandoned projects of life. But thankfully the Master had his say.

So you and I; we risk, reach out, restore, and release.

There is a horrid battle going on right now in the Middle East. It is a familiar battle of frustration, disenchantment and a different dream wanting expression. The observers and critics all say it is a battle that can only be won if there is enough political will and commitment. Just striking from the air won't do the job. It will cost us heavy. But the alternative? A continual bleed that turns up in a new spot? I don't know if it can be finally stopped due to the ideological and religious roots of such movements. But it is instructive for us. The battle is expressing a larger war of ideas and ideals.

In a sense all our battles too arise out of a clash of ideas and ideals. So out of a sense of frustration, of feeling like we are overpowered, of a lack and a desire burgeoning to break the ground...come our harsh words, impatience, and weary thoughts - all expressions of a larger war where we have not learnt to find peace, contentment and suck the marrow of life. Instead our hearts are tossed hither thither by ideas and pictures that tantalise and lure us away from what we do have; keeping us in a forever 'I don't have enough' mode. We have not submitted our hard-won ideas and ideals to the Master. No wonder we cannot hear him -

The Master says to us we are strong enough with Him to bear the tough stuff of life. Where people are concerned; this means they will never be enough for us. Yes, our longing and hunger for love is so great it needs a Great Lover to meet it.

The Master calls to us to keep waving that crazy banner of hope that there is Glory right here to be had. Where people are concerned; this means we never give up seeing them in God's light so that we choose to believe and trust rather than to doubt and distrust.* 

Nearly everyday, those Negative Thoughts would try to occupy me. They come sometimes in legion and spread out mats all ready to have a picnic! Regrettably, I am able to write this precisely because I have sometimes failed to bat them away with a mighty Word. This is what happens then:

him: .....
me: (gruff)....
him:... ??...
me: ...(still gruff)...
him: (wiser now)..wait a minute, how is this related?...

If only this was a preamble to a warm heart-to-heart that led to hugs and kisses. No. More often that not, it just exhausts us!

If we really held on, we won't be adrift

I woke up this morning to a Negative Thought. {they are very impolite; they never ever knock but barge right in}. By now, I know better. I take out my broom and sweep it away. Out! Damn thought! Then I go sit with the Master. My mind and heart soon fills with far superior things and occupations. I want to pray  and build up the very person I began the day with odious thoughts about. I become aware of their struggles and needs, and tender thoughts fill me.... I have stopped reducing him/her to his/her weakness but is seeing the person.

Fellow woman-soul (& the men who care), remember there is a war, so be armed; and you won't lose this battle.

 

*this does not apply if the person has a compromised mental capacity or has repeatedly hurt you. Please see the police/a counselor.

today, my children's names remind me of greater things

There is this conversation Jesus had with a woman of questionable repute. As the man, Jesus starts the conversation off (because if he didn't, it would not happen because women back then were basically second class or even property).

If I may, this is sorta how it went:

J (very tired): Will you give me a drink?
W: What? Are you crazy? You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan*. We don't get along remember? How can you break the rules?  

J: If you can see past all that, you will know I can give you a drink that truly settles your life's thirst.
W (eyes J carefully): hey, how you plan to get water, you didn't bring a bucket. This well was dug centuries ago by Jacob. Our ancestors drank from it. Are you greater than them? 

J: this water relieves thirst but doesn't satisfy and overflow from your life.
W: sounds good, Give me some, coming here is really a lot of work. 

J: Go call your husband.
W: I have no husband! 

J (smiles gently): you are accurate here. You have had five husbands. The man you are with now is not a husband.
W: You can tell... some sort of prophet huh? Then answer me, who is right? Where is the right place to worship God? Did the Jews or the Samaritans get it right? 

J: The place is no longer the issue. Listen, salvation will come through the Jews as God planned; but it's for everyone. God the Father is Spirit so those who worship him must do so in spirit and in truth.

Fifteen years ago, we talked about having children. The hubs was not keen; but I was pretty set on the wonders of having children and very excited about being a mother. We agreed that he would take some time to pray about it. He came back with a rather nervous demeanour but conceded that children are accorded worth, purpose and glory in the Bible. Our baby girl was conceived the following month.

The point that Jesus made in that conversation captivated me. Many of us by then are pretty jaded about where the world is headed; and not a few friends have sworn off having children. But there is this: there is a group who seeks and responds to God - and they do so not depending on tradition but by being animated by spirit and truth.

I am a huge fan of tradition in many ways; and call people to return to a historic, tested faith. But there is also this: every generation will have challenges that must be confronted and it requires a move of the Spirit that emboldens and an anchorage in the Truth so they won't get swept off their feet.

My firstborn bears the middle name Spirit-of-God ~רוח אלוהים
Six years later, the son enters the world with theTruth enfolded in the middle of his name ~אמת

People name their children for many reasons:
popularity of the name
in honour of family members
expressing aspirations
a sense of the child's destiny

These middle names I felt inspired to include were more like a proclamation. I wanted to shout out: Spirit and Truth!

Interestingly, many days, these two Hebrew words shout back at me, holding me up against the Light~

are you guided by the Holy Spirit or relying on your own past experiences and success?
are you seriously seeking the truth or will you get lazy nd gloss over stuff?

I never get past these questions. Even now. I need to prepare talks and sermons. I mentor. I need to make decisions and respond to the decisions others make. Will it be in Spirit and Truth?

The thing about growing older is you lose confidence in the right places.

When I was younger, I said, "Lord, lead me in Spirit and Truth!" because I didn't know very much anyway, so I needed to be led; and honestly I did not see much of what was coming!

Now, I cry out, "Lord, blanket, build, bolster, barricade me..." for I know much more; and it's mostly about how easy it is to stray into Self and falsehood. 

I guess the real stuff becomes all the more precious when you see how frequently the counterfeits are traded around, when you have hurt and been hurt because the Spirit and the Truth were absent.

Perhaps lift a prayer for me please: I am feeling a great need to remain in, dig deeper, be defined - by Spirit and Truth.

You too? Share with me in the comments so I can pray for you too.

*the story is found in the Bible in John chapter 4. A Samaritan is part-Jew so rejcted by the pedigree Jews.

What shape are you..and if there's a mould, how about a Cross?

{this is a post I shared over at The Brave Girl Community - an online group of gals loving Jesus and learning to live freely in His fierce freedom!}

We don't just have stereotypes (and these can be useful); but we also have stereo-shapes! That's right: aren't we being told all the time what shape things ought to be, whether it is the economy, the family..and of course, our bodies {and the men are not spared these days}. But who determines these shapes?

I remember thinking about the wondrous ideals of communism and mashing it with Acts 2 'they had all things in common' only to be challenged by my Theology professor about the good that capitialism has done. I see his point; but I am not fully convinced. After all, the principle behind captialism is this to capitalise -- which gets really out of hand quickly!

Who decides when something is maxmised or capitalised? Whose benefit are we thinking about? Who defines the shape of things?

What about our individual lives? Do they too have shapes?
Some people remind me of :
Arrows - always directed at something. I respect their missional sense and drive; but wow..it's does get rather one-dimensional at times just to speak of bottom lines.
Circles - they keep going around the same issues.
Loose shapes -these are ill-defined it seems and appear to go with the flow...

The Cross is a shape. If we could pout our lives into a mould; how about the shape of the Cross?

Loving God
Loving Others

This is a shape we should explore more. The Cross is the shape formed from the meeting of two lines.
A life in Cross-shaped seeks to live upward or Godward. It is a life that reaches, stretches, grows... and it happens not as the line goes up; but also as it goes downwards; plunging the depths and abyss:
where we dig deep into the why and wherefore of things, where we examine our motives, sense the movements within our bosoms and ask probing questions so that we don't go through life like a phantom or facade.

Then there is the other reaching where we aspire, dream, hope, work towards...that moves outwards. These are the horizontal lines that can stretch out a welcome, and reach around to embrace!


The cross-shaped life is a very dynamic life that cannot be fueled by seeking to capitalise, or asking 'what's in it for me?' because it will take us to places where those sorts of questions don't make sense at all.

The Cross is a symbol of ~

Love and Life
Forgiveness and Freedom
Grace and Goodness
Power and Peace

It is a shape we must in humility lie down and soften into.